15 signs he is acting like he doesn’t care but he does (and what to do)

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Men are masters of disguise, or so they think.

Sometimes, they want to pretend that you mean absolutely nothing to them, but their small gestures and comments betray them because they show the exact opposite!

It’s adorable, really. And you wish you could just tell them you feel the same way, too.

In this article, I will tell you why he’s possibly acting this way, the obvious signs he cares, and what you can do about it.

Why a man suppresses his feelings for you 

There are many possible reasons why a man won’t express his feelings for you. Here are four of the most common ones:

He’s painfully shy

Even the most confident man or the loudest clown will get jitters when they’re around someone they really admire. Maybe he’s been rejected before and it’s made him anxious of women. Or maybe he’s just born with low self-esteem. It’s also possible that he’s scared because you’re an intimidating woman.

This isn’t hard to grasp because it’s exactly the same for girls. Imagine you’re with someone you’re totally crazy for. Do you express how you feel towards them or keep it to yourself because you just don’t know how to make the first move without looking pathetic?

Professing one’s love takes courage and maybe he doesn’t have it yet.

One of you isn’t available

It could be that one or both of you are in a relationship and he doesn’t want to cheat or intrude into what he sees is a good and loving relationship. The heart wants what the heart wants so he can’t just shut off his feelings towards you. However, he’s trying with all his might to do the right thing for the sake of everyone.

It’s also possible that he’s just not emotionally available right now because he’s still fixing a broken heart.

He doesn’t want to jump into a new relationship with you because he actually respects you and sees you as someone special.

He knows that if he chases a relationship with you now, he might end up treating it like a rebound relationship, and he doesn’t want to do that to you. He wants to heal and grow before even considering a relationship with you.

He’s afraid it might complicate things

Sometimes love just springs to life even in the most awkward situations. He might be your boss, your teacher, or your brother’s best friend, for example.

These are all delicate situations and men who are mature enough to think past their desires will try to keep their distance. They know they’d rather not play with fire—after all, it might get him fired, or ruin his relationship with his best friend.

And even assuming that nobody sees any issues with the two of you going out, it can still be incredibly stressful for both of you if the two of you break up.

You’re exes

You had to end your relationship for some reason, but you still love one another. Maybe you thought you were done for real, but realized you still have feelings for each other after you had time to settle down.

A good ex-boyfriend won’t try to force his way back into your life, even if he still loves you. He will respect your boundaries and step back, maybe even encourage you to move on even if it hurts him.

But when all’s said and done, he simply won’t be able to hide the fact that he cares for you no matter how hard he tries.

Signs he’s acting like he doesn’t care but he actually does

1) He remembers details about you that other people don’t

Although you don’t talk to each other that much, he remembers all sorts of random things about you. It’s almost like he has a recorder that he turns on every time the two of you talk or do something together.

He tells you that your favorite band will have a concert in your city, and he gets it right even when you simply can’t remember telling him what bands you liked. Heck, your other colleagues and friends don’t even remember that fact. But he does.

It’s effortless for him to remember details about you and he might even blush a little if you notice that he knows too much about you.

2) He replies fast even if he’s not a texter

He’s not someone who goes out of his way to text you first. It could be because he’s just not used to texting, or maybe he doesn’t want to seem too eager. It might even be because the two of you have a “no contact rule” for whatever reason.

But one thing’s for sure, and it’s that he doesn’t leave you on read.

Even if he’s just not the type who texts a lot, he will reply to your messages as soon as he can. And he’s always the one who sends the last message—with a lot of emoji to boot!

A person who truly cares for you will not keep you waiting. That’s a fact of life. If anything, he simply just can’t wait to talk to you, even if he needs you to reach out to him first!

3) He’s always around

When a common friend invites you to a party or any event, he’s there when he knows you’re going. He doesn’t care even if it’s something he’s normally not into, like bowling or pop music concerts. He’s there, having the time of his life.

If you’re colleagues, he might stay a little longer at the office even if he’s done with work and it’s a Friday night. If you press him, he might say that he simply wants to work overtime for additional pay.

He’s present anywhere and everywhere and always down for whatever…well, as long as you’re there.

4) You catch him staring at you often

The eyes never lie. You can feel him staring at you even if he’s wearing the thickest sunglasses.

