20 unfortunate signs your boyfriend isn’t sexually attracted to you

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When you’re in a relationship, there’s a certain level of intimacy that comes with it. However, sometimes that feeling just isn’t there anymore.

Relationships can be challenging at the best of times, so it’s important to know when things are going wrong. 

Sometimes, he might not even realize that something is wrong and you’ll have to point it out for him. 

Here are 15 signs that your boyfriend isn’t sexually attracted to you anymore.

1) He can’t get it up

So there you are in all your glory, ready and waiting for your man to ravage you, but then, nothing seems to be happening.

Despite your best efforts and coaxing, Mr. Willy isn’t having it.

If this happens once or twice, it’s understandable. Maybe he’s had too much to drink or perhaps he’s just really tired.

It becomes problematic when the issue reoccurs.

Most men have no problem in this department so it’s one of the most obvious signs that he’s not into you sexually if he can’t get an erection.

2) He prefers his hand.

There’s nothing wrong with occasionally self-pleasuring but if you notice that he’s doing it more frequently, and thus replacing you with his hand, this is an obvious sign that there’s trouble brewing.

Any man will choose his woman to be intimate with any day. If this is not the case, you need to speak to him and find out why he is behaving like this.

3) He doesn’t show you affection anymore

The first sign that your boyfriend is losing interest in you might be when he stops greeting you with a kiss or hug. 

This could mean that his feelings for you are changing and he no longer sees the same potential as before.

If this happens, it’s important to speak up about what is going on instead of staying silent because silence can lead to resentment if one person feels like they’re being ignored by their significant other.

4) He’s been watching a lot of porn

Guys will be guys. Most men indulge in watching a “blue movie” from time to time.

However, if you start noticing him watching way more porn than before this can be a huge sign that he’s sexually frustrated and, could be an indicator that he no longer finds you sexually attractive.

It also might make you feel less than a woman, I mean, porn is so unrealistic. But, the bottom line is there is a reason for him doing this. You need to find out why.

5) He only sleeps with you when he’s drunk

If your boyfriend only wants to do the deed with you after chugging down a couple of beers, it’s yet another devastating sign that he no longer finds you sexually attractive.

Alcohol makes us lose our inhibitions, so he’s doing something that he wouldn’t do when he’s sober because he’s inhibited.

If this is the case, It’s better you take the high road and pull the plug. There are loads of men out there who would give anything to be with you.

You deserve better!

6) He avoids you.

Maybe this is a new behavior, or perhaps he might have a habit of avoiding you. 

You might be feeling neglected or even disrespected when he chooses to avoid you. You need to find out the reason behind this behavior. 

Is it because he is having an affair? Or, is it because he has been unhappy with your relationship?

If you’re asking yourself these types of questions, you might have to consider the fact that his avoidance might be linked to the fact that he’s no longer sexually attracted to you.

7) He’s not responding to your texts or calls

If your boyfriend is ignoring you, he may be mad at you or he might have some other reasons for his behavior.

However, if you feel that your boyfriend is not responding to your texts or calls, it’s time to sit down and talk with him. If he chooses not to, you have your answer right there.

It’s not ok to be ignored, in fact, it’s downright disrespectful so if you’re experiencing this, there’s an underlying reason.

8) You’ve let yourself go

Ok, we’re still in the midst of a pandemic and getting dolled up and wearing makeup every day is something we used to do pre-pandemic.

You spend most days in sweats, a messy bun, and look like the homeless lady on the street.

Men are visual creatures. They love seeing you look your best and although you don’t have to dress to the nines every day, make sure that you make an effort once in a while.

Your man’s sexual desire towards you might increase significantly when you pull yourself together.

9) You do things that are off-putting

When we get comfortable with someone, it’s easy to fall into bad habits. The kinds of habits I’m talking about here are the gross ones.

You’re constantly burping and farting and you don’t close the door when you’re going number 2.

Although it might seem cute and innocent and like you’re really close with your man, some men find this utterly disgusting.

It’s not ladylike and he’s getting put-off causing him to lose sexual interest in you.

10) You’ve undergone dramatic changes.

It’s not a nice thing to say or to hear but I’m going to say it anyway.

Maybe you’ve put on a lot of weight and your partner no longer finds you as attractive as he did before.

Or, you’ve cut your hair GI Jane style and it’s freaked him out, causing him to lose his interest in sex with you.

Yes, it’s on the inside what really matters but, as I said previously, men are visual creatures.

Make an effort to try to eat healthily and hit the gym. He might reconsider if he sees how hard you’re trying.

11) He picks arguments about the stupidest things

Does it seem like your man looks for things to argue with you about? 

It’s almost like he wants there to be friction so that he has an excuse to stay away from you.

If you notice this behavior, it could be a sign that he’s doing this because he wants to avoid intimacy with you. 

Why? Well, you’re going to have to examine the context of your relationship to determine the answer.

12) You make him angry

It’s as if even the way you breathe causes him to lose his temper! 

He gets hyped up and agitated when he is with you. 

He may even yell at you for no apparent reason. He may also turn aggressive in the company of friends and family.

If he’s like this, don’t take it personally. I’m not condoning this type of behavior, all I am trying to say is that he’s likely experiencing feelings of massive guilt and it’s coming out as anger.

It’s best to have a heart-to-heart to get to the bottom of what’s really going on. If he tells you that he no longer feels attracted sexually to you, all you can do is accept it and move along.

13) He is no longer jealous or possessive

It’s not possible to be totally oblivious to your partner’s intentions and moods.

It is important for you both as a couple, especially if there are any problems in the relationship, that you communicate openly with each other about what is going on so that misunderstandings can be avoided.

