11 signs a married man is using you (and what to do about it)

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While we all want our relationships to be fulfilling, they can sometimes get messy. Even the platonic ones.

Friendly as it may seem, do you find yourself in a situation where you are being used by a married man?

These are the top signs that a married man is using you for one reason or another, and what you can do about it. Let’s jump right in.

1) He is always asking for favors.

A married man may be using you if he is always asking for favors, like your time, professional advice, or help with his children or things around the house.

When he asks if you can come over to help him with a project, or if you can drive his kids somewhere, it’s best to be cautious and ask yourself why he feels the need to ask for your help. 

He may have a strong support system already and it’s important to think why he is asking this of you in particular. 

It could be that he does need assistance, but it could also be that he is using you as a way to see you or spend time with you without having to invest anything himself.

2) He always wants to know what you’re doing.

Are you starting to feel like you can’t go anywhere without a married man asking you where you’re going and what you’ve been up to? 

  • Does he text you often? 
  • Follow you on social media? 
  • Does he call often to check-in? 
  • Offering his opinion on how you spend your time? 

It could be that he is trying to take a keen interest in your life. But be careful how much personal information you disclose to someone. No one needs to know your daily habits and your comings and goings. 

It could be that he is using you as a way to get information that he can use later or that he is developing an unhealthy fascination with you. 

If he always wants to know what you are doing, then it’s best to keep your business to yourself. If he doesn’t respect your privacy, then it’s not worth being his friend.

3) He asks about your relationship status or tells you about his marriage problems.

It should go without saying that if a married man is using you, then the first thing he will do is try to get information out of you about your relationship status.

If he is asking about your relationship status and how you feel about your partner, then it’s best to be cautious and understand that he might have a specific motivation: He might want to feel close to you without compromising his relationship.

It’s hard to tell if you are being loved or manipulated. 

Remember that this man has his relationship and very clear boundaries already put in place. You, my darling, happen to be on the outside of that. No matter how close he makes you feel. 

4) He starts to make you feel bad about yourself.

If a married man is using you, then he may start to make you feel like your life is in a state of lack or that you are not good enough for him.

He may tell you that your partner or friends are not good enough for you. 

This might escalate to the point where he confesses that he wants to be that person and that he is willing to leave his wife because she doesn’t understand him. 

He may even try to convince you that he can give you something better than your partner can—but it’s important to know this man has the same amount of free time as everyone else and probably has more than enough time and energy on his hands to spend with his family.

Pay little attention to words. Especially when they are full of erratic emotion. 

5) He always wants to hang out with you and no one else.

If a married man is using you, then he may always want to hang out with you when he is free or has free time.

If he’s always hanging out with you and not spending time with his friends or family, then it’s not a good sign and is most likely a sign that he is using you for something. 

Perhaps he is lonely or missing attention. Remember that your time is your biggest asset and he might be wanting to collect a lot of that for himself to feel better and more wanted and desired. 

6) He makes you feel like you’re the only thing that’s right in his life.

If a married man is using you, then he may make you feel like you are the only good thing in his life. It’s common for people to feel voiceless and misunderstood in their marriages. And they start to look for recognition outside of the relationship. 

If you start to think you are the only one who deeply understands this man, you may have trouble moving on from him. You might start to think deep down that you don’t deserve anything better than what he has to offer.

It can be hard to turn someone down who adores us with their energy and attention. 

Careful. This type of conduct may be emotional manipulation. At some point, he probably looked to his close family, friends, and wife in this way. If he is looking outside his marriage for a sense of validation, tread with caution.

Give him some time to sort out his personal life before diving too deep into his. 

7) He may try to convince you that he is going to leave his wife or partner.

If a married man is using you, then he may try to convince you that he is going to leave his wife or partner for you.

His expressions might change from platonic and friendly to romantic and slightly obsessive. Sometimes this forbidden love can feel extremely appealing

This can be very dangerous as it can start to make you feel uneasy. Most of the time, he is expressing something that he will never follow through with. 

He most likely wants you to feel this way and believe it so that you will continue to give him what he wants and needs. Which is a limitless supply of attention and unattainable desire. 

8) He tries to make you feel like he is the only one who understands you.

A married man may use you if he tries to make you feel like he is the only one who truly understands you. 

Remember that this man has a partner that he is already committed to. He also probably has a strong circle of friends and his support network. He is giving plenty of attention and affection to other people.

If a man starts becoming emotionally attached to you, he might act as if he cares about you and your feelings. There are some very clear signs of emotional manipulation to look out for, like passive aggression, guilting, shaming, and overwhelming someone with a sense of closeness. 

He may even start telling you that he wants to be in a relationship with you when in reality, the only thing that he is trying to do is use you for something else. He might be interested in a sexual relationship on the side, the attention of more females outside of his marriage, or having someone to play games with. 

