Are you dating a guy right now but he’s confusing the heck out of you?
Maybe he’s being hot-and-cold with you. Or maybe he says he likes you but he’s not making any moves.
Or maybe he makes lots of big promises to you, but he never follows through.
What does it all mean?
If your relationship sounds like any of that, then it’s pretty clear: He wants you to chase him.
And to help you make sure, this article will talk about the 14 signs a guy wants you to chase him — and what to do if you spot any of the signs.
Before that, though, let’s answer the bigger question: Exactly WHY does he want you to chase him? After all, shouldn’t it be the other way around?
Let’s take a look…
Do guys prefer to chase or be chased?
Good question, and here’s my answer to that…
It’s a very rough estimate, but maybe 2 out of every 3 guys prefer to do the chasing. These are the old-fashioned guys who agree with the “courtship” model of dating.
Normally, in the dating game, the men chase while the women choose.
On the other side of the fence, 1 out of every 3 guys takes the opposite approach. They try to make women chase them. These are the guys who tend to be more liberated, confident, and capable.
In other words, these are the guys who know their worth. (Or what they THINK is their worth.) And they think it’s “beneath them” to chase women and risk rejection.
So when a guy wants you to chase him, you can safely bet it’s an “ego” thing. He’s flipping the script and now he’s the prize instead of you.
Now, that being said, there’s nothing wrong with chasing or being chased. Good and bad relationships alike can grow from either approach. The more important questions are these:
Will he be a good boyfriend, husband, or life partner? Will he follow through on his promises?
After all, his actions will be more telling than his attributes. Unlike his traits and words, his actions won’t lie.
And that’s why it’s important to know the 14 signs he wants you to chase him. Each sign reveals his true feelings and intentions. From there, you can judge whether or not he’ll be good for you in the months and years to come.
So let’s get started with the first sign, which is also the most glaring one:
#1: Making big plans but rarely following through
This is when he asks you out but cancels at the last minute. (Or worse, he doesn’t show up at all, and apologizes only hours or days later.)
It’s also when he makes promises — even tiny ones — and then fails to fulfill them.
What does it mean when he makes big plans but rarely follows through?
It might mean he’s not really into you. He might like you, sure — but he doesn’t like you enough to prioritize you.
Meanwhile, it may also mean he’s trying to make you remind him of stuff. Here’s an example:
- On Monday, he promises to meet you on Saturday. Then he doesn’t get in touch at all.
- On Friday, you panic a bit, and you text him to confirm your Saturday date.
- By reminding him, you showed him you’re more invested in the date than he is. His ego is properly inflated, and as a “reward,” he replies to you and confirms the date.
- The Saturday date happens, and you feel you did the right thing by reminding him.
- This happens over and over until you’re much more invested in your relationship than he is.
My advice? If he’s a habitual promise-breaker, don’t take the bait. Cut him loose, be thankful for the experience and move forward with life.
#2: Playing hard to get
This is when you get the nagging feeling he’s AVOIDING a relationship with you. He dates you, spends time with you, and even flirts with you from time to time. But when it comes to becoming “official,” he doesn’t seem to be interested or eager.
Why would a guy play hard-to-get with a woman he likes and probably even loves? There are normally two reasons.
The first reason is that it’s deliberate. He’s trying to make you invest in him more and more. He’s trying to make you think he’s a real catch and that you should do everything in your power to keep him from falling for some other woman.
The second reason? It’s NOT deliberate. Instead, he’s simply hesitating to commit to anything serious with you.
Now, why would he do that? Could he already be in a relationship with someone else? Is he gay? Does he NOT know how to handle a relationship?
Here’s what I think: If he plays hard-to-get, don’t stick around to find out why.
#3: Being strangely happy to hear from you
“It’s really great to hear from you again. What have you been up to? See any new boys lately?”
If, after a long period of no communication, he seems overly happy to hear from you, be careful. If you have a gut feeling that something is “off,” then your intuition is probably right.
Be extra careful when he quickly switches to a romantic topic, especially one that involves you seeing other men. It’s not just inappropriate, but it’s also accusatory.
Again, there could be many reasons why he’s strangely happy to hear from you. It could be harmless: Maybe he just doesn’t like small talk, so he jumps to the spicier topics.
On the other hand, he might want you to feel bad for seeing other guys, or horny for missing him so much. Comparing this behavior to a guy who’s truly in love with you, it’s easy to see the disconnect.
#4: Teasing you
This includes harmless ribbing, bantering, and jokes at your expense. Do you find it frustrating and endearing at the same time?
