It’s easy to like someone when you don’t know about the real person.
But with time, you start to see patterns and the pattern is clear: chemistry doesn’t exist.
It’s not just a lack of physical attraction, either. It can be an overwhelming sense of loneliness one has for someone they’re not drawn to or a feeling that can only be described as constant disappointment.
If you are feeling one of those things, it is a clear sign of no chemistry in the relationship. Here are 15 signs to look out for.
1) You’re not physically attracted to each other
Not only do you not feel any spark, but the person also doesn’t do anything to turn your crank. Maybe they don’t have the looks you’re into or maybe they don’t have that touch of class you like in a man/woman.
Being physically attracted to someone is the first and foremost thing that should happen with a relationship, but if you’re not physically attracted to them, then no matter how much conversation and chemistry you have, it’s just not going to work.
Whatever it is, it’s not a matter of them being unattractive. It’s just not firing on all cylinders.
2) Your first kiss felt dull
Okay, let’s go back to the time of your first kiss – when was it, and who initiated it?
Did you feel a spark of chemistry? Maybe a rush of heat or an obsession with their body? Or maybe, nothing. Nothing happened, so you kept kissing and hoping it’d get better, but it didn’t.
But the most important thing to note is, how did you feel before, during, and after your first kiss with them?
If you felt a sense of excitement and just wanted to do it again and again, you’re probably going to feel that same way every time you kiss this person.
But if anything felt like it wasn’t quite right, it’s not the person you should be kissing. It’s just not chemistry – something that can only be turned on by passing some level of initial attraction.
It’s the feeling you get when your lips seal over the other person’s, but there is no spark. No fireworks. The lack of chemistry is right there in that first kiss.
3) You easily get bored being with them
There is not a lot of attraction in the relationship and it is too easy for you to put them in the “boring” category. Every conversation with this person is just, “blah” and there is nothing exciting about them.
You know all the details of their life and you’ve been to their place like a gazillion times. You guys have gone out on every single date ever listed on some stupid website as a “must-try” but still, you’re not feeling it.
The person is just not hooking you in. There is nothing that makes you want to be there.
Think about it: how many times do you find yourself checking your phone or watch for the time? Even when you’re out with them, you’re envisioning being anywhere else in the world.
If this is happening to you, then there’s one thing for sure: you don’t have chemistry with this person and that goes deeper than just not being attracted to them.
4) They don’t make your nose wrinkle when you talk about them
No matter how much you two lovebirds want to be with each other, it seems like there are always a ton of things that can upset your feelings. You will even notice that whenever you talk about them to your friends or family, you will start to get upset, even when you’ve previously had a great time talking about them.
Those moments are often the biggest red flag in relationships because it means that the relationship is just not working and there’s always this lingering question of whether or not things will change.
When you have that perfect chemistry with someone, you can’t stop talking about them.
You’re just so damn happy around them and so into them that every time you talk about them and every time you miss them, your nose wrinkles up. It’s just a sign of affection and it goes to show how badly you want to be with that person.
5) Your compatibility on the bed is not on fire
What’s the result of not having that perfect chemistry with someone? Most likely, there will be no chemistry in bed.
If you don’t feel any sexual tension, or the sex does not live up to expectations that you’re not really wanting for more, that should be a huge indication for you.
Part of having chemistry in bed is the feeling of being turned on by this person or having their touch ignite an RV that is at least giving off a glow so bright it could light up your entire city.
But if you don’t feel any sparks or tingle there, it’s a sure sign that there is no chemistry.
At some point, you’ll find yourself longing for the original feeling of being with someone you really like. The one who filled you up with love and excitement like there was no tomorrow.
6) There’s always a lack of communication
You can’t communicate your feelings to them, and they can’t communicate their feelings to you either.
You’re simply not vibing on the same frequency and it’s not getting better even after you’ve tried your hardest. That’s a major sign of no chemistry.
You will notice there are times when you feel completely disconnected with that person because they won’t discuss anything important to their life or what they’re feeling.
They don’t express their emotions, and the one time you do talk about your life, there’ll be no response. There’s no matter of “I get it” or “Oh yeah…”
Just a flat line.
7) They don’t pull you into their energy field
When you’re really into someone, you will be able to feel it. You don’t need to see the signs to see that. You just have a sense of who they are and what they’re about.
You may be able to feel their energy around you and it would start pulling you in. So much so that you can feel yourself being pulled into their energy or feeling them needing you in some way or just wanting to be near your presence.
It’s a feeling that you can’t explain and it’s just so strong that you feel like you’re already in their world.
