12 biggest signs he wants to break up with you but doesn’t know how

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

Things between you and bae haven’t been great lately, and you have this sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that something is up. 

Your brain is telling you what your heart doesn’t want to believe – your boyfriend is trying to break up with you, but he just doesn’t know how.

Living in denial and believing that ignorance is bliss won’t help you when the inevitable happens. 

So, if you’re currently facing a potential breakup, here are some of the most significant indicators that your boyfriend is about to pull the plug.

1) You hardly see each other and when you do, things are icy

How much time are you spending together?

Do you seem to be finding it difficult to pencil in quality time, or are your schedules always busy? 

Of course, it’s easy to blame scheduling issues for this problem, but when it comes down to it, when you love somebody, you will move heaven and earth to spend time together regardless of how busy you might be.

When you do eventually get a gap, does the planning always fall on your lap?

What would happen if you just didn’t put any effort into making plans? Would your other half even bother to see you at all?

If you feel like you’re the one who’s making plans 99% of the time and spending time together seems like more of a chore, this could be a sign that he’s getting ready to ditch you.

2) He avoids talking about the future

During a coffee date, you mention that your sister’s wedding is coming up. 

Hoping that he’ll appear eager about the prospect of attending such a momentous occasion with you, his reaction is the polar opposite. 

He seems nonchalant, unbothered, and awkwardly uncomfortable.

In the same breath, if your boyfriend doesn’t bring up the future, this is an unfortunate sign that you’re not likely to be a part of it. 

It might be that he just isn’t in the right headspace to discuss plans or that he feels overwhelmed by everything going on. 

However, if he comes across as confused and all-over-the-place about your future together, it’s a huge red flag that he’s not ready to commit. 

Forcing him into a situation that he feels uncomfortable with isn’t fair for either of you. Your best call of action is to back off and take this as a sign that he’s not stable relationship material.

If you’re dating him because you hope that he’ll end up being the one. You’re wasting your time. You can’t force someone to love you and sadly, this can be a sobering fact of life.

3) He’s not interested in righting wrongs

Any healthy relationship requires two willing individuals who are eager to work hard at it. A relationship where one person is permanently carrying the load is not fun, nor fair.

If you’re always the one trying to make things better and are feeling exhausted because you’re holding everything together with a bobby pin, this is a big sign that he’s simply not interested in putting the work in.

Your man might find it difficult to admit that he wants out, and by dragging your feet, you’re just prolonging both your suffering. 

But, on the other hand, this could signal that he is trying to get you to initiate the breakup so that he doesn’t end up as the villain for breaking your heart.

4) There’s no affection

If your partner has stopped being affectionate with you, then this is a bad sign. 

Of course, most men aren’t that affectionate by nature, but if his affection seems to dwindle, this could reveal that he’s distancing himself physically and, by doing so, bracing for the inevitable split.

If you think your honeymoon phase is going to last forever, it’s not.

New couples can’t keep their hands off of each other, and as things mature, the dynamic changes. 

What’s important to monitor is how his affection fluctuates. Does he still kiss your forehead or embrace from behind for a hug? Have you noticed a significant drop in this area?

You will usually be able to sense that something’s off. The sparks just are not there anymore, and rather than forcing things, it’s better to take a mature stance on things and end it amicably.

5) Your communication skills are non-existent

At the beginning of your relationship, you would send each other hundreds of text messages and could easily spend hours together on the phone. 

Now, you feel like every time you’re together, you’re walking on eggshells.

The silliest, most petty topics somehow seem to spark massive blowouts resulting in you feeling lonely and isolated. 

This communication breakdown is a breeding ground for resentment, and the longer it continues, the more unlikely it will be for you to resolve things.

Inability to communicate spells disaster within any relationship. 

So, if you find yourself arguing over trivial topics or are given the silent treatment, this is an indicator that your man is considering breaking it off with you.

6) He always seems on edge

If you notice your man seems edgy and tense, you’ll see this manifest as repression, agitation, or sadness. 

He’ll seem like he’s far away and not present. Asking him what’s wrong won’t get you any closer to finding out. And so, he shuts you out.

Of course, this could be a symptom of something else like work stress or family issues, but you’ll need to ascertain whether or not this edginess is related to your partnership.

Many guys have difficulty when it comes to opening up, so if this is the only sign he’s giving off, then it might very well be about something else.

If he’s edgy and you’ve noticed other unusual behavior, this could be a sign that he’s contemplating breaking up but isn’t sure how to go about it.

7) He puts up a wall

Sadly, males are taught from a young age that they need to be tough and man up. 

Revealing their emotions might make them appear weak or even lame so as a defense mechanism, they opt to harbor everything inside. 

