He surprises you with flowers for no reason, cooks for you, or gives you compliments to see you smile. Those simple, loving gestures make you feel blessed until he changes.
In a marriage, it’s perfectly normal for either partner to feel attracted towards someone else. But there’s a fine line between admiring someone and cheating.
Worried that your spouse is developing feelings for another woman that it’s affecting your relationship?
It’s time to put your mind at rest and know what’s going on behind the scenes.
How to tell if your husband is attracted to another woman? 20 signs
Pay attention to these obvious and not-so-obvious signs that your man has a crush on another woman.
1) He uses his phone a lot more than he used to
Your husband never spends too much time on his phone, but now, he can’t keep his hands off it.
This can be a cause of concern and there could be a reasonable explanation for this. He could be busy with work stuff, watching videos, or playing games.
But, start to worry when he hides his phone from you and gets secretive about it.
Pay attention if he calls someone at odd hours or when he never answers a call when you’re around.
The next time he steps away to answer a call, casually ask him who’s calling.
He’ll be honest if he has nothing to hide, but if he replies suspiciously, it’s clear that there could be another woman.
2) Feels like he’s less interested in you
He used to spend a lot of time with you but has suddenly started avoiding and ignoring you.
The affection and intimacy he usually showers you with starts to lessen too. And it feels like you don’t mean as much to him anymore and he’s losing his feelings towards you.
There are several reasons for this. It could be that he’s under a lot of stress lately or something’s bothering him.
But it could also be a sign he’s romantically interested in someone else.
And if it seems that he’s directing his time to other people or activities, it’s definite that he has a crush on someone else.
3) He shows too much interest in you
You find it strange that he’s buying you gifts, surprising you with flowers, or getting too intimate in bed.
If he’s not doing this before, he could be acting so overly into you than he ever did.
And there could be reasons behind all these.
Maybe he’s showing that he cares and loves you a lot. He may also be doing ways to spark a romantic connection with you.
Or it could be that he’s feeling guilty about something.
Sometimes, men go over the top to hide their infidelities so their partners won’t get suspicious.
Maybe he’s getting romantic as he wants to prove that even if he has a crush on another woman, he wants to stay with you.
4) He avoids physical affection and intimacy
Regardless of how long you’ve been together, you’d still enjoy giving each other hugs and kisses.
Even if you try to look your best and put on your sexiest lingerie, you get nothing. He avoids kissing you or even having sex with you.
He didn’t seem enthusiastic about getting intimate with you.
Take this as a red flag. Watch out as his mind could be sexually occupied with someone else.
Or maybe you’re sex life had become a routine and he’s doing it out of obligation.
He starts withdrawing from you as his fondness grows for someone else.
5) He starts hiding receipts, bills, and bank transactions
Married couples share everything, including how they spend their money.
He never hides these from you before, but he refuses to tell you about these things. Everything becomes private to him.
When you accidentally see receipts and bills – and ask him about it, he won’t give you a straight answer. When you ask to take a look at his statements or expenses app, he accuses you of being mistrustful.
Take this as a warning sign.
For when a man gets attracted to another woman, he will often impress her with dinner dates, flowers, or gifts.
6) He constantly talks about another woman
You noticed that he keeps talking and compliments this woman he’s interested in.
He never realizes that he’s been bringing her name up all the time. He could be doing this to act like he doesn’t feel anything about this woman at all.
Even if you feel frustrated, it could also be that he’s assuring you that this woman isn’t a threat to your marriage.
Relationship therapist and dating coach Irina Baechle has this to share,
“Hearing them talk glowingly about this person may be frustrating, but it could be a good indicator that they have less to hide.”
So when there’s a woman he frequently mentions, take this as a sign that your husband is attracted to her.
7) He gives this woman too much attention
This is the most obvious sign that your husband is attracted to another woman.
You may start to notice that he goes out of his way to speak or meet this person – even without any reason at all.
Also, pay attention if there’s a place he frequently goes to – it could be at a restaurant, gym, park, or anywhere else.
And if he’s getting too friendly, acting differently, or becoming affectionate towards this woman, then it’s a big red flag.
You can tell the difference if your husband is simply being nice, a good friend, or if there’s something else going on.
8) He becomes distant and spends less time with you
Has your husband been staying late at work or having more out-of-town client meetings?
While you want to think that he’s too busy with his work, it could be a cause of concern.
Maybe he’s attracted to someone at work or a new client, but there isn’t a physical or emotional affair yet.
Make sure he’s not making excuses or using his work obligations to cover up for his infidelity.
But if he becomes distant, avoids conversations with you, or doesn’t answer your calls, then it’s a warning sign that something is off.
It’s time to address this.
Talk to him about his work or what he’s busy working on. Try to offer help or give him a surprise visit to see how he reacts.
