Few things are more complicated than having a boss romantically attracted to you.
However, you need to be absolutely certain that he’s in love with you if you’re going to do something about it.
This can turn unpleasant very fast.
Here are 23 unmistakable signs that your boss is in love with you.
Read on to know for sure and be prepared to act!
25 definitive signs that your boss loves you
1) They check you out all the time
Giving someone a once over once in a while is nothing terrible.
If your boss is doing so, it might just be them watching you do your work.
However, if they are constantly looking at you like you’re a snack, well…Then it gets a bit more complicated, especially when you’re not engaging in a conversation with them, and you notice them still watching you.
It’s even more of a red flag if you’re uncomfortable with the situation and they’re checking you out and looking into your eyes as much as they can.
That means that there’s at least sexual attraction.
2) They contact you after work
A big part of trying to get someone to pay attention to us is contacting them about everyday things. Some companies might have a policy of no contact after hours.
If that’s your case, your boss is definitely trying to get to know you on a personal level. So much so that they’re breaking the rules by texting you.
If that isn’t your case, but they’re texting you with questions about your day, telling you about personal stuff, and, trying to invite you to events… that’s another unmistakable sign that they’re attracted to you.
Here are some examples of particular situations they might bring up through text or call:
- Inviting you to a bar, or someplace where they have a higher level of privacy.
- They will try to invite you somewhere where people from work won’t be around.
- The place they will suggest won’t be super expensive, so you won’t be uncomfortable about it.
- It will be an intimate place, quiet so there aren’t people that might possibly hear them.
- It can be a way to test if you’re interested or not. If you don’t accept their invitation, they will probably not invite you again.
Some more obvious ways to convey interest: a drink late at night, or attempts to get you alone with them are some of the most common.
3) They flirt with you all the time
Bosses do not flirt with employees. Or at least, they shouldn’t.
So, if you realize your boss is flirting through texts, or their eye contact game goes more intense, they’re definitely up to something.
To have more proof, pay attention to their body language. It can be playful or sexy.
Another subtle way of flirting is changing small things: new outfits, different hairstyles, perfume, etc. They might do so in hopes you notice the change and compliment them about it.
Unless they’re flirty with you and everybody else, bosses tend to keep professional boundaries with their employees.
4) Their attention is more on you than on others
We all do this when we’re crushing on someone.
We pay attention to everything they do and try to see if they’re interested in us.
If your boss listens intently to everything you say and they remember the smallest details about you, they’re interested in you romantically.
Especially when they invite you to different things or comment on those details, you never realized about yourself.
Examples in the workplace might be:
- Giving you every project you want.
- Giving you great shifts and being flexible with the hours.
- Speaking to you a lot more than other employees.
Have you noticed this about your boss?
5) They take an interest in your love life
Especially if it goes beyond small talk, them asking you about your love life and trying to get you to say if you’re single or not is a dead giveaway of their intentions.
Pay attention to when they speak about your partner – if you have one!– Are they jealous, or do they avoid the topic all the time?
Even more, they might ask things like these:
- You don’t have a boyfriend, do you?
- Are things with your partner alright?
- Someone told me you fought with your partner. Are you going to continue the relationship?
6) They give you more opportunities
It can be intimidating to get special treatment from your boss. Especially when it doesn’t come from professional achievement or respect.
However, don’t worry if they do the same as everyone else.
It gets tricky when it’s only you getting opportunities and exciting perks that others don’t get at all.
If your boss is crushing on you, they might put you at the top of the list for amazing projects, a rise in your salary that you didn’t ask for, and praise even when you haven’t done too much at work.
7) They’re always trying to help
If your boss is in love with you, they will make sure that you’re always having a good time at work.
They can be extra helpful and go out of their way to make your tasks easier.
Many bosses will also become adamant in their promises or overly helpful.
If you make a mistake and they spend a lot of time mentoring you and don’t do the same with others, then they’re surely crushing on you.
All this great behavior is just another way to show how much you mean to them.
Remember that you don’t have to show interest back, even if the power imbalance between you might add a bit of pressure.
