18 signs he’s only pretending to care (but doesn’t really)

Men like to complain about how hard it is to understand women, but they can be just as difficult to figure out, if not more so.

Men play games without even realizing it, leaving women grasping at straws when trying to understand the true intentions and motivations of the men playing with them.

The most important thing you have to figure out when dealing with a man: does he really care about you, or is he just pretending?

Find out sooner rather than later and save yourself the heartache of a man who’s more interested in keeping you on a leash rather than having anything serious to do with you, by looking out for these 18 signs that he’s just pretending to care:

1) You’re Never Really His Priority

There’s a difference between a guy who stays in touch with you because he wants to and a guy who sticks around because it’s convenient for him.

Sure, it’s all rainbows and butterflies in the beginning. You’re both invested and you feel like you can be yourself around him.

But as the relationship progresses, it’s clear that he’s not really on the same page as you are.

You’re there when he needs you but he never seems to be around when you need him.

You make adjustments just to make it work and you’re incredibly accommodating of any excuses he might be coming up with.

But he doesn’t give you the same courtesy in return. Instead, you get excuses and halfhearted responses; so much so that it really feels like you’re an afterthought.

2) He’s Too Busy To Get In Touch

People work and go about their daily lives. Even the closest couples enjoy some alone time to themselves.

But something tells you that your guy just isn’t interested in talking to you at all unless it directly benefits him.

He never seems to be the one to initiate conversations because he’s always too busy to get in touch with you.

You see him active and alive on social media but he can’t even spare a quick hi.

The conversations just slow down to a halt and don’t pick back up again unless you carry it on your back.

More often than not, the conversations happen on his terms and you often feel like you have to go out of your way just to spend some time with him.

No matter how many excuses you make, it’s clear that he’s not just busy; he obviously has no interest in contacting you until he wants something.

3) He Avoids Talking About The Future

Talking about the future implies commitment and that’s one thing he certainly doesn’t want from you.

He doesn’t like having “the talk” because when push comes to shove, there really isn’t anything for the two of you waiting at the finish line.

Avoidance can come in many forms.

If your guy is into sporadic, spontaneous meet-ups on his own terms and never seems to actually want to plan things with you, consider this a big red flag.

Trips together are completely out of the question and even just the mention of what could happen in the future is enough to have him running to the hills.

One of the most obvious signs he’s not really serious about you is if he doesn’t integrate you into his future.

When he talks about his future plans, do you ever come up? Does he even see you in the future, in some shape or form?

4) He Doesn’t Really Ask About You

Sure, he talks to you, but he doesn’t really ask how you’re doing.

The relationship is clearly lopsided in that you’re more invested in him than he is in you. You know all about his fears, hopes, and dreams.

You’ve asked him about his childhood and know quite about him to confidently say that you understand him as a person.

Can you say the same thing about him?

He doesn’t seem interested in learning about you and doesn’t initiate conversations that would help him get to know you better.

You tell yourself he’s just busy or that it’s probably best not to share your burden with him, but at the end of the day you know these excuses mean the same thing: he’s not really interested in your thoughts and feelings because he doesn’t care.

5) He’s Pressuring You To Move Too Fast

It doesn’t take a detective to see that this guy has only one thing in mind.

His actions are contradictory in that he says he doesn’t really want to move too fast, excusing himself for not being available to you or being more transparent about his emotions.

At the same time, he doesn’t seem to have the same problems with things progressing along too quickly.

He says just enough to make you want him more but not so much that he really reveals himself and acts sincere around you.

He gives you just enough affection and attention to trick you into believing that you’re on the same page, but it’s easy to see that he’s just in it for himself.

A guy who truly cares about you will want you to be comfortable.

He’ll be considerate of what you’re feeling, even when you’re not exactly reciprocating his advances.

If he truly cared about you, he’ll be in it for the long haul.

6) He’s Always Trying To Please You

Do you ever feel like a guy is too nice?

And not in a considerate way, but in the “I’m going to agree to everything you say” way.

Thoughtfulness is a sign of genuine care.

If he cares about you, he’ll think about wanting to work with you to make sure there is harmony in the relationship.

But if a guy is constantly saying yes to every single thing that you do, agreeing with even the most absurd things, and never seems to have any opinion of his own, there might be more behind his actions.
If a guy genuinely cares about you, he’ll want to see you grow as a person.

