10 no bullsh*t signs he wants to reconnect

Do you have the feeling that your ex-boyfriend wants you back? Or are you missing him and seeing just what you would hope to see? 

Since you have a unique history and emotional connection with your ex, reconnecting with your ex-lovers after a breakup can be very confusing and difficult to navigate.

It can be hard to understand his behaviors clearly and rationally. So we are here to offer you ten obvious signs that your ex-boyfriend wants to reconnect with you again. 

“There’s beggary in the love that can be reckoned.”

– William Shakespeare, Antony and Cleopatra, I.1.16

1) He stays in contact with you

This might seem like an extremely simple sign, but if your ex is still in your life, he wants you to be a part of his. 

If your ex-boyfriend wanted you out of his life, he would permanently cut off all contact with you. 

One of the best ways to get over someone is to avoid the person you no longer want to see. Out of sight, out of mind.

So, if your ex stays in contact with you, it’s a clear sign that he still cares for you and wants to interact and share a part of himself with you. 

This continued attention begs the question, “What are his true intentions for staying in contact?”

Generally, your ex-boyfriend may stay in contact for three main reasons: 

  • He is confused about his feelings after the breakup and is not ready to let you go.
  • He could be genuinely regretful of the breakup and trying to make his way back to you. 
  • Or he could be feeling lonely and wants your support and attention as a friend while he moves on to someone new.

When your ex-boyfriend contacts you, remember that it’s still a volatile time for you both. 

Try to keep your interaction light. Do not over-invest or get your hopes up at this stage. Give your ex-boyfriend plenty of space, exercise a lot of patience and let it all unfold naturally and slowly.

2) He engages in meaningful conversations

When your ex-boyfriend does contact you, take notice of the quality of your interactions.

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What are your conversations like? 

If your ex-boyfriend engages in meaningful conversations, he will open up to you and continue to share his heart and feelings with you. 

He is showing that he still cares for you. He could be keeping the door open for a future rekindling. 

If your ex-boyfriend is keeping an emotional connection with you, he might do some of the following: 

  • Ask about your day and what is going on in your life
  • Show an interest in your overall well being
  • Bring up details of things that are important to you that you’ve mentioned in the past
  • Offer to lend an ear or a hand to help you
  • Give his opinion to help you problem-solve any issues 
  • Provide resources when you have a need

However, if it feels more like your ex is keeping you on the side while he entertains other possibilities, his communication will reflect his intentions. He will likely: 

  • Text you for sexual or emotionally supportive benefits  
  • Ask you for favors and not return any
  • Keep you at arm’s length and not want to see you in person
  • Focus the conversation on himself and his life
  • Reach out, but only on his terms 

This type of one-sided communication usually means that your ex-boyfriend is probably using you to deal with his pain and loneliness. 

He might be just playing games with you. 

Your ex focuses only on his needs, he is probably trying to keep you close by as a crutch. He is likely to move on without you. 

3) He sends random text messages

If your ex-boyfriend wants to stay in contact with you, it might not be easy for him to figure out how to do so, especially if he has no reason to contact you. 

So, he might send out some neutral, confusing, and odd texts to test the waters with you. 

If he is texting you with random questions about your common past, such as the name of the coffee shop that you frequented together or to find out the playlist you used to loop when you cooked together, he might be finding an excuse to reach out. 

Take notice of these messages. Any excuse to contact you certainly shows that he is thinking about you at that moment. 

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He might be sending random jokes or memes or photos of places that remind you of him. 

Let these messages come through without reading too much into them. 

But do notice if his messages start to build into something more. If he is interested in deepening your relationship, he will contact you more often. He will actively find more reasons to talk and interact with you. He will eventually reach out to find a way to see you again in person. 

4) His behaviour changed on social media

If your ex-boyfriend is still attached to you, he may be leaving some clues on his social media accounts for you to notice. 

Is your ex posting anything nostalgic or reminiscent of your time together? This behavior could be a subtle way for him to reach out to you for a reaction. 

Also, take notice if there are any major changes in how he uses his social media after your breakup. 

If your ex-boyfriend is usually a private person and you see that he is sharing more of his life, it could be a way for him to show you what he is doing.

Or if your ex-boyfriend was a person who was very social and public and he has become much more private after the breakup, take notice. He could be much more careful of the messages he is sending out to the world, and especially to you. 

5) He shows signs of jealousy

Is your ex-boyfriend showing signs of jealousy? This reaction can be a sign that he is still invested in you:

  • Does he ask about your dating life or details about someone with who you spend a lot of time? 
  • Does he make comments about a new love interest that you are seeing?
  • Does he describe unfavorable traits about him?
  • Is his body tense when he inquires about your other flames? 
  • Is his facial expression one of frustration when the topic comes up? 

