17 signs he’s secretly obsessed with you (and what to do about it)

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Sometimes, it’s flattering when a guy admires you and pays a lot of attention to you. 

But when you can sense that the guy you’re friends with or casually seeing is becoming dangerously obsessed with you, it feels like hell. 

If you’re unsure if this guy is obsessed with you, watch out for those warning signs. 

I’ll also be sharing with you the best ways to handle this obsessive guy so you can take steps to protect yourself from a potentially unhealthy situation.

17 sure signs he’s dangerously obsessed with you 

A guy can be obsessed with you in a cool way. But most of the time, obsession isn’t a healthy thing. 

You can know from these signs if his admiration is more of an unhealthy obsession than an expression of sincere love.

Here are 17 signs of toxic behaviors that reveal his obsession with you. 

1) He spies on you

Can you sense that you’re being watched constantly?

You have this feeling that eyes are on you when you go out the door, while you’re walking to your car, or anywhere else.

Listen to your instinct.

This guy is spying on you every chance he gets. Scary as it seems to be, but this guy is just around or walking behind you. 

He might be doing this as he desires to see you or wants to know what you’re doing. 

Take this as a sign that he’s deeply obsessed when you catch him or run into him “by coincidence.”

2) He keeps messaging you

It’s sweet to receive those “Good morning” or “How are you?” messages from someone. What isn’t, is when this guy bombs you with messages all day long.

The time he bombards you with unanswered messages or asks why you’re not replying can be a bit spooky.

He can’t seem to stop sending text messages on your phone and your social media app.

Even if you’re not in a romantic relationship, he wants to know where you are or what you’re up to. 

But you don’t owe this guy an explanation.

Pay attention to his behavior – this could probably mean that he’s extremely insecure and possessive too.  

3) He knows strange facts about you

It seems weird that he knows a lot of things about you – even if you never told him about it. 

You only share small talks, but he remembers every detail of it – and what you’re wearing that time. 

And you’re even wondering why he knows even those little details about your life. 

For instance, he knows where you hang out with friends, your favorite childhood show, and even the food that you bought for your pets.

Take this sign as a red flag that he’s secretly obsessing over you. 

4) He has the constant need to know your schedule

Initially, he’ll be asking if you’re free on certain nights – hoping you’ll go out with him. 

Sooner, he’ll start checking your schedules like the time you leave for work or the days you’ll hit the gym. 

He’s doing this to know when he could see you or plan dates around it.

If you seem to like this guy, but what he’s doing is too suffocating for you, tell him about it. 

But, watch out when this guy gets dangerously obsessed.

That’s the time when he wants to know your daily activities and whereabouts. It’s like if he could plant a GPS and surveillance camera on you, he would do it.

And if you’re doing something he’s not part of, he’ll find a way to get involved in it.

5) He’s too active on your social media platforms

There’s no harm checking up on someone’s social media as everyone goes through some form of innocent social media stalking.  Whether you’re curious about a new person at school or work, interested in the new flame of your ex, or creeping in on someone you like.

But this guy’s actions are something else.

Take notice of how he quickly views your stories and likes or comments on your post. 

While initially, his intentions are good, it might come a bit creepy especially when he starts following the accounts of your family members and siblings

For when he hounds every aspect of your social media life, it’s a dangerous obsession sign.

6) He’s stalking you

Does he randomly appear when you’re out with friends? Is he always around waiting for you at the gym or the parking lot? Or does he pop up at parties he’s not invited to?

This guy seems to know you, what you do, and everything else in your life.  It’s strange, right?

Acting like a stalker is a sign of an unhealthy obsession.  And most of the time, this kind of situation can get worse.

Think twice if you’re dating this guy. 

You deserve a healthy relationship – not an obsessed one.

7) He keeps chasing you

You get exhausted that he’s chasing you constantly – like he never stops texting and calling you. 

There are even messages from him during the wee hours of the morning while you’re sound asleep.

He shows up at your workplace and near your home. The worst is, he’s waiting for you at your doorstep.

This is an extremely dangerous situation. So make sure to do something if you can sense that your privacy and safety are at stake. 

8) He showers you with too much attention

You’ve already told him that you can’t go out on a date or are not interested, he won’t stop. 

As this guy admires you, he keeps sending you gifts, love messages, and contacting you all the time – even when you ask him not to. 

He’s trying to get your attention and get hold of your time.

He’s doing those things not only to show that likes you and he’s not giving up on you.

It’s because what he feels isn’t just infatuation – it’s an intense obsession. 

9) And people you know tag him as “your stalker”

Your family members, friends, or workmates know about this man’s behavior.

Watch out if even people you know aren’t comfortable when he’s around.

Even if initially it seems like a joke, it’s not a laughing matter. It’s something that you shouldn’t take lightly or tolerate.

