“All guys want is sex.”
We’ve all heard it before. But I’m here to tell you it’s not true. Not always, anyway. Sometimes, a man wants to make love to you.
Before I go and start a revolution let me explain what I mean:
Yes, the vast majority of men enjoy sex and think about it a lot.
Yes, men get horny (I have it on good authority that sometimes women do, too).
Yes, sex can be pretty cool.
If a man approaches you in a romantic way it does not always mean that he just wants sex.
Or even that he wants sex at all, at least at that moment.
Sometimes he really does want to get to know you better, take things slow, enjoy your personality, bask in your smile and romance you like an old-fashioned troubadour.
And then other times he really does just want some action.
The thing is it can be hard to really know when a fellow is wanting to know you on a deeper level or just wants to ogle your orifices.
16 clear signs he wants to make love to you
Let’s get this party for two started…
Just keep in mind that these signs will give you the keycode to deciphering his actions. Use them well, and always try your best to save your regrets for tattoos. Make good decisions, folks.
Here we go.
1) He’s eyeing you up
I know this isn’t always a super comfortable or cool thing for all the ladies, but it’s definitely one of the main signs he wants to make love to you.
You may be work colleagues, old friends, former lovers, or a couple, but if he’s treating you like eye candy that he wants to pop in his mouth then making love is not far from his mind.
You’ve been warned.
When he’s eyeing you up he’ll do things like:
Checking out your cleavage,
Lingering his gaze on your legs,
Licking his lips at your booty,
And generally making it clear that he’s about as into you as he can be … without actually, you know… being in you.
Well, you asked.
2) He touches and caresses you whenever possible
If you’re not into this guy then this can be creepy territory, but if you are it can give you an enjoyable little thrill.
He lets his touch linger:
On your hand,
On your shoulder,
On your waist.
And it feels good.
This guy may be really affectionate and like touching friends, but if there’s a pattern of him touching you and rubbing and hugging then he’s laying the groundwork for touching and rubbing other places.
Sometimes he wants sex but is also shy and won’t touch right away, but if you’re very intuitive you’ll be able to tell he wants to touch.
Either way, intimate touches are the gateway to the garden of groping, so be on the lookout.
3) He acts like a hero
Okay not an action hero like Thor.
Not many guys wield the power of the ancient Asgardians.
But if a guy wants to make love to you, then he will act like your everyday hero.
Does he carry your heavy bags? Help you out whenever he can? Listen while you vent about that asshole at work?
Yep, you’ve definitely triggered his hero instinct.
If you haven’t heard of it before, the hero instinct is a new concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment.
What it boils down to is the drive men have to step up to the plate for the women they care about (and want to sleep with).
And if you want your man to commit to you after making love, you’ll bring this biological instinct to the fore.
The best way to trigger the hero instinct in your man is to watch this excellent free video by relationship psychologist James Bauer.
James outlines the simple things you can do right now to make him see you in a whole new light.
I don’t often buy into popular new concepts in psychology. But I think learning about the hero instinct can be a game changer when it comes to forging a relationship with a man.
4) He talks with his body
This includes body language, licking his lips, orienting his feet towards you, batting his eyelashes and all the rest of the classics.
But it also means literally talking with his body:
Translation: sitting and standing as close to you as possible.
This guy is on a mission to close the distance between you.
Sometimes it can feel like you’re honey and he’s a bee.
Because he’s constantly zooming in to where you are and practically buzzing with lust.
Are you going to be his queen or are you going to send him packing and tell him to get out of your honeycomb?
That’s up to you.
5) He prepares his lair for you
By his lair I mean his bedroom. He’s taking Jordan Peterson’s advice and cleaning it up like a real pro (watch the video below).
There could even be a candle in the corner, a little Buddha icon or some tasteful drapes and artwork going on.
Maybe this guy is on a self-development kick or suffering from spiritual ego, but more likely he’s got seducing you on his mind.
Somewhere between his first acne and first girlfriend, this guy learned that a clean bedroom is often step one of seduction.
And it’s a lesson he didn’t forget.
It’s also a lesson he’s hoping to relearn with you tonight at the horizontal rodeo.
6) He asks you about your intimate life
This guy may be doing a poll for a new study on sexuality and intimacy for university, but far more likely is that he’s asking you about guys and sex because he wants to be the next one.
If it comes across a bit disrespectful he probably didn’t mean it that way.
He’s just fishing for signs that you could be into him, too.
When it comes to clear signs he wants to make love to you this one is up there.
He’s asking about the guys you’ve been with and pushing his luck: he’s throwing down the gauntlet and daring you to make a disgusted face and walk away…or blush and see where this line of questioning leads.
Which way you will go is up to you.
7) He tells dirty jokes
Dirty jokes have their place and they can be extremely funny in the right context – and in the right company.
But if this guy is spending one-on-one time with you and dropping sexual innuendo and dirty jokes then he’s probably got some dirty deeds in mind.
Dirty jokes come in a lot of forms:
Long ones, short ones, silly ones, disgusting ones…
And sexual innuendo is also a diverse field:
It can be subtle,
In your face,
Or kind of hot.
We report, you decide.
Want some help with what to say back?
Obsession phrases are tried and tested words that spark red-hot feelings of emotion and attraction within any man.