9) His personal care and style has leveled up
Maybe he didn’t care too much about his looks before, but suddenly, he’s paying a lot more attention to his appearance.
He becomes more concerned about how he looks, his clothes, his smell, or his physique.
You can also notice these changes too:
- He starts using sunshades or things he doesn’t use before
- His taste in clothing changes
- He suddenly turns into a gym buff
- He spends more time getting ready for work
- He sports a new hairstyle or puts on a new perfume scent
Find out what’s motivating him to do this.
And if he doesn’t dress up when you go out together, there’s a probability that he’s putting an effort to impress and look good for another woman.
10) He becomes critical of you
He starts to notice every mistake you do but ignores everything that you’re doing the right way.
It seems like he’s finding fault and nitpicking you even on small things about the food you cook or how you wash the clothes. He even criticizes the clothes you wear or your choice of music.
This can be difficult and painful.
American psychologist Dr. John Gottman describes the most destructive and biggest predictors of divorce and separation, which he dubbed as “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” This includes criticism, defensiveness, and contempt which are all highly destructive in a loving relationship.
It could be that another woman caught his attention that he starts taking you for granted.
He seems to forget the great things you’re doing for him and the wonderful relationship you have.
The worst thing is, he may not even be aware of how he’s treating you or how you feel.
11) He acts nervous, defensive, and jumpy around you
You notice that he’s acting weird and different lately.
Even if there’s no reason, he acts edgy and nervous. It’s like he’s hiding something from you.
When you ask him anything – about his work, his friends, phone calls, etc. he’ll get annoyed and angry.
If you try to casually mention something about cheating, loyalty, or about the woman you think he has a crush on, he’ll respond defensively.
To hide his guilt and emotions, he’ll accuse you of being paranoid and jealous. He’ll even try to change the topic or ignore you.
And you have to work on it before things get a lot worse.
12) His phone and laptop becomes more personal
Did he start to lock his laptop or change the password of his phone?
Well, there’s something that he doesn’t want you to find out.
See, when your husband has a crush on another woman or is getting close to someone, he’ll guard his things.
He’ll hardly leave his phone around. It will always be in his hands or his pockets.
Then, he’ll excuse himself when he needs to answer a call, especially at night. When you ask him about it, most probably, he’ll tell you it’s a business call or a friend in need.
The moment he starts erasing call logs, it’s certain that something is going on.
13) He becomes active on social media
If you have an idea who this woman is, take a look at her Instagram or Facebook profiles (hopefully, they’re not set to private).
We can all like, comment, and interact on social media as it’s perfectly normal and everyone does it.
But, if your husband gets overly active – liking and commenting on a certain woman more than anyone else, then it’s a sign he’s attracted to her.
Don’t jump to conclusions right away if it’s just a single like, a comment, or a laughing emoji.
What’s a bad sign?
Saving this woman’s photos on his phone, flirty comments on her photos, or too-personal responses on her status updates – can all be concerning. He could get sexually attracted to her.
Try to investigate if they have a private exchange of messages and whether this woman is responding to his flirting or not.
14) He might be more emotional than usual
Has your partner become extra-sensitive, emotionally detached, or frustrated? Do you tend to argue over trivial matters?
There’s a possibility that his attraction towards another woman makes him feel trapped by his feelings and the marriage you have.
He could be hiding his feelings from you and trying to stop what he feels towards someone else.
You may also notice that he becomes too sensitive to your words and has turned more argumentative than ever.
It’s because he’s confused and experiences emotional conflict.
When your husband turns distant and cold, consider this advice from relationship therapist and dating coach Irina Baechle, LCSW,
“This change in behavior is a clear sign that it’s time to start communicating a bit more openly in your relationship.”
15) His routine has changed
If you notice new habits with your husband, along with several signs, then it’s definite that there’s a major attraction going on.
Suddenly, there’s an upsurge in work commitment and your man becomes too dedicated to his work.
He could even be staying late or working in the office even during weekends.
Licensed therapist Dr. Jameson Mercier notes that,
“If you’ve noticed that they’re spending more time at work, developing new interests, or withdrawing from regular activities as a couple, it’s possible they’re dealing with an outside attraction.”
It could be alarming if he gets irritable when you talk to him about this change or when he starts losing interest in what you enjoy doing as a couple.
16) He questions your loyalty
There are instances wherein guilt can make someone question their partner’s loyalty.
Even if your husband is cheating or not, he may accuse you of being unfaithful for no valid reason.
You may find this strange but he could become overly jealous as he realized how easy it is to get attracted to someone else.
He could be feeling guilty and imagining you with someone else bothers him too much.
Truth is, your husband still wants you. He doesn’t want to lose you and he won’t leave you even if he has this crush on someone else.