However, if your man is no longer jealous or passive over you, this is a huge red flag that there’s something burning. 

Men are naturally protective and jealous over their partner so if he’s showing you that he doesn’t care you can take it at face value. 

14) He doesn’t want to talk about the future

Your relationship is important and you should be talking about your future plans together. 

You should also be discussing how you want to spend your time together. 

If he doesn’t want to talk about the future, then the reason is that he doesn’t see a future where you’re in it.

It also says a lot about the lack of physical intimacy from his side. He is slowly but surely weaning you from him which is why things aren’t happening.

15) He doesn’t care whether or not you are happy

He’s self-absorbed and you feel like you’re a prop in the background. He does things that rile you up and when you call him out for it, he doesn’t bat an eyelid.

If your boyfriend doesn’t seem to care if you are happy or not, this is a huge indication that things aren’t going well and probably explains why he’s not interested in being intimate with you.

16) He keeps saying things like “I don’t know” or “I’m conflicted”

If your boyfriend keeps saying things like this, then it is a sign that he is not ready to commit to being with you. 

He might not be ready to commit because he doesn’t know how he feels about you. 

He might also be conflicted because of the fact that he has been with you for a long time and has become attached to you, but the real purple elephant in the room is that he no longer desires you sexually.

Your boyfriend might be wanting to break things off with you but he’s hesitant because of the emotional backlash that’s to follow.

So, instead of being honest, he keeps you at an arm’s-length and stops being intimate with you.

In this case, it’s best just to speak honestly and get the inevitable over with.

You can’t force someone to desire you so if this is the case, take it as your cue to get moving.

17) He is no longer interested in sex (with you)

The most important thing in a relationship is to be intimate with each other. 

Ok, it’s not the most important thing but it’s pretty significant. It helps you to forge a deep bond with one another and is a sacred act between two people who love each other.

If your partner isn’t willing to act on this desire, then it might be a sign that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore.

Most men have high libido’s so if you’re finding he’s just not wanting to do the deed, there’s a chance that he’s doing it with someone else.

18) He’s seeing someone else.

So the first and final sign that he’s lost his sexual interest in you is because he’s sleeping with someone else.

He might feel guilty, angry with himself, and even disgusted.

He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and just tell you. Instead, he avoids you and situations that will require physical intimacy.

Do I really have to tell you what to do in this instance?

Time to call it quits.

19) He talks to you like a friend or sibling, not a partner.

If your boyfriend talks to you like you’re his best friend or a sibling, it’s time to talk. 

He might be unhappy with the relationship, and he might not feel worthy of a relationship that’s so much more than just friendship.

He’s become complacent around you and he’s in a comfort zone. 

If you find yourself in this situation, it’s time to sit down and talk about it. 

Sometimes you need to rip off the bandaid, cut the crap and play open cards. 

20) He might be questioning his sexuality

We live in unprecedented times. Things have changed rapidly and live in an era that embraces all types of sexuality whether it be bisexual, homosexual, pansexual, etc.

It’s very possible that your man might be battling with his sexuality. Maybe he’s considering trying other things and is more into guys and not girls?

If this is the case, honesty is the best policy. Who knows, you guys can still be friends and will have loads to talk and laugh about when you look back.

How can I make myself more attractive and appealing to my boyfriend?

If you’re actually googling this, Houston, we have a huge problem.

You shouldn’t need to try to be more appealing. You are enough, you are good enough.

The answer is simple: be yourself. It is important that you do not try to change yourself and become someone else just because you want your boyfriend to fall in love with you. 

However, if you feel like it’s worth salvaging, there are times when it is necessary for you to put a little effort into your appearance and behavior so that he falls in love with you. 

For example, if he likes simple girls who are easygoing and relaxed, then be like this as much as possible. 

If he likes girls who are girly but also have a good sense of humor, then try to act like this as well. 

But, everyone has their limit. If you constantly have to act and pretend like you’re someone else, is this man really worth it?

Rather find someone who loves you the way you are and someone who can accept you, for you.

How can I  make my boyfriend sexually attracted again?

This is a difficult question to answer. You first need to figure out whether it’s worthwhile. Maybe you’ve had guys who have just gone through a rough patch. You’re struggling with finances or things at work have been hectic.

It’s normal to go through dips in life so you will need to understand the problem first before you can try to fix it.

Also, maybe he thinks things have gone stale in the bedroom. Try spicing things up a little bit. Visit an adult toy store and buy a few goodies to test drive. 

Or, make his sexual fantasy come true. Put on a striptease, buy that raunchy underwear, and indulge in a little bit of role-playing to keep things interesting.

If that’s not doing the trick, it might be time to call the time of death on the relationship. If you’re not sexually satisfied, neither is your man, its on ly going to make things worse in the long run.

Medical reasons for libido loss

Sometimes there’s a completely plausible medical reason why your boyfriend isn’t into sex. Certain medications can cause libido loss in men, and they might be suffering from erectile dysfunction, a common condition among men.

Also, he could have past traumas or abuse that is haunting him and it’s causing him to not want to be intimate with you.

Stress can also be a huge factor in your boyfriend’s performance. He might be stressed out beyond words and it’s manifesting itself as sexual disfunction.

If this is the case, urge him to seek medical treatment.  A trip to the doctor might just do the trick.

Wrapping up

If you are currently in a relationship with a man who doesn’t seem interested in you sexually, it’s understandable if you feel hurt and confused.

It’s better that you try to talk and sort the problem out now before it gets out of hand. 

I hope this article has given you some food for thought and some insights as to why he could be feeling the way he does.

Good luck!

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

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