I’d always just grown up assuming I was straight.
I knew I liked boys, but it didn’t occur to me for a while that I also might like girls.
The reality is that sexuality is far from straightforward. That’s why it took a while for me to uncover this other side.
If you are trying to figure out if you could be bisexual or maybe you’re wondering if someone you know is, this article can help.
We’ll explore some of the more subtle signs of female bisexuality.
What does it mean to be bisexual?
Before I dive into some of the clues that first showed me that I liked women, and so was bisexual, it might be helpful to quickly talk about what the term even means.
Historically being bisexual was defined as feeling attracted to both guys and girls. But as our perception of gender and identity continues to shift, bisexuality has broadened too.
Nowadays it simply means feeling a romantic or sexual attraction toward people who are the same gender as you, as well as different genders.
But here is an important point:
Being bisexual doesn’t necessarily mean you want to date or sleep with multiple genders. It also doesn’t mean that you don’t love your partner (if you have one) or are incapable of committing to just one person.
There are still some outdated myths kicking around about bisexuality — which we’ll also get into.
So, let’s take a look at some of those signs of bisexuality. A lot of which involve turning some misconceptions on their head.
14 secret signs of a bisexual woman
1) Experiencing a change in preferences
Like me, you might have thought you were straight for most of your life.
Perhaps because you liked boys growing up, you just assumed you were. But there isn’t a specific time that you discover bisexuality.
What I mean is that there isn’t any kind of deadline. It’s not as though if these feelings haven’t emerged by puberty then you can’t be bi.
We still live in societies where sexuality is all too often presumed. That means despite many positive changes, we can still feel like heterosexuality is the “norm”.
It can cut us off from keeping an open mind about our sexuality, so we don’t always feel or see the signs until later in life. And that’s ok.
Similarly, maybe you felt a strong attraction to girls from an early age, and so thought you were exclusively lesbian, only to realize later that you maybe like men too.
Plenty of women don’t even realize they are bi until their 20’s, 30’s, or older.
So one of the signs of bisexuality is simply experiencing a change in your preferences — at whatever age that may happen.
You suddenly (or gradually) start to feel attraction to other genders too.
2) You’re curious
When I was growing up there became this popular expression of being bicurious. But I actually didn’t really like it.
I think it’s because it somehow held negative connotations for me.
I felt like it was trying to turn bisexuality into a novelty. Or somehow suggest it was a sexual vacation you take from your real sexuality before returning back again.
Maybe that was just my hangup. But I also think that stopped me from allowing myself to explore some curiosities that were coming up for me.
One of the earlier signs of female bisexuality might be a desire to experiment. Perhaps you want to experience new things romantically and sexually.
You might start to feel more open to the possibility of other genders, both sexually and romantically.
3) You have some celebrity crushes
Maybe when you are watching a movie, you find yourself deeply invested in both the romantic male and female leads.
Maybe there are certain music videos that make you swoon — for example, for me it was Brittney Spears in ‘Slave for you’.
Or perhaps you’re drawn to characters who defy traditional stereotypes. That’s all part of what makes female bisexuality interesting.
The fact that we aren’t limited to only one gender. We can appreciate the beauty of both.
Plenty of straight women also have what they would call celebrity girl crushes. But if you find yourself sexually attracted to celebs of both genders, then it’s probably more than just objectively thinking they are beatutiful.
You don’t want to be them, you want to be with them.
4) The person matters more than the gender
You might start to wonder if you are bisexual because you realize that who you are attracted to is based more on the person underneath rather than their gender.
In this case, you might identify as bisexual, pansexual (where you are potentially attracted to people of any biological sex or gender identity), or demisexual (when you only feel attraction to someone after getting to know them more and have formed an emotional bond).
If the labels are helpful to you, it might help you to better understand your feelings. But at the same time, you don’t need to pick any one label (or any at all).
But a sign of bisexuality could be that you find yourself developing a crush on other genders, simply because you have met a really awesome person. And it feels like them in particular who you like (and are attracted to), not their gender per see.
5) You’re freaking out a bit about the idea
This is as much of a reassurance as it is a sign of female bisexuality.
When I started to realize that I was bisexual, despite having gay friends, being incredibly liberal, and having a family who I knew wouldn’t care at all — I still had a total freak out.
The reality is that going through changes in life can mess with your head. It can cause you to confront and redefine things you thought you knew about yourself.
So it can all feel a bit scary.
If you’ve been feeling uncertain or nervous about who you are attracted to, that can be a sign of bisexuality.
It doesn’t mean you’re necessarily bisexual. But it does suggest that you’re thinking about it and questioning some things. And that is bringing up all sports of emotions and thoughts for you.
6) Other bisexual women’s stories resonate with you
Maybe you’ve been doing some research and the stories you’ve heard from other bisexual women are making a lot of sense to you.
You get it and you can identify with the things they say and some of their own personal experiences.
Just hearing other people talk about it might make you feel more seen, heard and understood.
It can also help to normalize whatever you are experiencing.
So meeting women who are openly bisexual might spark something off within you as it gives you a sort of permission slip which helps to reiterate that it isn’t neccessarily a “big deal”.
7) Your previous romantic history can be a red herring
I mentioned at the start that plenty of women don’t realize or start to explore their bisexuality until later in life.
So what can happen is that you end up telling yourself the fact that up until now all your romantic experiences have only been with one gender must mean something.
But that’s not always true.
When I was at college, quite a few of my female friends would make out with one another when they got drunk. I never really got this, and I never did it.
