There’s something off with him.
On the surface, he’s very loving. In fact, he often says he loves you. But for some reason, you have a sneaking suspicion that he doesn’t mean it—that he’s just forcing himself to love you.
Of course, you don’t want to confront him about it because it could ruin your relationship.
Well then, you just have to find out on your own for now.
Here are 10 signs to help you figure out if a man is indeed just forcing himself to love you.
1) He doesn’t show genuine excitement towards you
He might try to show enthusiasm when he sees you, or when he’s doing things with you. But genuine enthusiasm is just so hard to fake that he’ll give himself away if you look closely enough.
For example, he might try to be over the top enthusiastic when you’re around, but if you show up when he isn’t expecting you, it takes him a second or so to act enthusiastic.
If you’re sharp enough, you might even catch him being a little annoyed.
If he’s truly in love with you, simply seeing you is going to make his day. But if he’s having doubts, or if his feelings for you aren’t genuine, then it can take him genuine effort just to show excitement around you.
2) His eyes are on other girls when you’re not looking
You catch him looking at other girls when he thinks you’re not looking. And it’s not just that he’s stealing casual glances either. His gaze seems to linger, almost as if he’s checking them out.
The reason for this is because he’s looking for something he simply hasn’t been getting from you. This isn’t because you’re not enough or that you’re broken, but simply because he wants more.
You can try to do as much as you can humanely do to make him look at you, and he can do his hardest to try loving you but if he simply doesn’t love you, then he will never be satisfied with you.
And so he would be driven to look at other women, simply so that he could satisfy his need.
3) He hesitates talking about the future
No matter how hard he tries to force himself to love you, if his feelings for you just aren’t that strong, he isn’t going to be comfortable talking about a future with you.
It might leave you confused, especially if he’s otherwise more than capable of being affectionate towards you. It’s possible that he does care for you, but not enough to make him imagine a future with you.
Well, NOT YET.
I say this because of all the signs listed here, this one is the most indefinite. Yes, it could be a sign that he doesn’t love you but at the same time, the majority of men in relationships are not ready for future talk even if they’re deeply in love.
It’s possible that he does love you but is just afraid of big commitments.
I learned this from one of the leading experts on male psychology – Michael Fiore. He explains what men really want from relationships for them to start thinking about marriage and long-term commitment.
In his free video, Michael reveals why most men struggle to settle down with one woman, and how to overcome this barrier using simple but surprisingly effective techniques.
His incredible advice can turn even the coldest, commitment-phobic men into loving, dedicated partners.
So if you want science-based methods to make him want to realize you’re the one, check out Michael’s genuine advice below.
4) He’s more affectionate in public than he is in private
When you’re out with your friends he’s always at your side, holding your hand and talking about how much you mean to him.
But it’s very different when you’re by yourselves. He’s less affectionate, and maybe more interested in doing his own thing than being together with you.
It’s very possible that he isn’t doing this intentionally. But whether it’s intentional or not changes nothing.
He acts like this because he wants to prove to the world that, yes, he’s trying to love you. But when your image as a couple isn’t at stake, he feels no real pressure to keep the act up. So he simply doesn’t try.
5) He doesn’t bother speaking your love language
All of us speak our own love language.
Some of us feel love the most through actions, others through words, and yet others through companionship. Someone can profess to love you, but if they don’t try to speak your love language, they’ll leave you feeling neglected and unhappy.
You don’t have to speak the same love language to make a good couple. Someone who is genuinely in love with you will try to understand your love language and then make sure you can feel his love. If you love him in turn, then you would naturally try to speak his own love language as well.
But if he’s just faking it, he will find it too much of a bother. He will keep relying on his own love language, if he ever bothers. And as far as he’s concerned, if you don’t understand it, then it’s your loss.
6) He doesn’t introduce you to friends and family
A guy who is genuinely in love with you will try to introduce you to his friends and family as soon as he can. He’d be proud to have you by his side.
But if he’s not sure about his feelings for you or if he’s trying to force himself to love you, then he won’t be eager to show you off. He’s going to wait until he knows he loves you for sure before he goes ahead.
Of course, the question is whether or not he will actually learn to love you. And the answer is that, most of the time, it’s not that likely. Life isn’t a fairytale and if he never had true feelings for you in the first place, he isn’t going to get them by forcing himself to love you.
7) He’s cheated on you once, or has come close
A guy who is truly in love with you will find it easy to resist the temptation to cheat.
His love for you will hold him back.
But a guy who is having doubts about his feelings for you or is simply trying to force himself to love you won’t find it so easy to resist. In his mind, he’d say “there’s nothing much to lose.”
