Afraid that a guy likes you but he is not in love with you and is just keeping you around as an option?
It definitely sucks, but the truth is, many women do not understand the signs that they are being viewed as an option.
Many guys act like this because it is easier for them and they know that girls want a guy who can always commit.
It is not your fault, but it’s important to understand if he is treating you like an option so you can decide what to do next.
Here are some signs you’re just an option to him, then we’ll discuss what you can do about it.
1. He does not want to spend regular time with you
If he is making excuses for not spending a lot of time with you on a regular basis, it means he is not that interested in you or your relationship.
He may say he has to work, but if he really wanted to see you then he would find the time.
He would give up things in his life if it means being with you.
If he doesn’t want to hang out with you consistently, then he is just using you as an option when it is good for him.
In a committed relationship, you need to make compromises in order to spend quality time together.
But if he refuses to make time just for you, then that’s clearly a sign that he is not willing to make you a priority in his life.
He may be hanging out with you a little bit because he doesn’t want to lose you completely, but that’s not a sign of interest it’s more of a sign that he is only with you when it is convenient for him.
2. He puts you in the friend zone
Sadly, I see it all the time.
Women locked in the friend zone for years and don’t know why.
Some guys seem to make it a mission to keep you in the friend zone without honoring your wish to date them.
They will give you hints that they would like to date you, but when push comes to shove they want nothing to do with a romantic committed relationship.
This is common if you’re having a Friends With Benefits relationship. This means he is only interested in sex with you and doesn’t want to commit to a proper emotionally invested relationship,
Don’t fool yourself and think otherwise.
I know that he says he has feelings for you, but if a guy keeps making excuses for not spending time with you then it’s likely that he is keeping his options open just in case he finds someone he likes more than you.
Women are very sensitive about rejection, so men try to avoid it by keeping you in the friend zone.
Plus, he is getting his benefits from your friendship so he just wants to keep it like that.
3. He plays the field
The dating game is changing in our society and a lot of guys are now treating dating like they’re shopping at Wal-Mart.
They want to hang out with a lot of different women to see which ones interest them the most.
They need a variety of options at their fingertips so they are not forced into making important decisions and missing out on other opportunities.
It’s important to be conscious of the fact that you may be just an option to him.
If he is dating lots of women then that’s a serious red flag.
Let’s be honest:
In the age of Tinder and online dating applications, we all have many options of who we can date.
If he just doesn’t want to commit fully to you and he is obviously playing the field, then that means that he is keeping his options open.
He may decide that you are the best option, but for some men, it can take time because Tinder and apps like that can be addicting.
You need to decide whether this guy will ever come around, or if he is always going to keep casual with you.
4. He avoids talking about the future with you
He wants to keep you around, but he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.
Therefore, he may be scared of losing you if he is unable to commit.
That’s why he avoids talking about the future with you.
And it might not be you that’s the problem. Maybe he hasn’t had a relationship for a long time and he doesn’t know how to go about it.
Talking about the future is an indication that he wants a committed relationship with you. He wants to make it work and he wants to see if you fit into his plans.
But if he doesn’t do that, then he clearly doesn’t care if you guys stay together in the future.
When you want a proper relationship with someone, you want to build a future together. Whether it’s organizing a trip somewhere, or even planning to move in together, future plans are excellent indications that a relationship is going somewhere.
But if this guy never talks about the future, then he may not be interested in building a relationship with you.
5. He doesn’t want to get serious
When men see the potential in a good woman, they will want to get serious.
They may open up and be more personable with you and discuss the future.
He will pull out his feelings and let his guard down to show you that he is a human being and not just a sex toy.
But if this guy doesn’t want to talk about his feelings, or anything really, then it means he’s not ready to commit.
Furthermore, if he avoids seeing you in public and he doesn’t want you to meet his friends or family then it’s likely that he is keeping his options open by dating several girls but not getting too close to any of them.
6. He doesn’t think about you when you’re not with him
If he’s interested in you, he will think about you even when he is not with you.
He may have conversations with friends about how much fun they had with you or how cute you looked when they went out last weekend.
They will daydream about what it would be like to spend more time with you and they may even imagine living the rest of their lives with someone else.
You’ll know because he will text you or get in contact with you.
But if this guy isn’t thinking about you when he’s not with you, then it means that he doesn’t have a genuine interest in dating you.
