15 signs she wants you back but is scared of being hurt

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.


Sometimes, you just know when something isn’t finished. She might be trying to move on, but you know that there’s still a spark between the two of you. 

If she gave you the perfect opportunity to get back with her but kept hesitating, it means there’s something holding her back.

Keep reading! Here are 15 signs that prove she’s scared and might need some convincing to get over her fears and take another shot at trusting you again

1) She brings up the past more often than she should

You might be wondering why all of a sudden she’s craving to talk about how you used to date, how things were when you guys were first together, and it’s completely different from her usual behavior.

Well, the reason is that she’s not over you yet.

She’s just having a hard time moving on from you. 

That’s why she brings up the past and reminisces about your relationship when she used to be happy with you.

The key here is paying attention to the way she mentions it. If she doesn’t talk about the past in a harsh way, then you can take it that she’s not over you. Thus, she might need a bit of proof to finally let go of her past and move on with her life.

2) She gives you mixed signals

Another way to notice that she’s not over you is by the way she acts. 

If she tends to give you mixed signals, then it means that she’s still trying to figure out what she wants.

This can be a sign of her indecisiveness and her lack of self-confidence. She might not know if the relationship is worth giving up on, so this can also be a sign that she’s going through some changes in her life.

Here are some examples of mixed signals:

  • She brings up memories from the past then cuts herself off by saying “It’s not like I miss you.”
  • When you ask her to hang out, she agrees but then changes her mind at the last minute
  • She texts you more often when she’s feeling vulnerable and sad
  • She acts cold and unfriendly towards you when she’s feeling down

Note that she might not always give mixed signals. She might give you mixed signals to get back at you or test your patience.

3) She’s hesitant when you bring up the idea of being together again

I bet you already brought up the idea of being together again several times before, but it seems that your girlfriend is still hesitating whether or not she wants to give you another chance to work things out with her.

This means that she might be scared of getting hurt again. She might’ve known you for a while, but she’s not over it yet because she’s afraid to experience pain and suffering once again.

So what can you do in this situation? Send this “No Communication” text

— “You’re right. It’s best that we don’t talk right now, but I would like to be friends eventually.” —

This one must be sent to your ex at the right time for it to be truly effective.

But why I like it is that you’re communicating with them that you don’t really need to talk anymore. In essence, you’re saying that you don’t really need them to play any role in your life anymore.

Why is this so good?

You induce a “fear of loss” in your ex which will trigger their attraction to you again.

I learned about this text from Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back. He goes by the moniker of “the relationship geek”, for good reason.

In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you again.

No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up — he’ll give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.

Here’s a link to his free video again. If you really want your ex back, this video will help you do this.

4) You catch her constantly checking up on you

The truth is that she wants you back but is scared of being hurt again.

She might be checking up on you just to see if you’ve moved on, and it could also be a way for her to reassure herself that you haven’t. If she sees that you have in fact moved on from her, it will hurt her feelings even more.

You may not be able to figure out why she’s doing this, but it’s a sign that she’s afraid of getting hurt.


This can be a great way to get back with her the way for her to test the waters and see if she’ll get hurt when she gets back together with you. You can use this opportunity to get back with her again.

5) She hasn’t deleted your photos and videos just yet

Trust me, it’s not easy to delete photos and videos of someone that you used to love.

It’s a sign that she can’t bring herself yet to get rid of memories of you, just in case she might need them later on.

So why do I say this is a good sign? 

Well, it’s a very good sign because this need for you will lead her to realize her feelings for you again. Just put yourself in her shoes and think about how it feels when you delete photos of someone.

It’s painful, isn’t it? It will trigger all the memories and feelings of love that she has for that person.

That’s why if she hasn’t deleted your photos even after several months have passed, it might be a good sign that she can’t bring herself to get rid of you just yet.

6) She always needs reassurance

This is another great sign that she wants you back but is scared of being hurt.

She’s always seeking reassurance from you. That’s because she might not be strong enough to handle the pain of being hurt again, so she needs to reassure herself again and again that you haven’t moved on yet.