Having a crush doesn’t mean they will like you back; it applies to every context.
8) They want to follow you on social media
It’s pretty normal to add someone you know casually to social media. Especially when you don’t share professional scenarios with them.
However, if your boss makes it a point to add you on any non-professional social media platform, it might be a sign that they’re interested in you.
Social media gives them a glimpse into your personal life and your interests, something that anyone that has a crush is curious about.
To determine whether or not your boss has a crush on you, you will have to trust your gut. If they add other people or the company culture is super relaxed, you might be in the clear.
However, if you would prefer not to add anyone from work to your socials, you can always delete or ignore their request.
If they bring it up with you, just tell them that you’re pretty big on separating your personal from your professional life and call it a day.
9) They want to be physically closer
We all do this when we’re in love with someone.
We look for ways to be closer to them, to touch them in a non-threatening way even.
It’s true, even for your boss. If they’re interested in you, it can even be subconscious. They might not only try and get closer to you but also talk to you more than they do to the rest of the people in the company.
Maybe you’ll notice they lean toward you, or they casually brush your arm or put their faces closer to yours when you’re talking.
Perhaps they take on a more leading role in your projects, working on the details with you even when they’re not trying to micromanage your work.
This can happen in different ways, more subtly and more explicit. The thing is, you will notice it.
10) They give you praise often
If your boss is shy romantically, they might not be able to compliment you a lot without making it about work first to avoid putting you in a difficult or uncomfortable situation.
You might find yourself hearing his praise very often but on topics like your work quality, your talent, and your work ethic.
They will make sure you notice how much they appreciate you and notice the smallest details.
- They will say your talents are essential for the growth of the company,
- They praise how hard you work to stay on the top.
- They will say that you’re irreplaceable.
You might take this as a sign of their respect, but it could mean a lot more than you think.
If you’re being promoted too fast, or if your boss can’t stop complimenting you, even exaggerating a little bit, pay attention to their behavior with other employees.
11) They often call or text
If you’re constantly on your phone, getting calls and messages from your boss… it’s a sign of their romantic intentions.
They could be crushing on you and trying to get you to pay attention to them. It’s pretty normal behavior to go through while we’re dealing with a crush.
To get this attention, they might start asking about personal stuff.
If their messages and calls are always work-related, though, it’s most likely a professional interest.
12) They don’t talk about their partner
Of course, this point only applies to those bosses that are in a relationship.
If they’re crushing on you they won’t mention their wife/husband/partner at all.
If they mention them but it’s always to complain, that’s another pretty obvious sign of their interest in you.
Some people remove their wedding band in front of the person they’re romantically interested in, to gauge their reaction and send the message across.
Pay attention and try to determine whether your boss ignores their partners’ calls when you’re with them.
If you’re at an office party and your normally warm and effusive boss is cold and distant, it might be a sign that they don’t want their spouse to know their behavior around you.
13) They worry about their appearance
If your boss has been on a glow-up journey around you, it could be a sign.
New haircuts, expensive clothes, even a bit revealing outfits, they all mean they’re trying to get someone’s attention.
However, if they’ve always been careful of their looks and appearance, don’t worry. They just have a hobby.
Someone can change the way they look for a myriad of reasons, so when you notice this, try to see if any of the other signs are also present.
14) They get personal
If you’re suddenly the target of their secrets and stuff that you wouldn’t have heard about normally, it’s a sign.
When we’re going through a crush, we tend to confide in them and try to be relatable.
We want our crush to trust us and admire us; even so, we tell them things we don’t normally share with people.
15) They act very distantly all of a sudden
Your boss might be super shy.
So, instead of getting personal, they’re suddenly barely talking to you.
Remember to always compare it with the behavior around your colleagues. If they’re super funny with everyone else and get flustered and tongue-tied around you, they have a crush on you.
Why does this happen?
It happens simply because they don’t want to act weird and are super self-aware of their feelings.
They can even go as far as being arrogant or super strict with you.
If they can, they will also ignore you as much as possible.
