15 undeniable signs your ex secretly wants you back (and what to do next!) 

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Breakups SUCK. 

Going through a breakup is probably one of the most traumatic and heartwrenching human experiences we can live through. 

The separation process can leave even the strongest of us feeling vulnerable, unworthy, and just downright [email protected]

Few can brag that they’ve split amicably with their partner, especially those who are coming out of long-term and meaningful relationships.

Exiting the breakup rollercoaster can leave us feeling empty and confused. Amplified with feelings of abandonment, betrayal, and hurt, there’s not exactly a “right way” to deal with what we’re feeling, given that we’re in the throes of emotional trauma.

What happens next and what transpires is a foggy period of life. You don’t recognize the person you are because you’re so accustomed to being intertwined with your once significant other. As a result, you feel lost, vulnerable, and uneasy.

Things become more tricky when your ex starts giving you mixed signals, showing you that they secretly want you back. You’re now in a situation where you’re left to wonder if their intentions are pure or whether it’s just your imagination.

Is it really a good idea to rekindle, though? Should you act on the signals they’re letting off, and are you 100 % sure you’re reading them correctly?

This happens to the best of us so if you’re facing this dilemma, read our article. You’ll learn all about the 15 most undeniable facts that your ex wants you back ( and what you can do about it.)

1) They want to walk you down memory lane

Regret always comes too late, and what we have is usually only appreciated when we don’t have it. The human species can be outright silly.

If they’re blowing up your DMs late at night (especially after a drink or two) talking about the great times you shared, you are definitely on their mind.

If your ex has genuinely moved on, you can bet your bottom dollar that they won’t be sending you “remember that time” messages.

Sentimentally is a powerful emotion that can lead us down a one-way path of destruction, so even if you feel the urge to commemorate the past, be sure that you’re doing so tactfully and avoid the pitfalls of getting stuck in that past.

2) You’re getting stalker vibes from them…

Picture the scene; you’ve just stumbled out of bed only to realize you’ve run out of coffee. 

Without so much as even running a comb through your hair, you head to the corner cafe. (You haven’t even brushed your teeth yet. By some strange coincidence, miraculously, your ex happens to be at the very same spot.

Or, perhaps after work, you decide to have a drink with a few mates, you turn your back, and boom, your ex is there. Again.

Coincidence? I think not. 

There’s a chance that your mutual friends could’ve hinted about your whereabouts, or you might be more stuck in your ways than you thought.

Whatever the case, This “act” of bumping into you “randomly” might just be intentional.

They want to know what you’re doing (they might know your routine), and, more likely, they want you back.

It’s pretty unlikely that an ex would make such a massive effort to check-in unless they still had some lingering feelings about you.

It might also be a case of your ex wanting to show off how “well”: they are doing without you. Depending on the severity of the breakup, this is a genuine possibility.

Regardless of what they’re trying to achieve, somebody who has “moved on” will not want to be around you.

If this situation sounds all too familiar (and If you don’t want this person back in your life), making a few lifestyle changes will sort the problem out. 

Change up your daily routine, change your social media privacy settings and refrain from blurting out the granular details of your life to mutual friends. 

3) Cue the tiny violin and box of tissues

The “woe is me” look It’s not a good look on anyone.

We’ve all been there, wanting so badly to post a cryptic tweet or the lyrics to a song with the intention of it catching the eye of one specific individual.

Social media and breakups don’t mix well. So if you’re scrolling through Facebook and happen to see a cringy post from your ex, know that it is most likely directed at you.

They want you to see the message and to know their intent. Alternatively, they could be looking for new members for their pity party. Misery loves company, and especially during these unbearable times, It’s human nature.

They are making their pain known, and what better way than do it on the internet.

When you observe this behavior, know that it is a huge indicator that your ex is trying to get your attention. Of course, they might feel nervous or embarrassed to be direct with you or might be too proud. But, inevitably, they’re reaching out, albeit in a passive-aggressive manner.

As for what you need to do about it, that depends on you. If it’s a hard pass on wanting your ex back, the best response is silence. Don’t be tempted to leave probing or snarky comments. Silence speaks louder than any word.

4) They’ve got a new partner, and it hasn’t even been a week yet

If they’re showing off a new beau in a hurry, something isn’t quite right. If you still have feelings for your ex, it can be tough to see them with someone else but, Don’t let this upset you.

There are several reasons why this could happen, and it is likely not because they don’t care about you. Instead, it usually means the opposite, and they’re trying to gauge your reaction.

