If you think all women are looking for love and commitment then you’re in for a surprise.
The truth is that there are as many girls who are players as there are guys.
If you’re dating a girl you really like but you can’t read her and have no idea how she feels – she could just be playing you like a chump.
Maybe she’s only in it for the sex, for your money, your connections, or simply because she’s looking for a good time.
So how can you tell?
Well, there are some red flags to look out for.
If you recognize more than one of the signs below, chances are she doesn’t isn’t looking for anything more than casual dating or a “friends with benefits” type of situation.
Let’s jump right in:
1) She’ll constantly be making excuses to not hang out with you
If this girl you’re dating makes tons of excuses why she can’t hang out with you or doesn’t have time to see you, it’s a pretty good sign that she’s not interested in taking things anywhere.
She might make excuses about needing to study for a test, or that she has too much work to do at her job, or that she just got swamped with some other things in her life.
I hate to be the one to say it, but if the two of you have only been dating for a short amount of time and she’s already making excuses to not hang out with you, this is not a good sign.
If she was really into you, she’d want to spend every free moment with you, it’s how girls in love are.
If she’s making excuses not to spend time with you, then she’s not really into you, or she’s not ready to be in a relationship and be tied down.
She’s just enjoying playing the field and dating casually – in fact, you’re probably not the only guy she’s seeing.
Think about it: You guys didn’t say you were exclusive, right?
2) She has no interest in meeting your friends or family
Ok, so you’ve been dating this girl for a while now and you’ve been trying to get her to meet your friends and family with no success.
She just doesn’t seem to not have any interest in meeting anyone close to you.
You might have brought it up in conversation and she brushed it off with, “I don’t need to meet them, you’re the only one I’m interested in.”
Oh, come on. If she was really interested in you, she’d want to meet the people in your inner circle.
I mean, I know that meeting the family – especially the parents – can be a big deal, and she may not be ready for such a big step, but your friends? There’s no reason not to meet your friends.
And have you met any of her friends? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Sorry man, she’s just not looking for anything serious with you and doesn’t want you to meet her inner circle or to get involved in yours.
Meeting friends and family complicates things and is something you do only when you’re invested in a relationship.
3) She gives you a lot of mixed signals
People are complicated. We don’t always act or feel the way we want to, and we certainly don’t always act or feel the way we should.
So this girl you’re dating, is she giving you mixed signals?
Like, one day she might act like she’s ready to be your girlfriend and wants to take the next step, and the next day she’s acting like she just wants to be friends again. Sound familiar?
The thing is that she’s probably saying what she thinks you want to hear. If you seem upset that she won’t commit, then she’ll say she will – just to change the subject.
She might be interested in a committed relationship with you someday in the future, but she’s not ready for it now.
Ok, so this might be a longshot if she’s not in a place in her life to be in a real relationship, but if you truly care about her and want to say you’ve tried everything to get her to be serious about your relationship, then I’d suggest speaking to a professional relationship coach.
I got tired of going to my friends every time I had girl trouble, I mean, none of them ever had anything helpful to say. That’s when I tried Relationship Hero.
They’re a popular website with dozens of trained relationship coaches to choose from. Unlike my buddies, these guys really know what they’re talking about because most of them have a degree in psychology.
Anyway, if you want to give it your best shot with this girl, talk to one of their coaches. If anyone can help, they can.
4) She’s only interested in hooking up and nothing more
If this girl you’re seeing has only ever been interested in hooking up with you and never wants anything more, then it’s a good indication that she’s not interested in taking things to the next level.
This is pretty common among younger people who just want to have casual relationships with no strings attached.
If you’re interested in something more with this girl and she’s only interested in hooking up, then you might want to think about cutting things off and moving on because she’s not at the same place you are.
5) She goes out a lot without you
So, this girl you’ve been dating has a pretty full and busy life without you.
Not only does she always seem to be too busy to spend time with you, but, when she is free, she’s always out partying and whatnot with her friends.
And let me guess, she never asks you to come along?
Well, it makes sense, after all, she doesn’t want you to meet her friends and get too mixed up in her life.
Do I have to spell it out for you? If she’s always going out with her friends and never inviting you to come with her, then she doesn’t want to introduce you to her friends or be seen with you in public.
She just doesn’t see you in the same way that you see her, she wants to keep things casual.
But hey, I could be wrong. Maybe she’s just super independent.
Why don’t you ask her to go out with her and her friends next time and see how she reacts? If she finds an excuse for you not to come or seems less than thrilled, you’ll know I was right.
