15 unmistakable signs your ex wants you back years later (and how to respond)

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Getting over an ex can be hard.

It’s been years since you broke up, but you can’t help thinking about them…

But how do you know if your ex is thinking about you? Are there any unmissable signs that your ex wants you back? 

Maybe they still have feelings for you and want to give things another chance?

Let’s start by taking a look at 15 unmistakable signs your ex wants you back years later and then we’ll see what you should do about it:

1) They text or call you out of the blue to “catch up”

If you ended the relationship with your ex on good terms and with no unresolved feelings between you, they might want to stay in touch. 

If you haven’t spoken in ages and they contact you out of the blue to “catch up”, it could be that they miss you and are interested in getting back together. 

“Catching up” is their chance to re-start a conversation with you. And if things go well, they hope that they can transition into talking about your past relationship. 

2) They stay in touch

If your ex is still in regular contact with you, it’s a sign that they still care. 

If your relationship ended because you weren’t a good fit long-term, then staying in touch is easy – it’s just easygoing, friendly communication. 

However, if you broke up because of a specific problem or conflict, your ex may not have any interest in staying in touch with you. 

Why? Because staying in contact with you may remind them of unresolved issues between you or of a relationship that didn’t end on a good note. 

And since most people don’t like to be reminded of their problems, they’ll avoid situations that might stir up those feelings. 

If your ex has stayed in touch with you, it may mean that they still want to be friends with you. Or, it could mean that they want to stay in contact with you because they still have feelings for you. 

Either way, it’s a good sign.

3) A relationship coach can give you real clarity

While this article will shed light on the main sign that our ex wants you back years later, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…

Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like helping them figure out if they should give their ex another shot. Their popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are. 

Why am I so confident that they can help you?

Well, after recently experiencing a tough patch in my own relationship, I reached out to them for help. From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.

I was blown away by how kind and empathetic my coach was. 

Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues you’re facing with your ex.

Click here to get started.

4) They like to check-in

If your ex often checks in on you or asks about how you’re doing, it could be another sign that they want you back.

If your ex is checking up on you and asking about how things are going, it may be because they’re wondering how you’re doing emotionally or physically. 

What’s more, if you haven’t spoken in a few months and your ex asks about your well-being, it could be because they care about you and want to know how things are going for you. 

5) They want to remain friends

Now, it’s not uncommon for people who break up to remain friends. But the fact that your ex hasn’t cut you out of their lives means that they still care about you and they value your friendship.

And while sometimes, friendship is just friendship, there’s a great chance that your ex is hoping for more.

See if you can spot any more signs from this article, because coupled with staying friends with your ex, they could mean that your ex wants to give your relationship another shot!

6) They get jealous

Does your ex get jealous when you talk about other people or start dating someone new?

Well, guess what: it could very well mean that they’re not over you and want to get back together.

And how do you know they’re jealous? 

Well, for example, they’ll keep finding fault with the people you date. One person may not be intelligent enough for you, another one may not be attractive, and yet another may have no sense of humor. 

Do you see where I’m going with this?

According to your ex, nobody you date is good enough for you. And why is that? Because they’re the only ones who can make you happy, that’s why!

Another example is that they make fun of the person you’re dating and try to pass it off as a light-hearted joke. Trust me, there is nothing lighthearted about it. 

Even if it’s been years since you broke up, they’re obviously not over you.

7) They keep reminiscing about the past

Ah yes, the good old days. 

If your ex wants to rekindle things with you, they might talk about the good old days.

They’ll keep saying things like, “Remember that trip we took to Rome? We had so much fun!” or “That weekend we stayed at home and only ate pizza was the best time I ever had.”

By bringing up the past in a positive light, they’re hoping that you’ll remember the good things from your relationship and want to get back together.

In short: If they’re reminiscing about the past and trying to bring back feelings of nostalgia and happiness, it’s because they regret breaking up with you and are hoping to get another chance.

8) They pretend they need your help

If your ex reaches out and pretends like they need your help for something trivial, it’s because they actually want you back. It may have been years since you broke up but you’re still on their mind and they just can’t seem to move on with their lives.

If your ex reaches out and pretends like they need your help for something trivial, it’s because they actually want you back. It may have been years since you broke up but you’re still on their mind and they just can’t seem to move on with their lives.

They’ll reach out to you and ask for advice on a silly matter like how to get rid of spiders (in a joking manner) or how to make chicken soup, even though they’re great cooks. 

So if they ask for help, it could be because they’re trying to build your trust again and get you back into their lives.

9) They tell you that they’ve changed

Here’s another sign that they want to get back together: they keep telling you how much they’ve changed. 

It’s suddenly very important for you to see how they’re a different person and how much they’ve grown since you were together, it could be a sign that they miss you and want you back. 

It’s been a long time since the breakup and your ex has clearly done some soul searching. 

They’ve become a better person and think that this time around, they can make things work with you. They need you to see how much they’ve changed so you could give them another chance. 

The ball is in your court now. Are you willing to go down that round again?

10) They ask your friends how you’re doing

This is a very common one. 

Your ex will reach out to your friends and ask them how you’re doing.

They’ll say things like, “Oh, I haven’t heard from her in a while… I hope she’s doing okay.” or “I just want to know that he’s doing well. I miss him.”

If your ex is asking your friends about you, it could be because they are genuinely worried about you and want reassurance that everything is okay. 

It could also be because they’re trying to find out if you miss them too. They want to know if they have a shot of getting back together with you after all these years.

Either way, this is a strong indicator that they still care about you and wish you well.

11) They acknowledge their role in the breakup

If your ex has apologized to you for what happened between you, it’s a good sign.

