When you have a crush, you may lose hours lost in deep fantasy about that special person.
What it would be like to touch them, to be with them, and imagining your potential life together.
In fact, if daydreaming about a hot guy or girl were an Olympic sport — there would probably be millions of contenders for the Gold medal scattered all around the world.
But fantasies tend to be by their very nature private thoughts, which we rarely share. So how can you tell if he’s indulging in some serious fantasies about you?
Fantasy usually happens whenever we mix together a strong crush with some highly charged sexual energy. The good news is that you don’t have to be a mind reader to know if he’s fantasizing about you.
He probably won’t be that discreet when it comes to revealing exactly what’s going on in his head. That’s why there are plenty of signs to show he fantasizes about you. In this article, we’ll run through them all.
Why do we fantasize?
Daydreaming is seen as a Universal experience, meaning that we all do it.
Fantasy is sometimes spoken of as if it’s a bad thing — for example, maybe at school, your teacher said you should spend less time daydreaming.
But studies have actually shown it’s been linked to not only increased creativity but perhaps more surprisingly, increased productivity too.
This means that unless it gets out of hand or starts to take over your life, fantasy is actually perfectly healthy behaviour.
We do it for lots of reasons. For a start, we find it entertaining — almost like our own personal TV series playing out in our head.
Sometimes we engage in fantasy for distraction, and of course, when it comes to sexual fantasy — for arousal.
But fantasy can also have very practical benefits for the mind. Research has shown that the brain responds to visualisation as if it is real. This can help to prepare us for a future that we can imagine.
What do guys fantasize about when they like a girl?
What he fantasizes about will depend not only upon the guy, but also on the way he feels about you.
He may fantasize about you in an emotional way, in a sexual way, or a combination of the two.
He could think about what it would be like for you two to be in a relationship and do “couple things” together. He might imagine what it would be like to sleep with you, hold you or be intimate with you.
Sexual fantasy is such a part of normal life for all of us that research has even suggested the majority of asexual people still fantasize about it too.
It’s common to sexually fantasize about someone you’re attracted to — for perhaps obvious reasons. So if he is into you, the chances are that he probably will fantasize about you.
But we also use sexual fantasy as a confidence boost, escapism and in the hopes of preparing for a real-life future sexual encounter.
How do you tell if someone is fantasizing about you? 15 obvious signs that will give him away
1) His pupils dilate
They say the eyes are the windows to the soul for good reason. They can easily show emotions that we may try to otherwise hide.
In fact, researchers have found that it’s not only our eyes that give us away, it’s also our pupils.
That’s because our pupils don’t just change the size to let in more light, apparently, they also dilate when we’re aroused too.
It’s all down to the nervous system which kicks in whenever it senses danger or an opportunity. (In this scenario, you are hopefully the opportunity, not the threat).
Because this natural response is totally out of our control, it’s seen as one of the most honest ways to tell if someone is sexually attracted to you.
Whereas someone might be able to repress flirting or smiling — there’s nothing that they can do to stop this bodily response.
So if his eyes and pupils suddenly widen when he sees you, it’s because his brain is trying to take as much of you in as possible.
2) He finds excuses to touch you
If his fantasies have been building in his mind, he may find it difficult to keep his hands off you.
That doesn’t necessarily mean in a groping kind of way, just that he’ll find any excuse to touch you.
That could be by putting his hand on your thigh, or gently touching your arm. He could even try to play it off in a super casual manner.
You might notice he’s trying to find reasons to get his hands on you by doing “innocent” little things like removing lint from your sweater or shifting loose hair from your face.
As dating and relationship coach Clayton Max says, “It’s not about checking all the boxes on a man’s list of what makes his ‘perfect girl’. A woman can’t “convince” a man to want to be with her”.
Instead, men choose women who they are infatuated with. These women stir up a sense of excitement and desire to chase them by what they say in their texts.
Want a few simple tips to be this woman?
Then watch Clayton Max’s quick video here where he shows you how to make a man infatuated with you (it’s easier than you probably think).
Infatuation is triggered by a primal drive deep within the male brain. And although it sounds crazy, there is a combination of words you can say to generate feelings of red-hot passion for you.
To learn exactly what these texts are, watch Clayton’s excellent video now.
3) He flirts with you
If he’s been fantasizing about you he will probably find it difficult to keep it to himself. Those fantasies are likely to spill out into his behaviour around you too.
That’s why flirting is always one of the biggest clues that we’re interested in someone romantically and think of them in “that way”.
Of course, for a lot of us flirting can feel tricky. It’s not as if we get given a manual on how to flirt.
But if he is flirting with you, chances are you’ll notice, even though it can show up in different ways depending on whether he’s a shy guy or confident type.
Flirting is essentially just about trying to get someone else’s attention.
