The last time my boyfriend refused to go watch a movie with me to see his friends, I started doubting whether he considered his friends more important than me.
Even though I know it’s completely normal to refuse one single date for something else, it made me feel insecure and I started to look for signs.
And guess what?
It turns out that I’m among the 19% of US adults who tend to be unhappy with their relationships. For me, it’s because I know his friends are more important to my boyfriend than me.
Keep reading to get to know the sure signs that his friends are more important than you. I’ll also share some of my favorite coaches’ advice for you to understand what you can do about it.
1) He doesn’t introduce you to his friends
Let me ask you a question before I introduce the most obvious sign that his friends are more important than you.
Has your boyfriend ever introduced you to any of his friends?
If you’re thinking that his friends are more important to him than you, chances are that he isn’t.
And if he hasn’t, that’s a big red flag. I repeat a big red flag.
Do you know why?
Because it means he doesn’t think your relationship is important enough to introduce you to his friends.
Either he doesn’t plan to stay with you for long or he doesn’t consider you a good enough girlfriend for him to share this important information with.
What’s worse, he might be ashamed to let his friends know that he’s in a relationship with you.
Sounds terrifying, right?
Well, I know how it feels. Believe it or not, I’ve been dating a guy for 2 years without knowing a single person among his friends. But I knew he had a lot of them.
Whenever I asked him why he refused to introduce me to them, he always tried to find excuses or change the subject so that I’d forget about it.
But you know what?
Deep down, I always knew it was because he considered them more important than me. He just didn’t value our relationship as much as he should have.
Does this sound familiar to you?
If so, I just want to let you know that it’s not your fault. You should feel secure in knowing that he values you enough to share important information about his life with you.
It’s usually the case that men don’t want to introduce their girlfriends to their friends because they think it might have a negative impact on their friendships.
But it’s not true at all. In fact, introducing your girlfriend to his friends will help him build a more solid friendship group and make him feel more confident in his relationship.
You see, if you start hanging out with his friends, he will feel comfortable with sharing his personal life with them, and, in turn, they will share some of their own personal information with you too.
This will strengthen your relationship and make him more confident about the future of the relationship too.
2) He constantly cancels plans with you to hang out with them
Okay, this one is indeed the most annoying thing that can happen in a relationship.
Just think about it.
Has he canceled your plans a few times and later you discovered that it was because he had plans with his friends?
It was nothing important, nothing that can’t be rescheduled, but he just didn’t want to spend time with you.
If you’re like me, this is something that really gets under your skin.
But at the same time, it’s understandable too.
It’s understandable because it’s a sure sign that his friends are more important to him than you have ever been.
After all, if he doesn’t want to hang out with you, why would he want to introduce you to his friends?
But you shouldn’t let it get to you.
This is something that he needs to learn, and it’s not up to you to teach him.
If he really values your relationship, then he will learn how to prioritize his friends over his girlfriend and make plans with her instead of canceling them just because he’s afraid of hurting your feelings or disappointing you.
So here’s the thing:
If your boyfriend constantly cancels plans with you to hang out with his friends, then he probably doesn’t value you as much as you thought he did.
He simply prefers to spend time with his friends and only spend time with you when they’re not there for him.
In simple terms, he uses you.
It’s sad, but it’s very likely.
So, if you notice this sign, consider it as a red flag to let him know that you’re not happy with how he treats you.
3) He never acts like a hero around you
Before we continue discussing the signs that his friends are more important to him than you, let me ask you an important question.
Does he ever try to act like a hero when he’s around you?
Does he try to protect you, make you feel safe or take care of you?
Well, if not, you should know that this might be another sign that his friends are more important to him than you.
Let me share something that helped me to overcome this issue.
Have you ever heard anything about the concept of hero instinct?
Well, the hero instinct is a new theory in psychology introduced by relationship expert James Bauer. This theory aims to explain how man tends to think, what makes them feel attracted and what they want in relationships.
And if you’re still looking for advice to solve your relationship-related issues, chances are that you haven’t heard of the concept of hero instinct. But it’s indeed something every woman should be aware of!
If we believe James Bauer, men don’t actually need a lot to feel content in their relationships. but instead, all they want to feel is that they are considered everyday heroes by their partners.
Sounds impressive, doesn’t it?
