21 signs he wants you back but is scared

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I know breakups will never be easy.

You’re trying hard to move on but noticed that your ex wants the two of you to get back together.

You know he’s afraid to open up and ask you about it. Or maybe he’s confused, missing sex, or leading you on?

How can you tell he wants you back but won’t admit it?

Look for these signs to find out before you put yourself out there again. 

Signs to Tell When Your Ex Wants to Get Back Together

He’s scared enough to admit that he knows he has wronged you. But he longs for you every day and every night he cries, and his eyes bleed for the love you both shared.

Here are subtle signs he does want you back but doesn’t want to admit it.

1) He keeps contacting you

He’s reaching out to you more.

He keeps calling, texting, and messaging you on social media. He says hi and wants to know how and what you’re doing.

While he wants to keep things casual with his random reasons and casual excuses, the truth is, he wants to hear your voice.

If he has moved on, he won’t bother asking you things that he could easily answer himself.

This is a sign that he misses you and cares about you but doesn’t want to admit it. He’s cautiously testing the waters to see if you two can get back together.

2) You keep bumping into each other

Does he pop out of nowhere?

Does he coincidentally show up in the coffee shop, grocery store, park, subway, at a social event, or in places that he has no reason to be?

Maybe you’ve already lost count of how many times you’ve unexpectedly met each other.

Don’t worry as he’s not stalking you. Take this as a sign that he can’t resist seeing you in those places – and that he loves you but is scared of getting hurt.

He wants you to pay attention and notice him back. He could be doing this in hopes that you seeing him may rekindle your feelings and give your relationship another chance.

3) He’s scared of letting go of your things

 Some couples break up and return each other’s gifts and belongings when they’re not comfortable remembering their past.

Returning things show that you don’t need each other anymore.

But when your ex hasn’t returned those stuff yet, it could be that he still values you and the relationship that you once had.

This is a sign that he’s holding on to you and doesn’t want to let go. He could just be waiting for the chance to patch things up.

He’s the man who’s scared of losing you, still loves you, and wants you back – but won’t admit it.

4) Want advice that’s tailored to your situation?

While this article will shed light on the main signs he wants you back but is scared, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

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5) He’s showing signs of improvement

Have you noticed that he’s making himself more attractive? Is he making an effort to change for the better?

Even his behavior has improved. And if he has given up all his bad habits that you hated when you used to be with him, then it’s because he wants you back.

See, when a man wants you back, he’ll do something that specifically appeals to you to capture your attention.

He wants to win you back by doing things and behaving the way you’ve wanted him to do.

6) His body language says it all

In situations where you get to be in the same place – at work, at the gym, or with mutual friends – pay attention to the way he acts.

Notice his body language as this will never lie, and it reveals a lot about people’s emotions and motivations.

  • You catch him staring at you
  • His eye contact is so intense
  • He accidentally or deliberately touches you
  • He mirrors your moves

And if you can sense that he’s giving you that “I want you back” vibe, then it’s definite that it’s what he wants to get back together.

7) He keeps in touch with your friends

The last thing he wants is to lose the bond and connection he had made with his friends and loved ones.

Even if you broke up, he still connects with your friends and family members even on social media.

It could be that he’s holding on to people close to you as a way to hold on to you as well. And when he’s fighting his feelings for you, there are things you can do about it.

While he probably enjoys and values their companionship too, he may also want to know things about you.

What he asks and talks about with your friends will give you a clue as to his real intentions.

8) He’s still protective of you

Being protective is a human instinct and is more common in men towards women.

When you’re still together, he’s playing his role of being “the hero.” He makes you feel safe and keeps you secured all the time.

This “hero instinct” is a psychological term and an instinctive need that men have to protect the woman in their life.

But even after breaking up, he still does the same for you. His hero instinct is taking over. He wants to know that you’re doing okay – to the point where he cannot move on.

And when he still feels the need to protect you, it means how important you are to him.

If your ex’s instincts remain intact, then he probably wants to rekindle things with you.

Find out how you can trigger the hero instinct in your man.

Watch this free video right now!

9) He keeps looking back into memories

While most guys aren’t sentimental or maybe they don’t want to go nostalgic the way we do, they still appreciate the memories they share with us.

Taking trips down memory lane is his way to remind you of the good times you both shared.

By reminding you of the good times, he’s giving you good enough reasons to give your relationship another chance and reconnect.

If your ex keeps talking about the times you’ve shared and the memories you’ve had together, it’s his way of expressing how much you mean to him.

Your first date, the way you laugh, your favorite restaurant, and the special places you’ve visited are always on his mind.

10) He immediately gets back to you

Most guys show subtle signs that they like you but are hiding it.  

After being separated, you still have reasons to text, email, or message each other on social media.

Maybe you’ve decided to stay friends after breaking up.

When you ask him something or request help, he would answer your messages and calls right away.

This could mean that he’s hoping you’ll get in touch with him, and when you do, he wants you to know that he’s just right there for you.

Also, look out for how he replies. If he simply says “yes” or “no,” he doesn’t want to get involved anymore.

But if he asks for more details, adds emojis, or takes the conversation longer, it’s definite that he’s still into you.

11) He’s interested in your dating life

While some couples who break up remain friends and wish each other luck in dating other people, it’s not always the case.

If your ex asks if you’re dating someone already, he could be jealous and scared. He wants to know if you’ve moved on too quickly and replaced him with someone else.

He also wants to find out if you’re still single so he can find ways to win you back.

So if he asks you about this, answer him honestly. Don’t tell him you’re seeing someone already or you’re already “in a relationship” if you aren’t.

12) His friends are connecting with you

Whether you’ve become closer or not to his friends, the major reason they’re talking to you is because of your ex.

His friends remain friendly with you as they know he still likes you.