This means disagreeing with you from time to time and helping you expand your horizons.

A person who is genuinely interested in you will also want you to get to know them for who they are.

If they really had good intentions about the relationship, they’ll see it through all the way, through the good, bad, and ugly.

7) He Has An Excuse For His Red Flags

This guy is absolutely faultless, and not because he’s an impeccable human being but because he finds ways to evade blame.

Forget even trying to bring something up – he already has an excuse locked and loaded.

Constantly late to your meetings?

He blames it on work and being a productive person. Confronted him for gawking at other women?

He’ll make it about you and how you need to work on your insecurities.

Talk to him about his manipulative tricks and he’ll conveniently trace it back to childhood trauma. It doesn’t really matter what the issue is.

The only thing that matters to him is that he doesn’t come out as the bad guy. That’s not to say that he’s not really bothered.

The fact is, he doesn’t care about you enough to actually treat you right in the way that you deserve.

8) He Cares More About Physical Intimacy

Physical intimacy is crucial in any thriving relationship but it’s not the end all and be all of a functional one.

Relationships are healthiest when they are holistic.

If your guy seems to be interested in you only in the bedroom, it’s time to rethink whether he actually cares about you or whatever’s in between your legs.

One easy way to find out is to withhold physical intimacy from him.

When you say no to his advances, is he still the sweet-talking, considerate, persuasive guy that he is? Or does he evolve into someone else completely?

It’s pretty easy to tell if a guy only wants sex.

If he’s only pretending to care about you to get some, chances are you’re not the only girl he’s playing with.

His goal is to go about this in the easiest way possible.

Ignore him for a while; if he leaves, there’s a good chance he was neer really interested in you in the first place.

9) He’s Unavailable When You Need Him

All this talk and pretense of caring about you all boils down to his actions.

Does he actually show up? Does he actually make time for you? Does he actually take the time to make you feel good about yourself? To ask about your day?

His actions should speak louder than his words. If he really cared about you, he’d do more than text or call; he’d actually show up.

10) He Never Takes The Blame

A man who truly cares for you doesn’t want you to feel bad.

Even when you’re in the middle of a terrible argument, there should always be an unbreakable bond between you, one that will ensure he stops and checks himself whenever he’s in the wrong.

But if he’s just pretending to care for you, then he’ll never have that voice in his head saying, “Stop it, you’re wrong.”

He doesn’t care about apologizing for issues, resolving fights, and learning how to move on, because at the end of the day he doesn’t truly see his future with you, but elsewhere.

So fights are truly fights for him — he doesn’t care about trying to make you feel heard and loved.

He just cares about making sure you know that he’s right and you’re wrong.

11) He Doesn’t Care About Your Relationship With Other Guys

No matter how emotionally mature a man might be, he will never fully like the idea of you being around other guys.

That doesn’t mean every man thinks their woman is going to cheat on them at the first opportunity; it means that he doesn’t trust the intentions of other men, and he doesn’t want to see the love of his life fall victim to a predator.

But a man who isn’t truly in this for the long-haul couldn’t care less about what you do with other guys.

If you tell him that you’re going out with a guy friend, he’ll barely look up from his phone just to ask about it.

He might say that he’s not the jealous type, but everyone gets jealous if they care about something. Without jealousy, there can be no real passion.

12) Or If He Does, It’s Only Because He’s Possessive

But that doesn’t necessarily mean that caring about your relationship with other men is a sure sign that he truly cares about you.

There’s a bad side to the reality of him caring about your status with other men — he doesn’t necessarily care about you; he just wants to own you, and he doesn’t want anyone else to have what he owns.

Your man might not actually see you as a person, a lover, a true partner in life.

He might just see you as another piece of property in his possession, like his car or his computer.

And his jealousy towards your relationships with other men comes only from his own narcissism; not because he’s afraid of losing you because he cares about you, but because he cant stand the fact that someone else is trying to take what he believes is rightfully his.

13) He Treats You Like Everyone Else

When a guy cares about a woman, he’ll do one of two things: he’ll do everything he can to show her that he cares, or (if he’s shy) he’ll unintentionally show you that he cares for you.

So how exactly do you tell when a guy is caring for you? Simple: is he treating you better than he treats everyone else around him?

There’s the obvious stuff: he helps you before he helps anyone else; he stands up to greet you, but not anyone else; he always looks towards you in the middle of group conversations.

