Seeing your ex-boyfriend move on, find a new partner, get engaged, and eventually get married can be a personal emotional rollercoaster, especially if you still care about him.
But, still being in your ex-boyfriend’s life as a friend or work colleague, you’ve noticed lately certain behaviors and signs that make you feel that he’s not as “done” with your relationship as you thought he was.
But could your married ex-boyfriend really still be in love with you, or are you just imagining things?
The answer is yes, he still totally could be in love with you, and here are 17 signs that he’s not just over you yet:
1. He’s nostalgic about the past
One of the clearest signs that your married ex isn’t over you yet is whether or not they like bringing up your shared history.
A man who has moved on doesn’t have the time for the past; he doesn’t think about it, he doesn’t reminisce over it, and he doesn’t want to remember it.
Perhaps he regrets that he messed up in your relationship, and he can’t stop thinking about what a bad mistake it was.
Simply put, a happy man wants to live in the present and think about the future with his current partner.
But if there’s a certain lingering in his heart for the time when you two were together, you’ll see it in whether he chooses to talk about it or not.
Maybe he even tries to make the bad times seem less bad than they actually were, talking about how silly your fights used to be, or how better the two of you are now (implying that the relationship could work now if you gave it a second chance).
Why does he do this?
A part of him might just want to reminisce and long for that Golden Age when he was with you.
But another part of him might actually be trying to see how you feel about it; if you miss the relationship as much as he does, and if so, what you two are going to do about it.
2. You get drunk calls every now and then
There are very few people who can actually keep their cool while they’re inebriated.
No matter how cool and collected you are when you’re completely sober, alcohol can break all those barriers down.
With just a few beers or shots, you’re much less concerned about keeping secrecy and more concerned about acting on impulse and telling everyone how you feel.
So if you’ve ever received a drunk call in the middle of the night from your married ex-boyfriend, it doesn’t matter what they say — they’re not over you.
The simple fact that you are the topic in his head when all his walls are down just goes to show how much he still thinks and cares about you, and wishes that his current reality was different.
3. He’s always talking about his wife
Now this point may seem counterintuitive: if he’s talking about his wife all the time, then that means he’s obsessed over her, right?
While this may be true in some cases, there are other cases where it isn’t.
Instead of revealing his obsession over her, it reveals his obsession over keeping you in his life, even when discussing his most intimate and private details.
He may not know it for himself, but he still can’t get over you.
He wants to know your thoughts and feelings over everything going on in his life because he cares about your feelings more than he cares about his own wife’s.
There’s a tiny (but perhaps growing) part of him that believes he made the wrong choice, and he tries to live vicariously in the alternate reality where he chose you — not his wife — by telling you everything that’s going on.
4. He stays in touch for random reasons
As an adult with a full, busy, married, and employed life, there isn’t really much room or time for anything outside of your schedule.
You’re supposed to be building your family, securing your home, and growing your career, not keeping in touch with people who are (supposedly) part of your past.
While some wives may hate the idea of their husband keeping in touch with their ex-girlfriend, there are some who don’t mind it.
But just because his wife doesn’t mind it doesn’t mean it’s not unusual.
He’s got his own family and life now, and you should be outbuilding (or starting) your own.
But he stays around your life, always for one reason or another. It’s gotten to the point where you honestly believe that he’ll never be a stranger to you.
And if you, him, and his wife can make that work amicably, then great.
But it could very well be a sign that he just can’t say goodbye to you, romantically.
Be careful though, an affair with a married man can get complicated.
5. He’s constantly bumping into you
You’ve got a daily and weekly routine: you go to the grocery store on Mondays, the gym on Tuesdays and Thursdays, maybe a church or reading group on Sundays, and you always walk the same route at the same time for your dog.
We’re creatures of habits and routines; it’s just the way we best function.
And your ex is constantly bumping into you.
Even if your lives are no longer intertwined, you can’t go a week without seeing him at least once or a few times.
While it may be a coincidence to some degree, you have to be honest with yourself: after a few dozen accidental bumps, he’s got to be doing it on purpose.
He misses you, even if he won’t say it.
He loves your presence, even if he can’t express it.
Maybe you two had a bad history and he knows you wouldn’t be good together “officially”, but that doesn’t mean he wants you out of his life.
