Break-ups are never easy.
Where you’re the one being dumped — or doing the dumping — it hurts.
But the truth is, straight after a breakup, it’s natural to want to look like you’re over the other person. If anything, it can take time for you both to get over each other and move on.
If you see your ex though, are you ever going to let him know that you miss him? Of course not, well he probably feels the same way. He wants you to believe that he is over you and has moved on.
So, how can you tell whether or not he’s really over you? After all, it can be hard for you to move unless you know for sure. And it happens far more often than you might think.
Humans are full of emotions and we can’t just switch these off like a light switch. So, how can you tell if your ex-boyfriend isn’t over you and what should you do about it?
Here are 15 signs your ex-boyfriend isn’t over you
1) He stays in contact
While most people say, “Let’s just be friends” during a breakup, not many actually mean it. It’s one of those phrases that is used to soften the blow and make it easier on the other party.
So, when your ex-boyfriend actually makes an effort to stay in contact, take it as a sign that he isn’t ready to let go just yet.
If he was sure about the decision for you two to break up, then he would have severed all ties and simply moved on.
But, if he’s the one messaging or calling you, then he likely has some doubts. He wants to keep those lines of communication open while he works out his feelings.
Every time he thinks about you, he picks up the phone and messages. Scroll back through the communication you two have had since you broke up. Is he always the one to reach out and initiate it?
If so, he’s not ready to let go. He doesn’t want you to forget him and move on. This is a guy who definitely isn’t over you.
2) His new girlfriend has many similarities
One sure way to let someone know you’re over them is by finding your way into a new relationship. But sometimes, these rebounds can reveal a lot more about our true feelings towards our ex.
If your ex has a new partner, then see if you can do a little stalking. Or simply ask mutual friends what they think of her. Even better, see if you can find a photo.
If this new girlfriend looks like her or your friends can confirm there are a few too many similarities between you two, it’s a good sign that your ex isn’t quite over you. In fact, he’s trying to find a little comfort and regain what they’ve lost with you.
If you’re a fan of the TV show Friends, then you’ll understand exactly what we’re talking about here.
Think back to that time Rachel split up with Ross, only to go on the rebound and hook up with… Russ.
This is a partner who isn’t quite over their ex!
3) He asks you questions
If you happen to run into your ex — which is possible if you run in the same social circles — then think about the questions he asks you.
Does he always seem keen to know exactly what’s going on in your life?
For example, he might ask:
- Are you seeing anyone?
- Who do you hang out with?
- Where have you been recently?
- How have you been spending your time?
All these questions are aimed at learning whether or not you have moved on and are now seeing someone new.
If your ex was well and truly over you, then he wouldn’t care about your personal life or what you’re getting up to each day. He wouldn’t care whether or not you’ve moved on with someone new.
He’s asking because he wants to know if he still has a chance with you or not. After all, as long as you’re not dating anyone new, that door remains open for him.
4) He often looks at you
This is one of those signs that people use when they’re working out whether or not the other person is into them.
The eyes really do act as windows into the soul. When you catch a guy glancing over at you from across the room, it usually indicated he’s interested. He simply can’t turn away from you.
If you find your ex is now doing this when you’re out and about with mutual friends, then it’s safe to say he’s having a hard time forgetting about you and moving on.
He’s thinking back to the good times you had together and possibly wondering how it might feel to fall in love all over again.
5) You’re always on his mind
Social media makes it that much harder to get away from each other after a break-up.
Whether or not you choose to stay friends with your ex on socials is completely up to you. But it’s safe to say with the help of your friends, you’ll be able to check in on his socials whenever you like.
Think about what he has been posting since you broke up. Is it all about you?
He doesn’t have to mention your name to be posting about you. It might be a quote, a poem, or something else entirely that alludes to your time together. Or even just questioning a failed relationship.
He’s hoping you see his messages and get the hint. This is an ex who isn’t in a place to move on and wants you to know. Perhaps he’s looking to rekindle that flame?
6) He’s asking about you
If you’ve chosen to keep your distance after your break up, then it’s safe to say you’ve successfully avoided any awkward encounters in public. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t still asking all those questions.
Instead of asking you, he’s simply going to friends and getting his information from them.
While it might seem sweet and innocent that he wants to find out how you’re doing, it’s a good indication that he still has feelings for you. There’s no other reason you’d be at the front of his mind. Or that he’d be trying to reach your second hand to find out how you’re going.
This guy is still pining for you and hoping you haven’t moved on either.
7) He’s left stuff at your place
This is one of those classic moves of the ex who doesn’t want to move on. In fact, any excuse to see you and have a presence in your life will do.
Let’s face it, when you break up with someone, you make sure you do the clear out straight away and get out of each other’s lives.
Of course, things can and do get left behind. The easiest thing to do is have them leave it out the front so you can go around and collect it without running into them.
If your ex is in no rush to make plans to collect his things or is trying to organize to meet up with you to do the exchange, then this guy isn’t over you.
8) He’s holding onto your gifts
Some gifts are just that awesome that you have no problem holding onto them after you break up. Like an Xbox you bought him or a really nice handbag he bought you.
Other gifts hold sentimental value and need to be thrown away after the relationship is done. For example, his shirt that he left at yours and you loved to wear or the playlist you created just for him of your favourite songs.
If he’s still holding onto his sentimental gifts, it’s because he’s not over you. Not even a little bit. The relationship means too much to him and he can’t let it go.
9) He’s always on hand to help
As a boyfriend, you would have expected him to be there on moving day. You would have appreciated him walking you home at night. You would have cherished his help around the house.