If so, then you’ve been hooked. Many men have learned that when it comes to winning a woman’s heart, teasing is often better than complimenting and pranks are better than gifts.
Teasing lights the fire in a woman’s belly like few other things. And if he’s a confident guy, he won’t hesitate to use it on you.
My advice? Tease him back and see if he can handle it. There are guys out there who “can dish it out but can’t take it” and if he’s one of them, you might want to steer clear.
On the other hand, if he teases you to the point that you get frustrated, see if he comforts you.
Does he apologize (or even mock apologize)? Does he hug you or otherwise show affection? Does he try to make you laugh for a change?
If he does any of that, then it’s a good sign he likes you more than he lets on.
#5: Not risking getting physical with you
Here’s another sign he wants you to chase him: When he resists getting intimate with you. That is: he won’t sleep with you, kiss you, or even hug you. It’s also when he simply won’t say “I love you.”
What’s going on? Why is he so afraid?
It could be that he wants you to convince him to get physical. Perhaps he wants you to initiate the intimacy, so that he could be 100% sure you want it, too.
This is probably one of the most intense examples of playing hard-to-get — so intense that it deserves its own category.
Meanwhile, his fear of intimacy might also mean he’s playing it safe. He could be making sure that if something goes wrong, he can throw up his hands and say, “Hey, it wasn’t MY idea.”
In any case, it might be time to move on.
#6: Complimenting you a bit too much
“I adore you.”
He’s so mushy you want to slap him sometimes. But why would his over-complimenting be a sign that he wants you to chase him?
Obviously, he’s attracted to you. And if he’s the expressive type, he’ll want to let you know how he feels. That’s normal.
What’s NOT normal is when he does it a bit too much, especially when you don’t reciprocate nearly as frequently. That means wants something in return.
What would that be?
Maybe it’s something harmless, such as that you compliment him too. To feed his ego, maybe, or to boost his confidence if he’s not used to dating.
Or maybe it’s something more. Maybe he hopes you’ll be flattered enough to return the favor in some way — a kiss, a relationship, sex, or something else.
As far as signs go, this one’s harmless (if a little annoying). Feel free to play the game and see where it goes.
#7: Getting in touch only just enough
Let’s say one weekend, you had a great, deep, heart-to-heart conversation with him. It lasted hours.
And then, for the next week or two, nothing. Not a peep from him. Not even a text message. So you start losing interest and moving on with your life.
Then, he pops in out of nowhere, inviting you to meet up over the weekend. And so you have another meaningful date that lasts several pleasant hours.
And then, like clockwork, he’s quiet as a mouse for the next week or so.
Rinse and repeat.
Does that sound familiar? He’s staying in touch with you JUST ENOUGH to keep you interested but not much more. It’s like he pops in whenever he senses you’re about to lose interest.
So why would a guy do that? There could be many reasons why he’s not staying in touch more often but one thing is clear. You’re simply not a priority to him.
And you know what? He shouldn’t be your priority, either. So if you feel like cutting him loose and see who else is out there for you, go right ahead.
#8: Being hot-and-cold
Is he a sizzling hot romantic one weekend, only to be totally cold and absent the next few weeks… only to become super-hot for you again?
If he’s being hot-and-cold, be careful. It’s a classic, telltale sign that he’s selfish. And it’s quite likely that while he was cold to you, he was being hot with others.
In other words, odds are pretty high that you’re just one of the many women he’s seeing.
So as a general rule, I’d advise you to never settle for anything less than consistency. Otherwise, you’ll be “just one of his girls” for a very long time.
And no matter how happy you might feel in those moments with him, it will always hurt badly in the end.
#9: Showing affection but not taking the next step
Here’s another sign he wants you to chase him: he shows he’s really interested in you but he never takes the next step.
He shows his affection quite readily. He takes you on dates, buys you gifts, and even does you favors that only a boyfriend would do. And yet he never talks about being “exclusive” and never calls you his girlfriend.
If you feel like he’s waiting for you to take the next step for him, you’re probably right.
In his mind, he feels he’s done his part of the work — now he’s waiting for you to do yours. And you know what? If you sense he’s good for you, maybe you should.
You can tell him something like: “You know what? We’ve been seeing each other for months now. It seems obvious we’re good for each other. I think it’s time we gave it a shot, right?”
There’s a pretty good chance that’s all he needs — a little push over the edge, a little nudge in the right direction. Who knows? It could be the start of a beautiful relationship.
#10: Getting jealous too easily
If you notice his mood souring when you mention other men — especially your male friends — then it means he’s jealous. And yes, it’s a sign he wants you to stop.
He wants you to talk about him. He wants you to talk about your relationship. He wants you to chase him again. That’s what’s happening.