Well, men are driven by their innate instincts and hero instinct is one of them. And whenever a woman triggers their hero instinct, men automatically commit and start to love them harder.
So, you want to trigger your man’s hero instinct and make him commit?
Then you should definitely watch this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
The truth is, once you understand how the hero instinct works, you’ll no longer feel like anyone on the planet is more important to him than you.
So, make sure to check out James Bauer’s excellent video, where he will teach you how to bring out your man’s inner hero.
4) The quality time he spends with you is only in group settings
Do you notice that your man spends a lot of time with his friends and has very little time for you?
If yes, then this could be a sign that he considers you as just a group member rather than a partner.
If you’re like me, chances are that you’re looking for intimacy with your boyfriend and want to feel like you’re the only one he cares about.
But I bet you’re not the only one.
In fact, if you check out some of your man’s social media profiles, chances are that you’ll see that he spends a lot of time with his friends.
Over the years, I’ve seen many women who were led to believe that their men were more interested in their friends than in them.
They were led to believe that their boyfriends only wanted to hang out with them because it was part of their group and not because they genuinely cared about them as individuals.
Want to know why?
Well, let me explain.
Everyone has their own preferences, but if your boyfriend only prefers to spend quality time with you when you’re in a group setting, there might be something wrong.
Of course, there are plenty of other reasons why someone might prefer group settings to one-on-one dates, but if this is his go-to, you need to be wary.
Why is he doing it?
Well, it could be that he simply prefers that kind of setting. It could also be that the more people there are, the less he’ll feel like he has to put any effort into the relationship.
If he only wants to spend time with you when his friends are around, you need to ask yourself if he actually cares about your feelings or if he’s just trying to keep you at arm’s length.
In either case, if he’s spending time with his friends and not you, it means that he doesn’t really care about you.
But remember, if he is a true man, he will give you attention in group settings as well and not make you feel like an outsider.
So, never let him put his friends first at all times, even when they are taking advantage of him. Try to explain that spending quality time with your man is just as important to you as spending time with his friends.
You have the right to be in his life and you have the right to be cherished by him.
He needs to realize that there’s more to a relationship than just getting along with others. If he doesn’t see this, it’s time for you to move on.
5) You’re always the one making the effort to see each other
Now I want you to hang on and think about something.
- Between you and your boyfriend, who was the one who made the first move?
- Who is the one who’s always making an effort to schedule a date?
- Who is the one who is always trying to make the other person feel special?
- Who is the one who’s always doing something nice for the other person just to make them happy?
And this is not a trick question.
This has nothing to do with you being a clingy or needy girlfriend. This has everything to do with your boyfriend being a selfish and inconsiderate boyfriend.
If you’re constantly making an effort, it’s because you’re not as important to him as his friends. Instead, he prefers to spend time with his friends.
That’s why he doesn’t treat you special. He doesn’t consider you as special as his friends, which is why he’s constantly making excuses to spend time with them instead of you.
If this is the kind of guy he is, then it’s time for you to break up with him once and for all.
Because you don’t want him to see that he doesn’t have any value without you.
Just remember how many times you’ve been the one who’s made the first move. I know your answer is “a lot” and this is a big deal.
You want to be a good girlfriend, and this is a good way to show your boyfriend that you’re serious about him.
If you’re always on the receiving end of his advances and he’s always on the giving end, it’s not going to work out for you because he’ll never get to know how you feel about him.
And what’s more, if you’re always the one making plans for you and your boyfriend to see each other, and it never works out that way for more than a few days at a time, then you might be in a one-sided relationship.
6) He criticizes your behavior in front of his friends
Ever noticed how he criticizes your behavior in front of his friends?
Well, that’s what my boyfriend used to do to me.
When I was with him, he would always talk about how I was “so demanding and controlling” and this or that.
He would say things like:
- “You always want me to go out with you, even when you know that I don’t want to.”
- “You’re always making me do things for you when all I want is for you to take care of yourself.”
- “You’re so selfish, always putting yourself first.”
And the worst part? He’d say these things in front of his friends.
I know how this sounds. And I don’t want you or anyone to experience the same and that’s why I’m sharing this with you.
But it’s true. He would do this all the time, and I’d feel so embarrassed because I knew that his friends didn’t like me and they thought that I was a selfish person.
