I thought we were just friends… But wait, does he actually like me?
Maybe you’ve been asking yourself this question lately about a male friend.
Why is it that men seem incapable of sharing their emotions and telling you exactly what they are thinking…
No confusion, no beating around the bush and zero guesswork.
I’m here to help you figure it all out. Black and white – no more shades of grey and second-guessing yourself.
I’m going to show you 14 signs to look out for when it comes to working out whether your male friend has feelings for you.
Read them, remember them and analyze them.
But before we dive into the 14 signs, let’s look at the difference between friendship and the friend zone and exactly what it means.
Difference Between Friendship and the Friend Zone
As kids, we try to avoid boys as much as possible.
Yet somewhere along the way (hello puberty), we discover this other species isn’t so bad after all. We even become friends with them.
Welcome to friendship. You both like each other, but neither one of you is interested in a romantic relationship.
The friend zone is a little different to this. It occurs when two people are friends (just like in a friendship), but one person wants more and the other doesn’t.
Cue, awkwardness. It does indeed change a relationship. One side is disappointed that their feelings aren’t shared, while the other is frustrated about it.
Now take a look at your male friend. If he does have feelings for you, do you share them? You need to work this out and have a think about how this might change your relationship.
There three options:
- You discover he does have feelings, but you don’t share them: this means it’s time to friend zone him and deal with the impact on your friendship.
- You discover he doesn’t have feelings, and neither do you. Great! You can keep that friendship going strong.
- You discover he doesn’t have feelings, but you do. You end up in the friend zone, and need to consider what this means for you.
Now we know the difference between friendship and the friend zone and what can come of these ‘feelings’, you might be wondering – is it even possible for the opposite sex to ‘just’ be friends?
Can a man and a women just be friends… Or is there always something more lurking?
Let’s face it, we all have that one girl in our friendship group who doesn’t seem capable of ever ‘just’ being friends with a guy. But is this just all men and women in general?
It’s safe to say the research is against us on this one. While your friend outwardly shows the discord in male and female relationships, many more of us are experiencing it.
There are often mismatched desires between men and women, which can lead to the friend-zone examples above.
But that’s not to say it’s impossible. It’s about finding someone who has friendship goals that match your own and keeping the lines of communication open (easier said than done!).
No matter where you find yourself standing on this topic, you’re not alone.You aren’t the first person to find yourself in a great friendship with a guy, only to find yourself asking, “But does he like me?”.
By taking a closer look at the way he acts around you and treats you, I will show you all the signs to answer that question once and for all.
14 Signs your male friend has feelings for you
Here are 14 clear-cut signs your male friend has feelings for you.
1. You feel it
Let’s take a moment here to talk about that gut instinct of yours. We are always being told to trust our instincts – they mean something. So why wouldn’t we trust them when it comes to our relationships?
What is your gut telling you? Is there a reason you are suddenly questioning whether that guy you have been friends with for a while now actually likes you?
It might be time to start an open and honest conversation about feelings to get to the bottom of your gut instinct. Of course, if you need a little more convincing to back up that gut-feeling, read on!
2. He asks lots of questions
Men aren’t great listeners. This is something that is important to recognize in any relationship with a man. The lower our expectations sit, the less chance of disappointment.
If your male friend is holding on your every word and asking questions about your life, there may be something more going on here. Of course, he could just be a really good friend and one of those rare males who does pay attention.
It can happen!
But let’s face it. Many men aren’t going to put the effort in to those smaller details, unless they really care. Pay attention the next time you talk to him. Is he asking all the right questions and digging deeper into your life?
3. He’s always there for you
Think about all those times in your friendship you have needed someone. Was he there for you? What about:
- When you were sick and needed some chicken soup.
- When you failed an exam or were stressed and needed an ear.
- When you were sad and needed ice-cream and a good movie.
- When you were frustrated and needed to vent.
Does he feature a lot in these moments? Well, it’s time to open your eyes. This guy is already treating you as a girlfriend!
There’s very little doubt that feelings are fueling these actions for him. I mean, if he is willing to endure your favorite chick flick, there has to be a little something more running through his head…
In fact, there’s a new theory in relationship psychology that goes to the heart of why men will always be there for the women they care about.
It’s called the hero instinct.
According to the hero instinct, men have a biological drive to provide for those he cares about, and the desire to earn respect from those around him.
