“Love don’t come easy. Sometimes love don’t come at all”
– The Alarm
Love is something that many people want, but it’s not easy to find.
You may find love when you least expect it or never at all. For others, it seems to happen naturally through friends or family.
Why can’t I have what they have, you wonder.
And maybe you can. But for others of us, the path to true love has been overgrown and blocked with obstacles that we can’t seem to get past.
So I wanted to write this article on this difficult topic:
The top 25 signs you’ll never find true love and 15 crucial actions you can take to fix it.
What’s ‘true love’ anyway?
Before I launch into the list, let me define what I mean by true love.
I mean a person who you connect with emotionally, physically, and mentally. However, I do not mean true love like you see in the movies with flashing fireworks all over and panoramic, slow-motion kisses.
Save that for the movies.
Being single and being in a relationship both have advantages and positive sides to them.
But if you’re on the hunt for true love it’s important to know a few things:
No relationship is perfect;
No person can “fix” another person;
A miserable relationship is one of the worst experiences you can go through;
Being single doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you;
In fact, finding out why you haven’t found love yet can be a massive step in personal growth and reaching your full potential.
So let’s get started:
The top 25 signs you’ll never find true love
1) You try to rush things when you’re not ready yet
Impatience can ruin the chance at love.
When you try to rush things when you’re not yet ready – or they’re not – then you end up creating an atmosphere of pressure, obligation, and expectation.
It’s basically the opposite of romance.
Having standards is absolutely fine.
But pinning expectations and a timeframe to romance can run it right off the rails just when you’re getting ready for the ride of a lifetime.
And that come-down sure is an awful feeling.
Spirituality author Matt Valentine puts it well when he writes that:
“Love is elusive and it works on its own clock. When you try to force interactions or feelings or certain steps in a relationship before it’s time or when they’re not appropriate, you tamper with that relationship and make it to where it’s very difficult for real love to blossom.
Ironically, killing what you really wanted.”
It’s a harsh truth, but I can tell you from personal experience that Valentine is 100% correct here.
2) Love is never your priority
Even as a remote possibility, love might be off your radar.
Whether it’s from past heartbreak or other challenges and opportunities taking up your attention, love just isn’t your priority.
This is fine and it can even be a very positive thing if you’re using that free time and energy to improve yourself and your own mission in the world.
But if it becomes a permanent mindset and approach to the world then it can block the chance at love even when it comes your way.
3) You’re only thinking of your own needs
There’s nothing wrong with looking out for number one. If you don’t know your own needs then you’ll end up disappointed and disillusioned.
But only thinking of your own needs is also a real trap.
You end up with tunnel vision and an egotistical approach to life that doesn’t include the needs and experiences of others in your equation.
The simple truth is that men and women want different things from a relationship.
If you’re a woman reading this, what do you think really drives a man? What does he want from a relationship with you?
There’s a new theory in relationship psychology that goes to the heart of this.
It’s called the hero instinct.
According to the hero instinct, men have a thirst for admiration and respect. They want to protect and provide for the woman they love.
This is deeply rooted in male biology.
In other words, men simply want to be your everyday hero.
I know it sounds a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to be their “hero” to save the day.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to feel like they are a hero. After all, it’s built into their DNA to seek out a relationship with a woman that makes them feel like one.
To learn more about this fascinating new concept, watch this excellent free video.
James Bauer, the relationship expert who first discovered the hero instinct, gives a great introduction to it. He reveals the things you can do right now to trigger the hero instinct in your man.
Lack of romance situational awareness is one of the top signs you’ll never find true love. For women, learning about the hero instinct can solve this.
Here’s a link to the free video again.
4) Your schedule has no room for romance
This is similar to the last point, except it may be more logistical.
It’s not that you don’t care about love:
It’s that your schedule literally has no time for it;
Not even for a short date on Friday night.
You’re so busy with work, family, friends, or hobbies that you just can’t pencil in anything else.
And if that becomes a long-term habit it can squeeze out finding true love because there’s just no time left to pursue it.
5) You’re a love hermit
This is the opposite of the last problem.
Instead of your schedule having no room, all it has is room.
And you use that time to stay in your room.
Watching TV, gaming, surfing the World Wide Web like a fiend, or pursuing hobbies that end up turning you into a real hermit.
Apart from the occasional FedEx package, you have no human contact for days.