Take it as a sign that he has obsessive behavior.

According to a Cove Security article, stalking is an unnatural obsession – and every year almost 6.6 million have been victims of it, so you need to know how to deal with this.

10) He sticks around even if you ignore him 

Even if you don’t treat him nicely, this guy still doesn’t want to get out of your life. He still keeps on contacting you, being there wherever you go, and giving you those gifts. 

You told him you’re not interested in any way and you need time by yourself, but nothing happened.

He would keep doing everything to be with you no matter how bad you treat him.

It seems so hard to get away from this guy. 

But watch out as this is a red flag that shows how deeply obsessed he is. 

11) He’s delusional about the future

Considering that you did go once on a date, he seems to be blinded by the truth. 

This guy thinks that you already have a relationship. 

He’s telling you, your family and friends, and other people that you’re his lover and girlfriend. He’s so obsessed that he seems to have plans for both of you in the coming months and years. 

He even posted that you’re his fiancee or that you’re getting married on his social media page. 

This is so disturbing as he’s not even your boyfriend.  

12) He refers to you as his soulmate

Even when you barely know each other or you just dated, he calls you the “love of his life.”

He created a scenario about the two of you in his head without considering your feelings. 

And even if you’ve been honest that you don’t see him as a boyfriend, he’ll ignore it. 

He always points out or sets coincidences to prove that you two have a connection or he’s the other half of your soul.

He’ll take advantage of every opportunity to show up where you are to prove that “chance meetings” show that you are meant for each other.

It’s disturbing as he is obsessed with you.

13) He always agrees with you

When you ask or have to say something, he would always say “yes” to you. 

While you can have the same opinion on things, agreeing with everything you say or do is a different thing.

It’s weird if all he does is to agree with what you think or what you want just to win you over. 

Having different opinions is normal and it makes you both unique on your own. 

And he also listens attentively to what you’re saying. This is good – or maybe he doesn’t want to miss anything about you. 

14) He’s clingy and insecure

Does he refer to you as “his” instantly after meeting or going on a date? Then that’s a red flag.

He’s obsessed and wants to possess you even if you don’t have a relationship yet. He could even display his manipulative and narcissistic behaviors

When you’re at a party, he refuses to leave your side. He guards and prevents others from having a conversation with you.

This guy is so possessive that he wants to have you by himself.

And if his jealousy stops you from being with other people, then he’s dangerously obsessed with you.

15) He can’t handle rejection

He has this idealized fantasy that you’ll never turn him down. 

So when you reject him, he can’t accept it. The worst is, he gets angry or becomes violent. 

He also can’t understand the word “no” even if you say it politely and calmly.

When he asked you on a date and you told him you can’t, he won’t accept your answer. Either he’d keep calling you or ask you personally so you’d go with him.

This guy isn’t living in the real world. 

It isn’t healthy to be with a man who won’t let you go to do things in your way. 

16) He threatens to cause harm

This guy is sneaky and blackmailing you. 

He finds ways so you won’t leave him by making you feel guilty about what he’s about to do.

Either he threatens to harm or kill himself if you could not be with him. 

This is physically dangerous as any threat of self-harm or harming someone else is to be taken seriously. 

He’s dangerously obsessed with you already. But never buy his words. No person in his right mind would ever do that. 

Based on a Medical News Today article, this is a serious sign of abusive obsession

And when you find yourself dealing with this kind of guy, it’s time to ask for help.

17) He has a history of mental illness

Some people who have once had amazing relationships are suffering from mental illnesses or addictions.

And most of the time, these mental illnesses are warning signs already – so be wary about it. 

You might not notice this at a glance as they could initially act differently.

But when you get to know the person – and they get too obsessed with you, they’ll start behaving the way you wouldn’t think of. 

This guy isn’t just crazy in love with you as he’s suffering from something else.

Realize that obsession is dangerous

Obsession starts as an attraction that gets intense in time. People who are already in a relationship might see that it’s normal, but not until the other person becomes manipulative, jealous, and overly demanding.

Too often, obsessive disorder comes with jealousy, frustration, anger, disgust, and other negative traits – all of which are harmful in a relationship. 

Obsession isn’t sweet or flattering, it’s terrifying and unhealthy.

Most of the time, when people get obsessed with someone they love, they end up hurting them.

And some reasons make men obsessed with women. Some get interested in a woman who’s not interested in them, while some men get crazy with a woman’s physical looks, sense of style, or sexuality.

Sometimes, it’s hard to tell if someone loves too much or is obsessed already. But you can tell that for sure. 

Some may act normal at the beginning or when you’re dating, but later on – for some reason, they start being overly possessive and controlling. 

Be mindful of the person’s actions and behaviors to stop them from harming and hurting you. 

The supposed attraction can turn into an “obsessive” one. 

Is it love or obsession?