7. He only booty calls you
If he never makes proper plans with you, and only contacts you late on a Saturday night, then that’s not a good sign.
If he’s only calling you to hook up then it’s likely that he doesn’t want a relationship. He wants to use you for sex.
Don’t get used, because if you do, then he’ll leave you heartbroken. Don’t believe that he wants more when he is only with you for sexual attention.
Try and organize a proper date with him. If he says no, and only contacts you late on a Saturday or Friday night, then you have to accept that your relationship with this guy isn’t going anywhere.
8. He thinks about his career instead of you
If he is only thinking about what he does, and not about you at all, then it means that he is not a priority in his life.
He only cares about what he does and nothing else, so don’t believe him when he says that he wants to be with you.
No matter who you are, if you like someone, then you want to be with them emotionally, socially and physically. You make them a priority, no matter how busy you are.
But if this guy puts his career ahead of your feelings, then he is not right for you.
It’s time to move on, my friend.
9. He refuses to commit to a relationship with you
This is probably the biggest indicator that he’s keeping his options open. He says he likes you but refuses to commit fully and asks if you can be just friends with benefits.
Some guys will agree and others say that it’s too much for them to handle at the moment. That’s when you know he does not want a proper relationship with you.
The bottom line is this:
In the end, if you’re looking for love and commitment then you need to make that person a priority.
You can’t just casually keep someone around as an option.
If this guy just keeps you around for some fun, then it’s likely he is only seeing you as an option, and he is not ready to commit.
10. He refuses to define your relationship
If you guys have been dating for a little while and you want the next step, then it’s important that he defines your relationship.
If he can’t define what your relationship is, then he may not want to invest in it.
He may only be using you as an option and not treat you like a priority. He does not view you as his girlfriend and probably sees other girls as options too.
He knows that if he defines you as his girlfriend, then he can’t see other women. And if he defines you as FWB then you might get annoyed and leave him.
So he refuses to define anything because he wants to keep you as an option but doesn’t want to commit fully.
11. He just doesn’t make an effort to get to know you
If he is not making any effort to get to know you and not asking you questions about yourself, then he may be keeping his options open.
That’s because he doesn’t view you as a priority in his life. He doesn’t care whether you’re happy or not, therefore he would rather stay away from it.
If you are looking for someone who will take the time to understand and get close to you, then this guy is probably not right for you.
When you genuinely like someone, you will make an effort to learn about them. You will ask them questions about their life, and you’ll find out what makes them tick.
12. He is constantly making excuses
He forgets your Birthday but chalks up an excuse that he has been busy with work.
He hasn’t contacted you for a week, but he makes a lame excuse that he is out of mobile credit.
He wants to have you around as an option, but he doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship with you.
A guy that really likes you will be there for you and they will make an effort.
So if this guy is making excuses to justify his bad behavior, then he is lying and you will be better off without him.
What you should do about it…
1) Don’t overreact or make demands
When you like a guy who is just keeping you as an option it can be tempting to call him out and put your foot down.
If you do this, however, it’s going to backfire.
If he gets serious it will always have an undercurrent of you “pressuring” him. If he flakes out you will lose whatever connection you do have.
Move slow and consider your next move. If you want more with him you have to understand him and what makes him tick.
2) Trigger his hero instinct
Every man has a deep biological switch that determines whether or not he wants to commit to a woman.
Relationship psychologist and counselor James Bauer calls it “the hero instinct.”
This revolutionary concept is extremely crucial to understand and master.
Because if you can trigger your man’s hero instinct you can make him voluntarily want to commit to you.
Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
3) Pursue your passions
Instead of focusing on this man and how he feels about, focus on your goals and passions.
There’s nothing more attractive than a woman who knows her value and chases her dreams.
Let him see that you don’t depend on him and be sure of your own worth in spite of his poor attitude.
4) Be less available
There’s no reason to be available to a man who doesn’t take you seriously.
Unless you also are looking for something quite casual, it’s perfectly fair for you to be less available.
Tell him you’re busy next time he texts.
Smirk at his next joke with a semi-sarcastic expression instead of laughing.
You’re not his doormat, and he’ll have to do a lot more to earn your affection.
5) Stop throwing yourself at him
There’s a temptation when a guy is distant or uncommitted to throw yourself at him.
Whatever you do, don’t do this.
It’s unattractive, plus it gives him all the power.
By not being able to read you like an open book, he will desire you more and want to find out all there is to know about you.”
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.