And these days during the ongoing pandemic this is a more and more likely – and awful – scenario.
It’s no wonder depression and anxiety rates are off the charts.
If it’s not possible to go outside much or do in-person activities due to current restrictions then try joining online discussion groups or even scheduling Skype and Zoom calls with new or old friends.
Let them know you’re single and ready to mingle – even if it’s just digitally for now.
6) You’re looking for a needle in a haystack
One of the worst things about someone who is sensitive and looking for love is that they often blame themselves for not finding what they’re seeking.
Even though in many cases it’s not their fault at all.
One of the top signs you’ll never find true love is that you keep looking for that special someone in an area, demographic, or situation where there are very simply not many single people who you would be potentially attracted to.
All it takes is one.
That “one” is much harder to find when 90% of people you come into contact with are taken, not looking for the same thing, or share none of your values or interests.
Adjust your sails and explore some new seas, my friend.
7) Want advice specific to your situation?
While this article will shed light on the main signs you’ll never find true love and what to do about it, I’d recommend speaking to a certified relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…
Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like finding true love. Their popularity is a testament to how skilled their coaches are.
Why am I so confident that they can help you?
Well, I recently experienced a tough patch in my own relationship, and I reached out to a coach for help. From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.
I was blown away by how kind and empathetic my coach was.
Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues you’re facing, especially when it comes to finding love.
8) You expect others to be perfect people
We’ve all heard it before, but it’s true.
By the same token, no relationship is perfect. No matter how much you’re embracing yourself and life and the present moment there are going to be hard times.
I can 100% guarantee that.
Those hard times may come in the form of work challenges, personal tragedy, bad habits, disagreements, infidelity, or many other things.
One way or another it’s going to happen.
But if you expect a partner to be the perfect person there to fix things when the waves get high your hopes are going to be dashed.
9) You’re behind the times
I’m not personally a huge fan of online dating or apps.
But nonetheless, I have met significant others through them and they can be a good “jumping off point” for finding the love you’re open to.
One of the top signs you’ll never find true love is that you’re not up to date with technology and using the services that other single people are using.
It’s good to have standards and online dating isn’t for everyone – absolutely – but if 90% of singles in your area are using it then refusing to do so could be the reason you’re missing out on amazing opportunities and still curling up with Netflix and ice cream after four years on the market.
If you’re from a more traditional country or place where family connections and religion still play more of a role in public life then adapting and working within those systems can also be a great way to meet that special someone.
10) Your good looks and larger-than-life personality intimidates potential mates
Some of my best friends are people I never expected to even have a positive interaction with.
The reason I didn’t expect things to go well with them is they looked angry, sad, or generally hard to approach.
But once I did they opened up and I saw that their outer appearance didn’t reflect their real self.
It can be the same with love.
You may have a gloomy expression or angry “look” and body language that drives women away.
This can include seeming overly full of yourself or acting like you’re the hottest guy or girl who hit the market since Brad Pitt and Brooke Shields.
You might be putting off vibes you’re barely even aware of that make you seem unapproachable or unfriendly.
11) You keep trying to force the wrong person to be the right person
You can’t fit a square peg in a round hole.
And if you try to force it then either the hole is going to become square or the peg will become round – or a messy mix that deforms both.
It’s the same with love.
One of the top signs you’ll never find true love is when you try to force love to happen with the person you decide is right for you.
This leaves no room for real life to do its work and sets you up for disappointment when they let you down or turn out to be a bad match.
This can be so hard to deal with, and I truly empathize.
Maybe you need to take a different approach to fixing your relationship.
Maybe you need to work on the most important one you’ll ever have, before you can fix the others:
The one you have with yourself.
I learnt about this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. In his excellent, free video on cultivating healthy relationships, Rudá reveals where most of us go wrong in our relationships.
So why should you listen to Rudá’s life-changing advice?
Well, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but he puts his own modern-day twist on them. He may be a shaman, but he’s made the same mistakes in love that you and I have.
And now he’s found the solution, he wants to share it with you.
So if you’re done with feeling less than worthy, if you’re tired of toxic relationships, and you want to cultivate real, genuine love, check out his simple yet effective advice.
Click here to watch the free video.
12) You have trouble accepting that real matches are rare
An overactive imagination can be amazing in some cases.
If you’re James Cameron or Isaac Asimov then your own creative thinking is what helped build entire new universes for your fans.
But in love, a wild imagination can lead you way off track.