They really are a proven backdoor into a man’s heart (or at least his pants).
To learn 3 of my absolutely favorite obsession phrases to use on a man, watch this excellent free video.
8) He switches off if you shut down the possibility of sex
This can be a nasty one. This guy who wants to get nasty with you will often shut down if the possibility of sex is gone.
Whether it’s via text, conversation or any other sign, when he knows for sure that you’re not entertaining the possibility of laying him down for some sweet loving he turns off like a light switch.
Maybe you were kind of digging your interactions with this guy.
But as soon as you backed off on the physical side or made it clear you’re not “that type of girl” then he became – more like revealed himself to be – that type of guy.
9) He asks if you want a massage
This is a real classic here. Now maybe the guy in question is studying massage therapy and wants to try out some pressure points on you.
But the more probable explanation is that he’s got the hots for you and he wants to move things closer to you being undressed in front of him and moaning with pleasure (or writhing with pain as he presses the wrong spots because he doesn’t actually know how to massage).
Proceed with caution on this one. Surfaces may be slippery when oiled up.
But if you’re feeling the pull and want to take a risk then go for it.
Massage can often be the introductory phase of some very intimate times together, so if you’re interested you could see where the oily night leads.
10) He’s dressed to the nines and ready to shine
It’s not only the ladies who can get dolled up. Need proof?
Other signs to watch (and smell) for:
Gelled up hair,
Snazzy new shoes or footwear,
Some new bling like rings, bracelets or a watch,
If his style is undergoing an upgrade around you in particular then you’re likely more than just a random recipient of his charms: you’re a target for his tantric fantasies.
11) He puts in the work
Let’s face it:
A lot of guys are kind of lazy.
If this guy is putting in the work to see you and care about you and be in your life then there’s a good chance he wants either a relationship or sex – or both.
How do you tell which?
See what he does when you make it clear that sex is off the table for now, or see how he responds when you indicate the possibility that it could happen soon.
If he’s disappointed and pissed off when you remove the chance of sex in the near future, or intensifies his interest and pursuit when you hint at sex coming up then you will know that it’s a key part of the reason he’s so into you.
12) He wants to get you over to his pad
Like my previous point said, a clean bedroom is often the sign that he wants to get you into bed.
But first, he has to get you to his actual house, apartment, or room (basement at mom and dad’s).
That means his invitations and suggestions are often going to center on going to his place.
Netflix and chill or some variation could well pop up.
Or after you go for pizza or drinks he might suggest going back to his place.
It should be clear by that point that he’s hoping all roads lead to the bedroom.
13) Relationship talk turns him off
Another way to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak, is to bring up the topic of dating seriously or even relationships in general.
If he perks up and seems open he may be after more than just bumping genitals, but if his face shrivels up like a cold ballsack then he’s in it for the sex.
It’s not advisable to turn up the heat on relationship talk, especially if you’ve just started seeing this guy, but it’s reasonable that at least the topic could come up.
And it’s reasonable for you to watch for his reaction.
Because if he weasels away or starts trying to turn back to sex talk or shallow topics then you have all the evidence you need that he’s after your ass and doesn’t want to hear about your long-term plans.
14) He doesn’t seem that interested in what you say
Unless it relates to you and him meeting up and letting your clothes hit the floor…
But when you talk about almost any other subject that’s not related to some sort of chance of hanky panky he gets an absent stare and itchy feet.
He’s all smoldering eye contact and chummy cheerfulness when the winks and wine is flowing, but if you go off script or start talking about something else he turns quite dismissive.
Maybe you were just making conversation to fill the awkward silence because you can’t stop your burning desire for him, too.
Or maybe his dismissiveness pisses you off and just torched his chance of bedroom bliss.
Either way, watch out for this sign.
15) He switches off his video game for you
This is one of the biggest signs he wants to make love to you.
If a guy switches off his video game when you approach or try to talk to him there are only two real options:
He’s in love with you and considering marriage.
He wants to get busy between the sheets.
This is especially true if it’s a hot new video game or one that he’s playing in co-op mode with friends.
16) He sends lightning-fast responses to your texts
This is one of the biggest telltale signs he wants to make love to you:
Lightning-fast responses to your texts.
Why? Simple: his mini-me under his pants is doing the thinking for him.
He sees his screen light up with your name and text and he’s already replying before he’s read the whole message.
Because he can almost feel your arms around him and the warm kisses and he’s got his mind on one thing: sex.
If he’s being flirtatious and trying to turn the conversation into sexting then it’s even more obvious he’s more after sex than romance or friendship.
Let’s be honest:
In 99% of cases if he’s texting back like a fiend then he’s horny for you.
The more you know…
So, now you can read the signals and pick up what he’s putting down.
Obviously, in many cases, a guy wants sex and romance or he himself might not know exactly what he wants.
Welcome to the confusing nature of the modern mating ritual.
If you’re looking to explore something a bit deeper I heartily recommend the shaman Rudá Iandê’s free masterclass on finding true love and intimacy.
But then again you might also be inclined to see where your physical connection with this guy is leading and so, to wrap up…
Let me be clear:
If he’s exhibiting a lot of the above signs then there’s little doubt that he’s hoping to form a human jigsaw puzzle with you.
Whether you want to step on the one-way express to Sexytown is up to you.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.