18 unfortunate signs she’s just being nice over text and doesn’t really like you

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I can’t tell you how many of my guy friends have come to me for girl advice over the years.

One of the most common questions that they ask me is, “Does she like me, or, is she just being nice?”

I know it’s not easy for guys to know what girls are thinking, especially not over text.

Often, they end up imagining the girl likes them and then get super disappointed when it turns out she was just being polite.

That’s why I’ve come up with a list of 18 unfortunate signs that she’s just being nice over text and doesn’t really like you (sorry!).

The sooner you know, the better, so let’s jump right in:

1) She doesn’t initiate contact

Listen up guys:

If a woman is really interested in you, she’ll be sure to get in touch with you.

If you’ve exchanged phone numbers, she’s sure to text you to see how you’re doing or to ask “What’s up?”

If it’s been a few days and she hasn’t reached out, you’re probably telling yourself, “She’s playing hard to get, she wants me to text her first” but the ugly truth is that she doesn’t really care.

She probably gave you her number because she was being nice, not because she likes you.

When I really like a guy, I can’t wait to get in touch with him. And if he’s not the first to initiate contact, I don’t care, I’ll text him to remind him that I exist and to move things along.

2) She doesn’t respond to your text right away

This is one of the biggest signs she doesn’t like you.

You see, when a girl is really into a guy, she’s looking at her phone every few minutes to see if he’s texted her. And when he does, she’ll have a hard time stopping herself from replying that very second.

We know that we’re supposed to “play it cool” and wait a while before we text back, but we hardly ever do that. Personally, the longest I can wait is about 5 minutes.

So, if she’s taking a few hours or even days to reply to you, you can bet she’s only replying to be polite and she’s not interested in you.

You may want to ask yourself why you’re still trying to keep the conversation going if it’s going nowhere.

3) She only responds to certain messages

Here’s another sign that she’s just being nice and doesn’t really like you – she’s only responding to certain messages.

Why is she only replying to some messages?

Well, you’re probably sending her messages she doesn’t find interesting or feels she needs to reply to – this is especially true if you share something without actually asking a question.

If she’s replying to some things and not others, that means she’s not interested in the things you’re interested in.

But I know that it can be very awkward trying to get to know someone over text and it’s not always easy to show them how cool and interesting you are.

That’s why I recommend that you get some help. I’m talking about getting in touch with a professional relationship coach.

Relationship Hero is a site with dozens of highly trained relationship coaches to choose from.

WhenI first heard about them I was sceptical, but I quickly changed my mind once I saw that most of their coaches have a degree in psychology!

Why am I so confident that they can help you?

Because they’ve helped me so many times in my marriage. Not only do they really know their stuff, but they’re very kind and understanding.

The best part is that you don’t have to wait for weeks to get an appointment and you don’t even have to leave your home.

All you have to do is go to their website and you could be receiving advice on how to get her to like you over text within minutes.

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4) Her language and vocabulary are very neutral

Here’s the thing: If her language and vocabulary are very neutral, she doesn’t really like you, she’s only being polite. Sorry!

I mean think about it, if she was really into you, she’d use a lot of strong language and super specific words.

She’ll be expressive and excited about the things you’re talking about. She’ll use her words to strengthen her emotions and to paint a rich and vivid picture with her words.

If she’s only being polite, then she’ll actually use very bland and generic language. There will be no strong emotions in her words and she’ll try to completely avoid anything that could be misconstrued as overly flirtatious.

What’s more, she’ll probably stick to very general topics like the weather or news headlines. This is what people do when they’re trying to be polite.

5) She sends short replies to your messages

  • “Yes”
  • “No”
  • “I’m at work”
  • “I don’t know”

Do these look familiar?

If she sends you short replies to your texts, chances are she’s not into you. The only reason she’s writing back to you is because she wants to be polite.

She doesn’t really have anything to say to you and doesn’t want to encourage you to keep texting her.

If she wanted to keep the conversation going, not only would her replies be longer, but she’d follow up with questions of her own.

6) She constantly has excuses for not meeting up

Do these ring any bells?

  • She keeps telling you that she’s got a lot of stuff going on.
  • She’s always making excuses for why she can’t see you or meet up with you.
  • She’s constantly saying things like “I’ve got too many things going on this week,” or “I just don’t have time.”
  • She’s extremely vague when you ask to hang out

Of course people get busy with work and chores. And it’s normal for someone not to be available all the time. However, when you really like someone, you’re going to make an effort to see them. That means finding the time in your busy schedule for them.

You probably know where I’m going with this…

If she has time for everything and everyone but you, it’s because she doesn’t really like you. She texts you to be polite but she doesn’t actually want to meet up and take this “relationship” any further.

You shouldn’t take it personally. She just isn’t into you.

7) She forgets things that are important to you

Here’s another one.

If she doesn’t seem interested in your life and forgets things that are important to you, she’s not interested in you.

  • She’ll forget to wish you a happy birthday
  • She won’t ask you how that super important meeting went
  • She’ll forget to ask you how your mother’s surgery went
  • She won’t even remember to ask you if you found your cat

When a woman likes you, she’ll remember the things that are important to you. If she doesn’t then sadly it’s because you don’t really matter to her. You’re just another contact on her phone.

Stop fooling yourself that she likes you, the fact that she texts you from time to time has no significance. She doesn’t like you so find someone who does.

8) She is seeing someone else

You’d think this would be an obvious sign but you’d be surprised at how many guys keep thinking a girl who’s in a relationship likes them.