6. He hints that he’s not happy with his wife
Ask yourself this: do you know how happy he is with his marriage?
If the answer is yes, then you know too much.
Firstly, no one outside a marriage should be aware of the delicate issues going on between the couple; it’s a betrayal of trust and intimacy between husband and wife.
And secondly, not only did he betray his wife’s trust by telling another person about their problems, but he did it by telling his ex-girlfriend, out of all people in his life.
You might say that you two are best friends and you share everything with each other, but that might be the exact problem.
He didn’t respect his lines with his wife, and he values his shared bond with you more than his actual marriage.
He wants you to know how unhappy he is not just because he needs a place to vent, but also because he wants you to know that he might be available again.
7. He talks to you about affairs and cheating
A loyal and happy married man will never talk about having an affair or cheating on his wife.
Because if he does want to do it, he wouldn’t want to increase the chances of him getting caught by telling other people about it.
So why in the world is he telling you?
He’s not just telling you for the sake of telling you.
He wants you to know that not only is he unhappy, but he’s thinking about acting on those feelings of being with someone else.
This isn’t the kind of thing you would tell your best friend; this is the kind of thing you would tell the person you want to have an affair with, even if he hasn’t explicitly said it yet.
Now every time you two might have a heated interaction together, he wants you to know that kissing you and getting in bed with you isn’t something he would turn away.
And he knows that it adds an extra level of spice to your relationship, now that he’s a married man.
8. He always asks about you
When you find yourself in a committed relationship, other people — especially ex-partners — shouldn’t really be your concern anymore.
Which is one reason why your ex-boyfriend might not be talking to you anymore since he doesn’t want to raise any red flags for his wife and look like he’s up to something.
But he can’t help himself from asking your mutual friends about you.
You’ve heard it from all your friends — he wants to know what you’ve been up to, if you’re dating anyone new, if you’ve got a new job or if you’re on the market for a new boyfriend.
He loves staying privy to your life, even if he never seems to talk to you himself. The simple truth is he’s not over you, but he’s too much of a gentleman to let anyone know.
9. He tries to stay on top of your dating life
It’s been a while since the break up; both of you have drifted apart but for some reason he’s still up to date with your dating life.
On the occasions that you do talk, you can’t help but notice that he seems to have a clear understanding of what’s happened to you after you guys stopped seeing each other.
He knows who you’ve dated and for how long.
He might not have all the details down pat but he is a lot more informed than he should be.
He has an unmistakable curiosity when it comes to your dating life. Maybe he asks friends, maybe he stalks you on social media.
Maybe, if he has the balls, he decides to ask you outright.
Regardless of how he stays in the know, there’s no denying that your ex is really interested in your dating life and tries to stay on top of it.
Maybe he’s just a naturally curious (and gossipy) guy in which case there isn’t really a cause for worry.
But he’s uncharacteristically interested in your dating life, perhaps there’s something else to it.
10. He compares you to his wife
And he does it in both good and bad ways.
He talks about how you and his wife are similar and hints at your shared qualities as the reason why he likes both of you; joking about having a “type”.
It could be anything from the way you talk or dress down to more intimate details.
On the other hand, he could also be badmouthing his wife and highlighting your good qualities as if to say “Wouldn’t it have been nice if I married you instead?”
He complains about his wife all the while uplifting you.
Ultimately, he’s not just venting about a bad marriage.
He’s talking you up and making you feel like you are much better than his wife, and consequently better suited to him than she is.
11. He drunks calls/texts you
This one is a no brainer.
Drunk calls and texts are pretty much the bachelor’s move.
Although this has never been dignified, having a single ex drunk call or text you is pretty excusable.
Maybe you’re on their mind and they’re just trying to get over some stuff.
But if your married ex sends you half-lucid texts and voicemails, there’s a good chance this has more to do with the overconsumption of alcohol.
Drunks calls and texts are a great excuse to get in touch with someone you ought not to be in touch with, and it’s not any different just because he’s married.
He’s using the drunkenness as an excuse to get in touch. Even if he denies it, the motivation is still clear.
The fact that he drunk called or texted you specifically means that there’s something on his mind.
He’s pretty much testing you to see if you’ll bite the bullet.
12. He talks about your unresolved issues
For some reason, your ex has never achieved closure.