As an ex, these things should all stop. If you need a hand moving, you ask some other friends. But rule number one, you don’t go to the ex.
But, what happens if he approaches you? What happens when he hears from other friends that you need help and turns up to help? Is he just being nice?
He sure is but it’s so much more than this. He wants you to feel good about him. After all, this is exactly how you feel when someone goes out of their way to help you out.
He’s not looking to directly get back together with you (not yet anyway) but he does want to stay fresh in your mind and doesn’t want to close that door.
He’s definitely not over you yet and is going out of his way to make sure you have positive feelings about him.
10) You keep running into him
Despite your best efforts, do you seem to keep running into your ex?
This might not be as coincidental as you once thought. There’s a chance your ex is doing his best to make sure he always shows up where you are.
Whether you’re hanging out with friends or heading to an event, he’s done a little digging with friends and social media to work out where you’re going to be. He wants to be close to you and isn’t ready to leave your life.
He is also likely checking that you haven’t moved on and aren’t with some other guy.
11) The good old drunk dial
When we drink a little too much we lose all control over many of our words and actions.
If you’re still the person that he dials at 4 am after one too many drinks, it’s because his subconscious knows he’s not over you. He may even still have feelings for you that he’s trying to hide.
The best thing you can do is ignore that call. After all, you don’t want to be the ex that’s cleaning up all his messes. That’s not your problem anymore.
You can send him a text the next morning, simply to make him away from what he has done, then move on a forget about it. While your guy might not be over you, it shouldn’t stop you from moving on.
12) You’re getting mixed signals
Is your ex being a little hot and cold with you?
One minute he’s phoning you five times a day and messaging you as much as possible. The next moment he’s freezing you out and ignoring you whenever he sees you in public. It’s safe to say this can be quite confusing for you.
In this instance, it’s not you, it’s him.
He’s still working out his feelings for you post-breakup. He wants to be over you but it’s clear he isn’t. It’s these conflicting feelings that are causing him to be so all over the place.
13) He can’t help but touch you
No, we’re not talking about leaning in for a kiss — this is a sure sign he’s not into you. You wouldn’t be reading this post if he has done that! But, the little touches.
A brush against your hand when you say something funny.
A rub down your back when you hug help.
A gentle push when you tease him.
He’s likely not even aware he’s doing these things. It’s a subconscious action. He’s not over you at all and isn’t quite in control of his feelings.
14) He’s telling everyone you want him back
The denial is real with this guy.
He probably honestly believes you want him back (even though you don’t and have never told him this). He’s convinced himself you feel the same way about him.
By spreading this around friendship groups, he’s living in his own place of denial over his feelings. Instead, he’s lumping them all onto you.
If you choose not to engage, then his feelings are still protected. After all, in his head, you’re the one who wants him. It’s the perfect way for him to put himself out there while protecting his feelings.
Of course, you’ll want to set the record straight. In this case, it’s probably best just to tell friends it’s not the case and to leave him be. He’s not likely to be told otherwise.
Just ignore their lies and move on.
15) Your gut tells you so
There’s always something to be said about that all-important gut feeling.
You need to give yourself a little credit. You have been in a relationship with this person and likely know him very well.
You know how he acts and what’s normal and not for him. Use this knowledge to ask yourself whether or not you think he’s over you.
Trust your answer.
My ex is still into me. What should I do?
After reading the 15 signs above it might be clear to you that your ex is definitely not over you.
So, what next?
Here are some questions you need to ask yourself:
- Why did we break up? It’s important to remember you broke up for a reason. While time does indeed all wounds, it doesn’t mean you should jump back in and make the same mistakes all over again.
- Does he want to move on? Just because your ex hasn’t moved on yet, doesn’t mean they don’t want to. They might simply be struggling to move on, yet have no interest in actually getting back together with you.
- How do I feel? Are you 100% done with the relationship, or is there a small part of you that would love to give things a second chance? You need to work out your feelings before you confront your ex about his.
Once you work out the answers to these questions, things will be much clearer.
You can either help your ex-boyfriend to move on or you can gauge whether or not he’s interested in giving things a second shot with you. The choice is yours.
Helping your ex-boyfriend to move on
If you’re hoping to help your ex move on with his life and forget about you, then there are a few steps you can take:
- Create some distance: If he shows up to an event you’re at, make sure you avoid eye contact and go out of your way to avoid talking to him. Make it clear that you’re done and want nothing to do with him. Don’t reply to his text messages, or pick up his phone calls. The key is to make yourself unavailable to him.
- Flirt with other guys: Even if you’re not interested in a relationship, it can help to make it clear that you’re available. This sends the message to your ex that you’ve moved on and are ready to find someone new. Someone who isn’t him.
- Talk to him: If he keeps turning up wherever you are, bugging your friends about you, or posting about you on social media, it might be time to have the conversation with him. Be clear that things are over and it’s time for him to move on.
- Get rid of his things: If he still has things at your place, then leave them on the doorstep and let him know that they’re ready to be picked up and if they aren’t gone by a certain date, they’ll be going in the bin.
Getting back together with your ex
If you’re hoping to give it a second shot with your ex, then you need to test the waters to see where he stands. Not being over you, doesn’t mean he wants to date you again. It also doesn’t mean he doesn’t.
Go back to the beginning of your relationship and try some of your flirting techniques. See how he responds. He’s either going to show that he’s interested, or back away completely. Either way, you’ll have an answer.
At the end of the day, it’s up to you what you choose to do. It just might mean setting yourself up for heartache by putting yourself out there for him.
But, love is worth it. You just have to trust your instincts and be sure of what you’re doing.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.