When you start with high expectations and begin thinking that every second person you go out with is potentially “the one” you end up setting yourself up for disappointment.
Try to work on this by being more in the present or even by adopting a bit of a “prove it” mindset.
What I mean is instead of imagining all the best about the new person sitting across from you on a date, let them prove to you that they’re worth your time and effort.
Don’t build up a sandcastle and then let the ocean of reality wash it away days later.
13) You’re going too hard
Over-dating and becoming a burnt-out husk is just as bad as being a love hermit.
When you date too much and throw your heart around like a cheap Valentine’s pop-up card you end up becoming exhausted and cynical.
All that dating: so few results.
You start telling every girl or guy what they want to hear but you don’t mean any of it.
You start barely even caring what happens and go on dates just for sex or distraction.
You may also be engaging in “love bombing” which leads to all sorts of intense short-term connections but nothing real.
As psychologist Dale Archer explains:
“Love bombing is an attempt to influence another person with over-the-top displays of attention and affection. We’re not just talking about romantic gestures, like flowers and trips. Love bombing invariably includes lots of romantic conversation, long talks about “our future,” and long periods of staring into each other’s eyes. It’s the combination of words and deeds that makes love bombing so powerful, especially considering today’s technology. The ability to call, text, email, or connect on social media 24/7 makes it easier to be in constant contact with the object of one’s affection than ever before.”
So cool your jets just a bit Romeo, your paramour isn’t going to fall out of love because you don’t call for one day.
14) You have Olympian physical standards
Having high standards can be a good thing. Overly low standards set you up for a let-down and often means you have low self-esteem or even depression.
But Olympian standards – as in expecting a Greek god or goddess from Olympus – is going too far.
When you hold up everyone to an ideal physical type you will always notice something that’s not “quite” right.
Even a man or woman who seems absolutely stunning the first few times you meet up can fall from grace in your eyes.
Yes, their eyes and face are beautiful, but those ears…
Yes, they have amazing muscles, but their calves are just too much, man.
Nobody is perfect, and unless it’s something that can be easily changed like hair color, don’t worry too much about physical specifics that you wish were slightly different.
As long as the overall body-to-body attraction is happening for you then it’s something worth pursuing on a physical level.
15) You’re stuck in an all-or-nothing mindset
Elvis Presley may be the King, but you shouldn’t listen to him when it comes to love.
What do I mean?
Take the song “It’s now or never.”
Elvis sounds great in it, absolutely, but the message it’s sending is pretty all-or-nothing.
“It’s now or never
Come, hold me tight
Kiss me, my darling (Ooh)
Be mine tonight
Tomorrow will be too late (Ah, ah, ah)
It’s now or never (Ooh)
My love won’t wait”
I get what the King is saying here, I really do.
There are some moments when you either lean in for the kiss or miss out on a whole relationship.
There are certain “make or break” times when you either say how you feel or stay silent forever and watch the one you love end up with somebody new.
But an all-or-nothing mindset with love is generally a big mistake.
We can’t predict the future and sometimes a person you have only mild attraction to can become your whole world a year down the line.
Give it time and a chance and don’t think of anything as completely all-or-nothing. Leave an openness and possibility for love to come.
16) Seeing the problems of others has made you love-shy
Coming from a broken home myself I know all about this.
One of the top signs you’ll never find true love is that you carry around a deep hesitation and fear from seeing how badly things went for those around you.
And you don’t want any part of that.
Watching family relationships split apart with maximum drama, or seeing friends have their hearts torn out in the most humiliating ways can leave you feeling like you just dodged a hail of bullets.
Then when the chance comes to open yourself up to love you slam the gates shut.
Because you’re full of fear about what could go wrong.
And I want to be honest with you:
You could be right!
Relationships and love can go badly, badly wrong, and hurt like hell.
But if you don’t try you’ll never know the potential fulfillment of sharing your life with someone so it’s sort of a catch 22.
17) Past trauma is weighing you down
Past trauma can be like wearing concrete blocks around your ankles.
You struggle and try your hardest and go about your life and you think you’ve moved on.
But when something happens that reminds you of past pain you suddenly notice the concrete blocks are still on and you fly into rage or deep depression and hopelessness.
When past trauma is still dogging you it’s very difficult to really open yourself to someone new, and it’s one of the very top signs you’ll never find true love.