And this drive is amplified when it comes to women.
I don’t often buy into popular new concepts in psychology but the hero instinct is a fascinating take on what drives men romantically.
If you want to learn more, check out this excellent free video by the relationship expert who discovered it.
The interesting thing is that, if you want your male friend to develop feelings for you, then there are things you can do to trigger the hero instinct in him.
There are words you can say, phrases you can use, and little requests you can make to trigger this very natural instinct in him.
If your end goal is to be in a deep and passionate relationship with a man, I think learning about the hero instinct can make all the difference.
4. Social media tells you so
Ah, social media. Where we can find out about each other’s lives without even needing to pick up the phone or catch up in person.
Jump on and check out his social media. Do any other females appear in his photos? I think it is safe to assume he has a few women in his life – are you featuring the most prominently?
Have a scroll and check out the photos. If you keep bumping into your own face as your scroll, it’s time to read the signs.
Social media is there to share the highlights of your life. If you are showing up over and over in his, then it’s safe to say you are pretty special to him and there might possibly be some feelings there.
You can even go through your own social media and see if the same rings true for him on your profile? Might help to clear up some confusion about your own feelings…
Another thing to look out for is how often he likes your own posts:
- If he likes your posts regularly and always has, then it just shows he is a great friend.
- If he has never really paid your social media much attention, but is now liking or commenting on all your posts, then feelings have changed somewhere along the way…
5. Look into his eyes
OK, so standing there and staring at him is probably going to be a little creepy…for both of you. But the truth is, eyes really are the window to the soul. Next time he is talking to you, make eye contact and pay attention.
Our eyes don’t lie. They show the truth, no matter what facial expression we are wearing at the time. If your male friend is hiding his feelings from you, then his eyes will hold the answer.
So, how can you check them without making it awkward?
Next time you see him, make eye contact with him. One of two things will happen:
- He will turn away: he either isn’t into you, or isn’t ready for you to know the truth.
- He will stare into your eyes: this deep stare is him looking for a connection – and it’s hard to ignore! He might also be trying to look into your eyes to read what you are feeling.
When you are out together, glance over every now and then to see if you can ever catch him staring at you. His eyes are once again sharing his emotions with you.
He can’t take them off you!
6. He’s protective of you
This goes for males in general.
If this male friend of yours seems to be going out of his way to protect you, it’s probably a sign of something more than friendship.
The male brain is simply wired differently to ours. He has a biological instinct to protect you.
Think about different situations you have been in:
- When you argue with someone else: does he step in?
- When you leave a party: does he offer to leave with you to make sure you get home safe?
- When you’re feeling sad: does he drop everything to come and cheer you up?
- When you’re feeling uncomfortable: does he help get you out of the situation?
These are all strong indicators of the hero instinct. I mentioned this concept above.
What drives him as a man? What does he want from a relationship with you?
You may think that men are all about money, sex, food, sports, and power.
Sure, those things all come into play at times. But I think there is a deeper truth that few women are aware of.
Men are actually driven less by those external things above and more by how you make them feel about themselves.
Above all else men want to feel important to the woman in his life.
If you like your male friend as much as he likes you, then you need to trigger the hero instinct in him.
The easiest way to do this is to watch this great free video by relationship psychologist James Bauer.
He outlines the things you can say or do to make him feel like he’s your everyday hero.
Some ideas are game changes. When it comes to relationships, I think this is one of them.
7. Your friends tell you so
Girls are notorious for chatting. If only guys opened up to us as much as we open up to each other and there would be no grey area to be explored!
It’s time to rely on your friends and see what they have noticed. They are further removed from the situation, so will be able to see things objectively.
Sometimes when we are close to a situation, we get caught up on our own feelings and only see what we want to see.
You might find your friends approach you first. Think back to recent conversations you have had with them. Did they question some of his behaviour? Did they ask you if something more is going on?
Friends wouldn’t ask these questions unless they have seen something that makes them question it.
8. He texts you daily
Texting is easy. It’s convenient. We can do it at any time of the day and night. We don’t even have to pick up a phone.
But just because it’s easy and convenient, doesn’t mean it’s normal to be messaging the one person constantly.
Take a look at your phone and scroll through your latest texts with the guy.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Does he initiate the conversation?
- Does he message random stuff all the time?
- Does he respond quickly if I message him?