This is actually a rather good sign, especially if they’re married. It means they do have feelings, but they don’t want to act on them.
Give them the space they need to get over the crush!
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16) They touch you
Especially in an office environment, there just aren’t many reasons why they would need to touch you all the time.
Pay attention to see if your boss is always touching you unnecessarily, even if it’s not inappropriate.
Don’t get too caught up, though!
A handshake and a short hug aren’t signs of their romantic interest. More than that… it’s a pretty certain sign.
These are some of the ways in which they might express their interest:
- Holding your hand,
- Patting your back;
- Touching your shoulder.
They might have romantic intentions.
17) They give you little presents
Yeah, it can happen.
If you are getting unique presents from your boss all the time, it’s not a way to just be nice.
Especially if they’re not doing the same with everyone else.
Watch out for these behaviors: stocking the pantry with your favorite snacks, giving you sweets, or leaving you encouraging notes.
More personal things, like an item of clothing left on your desk, are a sign of alarm.
However, don’t worry if it’s just a company policy.
18) They always want to hear your opinion
We’re not trying to dismiss your abilities.
You might be qualified in a certain field!
But if they’re asking about their outfit, their appearance, or even their dates, take notice.
They might be trying to gather information on your likes and dislikes.
19) They want to have dinner or drinks with you
Having late-night meetings, or asking for coffee or dinner with you are all parts of the same sign.
They want to spend time alone with you.
It’s alright if you’re working on a strict project or if they’re compensating for late hours. More than that, it’s a sign.
They might want to get you to be personal and put themselves in a guiding role in your professional life.
Don’t encourage them!
Keep those boundaries strong.
20) They remember small details about you
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again.
If they remember everything about your life, it’s a sign. Especially if they’re super forgetful.
They’re likely obsessing over those details you told them two months ago, and we all do this.
We all look for signs to gauge the other person’s interest in us.
21) Their body language betrays them
Body language always reveals our intentions.
Are they always looking to sit next to you or walk you to your desk?
Perhaps they lean on your desk while talking to you.
Some other signs are:
- Their body is always angled toward you.
- They lean in your direction.
- They keep eye contact.
- They brush their hand against your arm.
If we were in your place, we’d start dusting off books about body language.
Information is power!
Mirroring our crush’s body language is a very natural way to flirt.
Get those gears turning and start paying attention to those details.
22) They check in with you all the time
If your boss has a crush on you, they will try to get you alone for the silliest things.
Think about all those unnecessary meetings you had to attend because they asked for you to be there.
They could’ve been an email!
Is your boss constantly on your desk or schedule 1-on-1 meetings?
They want you, for sure.
23) Your coworkers are noticing their behavior
There’s nothing like a good co-worker to detect such a situation.
Or several of them.
If your colleagues think the boss is flirting with you, they’re most likely right.
They’re objective observers, and they compare the boss’s behavior with you and everyone else!
Especially if your boss has been giving you any kind of special treatment, everyone will notice.
If it’s the third time you’ve made the same mistake and they’re being super nice about it when they normally aren’t, your workmates will notice.
Your boss likes you.
You might be teased or warned about it, but it won’t go ignored for long.
24) They make sure you know their influence
Bosses that show off their positions are the worst, we know.
Is your boss doing that? Check out these behaviors:
- They talk about their influential friends in the company.
- They will tell you that their friends can get you a significant raise and even a promotion.
Here, we’ll give you the cold, hard truth:
They’re playing with their power in the company.
They want you to know they are in control.
It’s a horrible way to blackmail you into going out with them. It could be the end or the beginning of your career, after all.
When it comes with subtle threatening undertones, you know you’re in a really difficult position.
25) Your intuition is warning you all the time
Instincts never lie.
Even if there isn’t a lot of evidence, your subconscious might have picked up on signs you missed for some reason.
Most people can detect the other person’s interest in them.
A gut feeling isn’t enough evidence to go to HR or an authority, but it can help you pay more attention.
These are some questions you might ask yourself in case you don’t have enough evidence:
- Do you feel like something changed in your relationship with your boss?
