Have you ever caught yourself thinking sexy thoughts?
You see a hot stranger jogging out in the street, and imagine what it must be like to run your hands down those hard, sweaty abs?
Or maybe you picture that cute barista from the neighborhood coffee shop, making you coffee in your kitchen, wearing only his boxer briefs.
Whew! steamy stuff going on in there (and we’re not talking about the milk, mind you!)
For some people, fantasizing about someone they’re attracted to is a pretty taboo subject to talk about. But it’s not like you intend to act on what you’re thinking. So there’s actually no shame in having these kinds of thoughts.
It’s completely normal. In fact, clinical psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Christopher Ryan Jones says that people fantasize because it is a healthy part of the human experience.
If the tables were turned though, how would you know if the guy you like is fantasizing about you?
Guys are already hard to read when you’re trying to figure out if they like you. What more if they’re thinking of you that way?
Forget playing the guessing game. Keep an eye (and ear) out because his body will tell you all the answers you need to know. Here’s a list of the 17 definite signs for you to start looking out for.
1) His eyes are all over you
Are his eyes all over you? On your face, your lips, your boobs, to your butt, and all the way down to your legs. A guy who fantasizes about you will stare at your body without him realizing it.
You might even catch him eyeing you up and down more than once, even if he tries to be discreet about it when he realizes he’s been staring. Needless to say, his imagination may be running wild and is probably undressing you slowly deep in his head.
Research shows that guys are more easily turned on by visual stimuli than women. So if a guy finds you attractive, he may be fantasizing about you. He won’t be able to control himself and let his naughty eyes do the talking.
2) He looks deep into your eyes
There’s a friendly, 2-second kind of eye contact you make with a neighbor when you greet them good morning.
Then there’s an engaged, “I’m listening to what you’re saying” eye contact with a good friend who’s probably sharing a problem they’re trying to deal with.
There’s also a romantic, sort of shy and wholesome way of eye contact you make with someone you’re starting to like.
And then there’s an intense, sexual eye contact that lingers seconds longer than usual after you’ve spotted the cute guy staring from across the room.
You might even catch him looking at you from a spot where he can get you to notice him and make eye contact, which already says a lot. And if he keeps locking eyes intentionally and intently, then you know he’s attracted.
If you want to make sure your eyes aren’t deceiving you, behavior analyst Jack Schafer, Ph.D., suggests increasing the shared gaze by keeping eye contact as you try to turn your head to break the gaze. If he maintains eye contact, he’s definitely into you.
3) What would a gifted advisor say?
When someone is fantasizing about us, most of us don’t know what to believe. Energetically speaking it’s a challenging time and reading signs for that reason can confuse us even more.
For example, you might find yourself questioning, are these signs he is fantasizing about me, or wishful thinking?
So could getting some outside guidance help?
It’s fair to say there are plenty of frauds out there in the psychic world, who are just waiting to take advantage when we’re at our most vulnerable.
But after a really challenging breakup, I found that speaking to an advisor from Psychic Source was super helpful.
The psychic I spoke to was kind, understanding, and insightful.
My love reading gave me the guidance I was looking for (and needed) during a painful and confusing time.
4) His pupils dilate
So you’ve caught him checking you out repeatedly. If he’s not looking at your banging body, he’s making steamy eye-lock with you, enough to make you melt like a popsicle.
Now, if you look closely at his eyes as you share intense eye contact, you’ll notice how his pupils dilate, making the size of the black part of the eye go from small to larger.
Physiological responses like sexual excitement release oxytocin and dopamine (the love and happy hormones) into your brain, which affect pupil size.
Sex and relationship therapist Courtney Geter, LMFT, CST, says this reaction is similar to getting an erection or when the labia or the vulva feels stimulated, making it a bit more sensitive.
You might also think of it this way: you know how your skin can’t help but tingle when someone you like makes physical contact? It’s the same with the eyes; the pupils dilate as they process attraction.
And that object of his attraction? You, of course!
5) He moves close to you
After exchanging some serious staring action with him from across the room, you might start to feel like he’s moving closer and closer to you. That’s because he is getting physically closer.