For example, she might ask:

  • “Have you met someone else yet?”
  • “Are you sure you don’t want to go out with that girl?” — To confirm whether or not she still has a chance with you. (She doesn’t)

But also keep in mind that this sign sometimes might be a fluke. She might have moved on even if she hasn’t said or done anything.

7) She starts comparing herself to other women

OK, I know what you’re thinking:

Why is she doing this?

Well, she might do this to escape her feelings of insecurity and remind herself that she’s not that bad after all.

But if you want to know the truth, comparing herself to other women isn’t just a sign that she’s not over you. It can also be a sign that she’s trying to find someone else who can provide her with the security and stability that you weren’t able to give her before.

She might even start comparing herself to other women just to get a glimpse of someone better. That’s because she can’t look at you anymore without feeling jealous, insecure and frustrated.

So that’s why she needs to look at other women, and train herself to feel better about herself. She needs to learn how to be OK with being with you again.

8) She’s still keeping her options open

Let me explain:

This can be a good sign that she still wants you back, but it can also be a sign that she’s not ready to give everything up for you.

You see, if she’s keeping her options open, then it means that she isn’t ready to commit to you just yet. Sure, she wants to be with you again and make things work out between the two of you but isn’t sure if she’s ready to give up other guys.

For example, she might have a boyfriend but still, keep things with you open such as: 

  • Hanging out a lot
  • Texting too much
  • Calling you just to say hi and chat

She might do this just to keep things “friendly” between the two of you. That way, she can keep her options open if she doesn’t want a relationship with you anymore. She can always choose another guy over you. And if things don’t work out with the other guy, she’ll still have you.

9) She still speaks fondly of the relationship but says that it’s just not the same at this point

Most guys make the mistake of thinking that if their ex still speaks fondly of the relationship, then they really want them back.

This isn’t so. 

An ex can still speak fondly of the relationship and tell you how much she enjoyed it, but that doesn’t mean that she’s ready to get back with you.

She might love talking about the good times you had together, but it doesn’t mean that she wants to get back with you. She might be too afraid of getting hurt again.

So here’s what you should do if this is the case:

Ask her straight up “Well, then why aren’t we together again?”

When she hears those words, she might begin to think of the good times with you, and then begin to miss the things that she gave up when she broke up with you. She might be able to take a step back and realize how much she wants you back after all.

10) She starts getting jealous of the girls you speak to

Even if you two broke up months ago, if your ex starts getting jealous of girls that you’re talking to, it could mean two things.

One: She really wants you back. Or two: She’s just not over you yet and still hasn’t found someone else.

Either way…

When she gets jealous of girls that you speak to, it means that she still has feelings for you, but is scared to say anything to you out of fear of being rejected again. She doesn’t want to upset you again.

If you happened to break up months ago, I also recommend that you get her to share more details about why she broke up with you so that she can shed light on why it wasn’t working out. 

That way, she might be able to tell you the real story and start to heal herself from it.

11) She keeps testing you to see how much you’ve changed

Have you ever wondered why your ex keeps asking you the same questions over and over again? 

That’s because if you answer a question differently this time, then she’ll know that you’ve changed.

For example, she might ask:

  • “Why are you so flaky these days? You used to be less flaky before…” — To see if you have changed.
  • “Why are you spending so much time on social media these days? You used to be less addicted to Facebook when we were together…” — To see if you have changed.

But why is she asking you these questions?

Well, she might be doing this to test you

She might even be doing it just to see how much you’ve changed and how far she can get with a more refined version of the guy that broke her heart. Or maybe she wants to see how well she can compete against other girls.

So try to answer differently whenever she asks you the same questions. If you answer them the right way and make her happy, then she’ll know that you’re still the same person that she fell in love with.

12) She only texts you after she’s drunk

Alcohol makes people do things that they would never do sober.

You know that by now.

It’s one of the best ways to spot if she wants you back or not.