Because of this, I would always change my behavior in front of his friends, so they wouldn’t think badly of me. And he would always complain about me doing this in front of them.
The truth is that this is a very common thing that men do to make themselves feel better about their own bad behavior.
And if you notice this, then it’s time for you to break up with him.
Because he criticizes your behavior in front of his friends when you make an effort to be around him more often. And that’s not normal.
If you make an effort to be around your boyfriend more often, like suggesting to go out on a date when you know his friends are going to be around, he should be appreciative of your efforts.
If he is, but he still criticizes your behavior in front of his friends, then there’s a problem.
Why would he do that?
Well, it could be that he’s not comfortable with you making yourself more visible in his life and that he’s trying to put a stop to it.
It could also be that he doesn’t really care about your feelings and just wants to let you know in a subtle way that he doesn’t want you around.
All these indicate that his friends are more important to him than you.
Your boyfriend likes to criticize you in front of his friends, and he’s doing this because he wants to feel important. He wants to save face by making himself look better than you.
If there’s one thing that’s always bothered me about men, it’s the fact that they want to make themselves look better than their girlfriends instead of the other way around.
It’s like they want to be the ones who are always right instead of the ones who learn from their mistakes and apologize when they’re wrong.
But it’s a clear sign that he doesn’t care about you and considers his friends more important.
7) He uses their opinions on you as a measure of your self-worth
One of the most significant sign that his friends are more important to him than you is the fact that he uses their opinions on your self-worth as a measure of his own.
See, you know how men are. They can’t live without having opinions about everything in this world, and they are always using those opinions to measure how much they care about you.
But why should he rely on his friends’ opinions about you? Why would he measure your self-worth based on what they think?
Well, it;’s because he values them much more than you!
And I’m sure you don’t want to be judged by your friends’ opinions, do you?
And the same goes for your boyfriend. He can’t live without judging himself by what his friends think about him. It’s just human nature after all.
So he needs to stop it right now and start caring more about what you think about him instead of what his friends think about him, because if he doesn’t do that, then there is no point in staying together with him.
Want to know how I managed to repair my self-esteem after realizing that my boyfriend measured my self-worth based on their friends’ opinions?
Believe it or not, I got life-changing advice from a modern-day shaman
By the time I realized that my boyfriend didn’t really care about me, it was too late. I had already invested so much time, energy, and effort into this relationship that I wasn’t sure what to do.
And suddenly I understand he didn’t even value the relationship with them as much as with his friends.
I knew that if I broke up with him it would be a very painful experience for me, but if I didn’t break up with him, there was no way for me to move on in my life.
That’s when I found the free Love and Intimacy video by the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê.
And you know what?
Now I’m sure that it’s the best possible practical solution to deal with this problem.
While watching it, I felt like someone understood my struggles without judging me. And what’s better, Rudá actually helped me to bring intimacy back into my relationship and revived his love for me.
The secret is that he taught me how to start with myself and work on my inner relationship with myself. And only afterward did I move on to my boyfriend’s actions and thoughts.
So, get ready to take part in this extraordinary journey, click here to watch the incredible free video.
8) It feels like his friends have a bigger say in your relationship status than either of you do
Who can handle the fact that other people are more involved in your relationship than you are?
Well, it’s a rhetorical question because obviously, not a single person can.
The truth is that no one wants to be in a situation where they can’t control their own relationship. It’s not just about the way you feel as a partner, but it’s also about the way you feel as an individual.
You need to be in charge of your own decisions and actions, otherwise, you might end up becoming someone who is controlled by others.
And that’s something we don’t want to be in our lives and relationships.
But sadly, whenever people doubt that their boyfriend’s friends are more important to him, it might be the case.
It might feel like they have a bigger say in your relationship status than either of you do; like maybe they are the ones who decide if you stay together or break up.
And it makes no difference what you want or think about it either way because they come first no matter what.
Sounds like your relationship, right?
This is especially true if your boyfriend tends to think more like his friends than like you and if he always seems to agree with their opinions on your relationship and your relationship status.
If you feel like you don’t matter as much as his friends, then you probably don’t.
But this doesn’t have to be that way. You’re the one who is supposed to decide if you can stay together or not, and if so, for how long.