You will be able to see pretty quickly whether he has simply messaged you in the past to respond to a conversation, or if he has been instigating this conversation.
If he is messaging you the mundane things, such as what he is choosing between for dinner, love bells are ringing loud and clear. He wants to share in his life with you and this goes beyond that friend zone.
9. The credit card is always out
Have you ever read about the 5 love languages? Everyone has a different love language that speaks to them, and sometimes, we like to take a guess at each other’s.
If this guy friend is constantly picking up the bill for you, he is trying to show he cares. He is possibly trying to fulfill one of the 5 Love Languages, which is receiving gifts.
Without even uttering a single word, he is yelling “I care for you”.
It’s important not to misread things here. Friends do chip in and cover each other from time to time. This is just a normal part of friendship and looking out for each other. It’s usually for a reason, such as:
- Happy birthday!
- Congratulations on the new job.
- Well done for passing your exams.
- Merry Christmas!
If your male friend is paying more often than not with no reason as to why, it’s a good sign of how he is feeling.
10. Love life is off limits
If there is one thing you can confide in friends about, it’s your love life.
After all, how else do you analyze every little detail and rehash all those amazing moments you have experienced.
So, is this something you and your male friend talk about? Or is it completely off limits?
Take a think back through your recent conversations. Do either of you open up about people you are interested in or seeing?
If he is keeping a low profile about this side of his life, it’s generally because he doesn’t want you to think of him as taken. He has feelings for you, and is happy to wait around until you share in them, keeping himself available to you. At least as far as you are concerned.
Don’t be fooled into thinking, ‘He has a girlfriend, he isn’t interested in me’. Guys who are afraid to share their feelings, will go to extremes to talk themselves out of them.
He could be dating someone else to help him forget those feelings.
If he doesn’t talk about this other person to you, it’s likely because of the way he feels about you.
11. You can see the jealously
More than just not wanting to talk about your love life, he may appear outwardly jealous.
Have you found yourself getting excited about an upcoming date and wanting to share it with him…only to find he switches off completely or avoids you for a few days?
Guys aren’t very good at hiding these feelings (even though they like to think they are).
If you get the vibe he doesn’t like hearing about the other men in your life, there might be a reason behind it…
12. He treats you differently
One of the easiest ways to know if this guy friend has feelings for you is to look at how he treats other women compared to you.
- Are you always the first one he calls to chat?
- Does he sit next to you in group settings?
- Does he constantly look over at you in group conversations?
- Does he make jokes and check to see if you are laughing?
Body language tells us a lot about the person. These non-verbal signs make up a huge chunk of our communications. They can be anything from facial expressions to body movements and more.
Pay attention next time you are out and about: how is his body different with you compared to everyone else?
Once you start looking and paying attention, the differences will be striking.
13. He hangs around… a lot
Good friends love each other’s company and hang out all the time.
A guy who has feelings for you never wants to leave.
He is happy to come back to your apartment and watch that soapy love movie, as long as he can spend more time with you.
If you head out with friends, he will always offer to see you home, just to have that extra time.
He wants to make all those moments last longer, which means he will linger for longer than expected.
14. You gut instinct tells you so
OK, you got me. I doubled up on this one. But let’s be honest – this was and will always be the most important.
Now that you have other signs to look out for, does your gut instinct seem a little stronger now?
It’s time to trust it. After all, you do know best.
Great, he does have feelings for me. What next?
So, you have worked it out. Let’s face it, you knew all along thanks to that amazing gut instinct of yours – you just wanted to confirm it.
Well, now that it is confirmed – loud and clear – what next?
It’s time for you to re-evaluate your relationship. Now you know that he likes you, it’s safe to say the friendship is gone. You now have two choices:
- You can friend zone him: if you don’t share those feelings, then it is time to friend zone him. This will change your relationship, but you can try and make it work.
- You can see if he is interested in a relationship: if you do share the same feelings, then why not act on them and see where it takes you? Sure, it might ruin the friendship, but that friendship has changed for good anyway. Why not take a risk on love?
No matter which option you choose, it’s time to get talking. While it might be tempting to sweep it under the rug and pretend none of the signs are there, this will just make it harder on both of you. It will come out eventually.
Good luck if it’s time to enter the friend zone.
Yippee if love is in the air and you decide to make a go of it! You never know where this could lead…
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