That’s because when she gets drunk, she becomes more vulnerable and this makes her crave a more intimate, emotional relationship. That’s the kind of relationship that you probably had with your ex, but she was too afraid to give you.

So if you see that she only texts you after she’s been drinking, it might mean that she wants an emotional connection with you again. You might even be tempted to take things further with her if you see that now is the time for it.

13) She only wants to see you in group settings or in public places

Do you remember the first time that you two broke up?

I bet she told you that she didn’t want to see you anymore because it only reminded her of the breakup.

Well, if she hasn’t changed much, then you might notice that she only wants to see you in group settings or in public places.

She probably wanted to save face and protect herself from being rejected again. She didn’t want to get rejected by another guy and hurt more than she already did. That way, she wouldn’t have to face her fears and emotions at the same time. 

I know what you’re going through right now and you want to get your ex back. You want to see her alone again so that you can talk to her and get back together.

I’ve been there, my relationship last year was seemingly reaching a dead end too.

I’m talking do-not-resuscitate. Over and out. 

I was ready to walk away, but before I did that I took a step I’d never taken before. I reached out to a professional relationship coach. 

I had low expectations, but even my highest hopes were exceeded. The coach I spoke to at Relationship Hero quickly broke down the walls I’d built up in my relationship and helped me understand what was going on.

This coach was tough but fair and genuinely helpful.

My coach took apart every single lie I was telling myself and helped me understand how to truly resolve the issues holding me back from the man I wanted.

My relationship isn’t perfect now, but it’s so much better than what it was. Most importantly, I’m hugely optimistic about the future again. 

Click here to check out Relationship Hero and see if they can help you too.

14) Her friends are constantly reminding her of what happened before

Here’s an interesting fact:

Friends can be one of the most powerful forces in helping your ex get over you and want you back.

But they can also be one of the biggest forces in keeping your ex from getting back together with you.

Just because she broke up with you once doesn’t mean that she won’t do it again for a couple of other reasons. When she’s around her friends, she’ll hear them talk about how much they hate you, and why you are such a horrible person for breaking up with her in the first place.

This is the thing that keeps her from moving on and getting back together with you.

Even if she does want to get back together, she won’t do it because her friends will try to convince her that you’re not a good person.

So make sure that you don’t have any enemies in the circle of friends that your ex hangs out with. If you do, try to win them over and make them like you by being nice to them.

Here are some tips for winning them over:

  • Ask them for advice on how to better relate to your ex. This is the best way to show that you respect and understand her.
  • Let them know how much you miss her and how much you still care about her.
  • Tell them that you want to get back together with her. Of course, don’t get into too much detail about the kind of relationship you’d like to have. Don’t discuss your sex life or talk about why she broke up with you in the first place. It will seem dishonest and like an emotional manipulation scheme if you do that.

15) She mentions the possibility of dating again, but always with a condition

If you ask her, she’ll probably say that she’s over you. She’ll admit that you were a big part of her life and that she liked you a lot as a person.

But if you ask her, will she date again? The answer won’t be as straightforward.

She might say “I don’t know… maybe” or suggest the possibility of dating someone else but only under certain conditions: for example, if he has this characteristic or that one….

What this means is that even though you broke up, she fantasizes about dating and having a future with you.

It gets better if you ask her about the qualities that she wants in her future boyfriend or husband. If she mentions qualities about you, she’ll be secretly hoping that you have those qualities. If that’s true, then it means that there’s a good chance of getting back together with her.

Final thoughts

Hopefully, you’ve learned a lot more about signs she wants you back but is scared of being hurt. I’m glad that you took the time to read this carefully and apply what’s been mentioned in it.

But if you really want your ex back for good?

You’ll need the help of Brad Browning. I mentioned him earlier, he’s developed some incredible techniques to help rebuild the love and trust between you and your ex. 

And the best part? 

With his practical advice and tips, you could be in contact with your ex much sooner than you think. Are you ready to take the plunge and fight for the love you once shared together?

If so, check out Brad’s excellent free video.

Here’s the link once again.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.