I’m not saying that it never happens, but most of the time it’s wishful thinking.

If she’s seeing someone else, don’t read anything into her texts. She’s just being friendly.

People can be in relationships and be nice, that doesn’t mean that they want to cheat or leave their partner for you.

If you’re into her and she’s in a relationship, don’t try to keep messaging her. My advice is to step back and move on. 

9) She only contacts you when she needs something

Newsflash: If a girl only texts you when she needs a favor, she’s not interested in you.

For example, you haven’t heard from her in ages and suddenly she needs to borrow your camera or wants you to tell her the name of that bed and breakfast you were raving about.

It’s like she’s just remembered that you exist.

When a girl likes you, she won’t need a reason to text you. You deserve someone like that so you need to move on from this girl and find someone who’ll text you just to say “Hi”.

10) You text more than she does

If you’re texting a woman and she’s texting you less than you’re texting her, it means one of two things.

  • Either she doesn’t like you in the same way that you like her,
  • Or, you’re coming on too strong and you need to take it down a notch.

Even if she likes you, if you keep texting her all the time she’s going to lose interest. So be cool. Don’t bombard her with messages and give her some room to breathe.

11) She makes it clear you’re only friends

If she keeps telling you what a good friend you are and keeps mentioning the word “friend” – it’s because she is putting you in the friend zone and wants to make sure that you got the message.

You’ve probably been sending her flirty texts and she knows that you like her. That’s why she wants to make sure that you understand that she doesn’t like you in the same way.

She doesn’t want to lead you on and she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by rejecting you. That’s why she’ll make it clear that you’re only friends.

Don’t feel bad. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you as a person. It just means she doesn’t want a romantic relationship with you. Accept it and see if you want to be just friends or not. Either way, you need to move on.

12) She doesn’t care if you date other women

When I was still in the dating game, before I met my husband, I would get super jealous if the guy I liked mentioned another woman!

I’d want to find out as much as I can about this other girl. Who is she? Why is he taking her out instead of me?

So, if you mention that you have a date and she doesn’t even react, or she even goes as far as to get excited and says she’s “happy for you” it means that she doesn’t like you.

The bottom line is that she doesn’t care that you’re dating someone else because she doesn’t want to date you herself.

13) She doesn’t seem too interested in your life

Now, when you like someone, you want to know as much about them as you can.

  • You’ll want to know about their likes and dislikes.
  • You’ll want to know what their goals in life are.
  • You’ll want to know about their day and what they’re up to.

If she doesn’t seem interested in your life at all, not only does she not like you romantically, but she doesn’t like you as a friend either.

The only reason she texts you is because you texted her and doesn’t want to be rude

14) She talks about other guys constantly

If a girl is interested in you, it’s unlikely she will be talking about other guys all the time. If you’re picking up on the fact that she’s constantly talking about other guys, then there’s a chance she doesn’t see you as anything more than a friend.

Let’s face it, if she was interested in you as more than a friend, she wouldn’t be constantly mentioning other men. It’s likely she’s doing this so you aren’t getting the wrong idea and thinking she has feelings for you when she doesn’t.

If you’re constantly hearing about other guys and nothing about you, then it’s likely you’re just a friend.

15) She doesn’t flirt back

This is dating 101.

If you’re flirting with a girl and she doesn’t flirt back, it’s clear she doesn’t like you.

I mean, if you’re clear about what you want and don’t get any kind of response, that’s a surefire sign that she doesn’t like you like that.

Maybe she wants to be just friends, or maybe she only texts you to be nice.

Keep in mind that if a girl doesn’t flirt with you, it doesn’t mean she’s not interested in you as a person, but that she’s not interested in you romantically. It just wasn’t meant to be.

16) She only texts you when she’s bored

“Hey, what you doing? Netflix isn’t working. I’m so bored I don’t know what to do with myself!”

If a girl only texts you when she’s bored or when she has nothing else to do, the truth is that just using you as a way to pass the time.

If she was really into you, she would text you when she had something to say, not just when she was bored.

She would want to talk to you when she had something exciting happening in her life, not just when she had nothing else to do.

If she liked you, she’d ask you about your day on a regular basis.

The sad truth is that if she only ever texts you when she’s bored, then she’s not into you.

17) She’s hot and cold

Now, if she’s constantly changing her mind about how she feels, from liking you to suddenly not caring anymore, she’s not really into you.

If she’s hot one minute and cold the next, she doesn’t know what she wants.

And if she doesn’t know how she feels or what she wants, it’s unlikely you’ll get a positive outcome.

All in all, if she’s constantly changing her mind about how she feels towards you, then she’s not really interested. I mean, when you really like someone, you know it. You know what I mean?

18) She doesn’t text back when you write something romantic

Finally, if a girl doesn’t text back when you write something romantic, it’s because she doesn’t like you.

A romantic text is a clear sign that you’re interested in someone, and if that person isn’t interested in you, being on the receiving end of such a text can make them feel awkward and uncomfortable.

If she doesn’t respond, it’s not because she’s trying to hurt your feelings, it’s because she doesn’t know what to say. She doesn’t want to reject you and hurt your feelings, but she doesn’t want to encourage you either, so she thinks that by keeping quiet she’s letting you down easy.

Sometimes people just aren’t into you, and that’s okay. You can’t force someone to like you, no matter how hard you try. The best thing to do is move on because there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

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