A guy will subconsciously move closer to you if he likes what he sees. This is due to the presence of pheromones, the chemical in our body that stimulate sexual arousal, desire, and hormone levels when released. Pheromones attract guys and turn them on.
Again, the body does this subconsciously. He may not realize what he’s doing, but it’s human nature to do so.
Pay attention to your body as well because you might not notice that you’re also moving towards him!
6) He seems nervous or restless
When a guy is attracted to you sexually, he wants to try to make himself attractive to you by behaving a certain way.
He may feel pressured, and this can make him really nervous. He’s extra conscious about your every move, and he doesn’t want to mess up his chances by saying the wrong thing or acting the wrong way.
Even a confident guy can find that his nerves get the better of him.
On the other hand, he’ll also seem nervous or restless if he’s getting sexually excited by the sight and smell of you and is trying to hide or calm down a potential erection, says Tracey Cox, author of Superflirt.
So if he’s acting a little anxious around you, you know what’s on his mind.
7) He licks or parts his lips
“We lick our lips in anticipation when we see something we desire,” says Tonya Reiman, author of The Power of Body Language.
This reaction is similar to a lion licking its lips when he sees his prey. Don’t worry. He’s not going to eat you up like an antelope, but he’s definitely fantasizing about you.
That anticipation of seeing something he desires might make him feel uneasy. Body language expert Patti Wood says that when we get nervous, our saliva glands stop secreting, and our mouths get dry—leading to lip-licking.
Aside from licking his lips, you may also notice that his lips are parted. This involuntary action (which women do, too) shows that he’s feeling relaxed, at ease, and ready for something to come.
8) You recognize him
This guy might not be fantasizing about you for the wrong reasons. He could feel inexplicably drawn to you because he is your soulmate.
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9) He talks in a deep voice
A 2010 study found that guys lower the pitch of their voice when they feel turned on. Another research also suggests that women prefer deeper male voices, and men will often lower the tone of their voice without realizing it.
Pitch changes also happen even with non-heterosexual and nonbinary dynamics. Those who take dominant roles may deepen their voice, and those on the other end of the spectrum may brighten theirs.
So, if a guy finds you sexually attractive, he will subconsciously try to make himself sound “manlier” by talking in a deeper voice.
He also wants to appear more dominant and powerful in response to sexual attraction and stand out to get your attention. Making his voice sound deeper will help to distinguish him from people around you.
Notice how you respond. You might also try to change the pitch of your voice around him and go up a higher pitch.
Consider it mutual attraction if you find yourself subconsciously or intentionally doing it. You like him too, and you can’t help to feel drawn sexually.
Because admit it, who can resist that sexy, husky voice-directed over your way?
10) He makes himself look presentable
If a guy starts putting in more effort into how he looks, like styling his hair, putting on better-fitting clothes, wearing cologne, he likes you and wants you to like him back.
If you see him running his hand through his hair or adjusting his shirt, he’s trying to look good in front of you.
Making himself look good is also a confidence boost and a way of showing that he cares a lot to look good for you.
If he wears ill-fitting clothes and has complete disregard of how he looks in front of you, then he probably has no interest in making any sort of impression on you, or he doesn’t like you enough to clean himself up. Run!
11) He makes physical contact with you
Touch is another sign to look out for if you want to find out if a guy is fantasizing about you.
If he seems to find excuses to touch you, he wants you. And if he’s doing this often, he wants you badly.
He might casually touch your arm or put his hand on your elbow while he’s talking to you. Or maybe he’ll tuck a piece of your hair behind your ear. Maybe even lightly brush the eyelash off your cheek.
If he’s finding ways to touch you and touch you a lot, take it as a sign of conveying his desire for you.
Several research studies have also found that touching creates liking and attraction. Just as when he tries to lower the pitch of his voice for attention, he is trying to make you feel more attracted to him when he touches you.
However, not everyone is comfortable with physical contact, especially with someone unfamiliar. If his touches feel too close for comfort, let him know. It’s another body reaction that he might not actually be aware of doing.
12) He blushes around you
When people feel turned on, their heart rate increases, their blood pressure goes up, and their faces turn a bright shade of crimson.