When you talk to a group, it’s always his eyes that catch yours first. When someone says a joke, he always turns to look at you before everyone else.

And how intense are his stares! It’s almost as if he’s trying to tell you that he loves you with his gaze alone.

But when you stare back at him, he breaks his gaze. He’d look down at his feet, or look away in the opposite direction. Sometimes it might even look like he’s trying to pointedly ignore you—and that’s the point.

He likes you enough that he wants to keep looking at you, but he doesn’t want you to catch on and realize what he’s been doing.

5) He views your stories

He doesn’t show he cares for you in real life but he can’t help but check out your stories.

He just doesn’t have the capacity to stop himself. In his head, it might just be harmless. After all, everyone views everyone’s stories these days.

The thing is, he’s not the type who does that. He generally hates social media. He doesn’t post a lot and in fact you’re sure that he doesn’t view other people’s stories. He is forced to log in to IG because it’s an easy way of connecting with you.

Of course he will try not to view all of your stories because he doesn’t want you to think he’s that thirsty. But as long as you post something and he’s online, you know he’ll view your stories.

6) He only says good things about you

To him, you’re a smart, talented, funny, and reliable woman. You’re everything! He holds you in high regard, probably more than he does Michelle Obama or Mother Theresa.

In fact, with how much he worships you, you might as well be a goddess when he’s around. He’s your number one fan.

You can’t even tell that he admires you that much because he puts on a blank face when you’re around.

But your friends and colleagues say he’s gushing about you. Even when they’re just talking about a movie they saw, he’ll say that you’ll probably like it because you’re a cinephile with good taste.

He’s deeply infatuated and you’re always on his mind, that’s why!

7) He gets jealous

When some random guy goes near you, he starts to fidget and stutter. He then hovers like a mama hen who’s facing a fox. Of course he won’t say anything or else you’d think he’s crazy.

He might even act subtly possessive with you, using ‘we’ instead of ‘you’ and ‘I’ when the two of you are together, as if to give the message that the two of you are an item.

And when the guy is clearly interested in you (and he’s a really attractive one!), he goes nuts. Maybe he’ll say something totally absurd or he’ll storm out of the room only to come back after five minutes to get something he left.

And even if he doesn’t leave, you can see him biting his lips and holding himself back.

When you start to really get interested in someone, he will say bad things about the guy. He’ll say something like “He seems sketchy” or even “I think he’s just trying to get in your pants”—desperate attempts to convince you the guy is not worth it.

8) He’s always there to the rescue

If you have an emergency—any kind of emergency at all—he’s always there to help you. It doesn’t matter if he has a deadline in an hour and that your “emergency” is just a spider in your bathroom.

In fact, a selfish part of him would want you to have these minor problems just so you can be together.

And before you even ask him for help, he’d already thought about you. Let’s say you have an exam the next day, he’d drop by your house to give you some freshly baked cookies. He’d tell you he just baked too many and would wish you all the best for your exams.

He does this in a very friendly way though you’re almost convinced he’s just a kind guy, except that he doesn’t do these things to other girls.

9) He asks your friends about you

If he can’t be near you for whatever reason, he still wants to get updates about your life by getting closer to your friends.

He’d want to get any news from you just because he misses you or really adores you. He will tell your friends not to tell you that he asked but your friends can’t hide secrets from you.

He will do small things to get closer to them— from liking their posts, sending memes, giving them cookies— because he doesn’t want them to see his real intentions, which is to know more about you.

10) He gets nervous when you’re near

When you’re around, he exhibits physical indicators of a person in love.

He acts all cool on the outside but you know his heart is pounding like crazy. You can also see sweat trickle down his face like he’s taking the most important test of his life.

Poor guy. He has no control over these things. When a guy is deeply infatuated with someone, he suffers. And if he tries to hide it, his suffering is doubled.

Please be kind and don’t touch his hand or else he’ll fall off his chair.

11) He’s extra attentive when you talk

Let’s say you’re giving a presentation or you’re sharing to your friends about your trip to Timbuktu. He is your number one listener. You can tell because his eyes are all on you and he asks a lot of questions.

Some would get distracted—they’d check their phones or say hi to someone who passes by. Your guy, however, is focused only on you. He even gets a little annoyed that others aren’t paying attention.