- Do you think something’s up?
- Is their behavior normal?
- Do they go out of their way to make you happy?
- Do they try to ask a lot about your personal life?
If the answer to any of these questions is a “yes,” the chances of your boss crushing on you are strong.
Your boss is attracted to you: what next?
God, what a weird situation.
It’s flattering, of course, but weird.
The power imbalance is there, and you might feel like they’re doing all this as a form to keep you owing them stuff.
The consequences could be severe too.
Human Resources is right more often than not when they are against workplace romantic relationships.
There’s also a reason why all that training on sexual assault and workplace rules are enforced.
What can you do about it?
Do you like their attention?
Do you feel flattered? Do you like them as well?
Do you want to get into a relationship with them?
We’re not here to lecture you.
It’s your choice!
Having a workplace romance with your boss might be messy, but it’s not abnormal.
Lots of people meet the love of their life in the office.
They might just be the one.
Speak to your supervisor
The most important question here is the following:
Are you comfortable?
If your boss is threatening to get you fired or making unwanted advances, you will feel like you have no motivation to go to work at all.
It’s time to talk to your supervisor, or even theirs if necessary. Get that problem solved.
However, your boss might be a nice, understanding person. Talk to them first and see what happens.
Boundaries are essential
For every life scenario, we need to have our boundaries as figured out as we can.
Is your boss asking you to meet alone, especially late at night?
Say no. State the fact that you’re not comfortable with that.
You don’t have to be impolite!
Just be clear about it.
Seek the help of a relationship coach
While this article will shed light on the main signs your boss likes you romantically, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…
Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like when your boss secretly has a crush on you. Their popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are.
Why am I so confident that they can help you?
Well, after recently experiencing a tough patch in my own relationship, I reached out to them for help. From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.
I was blown away by how kind and empathetic my coach was.
Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues you’re facing in your relationship.
Being direct is a great quality
Clear communication from the start might make things just a bit easier.
Tell them if they’re doing something that makes you uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter if it is just flirting or if it’s something more.
Tell them that you don’t want to flirt back and that you’re not interested. In fact, tell them it impedes the progress of your work.
Also, talk about it with someone you trust.
Especially if you’re struggling with their pressure.
You don’t have to be alone!
Don’t let them overstep your boundaries at all.
You’re here to enjoy life, not to have a horrible time thanks to some inappropriate boss.
Are you attracted to your boss and need help?
It’s alright; we’ve been there too.
These are some things you can do:
- Avoid being with your boss for extended periods of time and as much as possible.
- Apply for a transfer to a different branch. This might give you a clear path if you want a relationship or protect you from disciplinary action.
- Make sure you communicate clearly and act as honestly as possible every step of the way.
- If your boss is romantically attracted to you, don’t keep it a secret. If you don’t have a coworker, you trust with the information, at least tell a close friend or even family. Someone has to know what’s happening.
Make sure you have people on your side that can help you through the process of either changing jobs or moving forward in the best possible way.
How to move on and stay safe
When your boss is attracted to you, all the reactions are intense.
There is a power dynamic at play there, so it can feel scary, exciting, or even exhilarating.
Even if you want to start a relationship with them, you need to stay focused: not many boss-employee relationships end well.
There’s a chance you will experience confusion, embarrassment, and even unemployment if it gets bad.
If you aren’t good at setting firm boundaries yet, and you don’t want to ruin things, or even if you’re feeling desperate about what to do, consider the professional help a therapist can be for you.
They might be crucial in helping you navigate this complicated situation.
Besides, with their help, you might come to have an open conversation with your boss that helps the entire relationship, now and in the future.
In a nutshell
Boss-employee relationships might be harmful because of the inherent power imbalance that characterizes them.
This simply means that you’ve got more to lose.
That’s why people will warn you against entering that kind of relationship.
Whether you want to or not, it will be a problem for areas like human resources, but it will also make you question your morals and those of the company.
Employees can be fired for entering a relationship with their bosses.
When you get into such a relationship, it’s not just you and the other person. There are other factors involved that can break it apart.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.