6) The more you get to know her, the more uncomfortable she is with you
So you’ve been dating this girl for a while now, you’ve been getting to know her and she seems like the perfect girl for you.
The only thing is, the more you get to know her, the more uncomfortable she seems to be around you.
It’s like the closer you try to get to her, the more closed off she becomes.
So what’s happening?
Well, she’s probably scared of intimacy.
She wasn’t looking for anything serious, but she’s starting to develop feelings. So now, the closer you get, the further she retreats.
You can try talking to her about it, but sadly, if she has some relationship issues that she needs to deal with, it’s quite possible that nothing you say will change her mind. In fact, you might just send her running.
She might have feelings for you, but she’s not ready to commit to you and tell you that she loves you.
The more comfortable a girl is with you, the more she’ll let her guard down and open up to you. If she’s always been on the defensive with you and doesn’t ever seem comfortable with you, then chances are she’s not ready to be in a serious relationship.
7) She constantly talks about her ex(es)
NO, this is not normal.
I’ve had it happen to me once with this girl I was seeing and it was weird and out of place.
I mean, of course, you’re gonna mention your past relationships at some point. But to constantly talk about your ex or exes? Nope. Sorry, not normal.
If the girl you’re seeing is always talking about her ex and how great he was, how he was such a big part of her life, etc., chances are she’s not over him.
I mean, if she was truly over her ex, she would have no need to talk about him. She would keep in the past where he belongs.
So either she’s not over him or she’s trying to stir up some trouble by making you jealous or by trying to remind you that she’s a catch because she’s had so many guys in her life.
Whatever her reason, she’s clearly not thinking about you or your future. She’s playing at something and I think it’s probably best you don’t stick around to find out what.
8) She shows no signs of being interested in a long-term relationship
She doesn’t have time for you. She doesn’t want to meet your friends. She keeps talking about her ex. She says things you want to hear.
She’s not showing any signs of wanting to be in a long-term relationship.
Hey, having a good time and some casual fun is fine by me, so long as it’s what both parties want.
But if you really like this girl and you’re looking for something more, and she’s not interested in a serious relationship with you, then what’s the point of dating her?
I think you’re wasting your time man. Tell her that you want more and if she isn’t ready to give you that, then you’re going to have to find someone who is.
9) She is incredibly flaky and doesn’t show up when scheduled
Now, this should be a major red flag.
If she always has an excuse as to why she can’t make it to your house or meet you for dinner, then there’s a chance she’s not even interested in you.
It’s pretty simple: If a girl doesn’t like you or doesn’t want to be with you, she won’t make an effort to see you.
If she keeps forgetting about your dates, she cancels at the last minute, or she’s always late – chances are that she’s not interested in you and doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.
Think about it: Does she regret not keeping your date? Does she try to make it up to you?
10) She gives you the silent treatment when you try to discuss the future
Making plans for the future is a great way to know if a girl is seriously interested in you or not.
If you try to make plans that involve her – like going on vacation together – months in advance, only to be met with silence or a change of subject, then she’s clearly not interested in taking the conversation any further.
If she thought you guys were just having some fun, she’s going to feel like you’re putting her on the spot when you try to make plans for the future that involve her.
She probably never thought that far or can’t see you guys being together so far into the future so she doesn’t know what to say.
Maybe she really likes you but she needs things to slow down because she’s got a different pace from you.
But if she’s showing some other signs from this article in addition to not wanting to make plans for the future, I’m sorry to say it’s not looking good for you.
11) She always waits for you to call and text her first
Have you noticed that she hardly ever gets in touch? How you’re always the first to text or call?
How come she never has anything to say? How come she doesn’t call just to hear your voice?
Because she’s not invested in you or this so-called relationship. The girl is a player.
In my experience, when a girl is really into me she can’t stop herself from texting me, even if it’s just to say hi.
Some girls get a little too enthusiastic that it gets a little annoying. What I’m trying to say is that if she really liked you – she’d get in touch.
12) She’s only sweet when she needs something
If the girl you’re dating is only sweet to you when she needs something from you, then she’s not interested in a serious relationship with you.
Only being nice to you when she needs money or wants to go shopping with you isn’t a good sign.
I know you may not want to admit it but, she’s probably just using you to get what she wants.
If you still want to be with her ok, just don’t kid yourself that this is something it’s not.
13) She doesn’t show public signs of affection
If the girl you’re dating never holds your hand in public, or never kisses you in front of your friends or her friends – if she never even meets your friends for that matter – then she’s not interested in a serious relationship.
