30 surprising signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you

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A man’s behavior is not that hard to read. 

But, if you are really into this guy, it means you can’t see things clearly. 

You can’t figure out his true intentions with you.

That’s why I’m here; to help you notice the signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

Let’s get started! 

1) He clearly says so

I don’t know about you, but I used to have the tendency to hear something different when men were telling me they didn’t want a relationship.

I used to think that although they weren’t ready at that time, they would be as soon as they got to know me better. 

Without necessarily noticing a pattern, I’ve experienced this situation multiple times. As you might think, every time I assumed things would flow differently.

They didn’t. These men didn’t change their intentions with time, regardless of how long I waited for them or how often I did something to please them. 

However, if you still have doubts, check out this list of 20 ways to tell if a guy means what he says.

2) He doesn’t make you a priority

Instead of heading right to you after work (because you have a date), this guy hangs out with his work colleagues a little longer. He doesn’t care if you wait for him.

A sign that a man doesn’t want a relationship is when he doesn’t make you a priority and doesn’t value your time.

The same goes for when he cancels his plans with you in favor of doing something else that he finds interesting.

However, he almost never admits his real reasons. Instead, he tells you that he is stuck at work or that something unexpected has happened.

Brendan Brown shares his view on the signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

3) He doesn’t know much about you

If you take a second and think about it, there’s not much this guy knows about you. Depending on what you two do together, he probably knows the basics.

For example, while he knows which is your favorite cocktail, he has no idea how you drink your coffee. This is worrying because it means you are rarely together during the morning.

This could be a sign he doesn’t want a relationship, but you must know that not all hope is lost. 

Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit tells you about the 12 big things you can do to make a man commit.

4) He didn’t introduce you to his family and friends

If you suspect that the man you’re dating doesn’t want a relationship with you, ask yourself whether he introduced you to his loved ones.

If he didn’t, then he might not picture himself by your side in the future. He doesn’t want to deal with a situation like that unless things are serious.

According to Bright Side, “Many guys don’t want to be harassed by others’ opinions.[…] If he comes from a traditional family or has parents who have very precise ideas about who he should be dating, he might want to wait before telling them.”

5) He didn’t share anything related to you on social media

To fully understand your guy’s online behavior, you have to pay attention to what he has posted in the past as well.

Maybe he doesn’t want other people to know about you because of the above reasons. 

However, it could also be because he wants to keep his options open.

Posting something with or about you would drastically decrease his chances of hooking up with someone else.

So, if he’s not the oversharing type, in general, and he only posts abstract stuff or stuff about politics, you can’t really blame him.

Conversely, if he often shares flirty posts or photos of himself, then you can tell he’s a player. Social media often affects romantic relationships negatively, so maybe you’re lucky to know after all.

6) He changes his behavior often

This guy is sending you mixed signals. I’m sure of it because otherwise, you wouldn’t look for these signs. 

You are confused (to say the least) because he acts caring and loving, and then, without apparent reason, he starts behaving cold, detached, and unavailable.

You never know when his behavior will change. It would probably be easier to guess when he’ll be hot for you than predict a pattern.

If you are the type of woman who likes to play games, then maybe you agree with this author from Ask Men saying:

“This hot and cold behavior is just the power play stage of the dating game and you’ve got to play it right to win it.”

If you are not, it doesn’t mean you’ll lose the game. You can’t lose a game if you decide not to play it.

7) He only makes small talk

When you want to be in a relationship with someone, you also want to get to know them better, right?

You don’t just talk about the weather and last night’s TV show, or discuss other people. Or do you?

Finding out whether he would like to take things to the next level with you isn’t easy, but if he keeps all your conversations casual, it means he’s not that interested.

To keep yourself from wasting any more valuable time, watch out for these 12 signs he’s not the one or your soulmate.

8) He is on his phone most of the time

You don’t spend a lot of time together with this man, and when you do, he seems to like his phone better.

These days, we are used to people being on their phones a lot, but there is a limit that this guy crosses.

He doesn’t pay attention to you when you’re talking about yourself or about something that doesn’t interest him. 

In fact, you could be saying something interesting, but he’s too distracted to hear you. Of course, when you ask him about it, he says it’s nothing.

I think it’s safe to say that he likes non-verbal communication better (I’m referring to touch).

9) He almost never does something nice for you

Numerous psychologists and relationship coaches advise us to not use words such as “always” and “never” when arguing with our partners or analyzing them.

That’s why I’m not going to say that he NEVER does something nice for you because he probably has.

However, bringing you a glass of water when you’re in bed or picking up something that you dropped on the floor doesn’t count as a nice gesture.

It just means he’s not a complete douchebag.

Jodie Milton, relationship and intimacy expert, says that a “softer word that more accurately reflects the frequency of the occurrence, like ‘often,’ ‘sometimes,’ ‘rarely,’ or ‘scarcely’,” would be much better.

Make sure to use them when you confront him.

10) He is always paying attention to something else

When you are together, you either watch a movie, get intimate, or do something. You rarely just sit with each other to really talk and connect.