The truth is that often when you end a relationship, it’s easy to blame the other person for everything that went wrong. After all, that’s a lot easier than having to face your own shortcomings and accept responsibility for the fact that you were in the wrong. 

However, if your ex has acknowledged their part in the breakup and apologized to you, it may be because they miss you and want you back in their life.

12) They do nice things for you

When the relationship ended, you probably felt like you weren’t getting enough from them. 

They might’ve completely cut you off, or they might have kept coming around but only to pick fights with you. 

However, if your ex does something nice for you after the breakup, it could be a sign that they want to get back together. It might also be that they just regret the breakup and want to make up for it. It means that they want to get back in your good books and be close to you again. 

In my experience, it’s a pretty big sign that they’re interested in getting back together. 

13) They try to impress you

Does it feel like your ex is trying to win you over? 

They might want you back so much that they’re doing anything they can to make you want them again.  

They’ll try to impress you by:

  • Telling you about how they’ve been promoted at work and how well they’re doing.
  • By telling you they finally got their black belt in Karate.
  • Or even by buying you expensive gifts (like that antique watch you always wanted).

This is a sign that they’re trying very hard to win over your heart.

14) They want to meet up for drinks

Here’s another sign that your ex wants you back after all these years – they want to meet up for drinks. 

Think about it: Why this desire to meet up all of a sudden? 

You haven’t seen them in a long time, and now they want to get drinks with you. 

They may want to stay friends and are interested in seeing you again. But chances are that they’ve missed you and want to rekindle things with you. 

They may be feeling lonely, or maybe they haven’t met anyone nearly as amazing as you since you broke up. 

They’re hoping that if you have drinks together, it may spark up a romance between the two of you again. 

15) They regret that things didn’t work out

Lastly, if your ex regrets that things didn’t work out between you, they might want to rekindle that old flame. 

This is especially true if you two were in a long-term relationship. In this case, your ex might regret not staying with you.

For example, they might tell you they regret taking you for granted or that they feel bad about getting into fights about silly little things. 

By telling you about their regrets, they’re basically telling you that they where they went wrong and that they wouldn’t make the same mistake twice…

Top reasons you should get back together with your ex

Now that you’re sure your ex wants to get back together after all these years, you’re wondering what you should do. Should you give them another shot? 

Here are top reasons to give your relationship one more shot: 

1) They’re your soulmate

If you think your ex is the one that got away, your soulmate, then you should definitely give your relationship another shot.

Want to know for certain whether they’re your soulmate?

Let’s face it:

We can waste a lot of time and energy with people who ultimately we’re not compatible with. Finding your soulmate isn’t exactly easy.

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If you’re ready to find out what your soulmate looks like, get your own sketch drawn here.

2) Your ex wasn’t a bad person

If you broke up with someone who was good for you, it’s worth exploring why it didn’t work out in the first place. 

You might be able to pinpoint what you did wrong so you don’t make the same mistakes again. A breakup is a good time to examine your relationship and identify the things that work and the things that don’t. 

If the relationship ended because your ex saw negative traits in you that you didn’t realize you had, you might be able to address those things now that you have time to reflect and grow. 

If you broke up with your ex because of things that they did but are ready to work on, and if your ex is actually a good person and made you happy, then you should definitely consider getting back together.

3) You still have feelings for each other

If you still have feelings for your ex, it’s important to pay attention to those feelings. 

Break-ups are messy, and those complicated feelings can often get buried under anger and resentment. 

If you try to move on with someone new and buried feelings for your ex come back to the surface, it can make things difficult for your new relationship.

Finding out if you still have feelings for your ex will help you decide if it’s worth giving them a second chance. 

In my opinion, if after all these years you still have feelings for them, it means that you share a special connection with them. If they want to get back together, I think it’s worth taking the shot!

4) This time around will be different

If the big red flags that caused your first relationship to fail were caused by immaturity or youth, or if the timing for you two wasn’t right (just think – Ben Affleck and Jlo), you and your ex might be able to avoid those pitfalls this time around. 

  • If you were both too young to really understand what a healthy relationship looks like, you can make a conscious effort to avoid those mistakes now that you have a little more experience.
  • If there were problems in your relationship that were caused by your ex’s shortcomings – like if your ex was jealous, immature, or selfish – or even your own issues, the time you’ve had since the breakup to grow means that there’s a big chance that this time around things will be different.
  • If the timing wasn’t right – such as you went to university on opposite ends of the country – then you may just make it work now, it’s certainly worth giving your ex another try.

5) You still have a lot to give to each other

If you’ve tried to move on with other people and things just haven’t worked out the way you hoped, you might be feeling like you just don’t have any luck with dating. 

It’s important to remember that dating is a numbers game. 

If you think that you need to go on lots and lots of dates to find someone compatible with you, you are very likely to end up frustrated and I don’t blame you. 

If your ex was a good fit for you and you’ve worked out any issues you might have had, they are likely still a good fit for you.

6) A second chance will strengthen your relationship

If all of the above reasons are true for you and your ex, a second chance is a great way to strengthen your relationship. 

You can learn from all of the mistakes that you made, and that your ex made and avoid making the same mistakes that led to the end of your relationship in the first place. 

You are more experienced and have grown wiser since you broke up with your ex years ago, you have a real chance to create a better future with them. 

And if you’ve been thinking about giving your ex a second chance, it’s important to be honest with yourself about why you want to do it. 

If it doesn’t feel right

Finally, if your ex clearly wants to get back together but you’ve moved on with your life and don’t feel the same way, that’s totally ok. It’s important to stay true to your feelings.

If you still like your ex in a non-romantic way, try and let them down gently and tell them that you’d like to remain friends.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

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