Is he into you or not? You just can’t figure it out.
Maybe you are picking up on subtle signs that he likes you, but things still haven’t gotten physical.
It could be that you slept in the same bed and he didn’t try anything, or it’s been a while and he hasn’t made a move to sleep with you yet.
In this article, we’ll look at what to watch out for and exactly what to do when you suspect a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you.
How do you know if he wants to sleep with you? 17 strong signs he doesn’t
1) He doesn’t try to get close
When a guy is attracted to someone, his body language gives it away.
One of the more subtle ways we test the water when we’re interested sexually, is to get a little closer.
The thing about sexual chemistry is that it can feel magnetic. We cannot help ourselves and we find ourselves being drawn ever close to the object of our desire.
It’s also a good way of subtly checking how the other person feels, based on how they respond. So a guy will move closer and see whether you move away, or stick around.
If he’s feeling this sexual chemistry then you may notice him leaning in ever so slightly when he talks to you or creeping closer on the couch.
On the other hand, if he keeps his distance when he’s around you it’s one of the signals that he isn’t feeling it.
2) He doesn’t try to touch you
Similar to the point above, touch is another way that we create a bond with someone and show our interest.
We’re not talking about full-on groping, but those more subtle gestures. When a guy is attracted to you he will want to find excuses to touch you.
For example, if he comments on your hair he might reach over and touch it. Or if he’s teasing you about something, he might lightly touch your forearm in a reassuring way.
Being touchy-feely is one of those ways we separate friends from potential lovers. So if he’s never made any attempt to cross that boundary, it could be because he just doesn’t want to turn the relationship into a physical one.
3) He doesn’t check you out
Whilst women get more turned on by what they hear, guys get more turned on by what they see. This characteristic often makes men much easier to read.
Largely, the signals men give off when they want you are more obvious. One of those signals is in the way they look at you.
Whether it’s explicit or more subtle and out of the corner of their eyes, when a man likes what he sees, he often can’t help but look.
Sadly that means if you’re wearing a killer outfit and his eyes don’t light up, it suggests your efforts are wasted on him.
Similarly, if he’s never looked you up and down, or you’ve never caught him watching you in any way, it’s not a good sign.
4) He finds excuses to go home
Even when you’re already dating, it’s certainly not always practical to stay over at someone’s house. We have busy lives and other commitments.
When I was dating a guy once and invited him in “for coffee”, he told me that although he’d love to, he’s really tired and had to be up early tomorrow. But he also made plans to stay over another night.
My point is, you shouldn’t always read into things too much. If he’s got work the next day, or some other obligation, then it’s no big deal if he declines your invitation to come in.
But if he consistently finds reasons why he has to go home, things start to feel a bit more suspicious. It could be that he is avoiding situations where things could turn sexual.
5) He doesn’t want to be alone with you
Any guy who is attracted to you is going to jump at the chance of getting you alone.
That’s when you can get closer and grow the bond between you too.
If he makes zero effort to try and be alone with you, then it suggests he doesn’t want to get closer.
Do you only hang out in groups? Does he invite other friends along whenever you arrange to meet? It sounds like sleeping with you isn’t on his mind.
6) He hasn’t tried to kiss you
There’s a natural build-up to sex. It starts with flirting, progresses to more subtle forms of physical contact, and then eventually one of you goes in for the kiss.
Kissing is an important milestone as it firmly separates two people from being just friends into something more. It shows that there is a definite romantic interest.
Sure, he could still like you and just be very shy. But if it’s been a while and you’re yet to kiss, that could be because he isn’t feeling romantic vibes.
7) He doesn’t get flirty
If there’s one language we all need to learn, it’s that language of flirting.
In the world of love and romance, it’s undoubtedly one of the most useful skills to perfect and to know how to interpret.
They may all do it in different ways, but flirting is one of those Universal things that guys do when they like a girl. Sadly, some guys also do it habitually and will still flirt even when he just wants to be friends.
The absence of flirting in a relationship is never great if you are hoping for things to progress further.
8) He never comments on how you look
If you are wearing your notorious little black dress that never fails to impress and he barely seems to notice, then it aint a good sign.
Compliments are the way we tell one another “hey, I’ve noticed something about you”.
Men realized a long time ago that flattery wins you serious points.
If he fails to ever comment on your physical appearance there is a good chance he isn’t paying attention to it.
If you haven’t caught his eye, then he’s not thinking about sleeping with you.
9) He doesn’t hold eye contact
Our eyes give so much away.
They tell people when we’re shy and uncomfortable, they give us away when we’re sad, and they also reveal our attraction.
Research has shown that arousal is significantly enhanced when people make eye contact. Eye gazing is not only a signal perceived but also a signal sent out in order to communicate with others.
It’s one of those built-in natural mating tools that we have. Him looking you in the eye shows that you have his attention. If he doesn’t use this strong sexual cue, his attraction towards you could be missing.
10) You’re feeling friendzoned
Ending up in the friendzone totally sucks when you have a crush on someone.
Deep down, I think we all kind of know when we’re in the friendzone.
He is nice towards you but not much more. He enjoys your company, but he’s not particularly forthcoming about getting to see you again soon. He doesn’t pay on a date. He makes contact every now and then, but he’s hardly blowing up your phone.