If you’re somewhere outdoors, he seems to pay attention to other people or movement, noise, rather than you.

When you talk about something, he interrupts you just to show you something that he found funny. It’s like he didn’t even realize you were saying something important.

These are big question marks that should make you think about whether he wants a relationship with you.

Do you experience any of these 16 undeniable signs of an instant connection with a man when you are with him? 

11) He is more interested in you sexually

This man has no idea how you like your eggs (or if you eat eggs), but when it comes to turning you on, he knows exactly what to do.

His focus turns on you as soon as you get close and intimate. Sadly, as soon as the passionate moments come to an end, he goes back to acting uninterested.

HuffPost mentions that some of the signs he only wants to have sex with you are:

  • He compliments your looks, but nothing else
  • He replies to sexts fast and in a complex way
  • He gets irritated if you refuse him
  • He is not affectionate in another context
  • He only gets creative in bed

If this is you, you should feel flattered, not offended. Just because you two are not on the same page emotionally speaking, it doesn’t mean you are not desirable from every point of view.

However, it’s a surprisingly real sign that he doesn’t want to get involved.

12) He rarely wants to do something outside the bedroom

Sure, this man took you on a few dates. You had a nice time and decided to continue seeing him. 

You even got attached to him. But now, he doesn’t want to do almost anything outside the bedroom.

He doesn’t want to take you out for dinner anymore. He would rather order in every time. 

This could mean he takes your presence for granted; even if he offers to feed you. I’m saying this because he makes no effort to impress you.

Moreover, he suddenly hates walks and doesn’t like to go shopping either.

“If your S.O. never wants to go out in public together, whether it’s to grab fro-yo, see a movie, or hit up a party instead of just hooking up at home every single time you two hang out, that’s a sign they’re not ready to commit.” says an author for Seventeen.

13) He overreacts when you get close to his phone

Whenever you get too close to his phone, this man overreacts. He moves super fast to grab it or tries to distract your attention from it.

At first, you might think that what your gut is telling you is wrong, but if you pay attention to him, you start noticing that he repeats his actions.

While we can find many reasons for a guy not wanting to commit, if he is over-protective with his phone, it can’t be because of something related to work or family.

Before you accept this type of behavior longer, would you like to learn if you like him or the idea of him? Tina Fey gives great relationship advice here.

14) He doesn’t remember important things about you

You told him about your pet’s birthday, but when the time came, he acted like he didn’t know what you were talking about.

You told him about having an important interview the next day, and then he disappeared for a week and didn’t reply.

Although examples, these situations depict standard behavior in men who are not interested in getting to know the woman they’re dating.

Most men are forgetful and tend to miss important details; however, a man who cares and knows he usually forgets would set a reminder on his phone.

15) He makes little to no effort

When was the last time this guy did something nice to impress you?

While you go out of your way to impress him all the time (when you catch him), he makes little to no effort when it comes to you.

He invites you over for some non-verbal communication and then he forgets to even call. What does this mean?

He is a man who doesn’t feel that he needs to put any effort into your interaction because he is not in a relationship with you.

He doesn’t want anything more from you because you already gave him what he wants.

16) He rarely initiates contact

This guy is into you, but he rarely calls or texts first. If he does, it’s late at night and his reason is lust.

You often react positively and accept his booty call. However, he fails to say anything the next day, or 2 days after.

Even if he’s attracted to you and spends some time with you, this guy doesn’t want a relationship with you. His behavior is all the evidence you need

17) He doesn’t like to make plans

He doesn’t spend much time thinking about your future together, so he doesn’t want to make plans.

Or, if he agrees to make plans, although he clearly says he doesn’t like to do this, then he cancels them.

He does what you’re suggesting because he doesn’t know what else to say, not because he really wants to.

Otherwise, he would do everything in his power to keep his word and not cancel your plans together for superficial reasons.

18) He doesn’t keep his promises

As I was saying above, this guy isn’t relationship material because he promises you something and then tries to get out of it.

If you relate and you’ve been disappointed more than once, maybe it’s time to accept the fact that he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

Do you recall doing something similar to a guy in the past? Maybe it’s karma. If you’d like to know more, read this guide: Is karma real when it comes to relationships? 15 telltale signs it is.

19) He gets irritated easily

When a man truly appreciates your company and is invested in your feelings, he tends to be more patient.

However, the man you want to have a relationship with gets irritated easily. You often feel like you have to walk on eggshells when you’re around him.

Regardless of his reasons, you must know that feeling this way is bad for you. Instead of being yourself and feeling comfortable when he’s around, you are always tense.

Or, maybe he’s truly consumed by work. Here are 15 signs he really does love you, but he is just busy.

20) He is still hooked up on his ex

If he often mentions his ex, tells you about meeting her, or other details that you don’t want to hear, then maybe he’s just not over her yet.

I’m not happy to tell you this, but he could be seeing the relationship between you as a rebound

In other words, he is not ready to fully commit to you because he didn’t have a chance to let her go properly. 