In fact, because he doesn’t have any genuine feelings towards you, he probably won’t think twice about being unfaithful. How can he feel guilty about cheating on someone he doesn’t care about anyways?
How he reacts to being called out on cheating also says a lot.
Someone who managed to cheat despite loving you will show incredible guilt and remorse for what he has done to you. He would be willing to give up a lot just to stay by your side.
But someone who doesn’t care for you will just shrug it off. He might even get mad if you try reminding him about it too much—almost as if you are in the wrong for trying to talk to him about his infidelity!
8) He puts other people above you
Whenever he does something, it feels like you’re not really his first priority at all.
It would be understandable if he were canceling his dates with you so that he could go attend an important meeting with his boss or his coworkers, but that’s not what he’s doing.
He would rather go out and drink with his friends who he goes out with weekly instead of spending a day with you at the bar. He would cancel plans with you or push them to a later date so that he could hang out with an acquaintance of his.
While you shouldn’t always be his number 1 priority—he has a life of his own to live, after all—it’s a bad sign when you’re always set aside or taken for granted.
If you feel like you’re always chasing for scraps, when you have to always beg for his attention when he would give it freely to everyone else, be careful.
9) He tries to change who you are
When talking about the idea that a guy is forcing himself to love you, it’s easy to assume that it’s because the guy is trying to fake it until he makes it.
But sometimes it’s because he’s loving the wrong thing. He’s in love with who he imagines you to be, and not who you truly are.
So in order to reconcile you with that imaginary person, he tries to change you. The idea is that when you become the person he imagines you to be, then he will truly be in love with you, because by then you will have become the person he’s loved all along.
Of course, that’s still a lie. You’d be pretending to be someone you simply are not. Eventually you’ll get tired of pretending, of being stifled, and will yearn to break free and be yourself for once.
When that happens, your relationship is very likely to fall apart.
10) You feel like you’re walking on eggshells around him
He might say that he loves you, but you feel like you’re just one small misstep away from him hating you forever. So you simply can’t be yourself. You have to hold yourself back.
The thing is that if he genuinely loves you, he would be more than willing to tolerate and forgive you if you ever rub him the wrong way. If your problems are especially big, then you can always settle it later, and calmly.
But because he’s trying to force himself to love you, he won’t have that patience.
When you do something to make him angry, he would think “this is the person I’m trying to love?” and resent you for it. Small arguments can lead to you not speaking to one another for weeks on end.
What you can do
1) Try to understand what you truly feel for each other
If he truly doesn’t love you and is forcing himself to feel something for you, then perhaps the first thing you should do is to figure out what it is he truly feels.
Try to sit down with him and have a nice chat together. Try not to show any anger or hurt—you’re trying to understand, not to condemn.
Then try to ask him what he truly feels for you.
Give him the time and space he needs to reflect. Be prepared for anything at this point. It could be that he resents you, or that he feels nothing for you, or that he simply thinks of you as a friend.
2) Stop forcing your relationship
Love can’t be forced. It’s simply a bad idea for him to force himself to love you.
You’re wasting your time in an unhealthy relationship that does little but scar both of you and keep you from growing as people.
You might think “but I love him!” or “he says he feels things for me!” and that might be true, but maybe you simply are not meant to be. Maybe you were simply meant to remain friends. Or maybe you’re simply not ready to be in a relationship together.
Many people have started dating again after having broken up years ago, and after having seen other people. And in this second chance they gave each other, they ended up creating a beautiful relationship.
This is because they have grown much in their time apart—growth that wouldn’t have happened if they forced themselves to love each other the first time around.
Once you are aware of what he truly feels for you, try to talk over what you should do next. If he thinks of you as a friend, for example, you can try to continue being friends.
3) Try to understand why it didn’t work
There are many reasons why he might be forcing himself to love you.
Maybe he simply had a crush on you, or maybe he simply latched on to you to rebound from another failed relationship. Maybe he fell in love with an idea of you that he has in his head, and didn’t really like the person he learned you truly are.
Understanding why your relationship isn’t working out is important if you want to end up in a better relationship next time. For example, maybe you jumped into a relationship too soon, and he realized you weren’t the kind of person he thought you were.
So maybe the next time you would make sure you know someone well before you start dating.
4) Reprogram how you approach love and relationships
When you’re dealing with feelings of self-doubt and trust issues because of a failed relationship, it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
It can be hard to accept that he isn’t truly in love with you—that he’s simply forcing himself to feel something for you.
You might even wonder if there’s something you’re missing. If you’re just not enough, and that you’re doomed to remain unloved.
But take heart! Sometimes you simply end up dating the wrong person. You have a long life ahead of you, and many more opportunities to grow and find the person that won’t make you second guess their love for you.
You’re more than good enough. You simply need to find the right person.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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