But then there’s the less obvious stuff, the stuff you only really feel, as if there’s a certain charged dynamic between you and him.

But if you have to ask yourself if a guy cares about you, then he probably doesn’t.

If you don’t feel special in any way when it comes to him, then that means he’s not putting in the effort to make you feel that way; you’re just another friend to him, or even just another person.

14) He Openly Mentions Other Women

If you’re still debating the possibility of whether a guy sincerely cares about you or not, just ask yourself a simple question: has he ever mentioned to you other women that he’s “interested” in? If so, then it’s as clear as day — he’s not into you, and it’s time for you to move on.

Some women might think this is part of the guy’s game.

Maybe he’s playing hard to get, or maybe he wants the woman to make the first move.

But men know how fragile that flirting stage can be, and they know that mentioning other women is the last thing you want to do if you want to win over a woman’s heart, or at least take her on a first date.

He might even be using your friendship to source advice on what to do with these other women.

There are few clearer signs showing that he’s so romantically disinterested in you that he doesn’t even see you as a possibility, but instead as a person to help him with other options.

15) He’s Generally Flirty With Others

Plenty of women convince themselves that a guy is head over heels for them just because they’re so flirty whenever they see each other.

Maybe he does all the known tricks from the “pick up guy” manual: he touches you on the arm, he looks you in the eye, he smiles and laughs, and he’s extremely attentive to your needs.

But here’s the harsh reality: none of these things really mean that he’s interested in you.

Some men just like acting that way, because that natural flirtatiousness comes so naturally to them.

They enjoy the thrill of making every woman around them feel that spark, even if they can barely remember that woman’s name the moment they leave the room.

Look at his personality. Is he flirty with everyone? Is he confident, sexy, a natural debonair? If so, then your feelings might be outweighing your reality.

16) He Doesn’t Put In The Extra Effort

“I’m busy.” “I’ve got work.” “I don’t have any time.” Do any of these ring a bell? If your guy says these lines to you again, and again, and again, then it might just mean one thing: he doesn’t have the time for you.

Now don’t get us wrong — we’re all busy.

We all have responsibilities, work, aspirations, dreams, and goals, and the best of us work day and night to achieve those goals.

But the problem is when he never seems to care about giving you any time at all.

The truth is, no matter how busy a man might be, if he truly has feelings for you, he’ll want to see you, meaning he’ll want to make the time to keep you involved in his life.

He puts in the extra effort to squeeze you in every chance he can get.

But if he doesn’t care about you then he won’t try to find those little extra ways to see you, talk to you, interact with you.

He’s more than happy to let the “busy” excuse do his work for him.

17) He’s Different When You’re Around People

A man might be full of sweet nothings when you’re alone and intimate with him, with promises of loving you and spending his life with you.

He might be the most amazing pseudo-boyfriend you’ve ever had behind closed doors.

But when you and him are around other people, it’s like he’s a completely different person.

He doesn’t give you the same attention or affection; he doesn’t look at you the same way, and all the sweet things he calls you are never said out loud in the vicinity of another person.

So what’s going on? He might be a shy person, the type who doesn’t like being emotionally open in front of other people.

But it’s much likelier that he’s not as serious about this relationship as you think he is.

He only likes you when no one else is around to know it, because he loves being intimate with you, but he wants to keep his options open.

18) He Doesn’t Remember Things You’ve Said

A man who cares is a man who remembers.

He takes note of the things you say, but the important things and the tiny things.

He knows the drama going on in your life; he knows the issues you’re dealing with.

And he knows how important it is to remember what you’ve said, so he shows you in little ways that he remembered: he asks about certain things, he surprises you with your favorite foods or movies or music.

All because he cares, and he loves you even if he doesn’t always say it.

But if he’s only pretending to care, then he won’t totally be present the same way during your conversations, not enough to remember the things he should be remembering.

He might just be on auto-pilot every time you talk to him, which is exactly why he never seems to recall everything you’ve told him.

He Doesn’t Really Care; Now What?

You’ve invested time and affection into this person and it turns out he wasn’t as genuine as you thought he was.

As much of a bummer as it is, at least you understand his true intentions and you can already move on with your life.

What do you do now? Let him know that you’re not interested in playing games anymore.

There are other guys out there who are genuine and willing to build an earnest connection. Go ahead and pat yourself on the back because you just dodged a bullet.