But with the person you’re with, they don’t pull you in like this – all of the time. You can feel them around you, but it’s not the same level of pulling that can only occur when you have chemistry with someone.
8) Their touch doesn’t make you feel anything
This one really sucks. When you feel nothing when someone touches you, it’s a sign that the chemistry is gone.
You can still like someone else and want to be with them, but your chemistry isn’t there anymore.
Their touch doesn’t make you feel anything. Not lust, not happiness or excitement.
For some people, this may just be a sign of them not being very good at physical contact, but for others, it means that there is no chemistry left and that person is just not for you.
To make things even worse, there are times when you think you have chemistry with someone, but sex does not happen – and after the first time, it never does. That should be a huge red flag.
9) You don’t get along or relate well
If you’re not having a blast with this person and can’t see yourself getting along with them well, there’s little chance of chemistry.
Your personalities don’t mesh so well when you’re around each other. It’s like there’s no common ground for you two where you can connect. There’s no harmony.
But, chemistry doesn’t just mean that. Chemistry doesn’t just mean that you like each other and have good times together.
Sometimes, there are people that you don’t have anything in common with who have great chemistry with you. That’s because they’re exciting to be with and they bring out the best in you and vice versa.
10) You argue over even little things
There’s nothing wrong with having a few arguments, but when the arguments are near-constant, it could be the result of a lack of chemistry.
It’s the little things, too.
Things that seem trivial when you think about them, but when you’re in the situation, your heart breaks and you can’t help but feel like this love is never going to work. Things get blown out of proportion and there’s always a fight or two.
Sometimes, a lack of communication (and of course a lack of chemistry) causes people to argue over even the smallest things because there’s no common ground. It’s really not about the fight itself but about the time and effort you have to put into the relationship.
The bigger your differences, the more you have to worry about the little things that can cause an argument and no one wants to fight in a relationship.
11) Eye contacts with them seem forced
Eye contact is a way that you can read a person and really tell what they’re thinking, feeling, or even what their intentions are. They are a part of your communication with someone and if they’re not looking at you when you’re talking to them or talking, it’s a sign that you aren’t vibing on the same wavelength.
If they’re just not vibing, they’re not going to look at you all the time and it’s hard to stay all that into someone when they don’t look back. The eye contact is gone…and there’s no reengaging.
And when eye contact is forced or felt really awkward, that tells you there’s not much chemistry to go around. It can be due to a lack of trust or like some people are just uncomfortable with someone that they thought they like.
12) You’re not really learning anything new about them
One of the best things about being with someone is that you get to learn more and more about them, and it’s because you’re spending more time with them.
You hear their stories, see how they react to certain things and even experience something together. It could get to a point where you’re feeling like you know everything about them and it’s so good to know every single detail.
But if you don’t find yourself learning anything new, there’s not much chemistry between you two.
You just don’t think that getting to know them more and more is that important – you’re not really into them and although you’re a little curious, you’re not into them enough to want to learn more about that person.
13) You don’t feel the need to call or text them
That feeling when you want to know what the other person is doing or feeling when you’re not with them so you get your phone and send them a text or even make a call – yes, you don’t feel that to the person you’re with.
If you’re not the one calling them, texting them or even spending time with them, there’s a problem. It only takes one person to make a decision about ending things with someone and it’s usually the one that wants to spend less time with them.
You feel like there’s no need for you to constantly be reaching out when there’s nothing going on and, they’re not doing it either, you’re both sending each other signals that it might not work out.
14) You feel like they’re not really interested in you
This is one of the biggest signs that there’s no chemistry.
It’s when you feel like they’re not really interested in you as a person and they just don’t seem to care about what you have to say. You just want to feel like they’re interested and want to talk to you, but you know for real that it’s not true. There’s no spark in the relationship and it’s not what you were hoping for.
Some people will pretend to be interested if they really like you, but really, it’s not a sign that you have great chemistry. If they’re not interested and you’re both just wasting time together, it’s time to think things through.
15) You can’t stop thinking about someone else
Even if it’s just a fantasy, it’s not a good sign at all.
You’re with this person, but there’s someone else in your mind. It’s a sign that you don’t feel like this person is that special.
You can’t even help not to compare because you know that the other person is someone that you feel could be more special to you than this one that you’re with.
Because in reality, you should be thinking about this person a lot – how much chemistry there is, how you both get along, whatever else – and not about someone else.
It’s just not what you thought it would be like. There are no good times and even when there are good times, you just don’t feel completely “there” for them. You’re not really happy with where things are at and that’s often a sign that there’s not much chemistry.