Even now that he’s married, he’s still striking conversations about past mistakes.
Things that happened years ago are still clearly burning a hole in his mind and he can’t help but talk to you about it.
From trying to find solutions to reliving the blame game, he’s happy to revisit the past and talk about unresolved issues as if you guys were still in a relationship and you’re actively trying to fix things.
It’s almost as if he wants you to know that he’s a changed man and that he’s ready to support you in the relationship in ways he couldn’t before.
The fact that he keeps bringing it up is more than just mental exercise.
Ultimately, he’s not over you and wants to see if this is something you could explore together once more.
13. He’s jealous of other men
He doesn’t like seeing you with other men, plain and simple.
When you’re around mutual friends, he gets visibly annoyed when someone is a little flirty with you.
He can’t help but feel possessive over you and it probably drives him a little crazy knowing there’s nothing he can actually do about it.
So instead of confronting you directly, his jealousy shows in other ways.
He might try to put himself between you and prospective partners and “warn them” about you.
He might act protective and overly interested in your love affairs, giving you advice that you didn’t even ask for.
He might ask you to keep him in the loop so he can “take care of you”.
He might stalk you on social media and try to badmouth the guys that you’re seeing.
Whether it shows up in good or bad ways, his feelings about you are pretty transparent.
At this point, he shouldn’t really care about what’s going on in your life but he can’t help but try and be involved in one way or another.
Signs he still has feelings but he doesn’t want to do anything about it
14. He avoids interactions with you
You ended on good terms, you even know his wife and are friendly with her, and yet he avoids you like the plague.
He avoids every opportunity to be in the same room as you.
When you see him walking the same direction, you know that he’ll instantly pivot around.
Whenever there are social occasions where you’d both be in the same room, it’s almost as if he does his best to avoid anything that has to do with you.
At first glance, it may seem like he’s still mad and bitter about you.
In truth, he might be doing himself (and his marriage) a favor by avoiding you completely.
Seeing you is enough for odd feelings to rise to the surface and he doesn’t want to deal with that.
So instead of having to confront those feelings, he does what he can to avoid interactions with you.
After all, out of sight, out of mind.
15. He always makes sure he’s around his wife
Come to think of it, you’ve never seen him alone.
Every instance where you two were in the same room, there he was clinging next to his wife.
Of course, it could just mean that they love spending time together but this time it feels like their constant appearances together is pointed towards you specifically; where it feels less like spending time together and more like some sort of performance.
If he makes sure his wife is always there when you’re there, it might be his way of reminding himself that he’s a married man.
As attracted as he is to you, he wants to stay committed to the union by bringing his wife around.
Because they’re together, it’s probably much easier for him to resist the temptation of striking up a conversation with you.
He can be reminded that he’s still very much married and that it’s never going to happen between the two of you.
16. His body language speaks for itself
He might not be blunt and openly tell you that he’s still in love with you, especially not if he’s looking to keep his marriage healthy.
However, he tells you in other ways.
From the stolen sideways glances to the seemingly innocent touches, you clearly have some effect on him more than he’d like to admit.
Looking at a person’s body language is a great way to understand what they really mean.
These non-verbal cues often speak louder than words and are revelatory of things you otherwise wouldn’t have known.
How does your ex act around you?
Does he act flustered, easily frustrated?
Do his pupils dilate when he’s talking to you?
Does he subconsciously mimic you and pattern his behavior after yours?
These are things you could look into to understand whether your ex is just being friendly or something else entirely.
17. Your friends tell you about it
Deny it all you want but your friends see the same thing.
Because you’re too close to the situation, you can’t help but deny your ex’s behavior and chuck it up to a random chance.
But your friends know better than you.
They see how your ex interacts with you versus how he interacts with other people, including his wife.
If they say something is up, take it as a precaution and realize that maybe something is up.
There is all the more reason to be suspicious if his friends keep hinting at you about it too.
So Your Married Ex Loves You. Now What?
Nobody wants to be a homewrecker, and can you really trust a man who cheats on his wife, no matter what he might be saying?
Before you decide to actually act out on your feelings — and his feelings — think long and hard about what you’re about to do, and whether it’s something you can live with moving forward.
Or you might decide that it’s time to completely drop him out of your life, simply because you don’t want to be the person who ended a marriage.
That’s his baggage, not yours.
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