So he might try and engage you in a longer conversation, ask you questions, and give off lots of visual cues that he’s listening to (like nodding and smiling).
He’ll also probably find ways to compliment you — either the way you look or praise something he admires about you.
4) You catch him checking you out
Research has found that the part of the brain which controls our emotions (the amygdala) shows significantly higher levels of activation in men viewing sexual stimuli than in women.
This basically means guys are more visually turned on than women. That could explain why he can’t help himself and has to check you out whenever you’re around.
If he’s secretly fantasizing about you but not ready to make a move, then he might try and be a bit covert with his admiring glances.
It could be a few sideward glances in your direction, or pretending to scan the room but always ending up looking your way.
Particularly if a guy thinks about you sexually, there’s a good chance he’ll be checking out all of your assets, if you know what I mean.
Even if he’s discreet, if he’s been fantasizing about you then you’ll likely catch him looking at your body (probably when he thinks you’re not looking).
His roaming eyes are letting you know what’s happening up in his brain.
5) He makes suggestive “jokes”
One of the ways we test the water is often through light-hearted comments and suggestions.
That way we can always laugh it off later and say we were just kidding around.
But really it’s a way of getting feedback on his thoughts and desires, without fully putting himself out there and risking rejection.
After all, it can feel way more intimidating to come out and tell someone directly how we feel.
That’s why if he is making sexually suggestive little comments and jokes, it’s probably reflecting the thoughts he’s genuinely been having about you.
He may tease you about certain things, or make hints to let you know that he’s sexually attracted to you.
If he jokes about his own sexual prowess, he’s trying to secretly brag and prove to you his manly credentials.
Basically, any little sexual innuendo or playful suggestions he makes is about gauging your reaction to see if the fantasizing is mutual.
6) He drifts off into his own little world
Do you ever get the impression when you’re speaking to him that he’s a bit spaced out? Or he starts staring at you in this dreamy way, so that he seems to be on another planet?
Sometimes you really can tell that a guy has stopped listening because they’ve wandered off into a little daydream in their own head.
It’s not that they’re not interested in you, quite the opposite. They are so attracted to you that they’ve kind of got distracted by their desire and are momentarily lost in fantasy.
Most of us have probably experienced something similar — where the voice in our head starts to take over in its own private dialogue so that we lose track of what’s going on.
His eyes may be wandering around your face and body as you’re talking. Or he might lose his train of thought, get flustered and forget what it was he was saying.
It’s a world away from being disinterested in you. You’ll see the difference in his body language and the general attention he gives you.
If you lose him for a bit but he enthusiastically jumps back into the conversation, you know he just got preoccupied in his thoughts for a while.
7) He tells you he had a dream about you
Our dreams and our fantasies are closely linked.
Of course, our dreams can be strange and pretty random. But what’s also the case is that what we think about in our daily lives tends to spill over into our dreams.
It’s the places, people and things that are most on our mind that then feature when we sleep, as we attempt to process the world around us.
If a guy tells you or sends you a message to let you know, that you made an appearance in his dreams last night — there’s a good chance you’ve been occupying his daytime fantasies.
If he’s vague about the details, then perhaps it was the X rated kind, and he’s a bit embarrassed to divulge all the juicy details.
If on the other hand, he’s all too happy to share with you the nature of a raunchy dream, it’s his way of seeing whether there’s any chance his fantasy could become a reality.
8) He tries to act more “manly” around you
There are plenty of men out there who are not the macho type. But when it comes to attraction, you might find the testosterone is ramped up to show itself in unexpected ways.
It’s a part of his biological drive to want to impress you. The male of the species in countless animals, birds and insects does basically the same thing — prove to you that they are a good choice to mate with.
That’s why he’ll most likely want to show what he thinks is the best version of himself in a bid to win you over.
There’s actually a new theory in relationship psychology that explains why men do this around women they’re attracted to. It’s called the hero instinct.
What it boils down to is that men have a biological drive to provide for and protect the women they care about. They want to step up to the plate for them and be appreciated for their efforts.
In other words, men want to be your everyday hero.
The kicker is that women can actually trigger this in a man. And if you are equally attracted to this man, this is something you should do.
The best place to start is to watch this free video from the relationship expert who discovered the hero instinct. He reveals the simple things you can do starting today, including texts you can send him and phrases you can say.
The small but powerful actions revealed in this video will tap into protective instincts and the most noble aspect of his masculinity. Most importantly, they’ll unleash his deepest feelings of attraction towards you.
Here’s a link to the free video again.
9) His voice goes deeper
This sign admittedly will take a little bit of detective work. You’re going to need to pay attention to how he speaks to other people and compare it to how he speaks to you.
But the tone of voice he uses is another one of those subtle and largely unconscious shifts that he will make when he’s talking to someone he’s attracted to.
It’s probably something biological, as research suggests that women prefer deeper voices whilst men like higher-pitched ones.