What to do about it
Chemistry doesn’t always mean love – chemistry often occurs when you’re around each other and want to be together.
But even with that, there are still some signs that tell you there’s no chemistry between you two and it’s best to try new things instead of giving up on them altogether.
There are some things that you can do to help build more chemistry and create a stronger bond, the question now is, are you willing to try them?
Here are some tips:
1) Ask for tips from a relationship expert
If you don’t feel any chemistry with your special someone and you want to work it out, it might help to ask someone who’s a professional for their advice.
According to Dr. Mary Elizabeth Dean, “Relationship counseling can help heal your partnership, leaving your relationship on much better terms. While some statistics report a 38 percent failure rate for couples who attend therapy, other sources like the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists report a 98 percent of couples consider relationship counseling a success.”
In Relationship Hero, you’ll find plenty of talented professionals who will be happy to help. And having no chemistry is one of their biggest suits – so, if you want to get your relationship back on track or make it more powerful, then look no further.
They know how to build chemistry and will give you tips that could help you make your relationship work.
2) Create more time for each other
Feel like you’re not getting enough attention or being asked about anything? Take the lead and start talking about yourself more.
It’s hard to make time for someone you’re not feeling any chemistry with and if one person wants more time, but the other person is too busy or doesn’t want to, it can cause a huge problem.
Getting together more often and making it a habit can help things out.
You want to be someone that they want to get to know, so talk about your interests, your thoughts and even your feelings. It’s really great if you can get them interested in you, so go ahead and tell them everything that they need to know.
You’ll find that they’re happy they get to learn more about you because it means there’s a chance for romance.
3) Spice up things in bed
If you’re trying to build chemistry, it’s best to try doing something new and exciting together.
Anything that helps you learn about each other’s likes and dislikes can help create more of a connection.
And if the chemistry isn’t there, the sex should be much better than before. It’ll show that they really care about you and want to get to know everything about you.
So be open to your significant other and talk about each others’ preferences in bed, see if you can be open to new things and new ideas. Both of you want to be able to connect just as much as possible, so go ahead and talk.
You’ll find that sharing their views in the bedroom can be very romantic and a great way to build chemistry.
4) Keep it light and laugh a lot
Remind each other that you have fun and enjoy each other’s company. Let them know that you like to go out, travel and see new things.
Lighten the mood and make sure to laugh a lot since it can definitely help.
Do silly things together, go out to eat and go out on dates, whatever it is that you can do.
Keep up the fun and let them know that you have a great time together and enjoy the other person.
5) Go out for some drinks together
This is a pretty common thing that couples do. It’s not like they’re going out for dinner or a romantic stroll around the block, but they’re just going out to enjoy the company of each other on an evening where they can relax and talk about things.
This is actually a great thing to do, and it’s also a key to creating good chemistry. When you’re out together and the night isn’t over yet, the spark can still be alive and the passion can still be there.
There’s no pressure for anything else to happen, especially if you’re both just staying in on an evening where you can enjoy each other’s company. It might not feel like something that could help your relationship grow, but it definitely will if you do it right.
As we all know, “Because no great story started with a glass of milk,” – so loosen up a bit.
6) Get rid of all distractions
If you are together and you’re not feeling anything, it’s a good idea to put away your phones and other home devices.
In a study conducted by the Journal of the American Medical Association, giving up distractions for two weeks gave couples an average score of 82. This is pretty high and it definitely shows that distractions can help you create chemistry.
If you’re trying to build chemistry, it’s a good idea to follow a trend of getting rid of all distractions in your lives and investing some time into each other.
7) Take a vacation together
Traveling can be a great way to get away from everything and see what you like. It’s a great way to build more chemistry.
If the person you’re traveling with doesn’t have any chemistry with you, it’s best that this isn’t something that happens very often.
If you’re both interested in each other and trying to build more, it’ll definitely help the both of you out.
When you’re on vacation, you get a chance to take some time and just go. No schedules, no phone calls, just spending the time making memories with each other.
While all of the above tips do help, one of the best ways to build chemistry is to not be afraid of your partner, don’t let your fear get in the way either.
You want to be able to show them that you care about them and trust them, so going out on a limb can make all the difference.
Chemistry in relationships is like a pattern – you’re able to build it up, but you have to look out for things that can ruin it.
Be sure not to let anything get in the way of your relationship and always keep things going. Enjoy the good times, support each other when necessary and do the best you can to keep things moving forward.
If you truly love one another, it’ll definitely be worth all of the work when you see how amazing everything can be between the two of you.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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