In fact, you may even end up subconsciously reattracting the kind of trauma you’re trying to outrun.
Clinical psychologist Jill Weber explains:
“Those who have had relationships in which they were emotionally abused, physically or sexually threatened, or assaulted understandably may have developed an acute sensitivity to the cues that preceded these events. Even if they have managed to extricate themselves from a bad relationship, they may retain the learned impulse to react without reflection to any hint of a repeat
As a result, the distress they experienced in bad relationships now gets triggered, inappropriately, in new situations with other people.”
18) You’ve chosen to be alone instead of settling
Settling is bad. I want to be unequivocal on that.
So in some cases choosing to be alone instead of settling is actually a very good thing.
It means you respect yourself and what you’re looking for and you’re going to work on yourself and be alone instead of compromise out of fear of being alone or despite your lack of attraction and misgivings.
Where this one goes wrong is when your choice to be alone instead of settling becomes a permanent approach to romance and dating.
Instead of responding this way as a reaction for a certain time and place in your life you switch it on and make it your default mode.
You’re now basically walking around with energy that shouts: “nothing is good enough for me, I’d rather just be alone.”And that’s not an energy that tends to attract love and romance.
19) You haven’t tapped into the power of the “P” word
I’m talking about propinquity.
The means the likelihood of interacting with someone.
If you work in a gym there’s a very good chance you will interact with people who care about nutrition, bodybuilding and fitness.
If you make all your new connections online there’s very high propinquity you will meet others who also spend a lot of time online and form new relationships there.
The good news about this is that you can shape it to be what you want.
If you want to meet people who are into music try going to more concerts.
If you’re a massive coffee lover who wants to start a new coffee roasting business then spend time hanging out and chatting with local baristas. Maybe one of them will share your dream of going independent – and they might be a real cutie, too.
20) You keep repeating past mistakes
All of us make mistakes, and those of us who are lucky learn from them.
An example is trying to shape a relationship into what we want and becoming ultra depressed when it wanders way off from our ideal.
The lesson there is that it takes two to tango and there’s only so much you can control. Sometimes you need to let someone else go their own way or even take some time apart.
But if you don’t learn from past mistakes you’re going to get triggered right back into the same pattern.
With the same result.
It’s a brutal experience but mistakes can be our greatest teacher if you can just see around their gruff exterior.
Mistakes might look like our worst enemy and an awful burden, but if you see the underlying meaning you can become more open and ready for love.
21) You make cling-wrap look easygoing
As a guy who could easily start a club called Clingaholics Anonymous, I absolutely relate to this issue.
It’s one of the top signs you’ll never find true love.
Because you cling to fake love like your life depends on it.
You’re stuck in a codependent pattern within yourself and try to make others into your savior.
But it never works and even when it seems to be you’re getting progressively addicted to your false picture of them in your head.
Being clingy isn’t being affectionate, it’s being dependent.
And there’s a big, big difference.
Relationship writer Ladan Hayes has an important truth about being clingy.
“To those who are clingy, extreme thoughts and actions look and feel a lot like love and intimacy; and they don’t want to let a good thing go. The problem is that this feeling — the obsession with physical and mental closeness that can come off as clingy — is not love.”
22) Your tight friendships are scaring off potential partners
It’s not cool if a love interest tells you to end other friendships.
But if you have tight friendships that take up a lot of your time and energy it can sometimes scare off potential mates.
They see that you have feelings – even Platonic feelings – for someone else and they get a little bit uncomfortable.
Can you really blame them?
It may seem a bit strange to you that anyone would care who you’re friends with, but friendship means a lot.
Who you devote your time to can be a red flag for someone who wants you to give your time and affection primarily to them.
It’s fine to have friends, but don’t treat them like your lifelong partner if you want to leave room for love to walk in.
23) You’ve become passive
They say love finds you when you least expect it.
And I think there’s a lot of validity to that statement.
But I also think that many times people totally misunderstand it.
“When you least expect it” doesn’t mean when you don’t care at all about love and don’t even really want it.
It means when you’re focused on being the best version of yourself and not in any way depending on the validation or affection that the external world gives you.
Sitting back and figuring love will just hit you one day if you wait long enough is a mega nasty trap.
This is how people end up bitter, alone, and alcoholic, so be careful – and be proactive.
There are many ways to be open to love and look for love without being needy or having major expectations.