To put it bluntly, your ex is trying to get over you by getting under someone else (as Dua Lipa put it so beautifully in her smash it – New Rules). They’re trying to make you jealous and to make you appear that you didn’t matter, to conceal the pain they feel. (this typically happens when you were the one to end the relationship)

The method of replacing you with somebody else is a short-term fix and won’t help in the long run. If you don’t want your ex back, then the best response would once again be silence. 

5) Drunken DM’S and calls

Overdoing the booze can bring out the worst in us and allow our inhibitions to run wild, revealing some of our deepest thoughts and feelings. 

If your ex is sending you messages or calling you at odd hours, it’s up to you to decide whether or not these moments of weakness are valid or simply the babblings of a heartbroken individual who’s had one too many. 

A once-off drunk dial (or text) is typical for those in the throes of a breakup; however, if it becomes a frequent occurrence, your ex is definitely showing signs that they want you back.

6) They have a constant need to rehash everything

Honestly, who wants to be reminded of their past constantly? If your ex keeps dragging you into discussions relating to relationship history, it’s a telltale sign that they are stuck, unable to move on.

Perhaps it’s their way of trying to initiate a conversation with you, and maybe they’re trying to get closure. 

Once again, anybody that has moved on will not be interested in opening old wounds and if your ex is persistent in doing this, it’s a sure sign that they’re trying to gauge your interest in rekindling what you once shared.

What to do? The ball lies in your court. If you still have feelings for this person and want to give it another go – that’s up to you. If you have no desire to do so, you need to nip this behavior in the bud and cut ties. Encourage your ex to seek alternative easy to vent. It’s neither healthy nor productive to be bombarded with negativity all the time.

7) They’re angry with you

Similar to the situation above, this one is jam-packed with antagonism. Each conversation is an opportunity to argue with you, and they seem incapable of holding a civil discussion. Instead, they might, out of nowhere, become resentful and annoyed with you, a huge sign that they’re harboring unresolved feelings.

Even though this could suggest changing things between you, you need to proceed with caution. Endless negativity and nagging are counterproductive, and conversations that go in circles and end up nowhere serve either of you.

These exchanges are also not healthy, and make sure that you’re taking care of yourself. Arguments that leave you feeling like you just spent an hour batted into submission by word vomit call for you to move on without so much as a second thought.

8) The humble brag- Showing off a NEW, BETTER LIFE (LIE)

Confident, strong-spirited individuals do not need to brag and show off—those who create the facade that they’re living their best life on social media point to desperation. Pictures of beautiful people, luxe parties, and general showboating are all desperate cries for attention, especially if this behavior is not typically done in the past.

These actions are a direct result of the pain they are feeling. Your ex is suffering and wants to believe that you are also suffering. It’s also human nature for people not to be seen as the loser responsible for the breakup.

Sadly, this party animal lifestyle–which is far from the norm, will be short-lived.

9) Mutual friends are suddenly interested in your life

This is typical child-like playground tactics. Allow me to explain… Betty asks Suzan to ask Peter a question. You get where this is going… Sadly this pattern crops up now and again as we get older, especially during breakups.

Suddenly, even friends who weren’t much interested in your life before become very curious. You are frequently asked how you are doing. What you’re up to and if you’re seeing anyone.

If you happen to hint that you are interested in someone new, you start getting tons more questions aimed at you.

When this happens, it’s most likely a setup. Your ex is sending people to do a recce on you. Your ex is interested in knowing what your thoughts are about them, whether you think about them, and most importantly, if you are interested in anyone else.

As a result, it is a good idea to be careful what you tell your mutual friends.

Details like these, which may affect your future, are sacred. However, if you wish to get back together, letting your mutual friends report back positively could help lay down the groundwork for reuniting.

Back at the ranch, You shouldn’t tell your friends anything that could lead them to believe otherwise if you have no intention of reuniting with your ex.

10) They check in on you A LOT

That innocent “How have you been” text is THE ultimate conversation started. It starts simple and then builds into something deeper and more engaging. 

In reality, they’re hoping that you will ask them the same thing because they want you to know how terrible they are.

An ex regularly checking in with you is another obvious clue that they can’t get you off your mind. Breaking up with someone with who you’ve experienced meaningful life experiences is ironic. They’re mourning the loss of their closest confidant and are alone during this period in life where they could definitely use comforting words.

It’s a harsh and lonely space to be.

Reaching out for comfort is sometimes a simple need, like when a child reaches for their security blanket. However, it can also be construed as a sign that your ex is not doing well without you. Finding a compassionate way to start a dialogue with you could reveal that they want you back.