17) He gets too secretive
It’s about respecting each other’s physical and emotional privacy. And this includes the right to spend time alone or do things on your own.
Many married couples have secrets that they haven’t shared with their spouses.
For in a healthy relationship, there’s a thin line that exists between what secret is acceptable and what can damage a marriage.
And some secrets can hurt a marriage – and this includes having an affair.
But when your husband gets too secretive about his new lifestyle – and hiding everything from you – and doesn’t want to talk about it, be bothered.
He’s seriously attracted to someone else.
18) He lies about his whereabouts
There is no space for lies in a relationship. Even those little white lies can damage the walls of an intimate relationship.
It’s unlikely that your husband will come right out and admit that there’s a woman he’s attracted to. And it’s extremely far-fetched that he’ll tell you that he’s seeing her.
But it can be upsetting when you find that your husband has become dishonest about where he’s been or who’s with him.
He could say things like, “I’m meeting a new client,” or “I’ll be out with the guys.” But sooner or later, you’ll find out that he’s lying.
Even if it’s just an innocent attraction, your husband has a choice not to do something that will lead to infidelity and damage your marriage.
So when he starts engaging in secretive activities and chooses to resort to lies, you’re facing a huge red flag.
19) He starts comparing you to others
Men who get attracted to other women can’t help but notice the amazing things about them.
So if your husband has set sights on someone, you’ll notice that he starts making comparisons.
He’s doing this to project the qualities he likes about someone else. It could be from the way this woman styles her hair to something like, “I like how this woman dresses up for work.”
But saying that, “why can’t you be more like her?” – can be hurtful and demeaning.
Maybe he’s doing it harmlessly and is unknowingly trying to point out qualities he finds appealing.
And no matter what his reasons could be, comparing you with another woman isn’t the best thing to do.
20) You can’t recognize him anymore
You feel like he has changed and has become a different person.
There’s a drastic change in his personality and lifestyle that you can’t seem to explain.
Could it possibly be that something or someone is causing these changes?
Did he turn from being a fun-loving husband to a tense, explosive man? Or have you been fighting less frequently and he has become more playful than he used to be?
Maybe your husband likes this woman more than a friend.
Maybe there’s something he isn’t telling you – but you need to find out what it is.
What to do if your husband has a crush on another woman?
Listen and trust your intuition. As in matters of the heart, your gut feeling is right – and that’s where you can be certain that your husband is attracted to another woman.
When you’re sure that your husband does have a crush on another woman, let your feelings be known.
Remember that not all attractions lead to affairs or romantic encounters. It also doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you or your relationship.
Don’t let jealousy, paranoia, or the seeds of doubt drive your marriage further apart.
Even if he finds someone attractive, he could remain faithful to you.
This could serve as a reason for you to communicate more and strengthen your bond with your husband.
If nothing you’ve tried has improved the situation with your spouse, you may need some external guidance to help get things back on track.
Mend the Marriage, created by relationship expert Brad Browning, is a course that has helped thousands of married couples reconcile their differences.
In this free video, you’ll learn some of the biggest marriage mistakes people make without realizing it.
And crucially – you’ll pick up some excellent tips on how to rectify things with your partner.
So rather than let things run their course and potentially lead to divorce, take back control and decide the outcome of your love life.
The great thing about Brad’s advice is that you can use it even if your spouse isn’t as enthusiastic about repairing your marriage as you are.
It could be the difference between growing old together or calling it quits ahead of time.
If cheating happens,
When your husband starts having romantic feelings with this woman, it could lead to the start of an emotional affair.
When cheating happens, you’ll feel betrayed, shocked, disappointed, and deeply hurt.
You start to wonder if there’s something wrong with you or if there’s something you haven’t done.
It’s hard to accept that the person you promised the rest of your life has cheated on you.
Sometimes, even happily married men cheat on their wives too.
There are many reasons why men cheat on their partners.
- They’re finding a way to get out of a relationship
- They have some level of sociopathic or narcissistic traits
- They’re dealing with a substance abuse problem
- They have feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem
- They’re emotionally immature
Cheating is different for every couple especially that polyamory and open relationships are prevalent nowadays.
When infidelity happens, you can decide whether you want to work through it or if you want to stay together.
No matter what the reason for this infidelity is, one thing is certain – infidelity makes you step back and see what went wrong, and decide how to move forward after.
Protect your marriage
Never let an attraction get in the way of your marriage. Your marriage is worth saving.
If distance, communication, sexual issues, or anything else are affecting your marriage, deal with them right away.
Do every effort to save the relationship you have. Find the best ways to make your relationship work.
Remember that intimate and true love can keep your marriage alive.
Know that nothing is more beautiful and meaningful than love.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.