According to clinical psychologist Mary C. Lamia, Ph.D., our faces flush from a rush of adrenaline or excitement — like after an orgasm — because they’re the primary source of communication and emotion. Blushing is an unfiltered response triggered when you feel ‘caught’ being sexually excited about someone.
So if a guy turns tomato red in your presence, you know he’s turned on by the mere sight and proximity of you.
A sexual attraction is a spark that ignites between two people, and you’ll simply feel how much a guy is into you. And even if you don’t feel the same way, you’ll still feel a bit of tension building when a guy is attracted to you sexually.
13) He flirts heavily and a lot
Flirting is natural, and some might even just have a playful, flirty nature. But if a guy flirts only with you, then it may be a sign that he’s into you. You’ll have to pay closer attention to how he is around other people before making an assumption.
Notice how if he singles you out in a group and puts his full attention on you. Is he leaning closer to you when you’re having a conversation? Is he completely interested and hanging on to every word you say?
If you’re absolutely sure you’re the only one he’s shooting flirty banters to, take it as a sign that he’s attracted to you.
The goal when it comes to flirting is to get a reaction and gauge your interest. Flirt back and get that banter going if you’re attracted to him too, and watch the sexy tension build between you two.
14) He showers you with compliments
Does he call you a cutie, hottie, or a gorgeous babe? Does he shower you with compliments, like how your new top brings out the blue in your eyes or how your hair looks and smells so good?
If a guy is into you, he won’t hesitate to let you know and offer compliments. This is another way for him to show his interest and see how you react to it. Giving compliments is also a way of making him attractive to you.
And if he’s fantasizing about you, his compliments will focus on how you look.
Who doesn’t like to hear that they look good?
But if his compliments make you uncomfortable in any way, you should definitely let him know.
15) He sits with his legs wide open
Have you ever sat beside or in front of a guy with legs spread far apart and found yourself looking over at his, ahem, bulging lower region? You know what we’re talking about. And he knows you’re looking too. He wants you to.
“Sitting with the legs spread open shows machismo,” says Wood. It’s a guy’s way of asserting himself as the alpha male.
He may even think it turns you on, Cox says. “If he’s sitting with his legs wide apart, he’s giving you a full display of his crotch area’—a sneaky preview of what he thinks is his best part!”
Sitting with legs wide open is also a vulnerable position that could mean he’s willing to put himself out there (and exposed) to get to know you. He’s trying to show you that he has nothing to hide while also expressing vulnerability.
16) He wants to spend time alone with you
Has he invited you to watch a movie or see a concert, just the two of you alone?
If a guy is sexually attracted to you, he’ll ask you out on a date to try to get to spend some one-on-one time with you. It doesn’t necessarily mean he automatically wants to have sex with you, even if he may be thinking about it. He may just genuinely want to get closer and spend time getting to know you, away from other people.
However, spending time alone with a guy may give him the idea that you’re open to the possibility. If you feel that you’re not ready to take things to the next level physically, you should verbalize your boundaries to squash any miscommunication between you.
17) He invites you to hang out at home
If he’s inviting you over to hang out at his place, he’s definitely fantasizing about you.
Spending time one-on-one is one thing, but making plans to go into closed quarters is a sign he’s suggesting or creating a situation where sex may or may not happen.
Maybe he wants to cook a special meal for you to show you he can take care of you, or he invites you to catch the latest episode of a show you both like on Netflix and, well, chill. If you do accept his invitation to hang out alone in his home, then expect some intimacy to happen.
One thing’s for sure. He wouldn’t ask a girl he’s not attracted to for a one-on-one date at home.
Again, if you feel like you’re not ready to have sex or any form of intimacy with a guy you’ve only started seeing, you should say so. He shouldn’t force you into a situation you’re uncomfortable with, and you shouldn’t give in either, even if he tries to sweet-talk you into it.
By now you should have a good idea of the signs someone is fantasizing about you. But if you’re still unsure, I recommend getting in touch with a trustworthy advisor.
I mentioned Psychic Source earlier. Based on my own personal experience with them, I know they’re legit, kind and helpful.
So instead of leaving things up to chance, take control of this situation and clarify what’s in store for your future.
Speaking to one of their experienced advisors was a turning point for me, and I think it could be for you too. Especially if you want to find out about someone’s intentions with you.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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