There’s a level of obsession that falls in the realm of “he’s head over heels in love with you,” and one that “he’s waiting outside your door – and you want to hide from him.”

But then when that infatuation turns into an obsession, that’s the time when it will become potentially dangerous.

According to Healthline:

 “Obsessive love disorder (OLD) refers to a condition where you become obsessed with one person you think you may be in love with.”

Some symptoms of Obsessive Love Disorder  to watch out for includes,

  • An intense attraction for a person
  • Having an urge to constantly protect the person
  • Having possessive thoughts and actions
  • Being too jealous when the other person interact with others
  • Showing no respect for boundaries
  • Anxiety and suicidal tendencies

While this kind of obsessive love is romanticized in movies like “Twilight” and “Fifty Shades of Grey,” it’s different in real life. Reality will start to slap you with problems and you’ll start dealing with a toxic relationship.

If this guy already shows signs of obsessive behavior when you started dating, his obsession will only intensify over time.

Being truly in love feels good and healthy – however, being overly obsessed does not.

Love doesn’t have to feel trapped. It shouldn’t involve any kind of anger, possessions, or fear. 

And there’s a huge difference between passion and obsession. 

Ways to deal with someone obsessed with you 

Take steps to protect yourself from this obsessive guy. For when you ignore this, it will only get worse.

It might look frightening, overwhelming, or complicated, but you can handle this without hurting the other person.  

So if you want to get rid of the guy who is intensely obsessed with you, do it right away. And don’t feel guilty for breaking this person’s heart

Here’s how:

1) Be emphatic if you can

Most people with Obsessive Love Disorder are suffering from low esteem and have underlying mental problems and illnesses.

It’s better to avoid being harsh when talking and dealing with them. Instead, express concern and show kindness.

2) Nurture a healthy friendship

If it’s an initial obsession and this guy asks you out, you might try to give this person a chance to talk.

Meet him in a safe, public place. See this person as someone who needs someone to talk to. Hopefully, doing this can turn into a healthy relationship afterward. 

3) Communicate politely

If you don’t like this guy in any way, talk to him about it right away. 

It might feel daunting to tell him you’re not interested – or like someone else, but it’s better than continuing to put up with him. 

Be straight to the point and don’t give him any false hope that you might have feelings for him later on.

4) Decline him politely

When he wants to start a conversation or if he keeps on asking you questions, don’t be mean or rude. 

You can directly say, “I’m not interested in any way” or “I’m not looking for a relationship.” 

Give your shortest answer to show you’re not interested.  Say something like, “Good to talk to you, but I have to go now.”

5) Focus your attention elsewhere

Maybe this guy isn’t bothering you as he just wants to get to know you. Still, even if his intentions are good, give him hints that you’re not into him. 

Keep your attention to what you’re doing or who you’re talking to. 

For instance, if he appears when you’re with your friends and he approaches you. Just politely say “hi,” then continue engaging with your friends. 

6) Distance yourself from him

If he’s seriously obsessed with you, stay away. Make sure to limit meeting and interacting with this person.

Set your boundaries especially if this person happens to be your friend already.

Better block him from your social media accounts as well. 

7) Have a support system

It’s best to let your family members, friends, close colleagues, and people around you know about this person. 

It’s because there would be instances when an unhealthy obsession can lead to violent behavior. 

You’ll have peace of mind knowing that someone you trust knows about this guy’s obsessive behavior.

8) Expose him publicly

If this guy has turned out to be a dangerous stalker – and doesn’t want to leave you alone, it’s time to expose him. 

Create a warning post on your social media account.  So when this person sees that, I hope that he will stop bothering you anymore.

Remember that your safety and peace of mind matter.

9) Report this guy 

If you’ve done everything already but this guy won’t stop annoying you, it’s time to seek help. – especially if your life is threatened.

File a complaint and get a restraining order if necessary. You never know what kind of person you’re dealing with. 

Doing this will ensure your safety and help control the situation you’re in. 

10) Seek help for this person

You can’t change him. It is only he who can decide if he wants to get out of his obsessive behavior. 

But even if you don’t want to get involved in this person’s life, you may do something to help him – especially if this obsessed person is already your friend.

Approach his family or closest friends and inform them about his obsession. They may do a part in dealing with this issue.

Also, recommend professional help as this behavior can be a psychological condition that causes chronic obsessions.

Never let anyone control you

Ideally, it’s best to avoid being involved with a guy who fits the stalker personality. Having a relationship with an obsessed person doesn’t get any better. 

Do all that you can to keep yourself safe and happy – even if it means ending a friendship with this person.

Your happiness and well-being matter more than anything else.

Keep this in mind:

No matter how much you love a person, never allow him to control, manipulate, or abuse you in any form.

Love yourself more. Know that you deserve to be loved and respected. 

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

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