Because of this, many men struggle with transparency in their relationships.

It doesn’t necessarily signal a problem if he’s blocking you out for a small period of time; perhaps he is trying to work through another issue. 

This behavior becomes problematic when he does a complete 180 in the way he deals with you. 

Maybe you are used to him confiding in you, and suddenly you’re shut out. 

When you ask him something, his answers are curt and blunt. Talking to the brick wall behind him seems more productive.

If he’s got his guard up and it doesn’t seem to be coming down, this might indicate a possible break-up.

8) Something just isn’t right

Gut feeling, intuition, 6th sense, or ESP are words to describe that uneasy feeling we have when something is about to go wrong. 

Your body is picking up on something that your brain hasn’t entirely understood.

As humans, we communicate in several ways, with only one being verbal. 

These feelings are often scarily accurate, and our senses play a huge role in communication, especially in relationships and love.

You hear it all the time “ I just had a feeling that something wasn’t right, but I didn’t listen.” Our intuition is a unique tool, but sadly, we often ignore it. Thus, ignoring this primal instinct often leaves us heartbroken and confused.

If you can feel that something is “just off”, and you can’t shake the feeling,  do yourself a favor and listen.

So many of us can avoid having our hearts shattered by simply following our gut instincts.

9) He’s acting shady

You walk into the dining room, and he quickly closes his web browser, or regardless of where you are or where you go, he’s permanently glued to his cellphone. 

Or, asking him “when are you coming home” causes him to respond with one-liners or the most bizarre stories as to why he’s late.

Perhaps he’s hiding who he’s chatting to or password protecting his phone suddenly? 

Unless it’s the week before your anniversary or birthday, a devious, sneaky man is not a good sign.

Honest communication is a must-have to ensure your relationship is healthy, and once the boundaries of trust have been breached or broken, you’ll spend most of your time watching him like a hawk. Trust, once lost, is not easy to get back.

Dishonesty can very well mean he’s two-timing, but it can also reveal that he’s just not committed anymore. 

Sadly, if he doesn’t value honesty and it’s not a top priority for him, neither is the relationship.

10) You’re no longer friends

Getting married to your best friend is a dream come true.

It’s the type of relationship we all aspire to have and is the storyline of countless Hollywood rom-coms. 

How awesome would it feel if you got the support and comfort of someone who’s not only your best friend but your life partner?

If you evaluate your current relationship, what type of friendship do you have with your man? 

Do you have similar interests, can you talk for hours, and, more importantly, can you stand to be in this person’s presence 24/7?

As ridiculous as it sounds, it is possible to love someone with who you don’t enjoy spending time. If you find you’re not “liking” him anymore (the feeling is probably mutual), it’s an indicator that your relationship is on a downward spiral.

11) You want different things

We try to minimize its importance; however, wanting different things is a huge aspect of having a successful relationship, and it can be a deal-breaker.

You might think, wow, this man is perfect for me in every way until you learn:

  • He doesn’t want to get married and,
  • He doesn’t want to have children.

At the start of a relationship, we tend to overlook these things because we think we can change them over time or, it’s one of those “cross that bridge when I get there” type scenarios.

Often we think that these extensive discussions shouldn’t be held too early in a relationship, but in reality, they should. 

You need to lay your cards on the table before hopping on the long-haul bus. If you don’t, you’re wasting your time and will more than likely be disappointed further down the line.

If things aren’t lining up now already, it’s improbable that by giving it time, anything will change.

12) He doesn’t notice you

You’ve just spent six hours at the salon with a full head of foil highlights. 

Then, eager to show off your new look to your man, he gets home and doesn’t even mention your hair. You feel like you’re invisible.

This is a huge red flag, ladies. 

If you man isn’t paying you any attention (or compliments) and doesn’t even notice that you’ve had a complete make-over, chances are he’s already mentally checked out.

I’ve used an extreme example, but you know what I mean. 

If your man used to tell you how beautiful you are or how fantastic you smell, and they’re not anymore, this is a telling sign that the Titanic is sinking.

Wrapping up

If your man pulls away or seems to be losing interest, it can seem like the relationship is crumbling. However, it does not always mean the relationship is over.

So, if you’re facing this current situation, let me tell you how sorry I am for you. 

It’s a horrible truth to face, but by doing so sooner rather than later, you’ll be doing yourself a favor.

It’s beneficial to both of you when you’re honest and accepting of the truth. 

If you act swiftly, you might be able to salvage the relationship or, it might just be time to pull the plug and call it a day. 

Either way, you deserve to be happy, and you deserve the truth.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

The above link will give you $50 off your first session - an exclusive offer for Love Connection readers.

Did you like our article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.