24) You’re flying blind
Being spontaneous is awesome and you should always leave that hint of the unexpected as an option.
But flying blind is a bad idea with love.
What do I mean?
I mean not knowing or paying attention to what you want.
I mean “winging it” when it comes to dating, relationships, and interactions with potential partners.
It’s not that you need a giant schedule or agenda with a laundry list of questions. It’s more that you need to be very clear with yourself what you want and be honest about it.
In my case, I often have said I’m not looking for something serious when in reality I just have given up on finding something serious.
There’s a very big difference, and that dishonesty with myself and others has had a big emotional cost – and caused me to treat some people callously who deserved better.
Writer Ariel Hairston describes this issue very well, writing that:
“A loving relationship is meant to be the reward of knowing what you wanted and receiving it. Getting into a relationship in order to figure out what you want is backwards…When we’re in a relationship, we’re always so busy trying to learn about another person’s wants, needs, goals, and aspirations that we oftentimes forget about our own.”
25) You’ve given up on love
It’s sad, but it happens.
It actually happens a hell of a lot, unfortunately.
Like I was writing in the last point when we give up on love we can often hurt others intentionally and unintentionally.
Because we’re “winging it” without any real hope or guidelines.
We still want love but we don’t believe we’re worthy, or others are worthy – or that life or God or universe or anything will shake the dice in our favor.
It’s a self-defeating prophecy that can kick our ass in so many ways.
So while I encourage people to not be overly optimistic or expect their next date to be the whirlwind romance they always imagined, I also strongly encourage everyone not to give up on love and keep the door to heart always a little bit ajar.
Now you know the top 20 signs you’ll never find true love – here’s what to do about it!
If all these top signs you’ll never find true love have gotten you down then I have good news for you.
There are specific things you can do to turn things around.
This is not about “proving” you’re worth it or “getting” love in any way, however.
If you read the following 15 action steps for finding true love you’ll notice that all of them would be worth doing even for their own sake.
There’s a reason for that:
Looking for love is wonderful and normal;
Being open to love is healthy and good;
But thinking of love as something you “get” or “achieve” is one of the main reasons so many people have such a hard time.
Because the truth is that love is something you give.
I know it sounds corny, but it’s really true. With that Hallmark slogan out of the way – true as it is – let’s get on with the list.
The top 15 ways to find true love
1) Understand the hero instinct
I mentioned the hero instinct above.
I believe that understanding it can be the key to finding love, especially if you’re a woman who has a history of failed relationships.
According to the hero instinct, men have a biological drive to live a life full of meaning and to be there for the people they care about.
And this drive is amplified in their romantic relationships.
The best part is that you can actually trigger the hero instinct in your man.
There are words you can say, phrases you can use, and little requests you can make to trigger this very natural instinct in him.
To learn all about them, watch this excellent free video.
I don’t often buy into popular new concepts in psychology or recommend videos. But if you want a guy to commit to a relationship with you, learning about the hero instinct can make all the difference.
Here’s a link to the free video again.
2) Be the best you that you can be
Becoming the best you can be is worth it in its own right.
But it’s also a surefire way to up the chances that love will find – and keep – you.
Whether that’s honing your physical fitness, spiritual practices, business, or other areas of your life, improving yourself and the person you are is only going to pay dividends.
One of the absolute best ways is to truly find out who you are and act from that solid foundation point.
3) Get out and get involved
Like I was writing earlier, sometimes your options for getting out are pretty limited these days.
If so, maybe walking the dog or a quick jog is the best you can do.
In-person mingling is definitely not at its all-time high these days for our own safety.
But in any way, you can get out and get involved.
Maybe there’s a gardening workshop that follows all the proper social distancing rules and you’ll find that your green thumb catches the fancy of a very foxy redhead.
True love comes when you’re following your passions and getting involved.
4) Work through your trauma from the past
Working through your trauma from the past is an excellent goal.
It doesn’t have to be self-indulgent or “weak” in any way.
It’s actually very strong and brave to face up to the experiences and situations that caused you fear, sadness, anger and doubt.
These situations can be like the weights that strengthen your personality biceps.
You can also learn to see the positive side of anger, for example, and use it to unleash your inner beast for proactive and worthwhile change instead of impotent stewing and internalized rage.
5) Leave room for magic to happen
While it’s very good to have standards and be in touch with what you want, you also need to leave room for the magic to happen.
