You’ve invested a lot of time and energy into this woman. Everything was fine until it wasn’t.
She’s starting to be distant and difficult, and there’s something different about the way she acts toward you.
You might be wondering: “Does she really care about me?”
If this is you, you’ve come to the right place. It’s okay to be completely confused and on the fence about what to do.
Relationships can get tricky if you’re giving so much but the other person is not reciprocating. Worst of all, you may not realize this until you get hurt.
Let me help you take a step back and see things for how they actually are.
Here are 15 surefire signs she doesn’t care about you or the relationship.
Later in the article, I’ll also talk about what you can do to move forward and find the relationship you deserve.
Let’s dive in!
1) She doesn’t want to spend time with you
Does it always feel like you’re not a priority in her schedule? Does she come up with a million excuses not to be with you every time you ask her out?
If you answered yes to those questions, then chances are, you’re just a last-minute option.
A girl who cares about you will do her best to be with you, even when it’s not convenient for her.
Of course, she won’t be able to drop everything for you all the time. But if being with you is the last thing she wants, she doesn’t care about you.
2) She never initiates contact
If it seems like you’re doing all the work to either hang out with or talk to her, it’s another sign that she doesn’t care about you and your time.
Think about it: relationships are a two-way street — there’s got to be a little give and take.
Sure, she may always be busy. But if you’re the one who’s always starting the conversation, organizing to catch up, and doing the heavy lifting, then you’ve got to give it a second thought.
Here’s the deal: It is a major sign that she doesn’t think you’re worth the effort.
3) She doesn’t return calls or reply to your messages
This one’s pretty straightforward: Healthy communication is key to building strong relationships.
One of the best signs a person cares about you is if she reaches out — either through text or call — for no particular reason other than she wants to.
On the flip side, if she suddenly stops replying to your texts or rarely calls you, then she simply doesn’t care about making any deep connection.
4) She cancels plans
Nothing sucks more than being stood up. Trust me, I know how you feel. We’ve all been there. The humiliation and rejection can be too much to bear.
Ok, I know what you’re thinking: Yes, things can change unexpectedly, and she may have a solid reason to break plans.
But if she often bails on you and your plans at the last minute, for no other reason than just “something came up,” then it’s time to think twice.
Take a hint: if you keep making plans but she keeps finding ways to back out it, it’s a sign that she doesn’t care enough to respect your time.
5) She doesn’t want to know more about you
Do you hate it when she fails to show any interest or curiosity in you or your life?
I know what it’s like: you wait around if she’s going to ask what you have been up to and how your day went but end up getting disappointed over and over again.
Somebody who cares about you will want to get to know you better — what makes you happy or sad, what excites you, your hopes, fears, dreams, and so on.
If she is not like that, that’s a sign that she cares little about you.
6) She doesn’t want to know more about your inner circle (and she doesn’t let you into hers)
I’ve also found that the way a person shows interest in a partner’s inner circle — family and friends — is a great gauge of how much that person cares.
So if she’s not genuinely interested to learn more about the important people in your life, then she doesn’t value you and your feelings.
It also works the other way around. If she doesn’t exert any effort to make sure you spend time with the people in her life, then it’s a sign that she doesn’t care about you.
7) She doesn’t remember important details about you
It’s the little things that matter most.
Let me explain: you’ll know that you don’t mean anything to her if she doesn’t remember the simplest details — from your favorite color to your birthday, your hobbies, the things you like and don’t like, and so on.
Have you ever wondered how you often find yourself devoting time and energy to sharing all your highs and lows with her and she doesn’t follow up on your stories?
Think about that for a minute. In my experience, this feeling of neglect is a sign that something is wrong.
8) She doesn’t pay attention at all
This goes back to sign #7.
Imagine this: you’re at a coffee shop with her and you try to keep a conversation going.
- Check her phone every chance she gets
- Avoid eye contact when talking
- Sound bored
- Seem to be faking her smile
- Nod just for the sake of it and give you quick, short answers
If this is how she acts whenever you’re together, it’s a clear sign that she doesn’t care about anything you say or do.
9) She never compliments you
Now and then, a guy likes to get compliments from the girl he cares about. It doesn’t take much to give an occasional compliment.
Try to remember a time when you felt really good about yourself and what you’ve accomplished. It can be anything from a new hairstyle and new look to winning an award and random acts of kindness.
Did she give you a pat on the back? Or did you get nothing from her? If it’s the latter, then it’s enough of a sign that she doesn’t care at all.