It could be that they’re worried about him and want to tell you something – as your ex is scared to tell you about it in person.

Maybe his friends want to tell you how depressed he had been for losing you. And this possibly means that your ex is open to the idea of getting back together.

13) He’s still single since you broke up

It’s recommended to stay single following a breakup to process everything and care for themselves.

Matchmaker and relationship expert Shanny Tebb calls staying single after a breakup as a “dating detox.” He shares that this moment is full of opportunity and valuable growth,

“It’s taking a time out from everything, being on your own and on the way to feeling good again.”

However, some people date and get in another relationship to forget and move on.

If your ex-boyfriend hasn’t even dated or has been in any relationship since the breakup then there’s a huge chance that he’s not ready to love someone else.

If it has been years and he hasn’t found a new girlfriend yet, he might not be over you.

It’s a good sign if you want to get back together too as you can be certain that you still hold a special place in his heart.

14) He drunk calls you

It’s true – a drunk mind speaks of a sober heart.

A lot of people “drunk call” their ex. Yes, I do experience this a couple of times too.

Sometimes alcohol makes people talk a lot and say things that we don’t really mean or what we truly mean.

He can’t just help calling you, and it’s likely that he’s thinking about you and regretting leaving you.

Be wary here, but since you know your ex better, you can find out if he’s just trying to test your feelings for him or something else.

And maybe he’s finding a way to persuade you into giving him another chance.

15) He gets in touch after a long break

He’s taking every moment as an opportunity to win you back.

He’s always eager to talk with you and keep the conversations going.

This is a way to keep you comfortable around him and make you closer again to each other.

According to a Scientific American article, men are less likely than women to view opposite-sex acquaintances as “just friends.”

16) He seeks your presence

This is one big sign that your ex wants you back.

He won’t waste his time if he doesn’t care and value your company.

While he wants to hang out with you because he enjoys your company, it could also be extremely possible that he wants to be romantically connected with you again.

He could be pretending to be over you as he doesn’t know how you feel or if you’ll give him another back.

Deep down, the emotions and feelings he has for you are still strong. One thing he truly wants is to be with you once more.

17) He still admires you

Maybe it’s not much of a  big deal if he compliments your looks.

But when he notices every little thing about you, then it’s a sign that he’s paying more attention to you.

And when he still praises you to anyone, it’s clear that he still holds you with high regard.

The fact that he notices you and is talking about great things about you all the time shows that he’s still thinking about you and may want to get back together.

Certainly, your ex isn’t over you.

18) He still shares his life with you

Your ex trusts you a lot. Or maybe he feels depressed and feels that you’re the only person who can lift his spirit.

He shares what he’s doing, his plans, and even all his fears and disappointments with you.

Whatever the reason is, see this as a sign he wants you back.

He doesn’t think of you as his ex-girlfriend, but a special person whom he can trust.

19) His posts on social media say a lot

Most of us use social media to share and express ourselves – and your ex is no different.

If he can’t talk to you directly, he’ll express himself through this channel. Maybe some of his posts show his sadness, loss, or longing.

This indirect post could be his way to let you know that he wants you back.

According to experts, people share on social media to connect to people we have a hard time connecting to.

It’s understandable if you’re in your twenties. But if your ex is a bit older, it’s a bit weird if he constantly posts memes about “the one that got away.”

20) He takes responsibility for the breakup

It’s rare for people to admit the mistakes they made in their relationships.

So even if you’re partly to be blamed for the whole break-up thing, he doesn’t care about it anymore. Your ex is taking the blame and is asking you for another chance. He’ll readily admit where things went wrong.

But if you’re the one who broke up with him, he’ll keep pressing you why you decided to end the relationship.

His willingness to admit his fault is his way of letting you know that he understands why things didn’t work out. And he’s hoping that you’ll consider giving our relationship another chance.

21) He’ll ask you out

After quite some time, your ex wants to meet up and asks you out on a “date.”

He wants to see you and get back together. Asking you to hang out could be his way of getting close to you again.

But then, it’s not always the case.

Some meet up with their exes as a way to give the relationship the closure it needs – which is a healthy thing. Or it could be that he wants to stay friends with you and nothing more.

Rachel Sussman, a New York City-based psychotherapist advises caution when it comes to staying friends, but says that it’s “an individual determination” as it works for some couples.

You can meet him, as this is usually the way to know for sure.

What to Do When He Tells You He Wants You Back?

Now, what are you supposed to do?

Will you jump right up and take him back with both arms open wide? Or will you shut him out and tell him that he had his chance but blew it?

If your ex shows most of these strong signs, you can be sure that he still loves you and wants you back but won’t admit it. He’s probably disappointed and regretful that he let you go in the first place.

There’s a big chance that he loves you truly, madly, and deeply. But the important thing right now is to gauge where all these fall.

And when you’re definite that he loves you and wants to get back together, then that’s the best time to decide.

Getting Back Together After a Breakup

Love and relationships are complicated things.

You can’t just put on a Band-Aid and hope everything will heal instantly. Nothing works that way.

Ask yourself, “Do I want this?”

If you’re thinking of getting back together, make sure that you’ve been seriously working on taking care of yourself. And this means that you are happy with the life you’re creating for yourself.

Make sure you’re not going back to a relationship that had been toxic and unhealthy, to begin with.

When you both decide to get back together, then you can start rebuilding your relationship. And even if you’re still in love with your ex, the key is to start things slowly.

If not, accept the fact that sometimes even if you love each other, you can’t be together anymore.

Whatever you choose to do from here on, know this:

You deserve genuine love. You deserve a secure, and healthy relationship with someone who genuinely loves you.

And the Universe will give you signs that “He’s the One” – and you will find this as long as you never settle for anything less.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

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I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

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