This doesn’t mean that he didn’t have good intentions in the first place. Men don’t usually plan to get involved in a rebound relationship.

However, he’s just not handling things as he probably thought he would, a fact that stops him from getting serious about you.

21) He goes out on dates with other women

No, he’s not making sure you’re his best choice. He is living the life of a single man who does whatever he wants.

If he’s dating other women and all you want is a serious relationship with him, my advice is to stop wasting your time.

Even if you are better than every other girl he’s dating, he might not see it. Ever. 

And this is not because of you. It’s because of where he is in life.

The paths of two people don’t always align. While you might be ready to fully open up to him and form a couple, he is still trying to figure out what he wants. 

Or, maybe he’s just having fun and you are part of his idea of fun.

22) He doesn’t open up to you

Some of the reasons he might be unwilling or unable to open up to you are:

  • He doesn’t like/love you enough
  • He has horrible past experiences
  • He is out of touch with his emotions

If this is you, resist the urge to try and fix this guy. You are not responsible for healing his wounds or helping him in any way, hoping he’ll see you as “the one.”

He most probably won’t, so save yourself the time and trouble.

23) He acts differently with you around other people

In private, this man showers you with kisses and always makes physical contact with you. In public, he acts like you are acquaintances, not even friends.

If you asked him about it and he said he’s just a private guy, I recommend you do something; observe if he makes more physical contact with other women than you.

Your answer is clear if he does.

His reasons for doing so may be a mystery, but they are also irrelevant. Keeping whatever you have together a secret is not a good sign.

24) He flirts with other women in your presence

Now, is he just the touchy-feely type or actually flirting with other women? 

They don’t say that love is blind for nothing, so take this sign into consideration if you want to find out where things stand with him.

Do yourself a favor and don’t react in any way if you see him flirting. It would be best to leave when it happens and go do something good for yourself.

Showing signs of jealousy would only feed his ego. If you must talk to him about his behavior, make sure to do so in private.

25) He doesn’t ask about your preferences

I can admit that men are generally more careless than women and less prone to remembering details.

However, I was dating this one guy in the past who never asked me any questions about my favorite music, hobbies, and so on.

I didn’t notice something was wrong because I was too fascinated to learn things about him. He adored talking about himself.

I was under his spell, but not for long. I soon realized the interest was one-sided.

I was broken-hearted and feeling relieved at the same time. It was strange and it hurt. 

However, I ended up being thankful to him. This is because since then, I chose to surround myself with people who are genuinely interested in me and not treat me as a toy. 

26) He meets you when he doesn’t have other plans

When you two meet, this man often tells you that his plans got canceled.

Or, in case you want to plan something with him on the weekend, he says he wants to keep his options open.

He accepts your invitation, but only if he doesn’t have something better to do.

Sounds familiar? If he does this, then he just wants to keep you close as a backup plan.

If a man wants you in his life, he’ll do these 20 things, among which are making an effort to hang out with you, finding reasons to contact you often, doing something nice for you.

27) He is inconsistent when it comes to you

You never know what to expect from him. 

He either calls you every night and invites you over or doesn’t answer your calls or texts for a week. 

A man who doesn’t feel the need to constantly check up on you and see you is not that serious about you.

You feel the need to talk to him at least once per day, right? If he doesn’t, it’s a sign.

Love Coach Ronnie shares her wisdom:

“Inconsistent men send mixed signals that can drive you crazy. Don’t try to figure them out. That’s a big waste of your time.”

28) He disappears from time to time

Without notice, he goes silent for an undetermined period of time.

He leaves you wondering if you did something wrong to push him away or not. If you ask him, he doesn’t bother to reply.

However, 1-2 weeks later, he texts and invites you over. 

What do you do? You accept his invitation and have a great time with him. But next, you hope things will be different.

I’m sorry to tell you, but they won’t. 

I’ve dealt with men who didn’t want a relationship with me and the sooner I picked up the message, the better it was for me.

Love Coach Ronnie also says that:

“His silence is a form of communication. He’s telling you through his lack of action that he’s not that into you. He absolutely does not care about you the way you do for him. This is NOT a relationship of balanced attraction or interest.” 

29) He doesn’t want your things in his apartment

The last time you asked him if you could leave your toothbrush at his place, he didn’t react favorably.

In fact, he threw away your scrunchie because you forgot it in his apartment. Then, he gave you a lame excuse, such as “it was dirty”.

Do you still think this guy wants to take things slow? Here are 10 signs you need to know about.

30) He doesn’t change his behavior

A person’s behavior says a lot about them and their intentions. So, try to rely less on what he says and more on what he does to figure out what he wants from you.

As author Steven D. Levitt says in his book, Think Like a Freak, “Don’t listen to what people say; watch what they do.”

So, if he doesn’t change his behavior and doesn’t keep his promises, he is most probably not interested in building a relationship with you. 

There’s no reason for you to look for more signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you. However, if you’re still not convinced, you can read about the 18 big signs he doesn’t value you.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

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