The best way to do this is to be firmly anchored in yourself and what you’re looking for while also letting yourself live in the present.
Don’t prejudge someone until you know them, and don’t unleash a laundry list on any date until you get more of a feel for your potential for a connection with them.
Sometimes you’ll end up with a friend of the family and have the best time of your life.
Other times you’ll grab dinner with someone you’ve been talking to for weeks – with messaging chemistry that’s on fire – only to find that in person your connection is a complete dud.
Leave room for magic to happen.
6) Just say yes
This is a powerful key to finding true love. Just say yes.
I mean… if your friend dares you to eat four habanero peppers with nothing to drink after then just say no.
But when it comes to going out to live events, joining groups you’re invited to and going out on a date and taking a chance then just say yes.
What’s the most you have to lose? You might even lose your heart.
Ivonne Rodriguez outlines just how powerful it can be to say yes to love, noting that:
“It’s deciding to love this individual and letting them love you, putting your guard down for the very first time or in a really long time.
It’s admitting you’ve fooled yourself and everyone else whenever the words ‘I was not made for love’ came out of your mouth.
It’s comprehending that all you ever needed was someone who realized that the wait was worth it, that you are worth it.”
7) Get your “P” up
Like I was writing about propinquity, it’s the likelihood of talking to or doing things with another person.
Shared interests, schedules, geographical location, and culture are all big factors which could increase your propinquity with someone.
Think about who you’re attracted to and the kind of partner you’re looking for.
Then develop the kind of interests, schedule, and approach that would put you around people like this more often and increase your chances of meeting them.
If you are very attracted to Brazilian women or men then try going to Brazil if possible – instead of asking hundreds of matches in the United States if they have Bazilian roots.
Propinquity, my friends.
8) Get into flow (the right way)
Flow can be your best friend:
A productivity-boosting state where your talents shine and you get tons done.
Getting into flow is about finding intuitive expertise and letting it bloom.
It will naturally make you a more attractive and magnetic person and it will also lead to all sorts of progress in your career and personal life.
However, as Ideapod founder Justin Brown writes, there is a right and wrong way to get into flow, and many people end up missing the point – and benefits – of getting into flow.
It’s not just about “letting go,” it’s about holding on to what moves us. As Justin notes:
“I think we can start to design our lives in a way that induces the flow state more regularly.
It’s something I have worked on for many years now. You can combine flow with purpose, passion, authenticity, and autonomy in life.”
9) Keep hope alive
There’s a difference between hope and expectation.
Expectation tells you “I won’t be happy until…” or “I deserve what those people have…”
Hope tells you “life is a wild journey and you never know, love could even be around the next corner. Let’s rock!”
Of course, you’re not going to be a chipper chipmunk at all times, so it’s OK to get down and feel a little sad.
It’s very important not to always force yourself to be positive.
Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who represses down their emotions and pretends to be fine?
Sounds kind of fake and shallow, right?
Take the good and the bad – and always keep hope.
10) Channel your inner Gandhi
“Be the change you want to see in the world,” was famously spoken by Indian independence and peace icon Mahatma Gandhi.
If you tweak that just a bit to say “embody the love you want to find in the world” then you will be well on your way to finding true love.
Start finding things to appreciate in people around you, even ones you’re not attracted to.
Give your time and energy to causes you care about and take good care of yourself.
Put out the kind of love and genuine personality that you want to come toward you.
At the very worst you will be an absolutely kickass person and that’s amazing, especially in today’s cynical world.
11) Practice real patience
Real patience means restraining your impulse and putting things into context.
Imagine you will meet the love of your life next week but this week you’re feeling really horny and reckless and you hook up with someone you barely even like and find boring.
The next week they want to meet again and you agree, missing a chance encounter in the park next to your house where you would have met your future wife and someone you would build a future with.
Patience isn’t always about years or endless waiting. It can sometimes even just be a matter of a few days or weeks.
Because to be quite honest I personally do not believe in sitting around waiting or letting a situation go on and on that is crushing you inside.
If you are feeling horrible see what you can do to move or change your situation, but in cases where you’re just unsure or in an in-between phase then patience can truly be the best solution for the time being.
12) Love works in mysterious ways
I do believe in love at first sight. And I also believe it can be profound and even turn into something real and long-lasting.
But I also know from personal experience that it can lead to building up massive fantasies in your head that never come true.
And the disappointment is a very bad feeling indeed.