11) Peanut butter and JELLY

We’ve all seen our fair share of rom-com movies where one person tries to make the other jealous. This is a prevalent and relatable emotion and is an incredibly telling sign that your ex hasn’t quite let you go.

It’s flattering to know that someone is obsessing about you because it indicates that they have a fierce attachment to you, so be careful.

If their obsession crosses the line, it could be detrimental to you, and you should not take it lightly.

To demonstrate, let’s use social media as an example.

You’re at your sister’s wedding, and you post a picture posing with someone of the opposite sex.

Within minutes your phone blows up with messages from your ex demanding to know who this person is and what you were doing with them. 

Another cliche rom-com example can include chatting with a new, friendly stranger at a party, and out of nowhere, your ex appears asking to speak with them alone.

This is all clear evidence that your ex doesn’t enjoy the idea of being your ex.

Whether it’s due to pride or because they’re genuinely hurting over your breakup, they still believe that you shouldn’t pursue romance beyond them.

This is a clear indication that they haven’t moved on, nor are they thrilled at the prospect that you have.

If he expresses this remorse healthily, you can consider this as an indication that you two could get back together if that’s what you want.

12) Their lifestyle does a complete 360

If your ex starts becoming a regular at the gym, is into drinking coconut water, and is hiking every weekend, there’s often a reason for this sudden change.

Perhaps they’re seeing a therapist work through past issues that they’ve always wanted to fix and are genuinely trying to make life improvements.

But typically, this means that Your ex is turning this “someday” theory into “today” because they desperately want you to take notice of how they’re changing.

It is not uncommon for people to make rapid changes after a breakup –it can be liberating and help us heal. 

However, suppose your ex is suddenly sporting purple hair, a new tattoo sleeve, or has gone ham with the botox injections.

 In that case, these cosmetic changes are trying to speed up becoming a better person. But, we all know this is not an overnight process.

An individual working hard to fix what they think are flaws is a person who wants to show you the positive strides they’ve made.

They’ll make an effort to show you that they’re doing the things you used to complain about when you were together. 

It’s not uncommon to see them posting their latest and greatest moments on Insta as proof that they’re serious about changing their ways.

13) You’ve been apart for a while, and they’re still not dating

Choosing the single life and avoiding dating altogether is an indicator that your ex is missing you.

It’s always a good idea to take a breather after you break up. Rebound relationships seldom work out and must be avoided despite how tempting it can be to hook up with someone straight after you’ve had your heart ripped out of your chest.

If your ex has been solo for an extended period after your breakup, it can be a telltale sign that they are still not over you.

Humans are social creatures, and not many of us enjoy being alone for too long. 

However, once you’ve had a taste of being in a real relationship, getting back on the horse can be challenging, and starting from scratch might not be the best way forward. Instead, you might want to go back and explore this relationship (if it’s what you wish to) and possibly rekindle the flame.

If you’re completely “done” with the relationship, it’s best to close this chapter of your life and move on. Your ex will eventually get the hint, and as they say, time heals all wounds.

14) Your ex is still in contact with your family and friends

When you’ve dated someone for a while, it’s natural for them to forge meaningful bonds with your loved ones. These attachments can linger well after a breakup; however, an ex that has moved on is not likely to want to maintain contact with your clan.

So if your ex insists on checking in with your circle of people, it signals that they are having difficulty letting go.

They’re eager to find out how you are doing (even if your name isn’t directly brought up), and they’re trying to gauge your emotional state of mind. This person still feels deeply connected to you, and they’re trying to leverage the relationships they have with your inner circle to somehow get to you.

If you’re eager to rekindle the flame, this could be a great way to start the process; however, if you have no intention of getting back together, nip this behavior in the bud immediately.

15) Missing in action

Some find it reassuring to confide in a good friend or family member, whereas others prefer shutting out the world completely.

This coping mechanism is a typical response to the devastation of breaking up; however, if the days start turning into weeks and months since your ex has surfaced, it could signify that they don’t want others to know how much they’re struggling.

Regardless of the cause, reclusive behavior is a telltale sign that your ex is still not over you and that they’re unable to move on.

At the end of the day

If, while reading this post, you found yourself nodding your head in agreement that your ex wants you back, you have two choices.

Firstly, If you’re not interested in rekindling your relationship, it’s best to ignore the behavior, be silent, and more on swifty with your life. 

We have ex’s for a reason, and if you weren’t happy, your decision to break up is entirely valid, so stop beating yourself up.

Secondly, If you still have feelings for your ex and want a second chance, it’s time that the two of you sit down and start talking it out. 

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If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

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