It’s not that he doesn’t like you, he does, he just doesn’t want to sleep with you or be in a relationship with you.
11) He avoids other forms of physical intimacy
Things like snuggling and holding hands can help to build an emotional bond as well as a physical one.
But most of us still reserve these types of connections for people we have a romantic interest in.
He may not be ready to have sex and take things to the next level, but if he avoids all forms of physical intimacy, the problem could be more than just timing.
12) He pulls away when you initiate any physical contact
If he seems noticeably uncomfortable when you make physical contact with him, he probably doesn’t want you to touch him.
Even shy men might go a bit red or act flustered, but they’re still unlikely to pull away.
Maybe if you go to hug him, he is the first to break away. If you hold eye contact, he looks away from your gaze. If you get too close, he’ll fidget and move.
These are all signs that he doesn’t want to have sex with you.
13) His texts are always very conservative
Text messages are the perfect opportunity to get a little flirty. There’s often less pressure and fewer nerves than when you’re face to face.
It’s not that your messages need to be full on X-rated or sexually explicit, but they should be a little bit cheeky.
That’s because even if he texts you every day, it doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to sleep with you.
If he never uses any flirty emojis — like the winky face or little devil face — and you never get a drunk text from a night out, he may see you as just friends.
14) He doesn’t let you into his personal space
Our personal space is precious and we don’t let just anyone into it.
It’s the invisible buffer zone that surrounds us and makes us feel psychologically more comfortable and protected from others.
Who we let into this space says a lot about our connection to them. If he doesn’t let you get close to him, then it’s a sign that you literally haven’t made it into his inner circle.
If he wanted to sleep with you, one of the first steps would be letting his guard down and permitting you to get physically closer to him.
15) He isn’t jealous of other guys
If a guy wants to get jiggy with you, he won’t want anyone else on the scene.
Men can be pretty territorial and tend to mark their turf.
If he doesn’t seem phased by or doesn’t even notice other male attention that you get, he isn’t seeing them as competition.
The reason for that could be that he doesn’t want to be in the race.
16) He’s a bit too respectful
Most of us are admittedly looking for a bit of a gentleman, but preferably with a naughty side too.
If he’s a bit too “nice” in his behavior towards you, you might feel more like a sibling or pal than anything else.
I have a friend who went on a date with a guy 6 times, and he never tried to even kiss her.
He was clearly interested, as he kept asking her out, but it never progressed.
In the end, it fizzled out as she started to see him in a more platonic way because of his lack of advances.
We usually need that charged sexual energy to turn something from friendship into more.
17) He treats you “normally”
It’s not that a guy will treat you strangely if he wants to sleep with you, but he certainly won’t treat you like just another woman he hangs out with.
If he is attracted to you and wants more, you can expect some special treatment.
How that shows up can be different depending on the man. Not all guys are good at flirting but they will still let you know their interest in other ways — mainly via extra effort.
That may mean he always messages you first, he’s in contact all the time, and he is asking you out (on dates or to hang just the two of you).
If he makes no more effort for you than any other friend, then he probably doesn’t have any sexual interest in you.
What to do when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you
1) Talk about it
We all know that we’re meant to communicate in a relationship, but when we feel vulnerable it’s all too tempting to keep it to ourselves and stew on things instead.
Unfortunately, this resolves absolutely nothing and we end up making even more assumptions that can create more problems.
If you are dating this guy, it’s best to find a tactful way of asking him how he feels and if there’s something going on. If you are concerned he’s not into you in that way, ask him if he is attracted to you.
It’s better to raise the topic when you’re in a nonsexual setting, when you’re both relaxed and getting on well.
2) Show him you’re interested
Don’t leave him in any doubt of what you want. That means you can flirt and also try to initiate physical contact.
If you have been waiting for him to make a move, and he hasn’t, it could be just a matter of miscommunication.
He might be taking things slow out of respect for you. Or he might not even realize that you are ready to take things to the next level in your relationship.
If you want to turn up the heat, test things out by getting flirty. If he is responsive, you will know that he really is into you. If he shuts it down, then you have your answer.
There’s a lot of pressure on men. They are often still expected to be the ones who initiate everything during dating, which can feel a very vulnerable position to be in. Make sure you meet him halfway.
3) Be patient
Society may lead us to believe that men are all sex crazed and barely think about anything else, but that’s not the case.
The reality is that there are plenty of perfectly good reasons why a man doesn’t want to sleep with you.
It may take him some time until he feels comfortable enough, and that’s why he is making you wait to have sex. Be patient and enjoy the early stages of romance and getting to know one another.
4) Respect his choices
Bit of an obvious one, but always worth a reminder — deciding to have sex is s a consenual agrreement betwee two people.
Regardless of his reasons, you need to respect his boundaries. It’s never fair to pressure anyone into having sex when they don’t 100% want to.
That means if you try to make a move and your advances aren’t reciprocated, then you should back off and give him his space.
5) Move on
If you’re not on the same page it’s better to find someone you are more compatible with.
The reality is that we’re all attracted to different qualities, both aesthetically and personality wise.
For every one guy who doesn’t want to sleep with you, there will be dozens more out there who can’t keep their hands off you.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
The above link will give you $50 off your first session - an exclusive offer for Love Connection readers.