Why do some guys get jealous so easily? The leading cause is, of course, insecurity. He may not be all that confident of himself, and the thought of you having other potential suitors — it drives him crazy.
If it turns you off, it should. It’s hard to feel attracted to an insecure guy, right?
If he gets emotional (or worse, violent) when you mention other guys, it might be best to nip the problem in the bud. Let him down easy, stop seeing him, and move on with your life.
#11: Talking about other women a bit too much
This one’s the opposite of #10. Here, he talks about his female friends a lot. And he doesn’t leave out the almost-romantic details, either.
Why would he do that? Obviously, he’s trying to make you jealous. He’s testing you to see if you want him enough to feel threatened that “other women want him,” too.
If you’re with a man who talks about other women a bit too much, try this. Tell him: “I think we should stop seeing each other.”
If he objects and asks why, tell him: “Your stories. You got a lot of women in your life. But frankly, that’s none of my business. So it’s nothing personal. I just don’t want to wait for nothing.”
Such a statement will put you in a win-win situation. If he leaves and your relationship ends, you win. If he mans up and stays, you STILL win.
#12: Being “just beyond your reach”
Does your intuition tell you he’s “just beyond your reach?”
You might feel he’s so close to being your boyfriend, and yet so far. It’s almost like he’s pulling away when you’re one striving to make things work between you.
But why? Could it be that he’s afraid of commitment and he’s trying to talk himself into it?
It’s possible. But it’s more likely he’s trying to deal with discomfort and fear. He might have had to make some uncomfortable changes in his life when you started seeing each other. And so he’s trying to preserve his identity.
Could that be the case? Ask yourself the following questions:
- Are you trying to change him in any way?
- Did you ask him to move to your city or stop seeing his friends?
- Are you trying to win him over to your set of beliefs and values?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then he might be pulling away for good reason. If you think he’s worth it, you might want to reconsider your approach.
#13: Texting only to set up dates
Are your text convos with him very short — as in, less than 10 texts total?
And does it always end with him asking you to meet up somewhere, sometime soon?
If so, be careful. He’s got plans to be more than friends soon. He knows relationships don’t start online or over text, but face to face. And so he’s trying to meet you in person as often as he can while keeping online communication to a minimum.
Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Again, it ultimately depends on the answer to the most important question of all: is he good for you?
Think about it. Is he a guy who will take care of you, stay loyal, and dedicate his life to his family and household? Or is he a guy who will follow his heart wherever it takes him — even if it leads him away from you and the life he built with you?
Your dates with him will help you find the answers to that question. I do recommend you date him for at least 3 months before committing to anything serious. Most tricksters don’t have that kind of patience.
#14: Disappearing for long periods of time
The last sign is when he “disappears” for days, sometimes even weeks. He can’t be contacted by any means. And when he does show up again, the only explanation he gives is: “I’ve been busy.”
Needless to say, that’s not a good sign. When he disappears for long periods of time without caring about how you feel, it means he’s not ready for a relationship.
And if you forced the issue, you’ll just fill your future with pain.
My advice? If you’re not really sure he’ll be good for you, then let him go and hope the next guy’s better.
On the other hand, if you want to give him a chance, then make him miss you. If he realizes he can lose you if he’s not careful, then he just might man up and start treating you better.
That’s it – the 14 signs a guy wants you to chase him.
Now, let’s answer a little bonus question…
Do guys notice when you stop chasing them?
Good question, right? And yes, they do notice. And their next action will tell you whether they’re serious about you or not.
If he’s not serious, he won’t get in touch with you again. It’s that simple. You stop contacting him, he stops contacting you, and the relationship (if you can call it that) dies a natural death. No big deal.
If he IS serious, then he WILL get in touch. He’ll ask what you’ve been up to and why you’ve been quiet. That’s a good sign — it means he cares about you.
At the same time, see if he sticks to the caring behavior. Sometimes he just pops in to make sure you’re still “his” and then he disappears again.
So when in doubt, stop chasing him and see how he reacts. His actions will speak louder than his words, and his behavior will tell you his true intentions.
How to make him chase you
Here’s a better idea: Why don’t you make him chase you? That way, you can be pretty sure he’s interested in you.
So how exactly do you make a guy chase you? Here are some tips:
- Learn to ignore him and lead a fun life
- Have a “mission in life” outside of love and relationships
- Also, make him jealous – but stick to being playful, and don’t torture the poor guy
So go ahead — try it out, make him chase you, and see how much more enjoyable life becomes.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
The above link will give you $50 off your first session - an exclusive offer for Love Connection readers.