He’d ask questions days after just because he’s very curious about you and would want to take any chance to connect with you.

12) He highlights the things you have in common

Let’s say you’re both into meditation, he’ll bring it up often. If you’re not around, he might talk about it to people you both know so that it will reach you.

The thing is, you know he’s not so crazy about meditation. Or maybe he’s become crazy about it but it’s mainly because he wants to connect with you.

When you both love the same band, he’d play it when you’re together.

When you both hate the way your boss taps his pen on the desk, he will look at you to remind you that you both hate it. Then you’ll both hold your laughter.

He wants to feel closer to you without being obvious so he holds on to these little things that you have in common.

13) He can’t hate you

Even when everyone else finds you annoying, he just can’t find it in him to hate you.

When you’re late and had left him waiting, he’d just laugh it off and joke about it so that you won’t feel guilty.

You may forget about things sometimes, but instead of getting mad at you he just says that he thinks you’re adorable when you’re lost in your thoughts.

And when you’re on the spot, at a loss as to what to say or do, he comes to your rescue and reassures you afterwards.

No matter what kind of blunder you get yourself into, no matter how annoying you can get, he just thinks you’re adorable.

When we truly care about someone, there’s nothing they can do that can make us hate them no matter how hard they try. For us, every single thing that they do is precious and even when they hurt us, we can still find it in ourselves to forgive them and want them to be happy.

If you feel like he’s unnaturally forgiving and tolerant of your shortcomings, there’s no doubt about it. That guy cares for you more than you think!

14) He tries to impress you


We want to be the star of the show when we’re around someone we love.

If he’s trying to show off his achievements in any way, if he’s flexing his muscles, if he’s trying to make your friends laugh, don’t roll your eyes. The guy is just desperate to get your attention!

He might not ask you out on a date or confess his feelings for you, but he wants you to look at him. Sometimes he’ll even try to imitate you or try to let you know that you have a common interest—and that he’s not too bad at it himself.

It’s his way of winning your heart and gauging if he has a chance with you.

15) He panics when you’re not okay

So he’s trying to keep his distance, acting all cool like he’s not in love with you but the moment you get yourself in trouble or cry, he panics.

You know those guys who try to look chill but when you surprise them, they squeal? Well, it’s pretty much the same thing.

As long as you’re okay, he’ll keep on pretending you don’t matter to him. But show any sign of distress and he’ll be there by your side. It may be his hero instinct kicking in because he would do anything to ease your burden.

Don’t fake it just to catch him though or he might hate you for it. He doesn’t want to get caught that he (still) cares for you, especially not by you!

What you can do if you like him too

If he’s just being shy:

  • Reciprocate so he will be encouraged to approach you.
  • Don’t mock him or tease him when he’s doing any of the above.
  • Pretend that you’re not aware when he gets nervous.
  • Try getting more friendly.
  • Pretend that whatever he does is not a big deal to you.
  • Make the first move.

If one of you isn’t available:

  • Don’t act naive—let them know that you’re aware of what they’re doing.
  • If his “moves” become more obvious, have an honest talk with him.
  • Tell him what you want and don’t want with your set-up.
  • Be friendly but set clear boundaries.
  • If you’re willing to cheat, make sure you’re perfectly aware of the consequences.
  • Don’t let others know or else it could ruin your relationship with your partner or their relationship with theirs.

If he’s your ex:

  • Clarify your feelings for each other.
  • If you really can’t be together, set clear boundaries and reinforce it often.
  • If you still aren’t over them but you just don’t see the relationship working, distance yourself if possible.
  • Don’t reciprocate if it will only bring you more pain in the end
  • Heal and move on in a healthy way. Trust me, you don’t need drama in your life.

Final words

So…how many of these signs do you see in your guy? As a rule of thumb, the more points ring true, the more likely it is that he actually does care for you.

But of course, just because he cares for you doesn’t mean that he’s already yours.

What matters is what you’re going to do now. Are you going to wait and wait or get a little bit proactive?

Your “happy ever after” won’t fall into your lap on its own. You gotta do the work. If you love this guy, it’s time to give him signs that you like him too or better yet, make the first move.

Life’s short, love fully.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

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