If she’s only interested in being with you in private, and never shows any affection in public, then she’s not interested in being in a serious relationship with you.
She probably looks at you as a friend with benefits or a casual hook-up, being affectionate in public just doesn’t feel right – that’s what boyfriends and girlfriends do.
14) She calls you late at night when she’s lonely
Do I hear booty call?
Oh come on, I’m sure you’ve done it to more than one girl.
I’ll admit, it’s not as fun when the tables have turned.
If you really like this girl but she only calls you late at night when she’s alone and bored, she’s only with you for the sex.
If she doesn’t want to hang out or go to dinner and a movie, she’s not looking for a relationship. She’s looking for a boy toy.
If you don’t give her what she needs, she’ll call someone else.
15) She’s hot one minute, cold the next
If the girl you’re dating acts like she loves you one day and then doesn’t speak to you or wants nothing to do with you the next, she may be playing games with you.
If she’s hot one minute and cold the net, then she’s probably got an ulterior motive for being with you – she’s playing you like a chump; she doesn’t want anything serious with you.
16) She takes you for granted
If a girl is seriously interested in you as a boyfriend, she’s going to go out of her way to make sure you know it.
She’ll make an effort to see you as much as possible, send you thoughtful gifts, and generally make you feel as if you’re important to her.
But if she takes you for granted or acts like she doesn’t really care about your feelings – if she never asks you how your day went, doesn’t notice when you’re upset, or forgets your birthday – her behavior is a pretty big red flag.
Maybe she’s just with you until someone better comes along. It beats being alone…
17) She doesn’t make an effort
Now, if she doesn’t make an effort to spend time with you and isn’t really trying to get to know you or move your relationship forward, it could be another sign that she’s not serious about being with you.
Let me tell you something you probably already know deep down.
When a girl likes a guy, she’ll:
- Make an effort to spend time with him
- Make sure she looks her best
- Work hard to impress him
- Try to make him laugh
- Take an interest in his life
In short – she’ll try her very hardest to make him like her. So, if the girl you’re seeing is not really invested, then it seems to me like she doesn’t really care if you’re there or not.
18) She doesn’t want to put a label on your relationship
If you’ve asked your girl:
“What is this?”
“What are we?”
“Where is this going?”
And her answer was something along the lines of “Why do we have to put a label on our relationship? Why can’t we just be?” – I can understand why you’d be frustrated.
Not all relationships progress at the same speed, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
However, if you’ve been dating for a couple of months now and she refuses to put a label on your relationship, that’s a big sign that she’s not looking for a serious relationship.
If she’s not willing to call you her boyfriend, it’s because deep down she doesn’t want you to be her boyfriend.
She’s either not ready for a commitment, or she’s not ready for one with you.
19) She cancels last minute without a good excuse
Listen up because this is one of the biggest signs that a girl doesn’t want to be with you.
If she regularly cancels dates with you at the last minute or just doesn’t keep her word, it’s a red flag.
If she calls to say she can’t make your date without a legitimate reason or just doesn’t show up at all, it’s because she doesn’t take you seriously. She doesn’t care if she hurts you or you get upset.
If something better comes along, she’ll have no problem standing you up at the restaurant like some loser or waiting in line at the cinema like an idiot.
If it happens once or twice, and she has a legitimate excuse, then you need to forgive her.
But if she keeps canceling on you at the last minute and being inconsiderate, it’s clear that you’re just a way for her to pass the time.
20) She doesn’t really hear you
Finally, if you’ve noticed that she doesn’t really seem to be listening to what you’re saying, then you know she’s only playing you.
She may smile and nod but if you really pay attention, you’ll notice that she’s not listening to a thing you’re saying.
Her gaze will seem distant and when you ask her what she thinks she’ll seem surprised and ask you to repeat the question.
You’ll also notice that she doesn’t really know what’s happening in your life.
Like, you might have told her that you’re up for a promotion at work and that you really need to do well on a certain project. When you tell her that you got the promotion and she replies “Oh wow, I didn’t even know you were being considered for one.” – you’ll know it’s because she wasn’t listening.
And what’s more, even when she does listen she doesn’t hear you. Somehow you’re in two different places, you know what I mean?
She just doesn’t get you and that’s either because you’re incompatible or because she’s not trying to get you – she’s not looking for anything serious.
It may suck to find out that you’re being played but the sooner you find out, the sooner you can find someone better who actually wants to be with you.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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