Once that initial high wears off you find yourself noticing flaws and even other attractive people you start to wonder about…
Maybe you would have been better off just to go with someone who was less of a fireworks fiesta and more of a reliable and quiet partner you felt more trusting of…
Love works in mysterious ways, and the initial boom isn’t always what lasts.
Just keep your wits about you and never invest fully in someone who hasn’t invested in you fully.
13) Save settling for old jello
While you should make sure your standards aren’t Olympian – as I wrote – you should also ensure that you never settle.
Settling is done out of fear, loneliness, or low self-esteem: it doesn’t lead to anything good.
If you know deep down that the person offering a chance at a relationship is not someone you feel a strong interest in then you will only hurt yourself and them by going along with it.
In some cases, it really can be better to be alone than settle.
And true love after three years being completely single is still better than decades of toxic relationships and fake love, wouldn’t you agree?
Journalist Amy Spencer also advises against settling:
“Don’t choose a relationship because you’re afraid to be alone. Or because you’re afraid you won’t find someone better. Or because you’re afraid you’re not good enough to attract someone who’s nuts about the real, true you. Be strong, not scared! You’re a tough cookie and you know you’re meant for more, so don’t let fear make decisions for you. Trust in the good life can bring you.”
14. Embrace the power of networking
Networking through friends and family is a very effective way to find love.
Even though matchmaking and coerced marriage can be very intrusive and manipulative, suggestions about who to go out with can actually be positive.
After all, who knows you better than your parents and close friends?
They should be looking out for what’s best for you and who will make you happy and fit well as a future daughter-in-law or son-in-law.
Maybe every suggestion from mom is a no-go, but now and then she might just strike gold and introduce you to someone who’s one-in-a-million.
Give it a try.
15. Become more forgiving
Sometimes you meet someone and fall in love only to have them do certain things that really piss you off or make you feel betrayed or misunderstood.
It’s enough to make many people walk away.
Sometimes if it’s cheating, abuse, or narcissistic manipulation then walking away really is the best option.
But in other cases embracing the power to forgive can take you a long way toward true love.
Working over a betrayal or hurt with someone you care about can be a deep bonding experience in which you both get in touch with your imperfection and shortcomings.
You promise each other to do better.
But you also deeply accept that neither of you is always going to be perfect, and your love gets even deeper from that honesty.
While honesty is a vital part of every relationship, it’s not necessarily the source of that spark—the synergy and romance that everyone looks for in their partner.
Does it seem like your man isn’t fully committing to you, or you get the impression that he isn’t 100% yours?
It could be because you haven’t yet tapped into his hero instinct.
Tapping his hero instinct
What is the hero instinct?
James Bauer has coined the term—he’s a renowned relationship expert who has spent years teaching people about it.
Every man has a set of protector/provider instincts as part of their psychological makeup. (Yes, even in this modern age.) These instincts regarding the need to hunt, survive and protect a family or tribe still drive a lot of the psychology in men’s makeup. In this day and age, the way these instincts are exhibited has changed, but they’re still there.
In other words, the way your man loves you involves those instincts—they’re wrapped up with his affection, care, and devotion.
Tap into his hero instinct and you’ll find him loving you more deeply, being more devoted, attached, and affectionate.
Wondering how you can tap into his hero instinct?
Here’s a great free video that details a few pointers. It’s brief, but it explains the hero instinct in greater detail.
After reading the book James Bauer has written about the subject, His Secret Obsession, my love life has been revolutionized. It was worth every penny for me because the information inside it has proven to be priceless.
If you think you might want to learn more about the hero instinct, watch the free video that talks more about it. Afterward, you can make a more informed decision.
Here’s a link to that free video again.
The skinny on love
Here’s the skinny on love:
The more you chase it the more it seems to run away from you.
But sitting back and waiting for it to come doesn’t work either.
It can start to feel like you’re getting “played” by the universe. Don’t I know…
But the truth is that thinking of love as a prize or goal ends up weakening you and leading you off track.
Instead, think of love as something that blesses an already enriching life that’s full of giving and contributing.
Love comes to you as a kind of “added bonus.”
Sure you look out for it and you feel a rush of joy when it seems to be on the horizon, but you never stake your hopes, identity, or future on love.
You also never give up on love or think of it as worthless or something you don’t deserve.
Love is beautiful. And it can be a wonderful accompaniment to a beautiful life.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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