I didn’t see the point, because I wasn’t attracted to them.
But what it meant was that a lot of my straight friends probably had more in their sexual history than me that you might think would suggest bisexuality.
For me, it wasn’t until I met one woman who I developed really deep romantic feelings for that the sexual side of my bisexuality also came out.
The point is, that we’re all different, we’re all growing and evolving. Don’t look to your romantic and sexual past to determine your future.
8) You’ve considered checking out (or already have) bi or gay dating apps
All the dating apps have different filters these days to say who exactly you’re looking to connect with.
Maybe you’ve already had a browse at other genders on your apps.
You’re interested to see or want to check out other people. This curiosity that you are feeling could be a sign that you are bisexual.
Or it could just be an interest in exploring new things. Either way, leaning into it further can help you to find out.
9) You’ve had crushes on female friends
This is a very common thing for many girls to experience.
They like one of their friends, but they can’t exactly figure out in what way.
You might have felt a really strong pull towards certain girlfriends in the past, and even doted on them.
You always wanted to be around them, you thought about them all the time, etc.
But you perhaps wondered if it was just a deep admiration for them. Now you’re starting to think it was more than that.
You didn’t just like them, you were actually crushing on them.
10) You feel more on a spectrum of sexuality
I totally believe that sexuality for many people isn’t something binary.
It isn’t a this or that or total split down the middle. It exists on a spectrum.
Another one of those unhelpful myths about bisexuality that can stop you from spotting the signs you might be bisexual is this idea of it meaning you like both men and women 50/50.
But liking girls and boys isn’t necessarily an equal preference for you. The reality can be very different. You may have a stronger preference for either guys or girls.
You might only meet a handful of other genders throughout your entire life who you find attractive, but you can still identify as bisexual.
I didn’t realize I was bisexual for a long time because I think I assumed I would be attracted to far more women if I was.
But that simply wasn’t how it worked for me. And how it works for you could be equally as unique as your own individual preferences.
There isn’t one mold of bisexuality that you need to fit into in order to identify as bisexual as a woman.
11) You have sexual fantasies about other genders
This is another sign that can be totally innocent, but also a big signal that you may be secretly bisexual.
Because plenty of straight people have all kinds of sexual fantasies, and that can involve getting turned on at the thought of other genders.
Maybe you’ve been searching for porn involving another gender than you normally would have. Maybe you’re drawn to the idea of a threesome with another woman.
You might even seek out bisexual or lesbian TV and film scenes.
As I say, it certainly isn’t conclusive. But if you do have lots of fantasies about other genders, you could be bi.
12) You found yourself flirting more with a different gender recently
The more I started to mix in queer scenes and broadened my exposure to different people with different sexualities, the more I could explore my own sexuality too.
What I noticed was that I started to be a lot more flirty with gay women.
When you meet new people, you often want to be charming. But it was more than that.
I didn’t just want them to just like me. I wanted them to be attracted to me.
Just as I had done with guys I was into in the past, I noticed myself becoming far more flirtatious in their presence.
It told me that I was drawn to them, and the reason was an underlying attraction that I hadn’t totally accepted within me yet.
13) FYI you can’t “look” bisexual
This is being listed as a sign you may be bisexual because it’s another one of those mental roadblocks that can stand in the way of some of us identifying as bisexual.
You might feel some attraction towards other genders but think you don’t exhibit any obvious outward signs of being bisexual in your identity.
But the truth is that there aren’t any outward signs — certainly not in the way you dress, look or who you are.
The only real sign is how you feel inside. It’s not about the way you dress or any outward symbols of your sexuality, it starts and ends with who you are attracted to.
14) Your instincts are telling you
Because everyone is different there isn’t a checklist you can tick off to conclusively decide whether you are bisexual or not.
The best guide is going to be you. What is your gut telling you?
If you have been searching for signs that you might be bisexual, then that in itself can be a clue that you might be.
It points to their being other signals that could be showing up in your own life that have made you wonder whether you are.
At the end of the day, how you feel is the strongest signpost to whether you are bisexual.
How to tell if a girl is bi without asking
Maybe it’s not you who is questioning their own sexuality, but you’re questioning someone else’s.
You might have come searching for signs that she is bisexual, in the hope of figuring it out without needing to ask.
Sometimes it can be obvious when a girl is bi, because she isn’t making any attempts to hide it.
So you just happen to discover that she’s been with both guys and girls and is open to dating any gender.
But from reading the list of signs of female bisexuality, it’s probably struck you that the overwhelming majority of signs are internal feelings or private thoughts.
It’s not about walking around carrying a rainbow flag or constantly making out with all sorts of people in front of you.
So the reality is that the only way of ever knowing someone’s sexuality and relationship preferences is to ask them or to wait for them to tell you.
To conclude: Are there clear signs you are bisexual as a woman?
Finding yourself attracted to more than one gender is the only definitive sign that you could be bisexual.
The other more “secret” signs of female bisexuality are just suggestive signposts along the way that might lead you to reach that conclusion.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter who you love, what matters most is that you love yourself. As cheesy as that sentence sounds, I do think it’s important to make that statement.
Discovering more about yourself, and your preferences can make you question everything in your life. And that can be a really unsettling time for some. It can also be a really exciting time too.
You don’t have to put pressure on yourself to figure things out. There’s no right or wrong answer, so you don’t have to force any answers into place.
Just take each step at your own pace, and follow your heart.
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