Relationship expert Ester Perel reminds us that jealousy is intrinsic to love. 

Jealousy is linked with the feeling of being wanted. It is a type of erotic wrath. It is a normal emotion that plays a part in the drama that we call ‘love.’ 

Ester concedes that the feeling of jealousy tells us something important, “It generates action, it creates conversations, and it is not the same as possessiveness, they are related, but not the same.” 

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Jealousy means, “You are having with somebody else that which I thought you were having with me or that I want to have with you.”

So, if your ex-boyfriend is exhibiting displays of jealousy, it can mean that he still wants love and desire to occur between the two of you, and with no one else.

6) He asks your friends how you are

After your breakup, it is likely that you and your ex still have mutual friends in common.

If your ex-boyfriend sees your friends, notice if they mention the encounter to you. 

Your ex might be curious about you. Perhaps your ex-boyfriend is too shy or intimidated to ask you directly, so he might start questioning your friends about you. 

If he does this, he is demonstrating to your friends that he is intending to keep you in his life. Instead, he wants to make sure that you know he is thinking of you.

So, if your ex-boyfriend is actively inquiring about what you are up to, who you are seeing, and how you are feeling, it can be a clear sign that he has feelings for you and wants to reconnect with you. 

7) He lets you know he is still single

If you are texting or speaking with your ex-boyfriend and he makes a very clear point of letting you know that he is single, he is signaling to you that he is still open to you. 

Think about it. It can feel extremely embarrassing for many of us to admit to our ex-partners that we are single. Most of us want to show that we are happy without our ex-lovers and we have moved on. 

So if your ex-boyfriend lets you know this key piece of information, it is probably because he still has hope for reconciliation, which prevents him from taking action and moving on.

He likely wants to rekindle the flame with you.

8) He is grateful and supportive

If your ex-boyfriend expresses his appreciation for you and all that you bring into his life, he is still thinking warmly of you and wants you to stay in his life. 

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He will not be afraid to shower you with compliments regarding your personality, achievements, and career goals to others. 

If you are smiling and nodding, your ex-boyfriend will want you and the entire world to know how much he appreciates and respects you. 

He will let you know what you mean to him and that he values you. He will use compliments as a way to bring you two closer together so that he can rekindle your relationship once again.

9) He is affectionate

Typically, when we transition from lover to friend, the first change in how we interact is our physical connection with one another. 

If your ex-boyfriend pulls back his physical affection completely, it is usually a sign that he is over you. He won’t try to reach out and be in your space in any way. He put you in the friend zone and will treat you accordingly. 

However, if your ex-boyfriend still reaches out to you for hugs, kisses on the cheeks, or “accidentally” brushes against your arm, he is maintaining a physical connection with you. 

This type of affection shows that he is still attracted to you and wants to be closer to you. If his physical affection gets more intimate and warmer, it will reflect his growing feelings for you. 

10) He admits his shortcomings in your relationship

This might seem like the most obvious sign but have you and your ex-boyfriend had open and honest conversations about your relationship and where it could lead in the future?:

  • Did he try to own up to his part in the relationship ending and take responsibility for his actions? 
  • Did he look at what was missing or lacking in your encounters? 
  • Did he discuss where he would like to take it in the future? 
  • Did he ask you why you broke up? Or express regret for breaking up?
  • Did he offer an apology and describe how he has grown or changed? 

If your ex-boyfriend is engaging you in reflective conversations about your relationship, he is showing you that he is focused on rebuilding. He has reflected and wants to change. 

If your ex assures you that things will be different and better with him in the future, he will admit “I made a mistake,” and try to find a way to be in your life again. 

So where do we go from here?

“The course of true love never did run smooth.”

– William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I.1.136

It is completely normal for relationships to have their ups and downs. 

Relationships can end for all sorts of reasons that are beyond our intention or control. 

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Sometimes we need to completely lose something to understand the value of what we have lost. 

So, If your ex is trying to find his way back to you, and starts to put in more effort into reconnecting, remember that it’s also important to ask yourself, “Do I really want my ex back?” 

No matter how much effort and attention he is giving you, it’s important to consider if you should reinvest your time and energy with him again. 

To help you look at this question in more depth, relationship experts at Psychology Today recommend seven key questions to ask yourself before taking him back and also five reasons you are dead wrong to take him back at all.

Remember that the decision to accept him into your life is your choice, and for you and you alone to explore.

Just remember to communicate honestly, stay open to the unexpected, and enjoy the fun twists and turns that all of our relationships bring. 

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