Remember that he is not yours. Thinking otherwise will only lead you down a road of pain and heartache. This false sense of intimacy is easy to confuse with something that can be freely expressed between two people who can wholly relate with each other.

9) He starts giving you things that you may not necessarily need or want.

A married man who is using you may start giving you things that you don’t necessarily need or want, such as jewelry, clothes, or other expensive items. 

He may do this because he wants to make himself look like an important person and to spoil you in a way that you might not be used to. He might enjoy the sensation of being appealing to women, and having the stability of his wife and family to return home to each day. 

Be careful. He might just be toying with you for his entertainment. 

A lot of emotional and sexual affairs can go on like this for years

He may even use these expensive gifts as a way to try and keep you in his life by feeling like you owe him something back in return. Nothing comes without a cost. 

10) He stops calling or answering your calls when you need him most.

A married man who is using you may start to stop calling or answering your calls when you need him most. This could be when you are feeling emotionally down and out, or when you are in a crisis. He may even start to ignore your text messages and emails. 

This could be because he feels like he has gotten all that he can from the relationship, and now he wants nothing to do with you. It could also be because he feels like your needs are getting in the way of him doing what he wants to do and he wants to cut you off. 

He may also be trying to let you go because his wife has found out about the relationship and she is now upset with him. 

He doesn’t want her to know that there is more going on between the two of you, so he stops communicating with you altogether as a way of protecting himself from getting caught by his wife.

11) He starts to become emotionally and/or physically abusive.

A married man may start to become abusive, both emotionally and/or physically if he is using you. He may do this if he feels that you are pushing him away and trying to get out of his life. 

He might also do this if he feels like you are starting to not give him what he wants and needs from you, which is your time and attention, and sexual energy. 

This can be very dangerous for a woman who is involved with a married man as it can lead her into a situation of domestic abuse or even stalking, especially if the man has access to your home or workplace. 

Even though the relationship has ended, the man may still want more from you than what he originally thought that he wanted from the relationship in the first place. 

Here’s the deal

If you are involved in an emotional affair with a married man, or if you are in a sexual relationship with a married man, I would like to offer to you the following advice:

Get out of the relationship as soon as possible.

The longer that you stay in the relationship, the more likely it is that you will get hurt by this man, either emotionally or physically.

He may become territorial towards you and he may also start to isolate you from your friends and family members who love and care about you. 

You deserve better than this! You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness by your partner. You deserve someone who will treat your feelings as important, not someone who will use them for his selfish purposes. Still not convinced? Psychology Today offers 10 reasons not to date a married man

Heal from this experience and move forward with your life in a healthy way!

The best way to move forward from this experience is a clean break. Talk to your friends or a trusted professional about it so that you can work on healing from any relationship wounds that you have experienced. 

It is also important to remind yourself of your value as a human being, someone who deserves to be treated with love and respect by the person that you choose as a partner in life. 

Learn from this experience so that it doesn’t happen again!

It is very common for women who have been involved with married men in the past to get involved with another married man in the future. 

This can be because they are still searching for their “missing piece” and they are not yet ready to commit themselves fully into a healthy relationship with one person. 

It can also be because they may still be carrying around some unresolved issues from their first relationship with a married man, which prevents them from recognizing when another man is emotionally unavailable or when he has hidden motives for being in a relationship with them. 

If you are in a relationship with a married man, or if you are in the process of getting involved with a married man, please ask yourself the following questions:

  • What am I getting out of this relationship? What am I not getting out of this relationship?
  • Do I feel that this man is interested in me as a person, or do I feel that he is only interested in me physically? Am I able to have an emotional connection with him without having sex? 
  • Does this man make me feel special and loved for who I am, or does he make me feel like he is trying to “use” me for his selfish reasons? 
  • Does it seem like he is afraid to let anyone know about our relationship, or does it seem like he wants to tell everyone about our relationship? 
  • Is there any chance that we can move forward together into the future as a couple, or is there a chance that we will just end up hurting each other?
  • Why don’t I want to be involved with someone who is emotionally available and who wants to be in an exclusive relationship with me? 
  • Do I want to be involved with someone honest and trustworthy, or do I want to be involved with someone who has hidden motives for being in this relationship?

If you want to spice things up, learn to have an affair, but with your partner


Although it can feel tempting to play with fire, getting too close with a married man is a situation that can leave you scorched. 

Whether the relationship is platonic or turns emotionally intimate or sexual, it will always be a one-sided affair with distinct boundaries set up on his end. 

Remember to surround yourself with good friends, rich social life and to avoid putting too much emphasis on relationships that can only go so far. 

No one person should hold so much power over you. 

When it gets to be too much, you always can steer your interactions in a way that works better for you. 

Love yourself and always take care of yourself. 

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.