Otherwise, she would have gone out of her way to heap praises on you and make you feel good.
10) She doesn’t flirt back
This one can be tricky. Sometimes, you’re sure she’s sending you signals. But most of the time, you’re practically begging to get her attention.
And it doesn’t stop there. You don’t seem to notice her looking at you with passion. It feels like no matter how much you try to make a move, she brushes you off.
If this is your case, it’s a sign that she doesn’t care about you. A woman who cares will want all the attention she can get from you. And she won’t give that attention to anybody else.
11) She doesn’t like you touching her
Physical intimacy is important to maintaining a happy and healthy relationship. If she’s holding back from any physical contact, it’s an obvious sign that something’s wrong.
A woman’s body language says a lot about how she feels toward you. Think about that for a minute.
Do you feel like there’s a wall between the two of you when you’re together?
Does she fold her arms, hide her hands, and make all kinds of excuses to pull away from you?
These are signs that she doesn’t care about you.
This is even more troubling if she starts refusing sex. If sexual contact is rare, or worse, nonexistent, then it’s always likely that feelings are nonexistent as well.
12) She is okay with you flirting with someone else
A girl who cares about you will get jealous or at least be bothered when other women show interest in you.
Have you noticed that she doesn’t get jealous when you talk about other women? And that she’s not threatened when you flirt with someone else?
If this happens to you more often than not, then it’s time to question her feelings for you.
13) She talks about liking other guys
See, this is the reason why she doesn’t flirt back or doesn’t get jealous when you go out with whoever you want.
It’s likely because…she’s also flirting with other guys.
A girl who cares about you won’t play games and won’t want you to get hurt. Plain and simple.
So I’d definitely take it as a red flag if she is talking about other guys, spending time with other guys, and even comparing you to other guys.
Here’s the deal: if you catch her cheating, that’s a no-brainer. For me, cheating happens when you either don’t respect the person or don’t care about them.
14) She isn’t willing to compromise
Yes, arguments in a relationship are normal. But when your fights always take a turn for the worse and she ends up being disrespectful toward you, take these as warning signs.
Let’s dig deeper. When you argue, does she…
- Never apologize
- Become insensitive
- Blame you for everything
I know how you feel.
I had an ex who never said sorry even when she knew she was wrong. When we fought, it always seemed that everything was my fault.
That’s when I knew she didn’t care about me. She refused to agree and never took responsibility for her actions or words.
15) She doesn’t talk about a future with you
No matter what stage of the relationship you are in, the topic of the future will inevitably come up.
Picture this: she talks about where she wants to live, how she wants to get married, how many kids she wants, and so on.
But one thing is common in all of them — they don’t include you.
If her plans don’t involve you, then it’s a big indication that she doesn’t care.
It’s no different than saying, “Hey, I don’t see myself being with you for a long time.”
In a Nutshell
Many warning signs can tell you if she doesn’t care about you. The bottom line is, if a girl truly cares for you, you’ll feel it for sure.
If you don’t feel seen or heard, and if your feelings are ignored and invalidated, then trust your instincts.
Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t care about you the same way you care about them.
What can you do about it?
I get it. My advice above is easier said than done.
It’s frustrating to feel so much for someone who doesn’t seem to care at all.
Remember, you are not alone. We’ve all been there. I’m here to tell you that you can emerge from this stronger and wiser.
Here are two things you can do:
1) Express your emotions
Be honest with yourself: check in on your feelings and reflect on where you stand with her.
Don’t ignore your emotions because this can do more harm than good. Take your time to acknowledge them.
If you can’t talk to her about it, that’s totally fine.
Speaking with a confidant, a family member, a friend, or a therapist can also help. These are the people who truly care about you.
They will help you understand your situation, understand what you want and need in a partner and a relationship, and make decisions about how to move forward.
2) Practice self-love
In life and love, there is one person you can always count on: YOU.
It might sound cliché, but it’s the truth.
Acknowledge that at the end of the day, you have to put yourself first. Focus on what you can control and improve in your life.
Start a new hobby or try new experiences. When you work on yourself, you will feel happier, healthier, and more fulfilled.
When you love yourself enough, you’ll know the kind of person you want to spend your time with.
You will respect yourself enough to know when to walk away from someone who doesn’t value your feelings.
And ultimately, you’ll look to the future with confidence and hope, ready to open yourself up to a woman who will care about you the way you truly deserve.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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