So what’s the solution? Don’t let others’ opinions of your relationship status control your life.
Instead, take charge and make it happen for yourself! And make sure to take this step, whatever the cost.
9) He won’t commit to future plans with you, only with his friends
Let’s put it this way. If your boyfriend keeps saying that he can’t make plans with you because his friends are coming over, then you might have an issue.
It’s not just about the fact that he doesn’t want to spend time with you because his friends are coming over; it’s also about the fact that he can’t make plans on his own.
And he won’t commit to future plans with you, only with his friends.
He has to constantly ask others for their permission before making any important choices.
And this is something we don’t want in our relationships, do we?
Of course not! We’ve all been through the same situation and we know that it’s not healthy to let other people control your life, especially when they have no right to do so.
But here’s what you should know:
If your boyfriend constantly makes plans with you but always puts them off, you might have a problem with your hands.
If he does things like making plans with you for the next weekend but can’t commit to anything further than that, you should start to worry. If he does the same thing with his friends, it’s a sure sign that he considers them more important than you.
Well, there are a couple of reasons for that.
One is that he might be trying to protect your feelings by not committing to something he might end up disappointing you with later down the line. Or two, he might just simply be afraid of committing to you.
So what should you do in this case?
You’re the one who is supposed to decide if you can stay together or not and if so, how long for.
So what will happen if your boyfriend keeps saying that he can’t make plans with you?
It probably means that he isn’t serious about spending time with you and only wants to spend time with his friends instead.
This could be a sure sign that his friends are more important to him than you.
10) He doesn’t take your feelings into consideration when it comes to making plans with his friends
Let me take a wild guess.
I’m sure I don’t need to tell you this, but if he doesn’t take your feelings into consideration when it comes to making plans with his friends, then he’s definitely not the one for you.
If he’s a man who values you as a person and understands that your feelings matter, then he will definitely make time for you even if his friends are coming over.
But as we’ve seen from the above points, if your boyfriend is more concerned about his friends than about spending time with you, then he probably isn’t the one for you.
Why am I so sure?
Well, I know this because my boyfriend never used to take my feelings into consideration when it was about making plans with his friends.
I always had to beg him not to cancel plans with me because he was more concerned about his friends than he was about spending time with me.
And as you can see, this is a clear sign that he isn’t the one for you.
My advice here is to express your feelings as much as you can and make him understand that you can’t accept him treating you like that.
If he doesn’t understand that, then the only thing to do is to let him go.
11) He doesn’t respect the boundaries between you and his friends
This is another annoying habit of men who are trying to forget that there are clear boundaries between you and your friends.
I mean, you don’t want him to spend all his time with his friends, do you?
And the same can be said about you by his friends. They don’t want to spend all their time with you.
That’s why boundaries are so important in any type of relationship. But sadly, if your boyfriend doesn’t respect the boundaries between you and his friends, then he’s definitely not the one for you.
Do you know what it means?
It means that he doesn’t respect either you or his friends.
And I’m sure you don’t want to be the one who is always getting left behind because of his friends.
But if he doesn’t have any respect for you, then there is no point in staying together with him.
So what should you do in this case?
Well, the answer is simple. You need to make him understand that the boundaries between your relationship and his friends’ relationship are very clear and that he cannot cross them whenever he wants.
And if that doesn’t work, then there is only one thing to do: leave him alone and start dating someone who will treat you with respect instead of treating you like a piece of meat with no feelings at all.
Conclusion: why do men value their friends more than women?
Now as you already understand the signs that his friends are more important to him than you, it’s time to discuss why they value their friends more than you.
Well, there are a variety of reasons why men would value their friends over women.
The first is the fact that they are simply socialized to prioritize other men before women. That doesn’t mean that they’re bad people, just that they’re still influenced by social norms and practices.
Another reason is that it’s more normal for men to prioritize their friends over women.
Because it’s seen as borderline normal to do so, it’s easy to start to feel like there’s something wrong with you if he doesn’t put you on the same level as his friends.
But that’s not always the case. And if you want to get a personalized explanation about any issue in your relationship, you should definitely learn how to trigger your boyfriend’s hero instinct.
I touched on the hero instinct earlier. So take on this challenge and check out relationship expert James Bauer’s invaluable advice.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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