We view lower voices as more authoritative and powerful. So, him lowering his voice in your presence is an attempt to appear more sexy and dominant.
A little side note though, for this one, it certainly isn’t always the case. The more nervous we are, the higher-pitched our voices also tend to go.
I once went on a date with a guy that got so anxious, he was practically a soprano, but this effect calmed down as soon as he did.
So either way, low or high, just general changes to the pitch of the voice can give a lot away.
10) You feel the sexual chemistry
Sexual chemistry is a bit of a puzzle because we obviously can’t see it, but we know when the signs show us it’s there.
Energy may not be something that we can easily define or even always explain, but we just feel it.
When the feeling of attraction is mutual, the charge it gives off can feel almost electric in the air between you.
If you have been fantasizing about him too, as well as him fantasizing about you, you will usually sense something between you.
It’s magnetic. Almost like you are being drawn together as that daydreaming builds the sexual intensity.
If you’re not quite sure whether it’s sexual tension or something else, check out this article for 20 clear cut signs that it is.
11) He shows off
If you’ve been on his mind and he is preparing to make a move, he might start laying the foundations by bigging himself up.
That could be with his words, through bragging or with his behaviour, by showing off and trying to impress.
He might try to let you know how successful he is or how well he’s doing. Dating apps are full of men boasting that they have a good job, own their own home or have a good car — because they want you to know they’re a good option.
He’ll try to show all his best personality traits, by making you laugh or proving how smart he is.
He wants you, and so he’s basically doing all he can to make sure you will want him back by highlighting all his “best bits”.
12) He shares his fantasies
Sharing his fantasies with you might come in subtle or more explicit ways.
Perhaps he messages you saying you’ve been on his mind or when you see him he says that he was just thinking about you.
He’s opening up to give you a clue into his bigger fantasies towards you.
He might even decide to share with you some of his sexual or romanticized fantasies, without explicitly saying he’s been thinking about you in this way.
When we’re attracted to someone we can find ourselves drifting onto racy subjects but talking in very general terms. It’s just a flirty way to start a sexually charged conversation to see where it may lead.
But sharing our fantasies in any way is very intimate — which shows trust, desire and a connection.
13) He wants to get close to you all the time
If you’ve been occupying his thoughts, he’ll likely want to take his fantasies from the dream world and into the real world.
So he’ll probably find any excuse to be around you to feed his fantasy.
If you’re out in a group, for example, you might notice that anywhere you move to, it isn’t long before he appears in one of the chairs close to you.
When you talk to one another his body will face towards you and you may even notice him leaning physically closer to you.
It’s one of the strong body language cues that men give off when they’re really into you.
14) He acts more stimulated around you
Attraction can make us behave in some pretty odd ways — blame those pumping hormones.
You might find that he becomes generally more stimulated around you, or his natural personality becomes more exaggerated. You’re essentially a caffeine hit for him.
So if he’s already a shy guy, you could find he becomes more easily embarrassed or anxious. If he’s naturally extroverted, you could find he’ll ramp up the energy.
It’s because his emotions are heightened.
15) He casually talks about you to other people
When we can’t stop thinking about someone and daydream about them, we tend to find it difficult to shut up about them too.
All that excited energy spills over and we often find ways of “causally” bringing them up in conversation to friends or coworkers around 1000 times a day.
That’s why we often know when a friend has a crush on someone before they even admit it, because they tell us about this person all the time.
“Did you know that X has a French bulldog too?”
“X said that it’s going to be the hottest day of the year tomorrow.”
“X told me the funniest joke today.”
The preoccupation we have in our heads with this person usually doesn’t go unnoticed by the people around us.
So if you know that he’s been bringing you up in conversation a lot, that’s why.
How to make him fantasize about you…
If none of the signs is there, then it’s time to take matters into your own hands.
Got your eyes set on a guy?
Then you might be wondering how you can make yourself the object of his desires.
How can you make him fantasize about you day in and day out?
How to make sure you’re the only person on his mind?
Sounds too good to be true, right?
It’s actually easier than you think.
Earlier in the article, I brought up a relatively new concept in the relationship world: the hero instinct.
It’s about bringing out his protective instincts and letting him feel both essential and valued in your relationship. Once you do this, he won’t be able to keep his eyes off you. And he certainly won’t be able to stop thinking about you.
So, if this instinct hasn’t already been triggered in your man, now is your chance to do so.
Once you do, you won’t have to question whether or not he fantasizes about you. You’ll know for sure. There will be no doubt in your mind that you are the only woman on his mind.
To learn how to activate the hero instinct in your man, check out this free video by relationship expert James Bauer.
Just know that you’re a catch. Why wouldn’t a man want to fantasize about you? All the hero instinct does is help a man see this as well.
Here’s a link to James’ excellent free video again.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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