Are you back in contact with your ex? Perhaps even casually dating?
Maybe you’ve begun reigning the flame of love with them again and you’re not sure if they’re 100 percent serious about it.
They tell you that they like you and they want to start things up once more but you’ve got this nagging feeling that they don’t really mean it.
It sucks, doesn’t it? You like them, but you don’t want to pursue something with them if it’s not going to lead anywhere.
So let’s dig a little deeper and find out if they really want to date you again, or if they are just stringing you along.
Here are 11 signs your ex is clearly stringing you along. After that, we’ll talk about what to do about it.
1. They are only seeing you when it’s convenient for them
Let’s be honest for a second:
If your ex is truly serious about you, they would make time for you. They wouldn’t just see you on a Saturday because “they were going out anyway”.
They would plan a date and make it special. They would put you up high on their list of priorities. They wouldn’t put drinking with the boys higher than spending time with you.
If they are only seeing you on their terms, it’s a sign they aren’t that serious and they’re trying to keep you around as an option.
2. They make plans but never follow through
Let’s say you two made plans to hang out on a Saturday night.
You’re looking forward to it and you’re excited to see each other, but… on the actual day of the date, they just don’t show up or give you a lame excuse as to why they aren’t available. “Sorry babe, I can’t make the movie today, my sister is sick. How about next weekend?”
If your date has made plans with you on multiple occasions only to blow them off, that’s a HUGE sign that they aren’t that serious.
Making plans to spend time together is one thing but if they aren’t actually following through, it’s a big red flag.
3. They don’t ask about your life, only about the things that happen within their scope of influence
Your ex should be interested in hearing about what’s going on in your life regardless of whether it affects them or not. What if you’re going through a tough time at work? They should care.
Maybe you’re moving, or your family is getting ready to go away on vacation, or your dog is sick and you don’t know what to do.
No matter what it is, if they really want to know about it then they should want to be a part of it. They would want to help and be useful.
4. They are emotionally unavailable
If you’ve ever dated an emotionally unavailable person, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
You may be around them all the time and do everything you can to make yourself useful but it doesn’t matter because they shut you out at the first sign of conflict.
They don’t want to pick up the phone, explain themselves or hang out. They just want to hide away in their room and pretend they’re not hurt.
If they don’t show you that they are capable of being vulnerable with you, it’s a sign they are stringing you along.
When you want to be in a committed relationship, you have to be open and honest with each other. That’s just how it is. You don’t avoid getting close.
5. They don’t ask you about your day
When you genuinely like someone, you can’t help but be interested in what is happening in their life.
This is the person you have a crush on! You want to know what makes them tick. You want to know about their job, their life, their family.
Forget about being needy…learning about your crush is fascinating! And if you’re not fascinated, then you’re clearly not in love.
So if your ex never asks you how your day went or never really listens when you talk, it’s a big sign that they aren’t interested in getting close to you.
6. They don’t get jealous
This goes hand in hand with them being interested in your life.
If they were leaving the door open, then they would also get jealous if other people flirt with you.
If they don’t get jealous when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or the cute girl at work, chances are they’re not into you.
I know, I know, isn’t jealously a toxic emotion?
Not necessarily. It actually shows that you care about someone. Obviously, you don’t want someone that acts irrationally when they feel jealous, but it’s important that they at least feel that jealously.
If your ex just doesn’t get jealous at all, then that’s a red flag that they don’t genuinely care about you.
They may be stringing you along while they look for a better deal, or they just aren’t that into you and want to move on to the next person who will give them affection.
7. They constantly put you down
Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner constantly put you down?
Maybe they were more interested in telling you how to do things than they were in actually helping you.
Maybe they called you out on your flaws and made fun of the things that make you who you are.
It’s a terrible situation to be in.
But you know what else?
It also means that they don’t genuinely like you for who you are. They’re not serious about their feelings for you.
Instead, they’ve got this toxic need to be in control.
So if your ex is putting you down and making you feel bad, then not only is that a sign that you probably don’t want to be in a relationship with them, but they also aren’t serious about developing a genuinely loving relationship with you.
8. They don’t bring up your future
Have you had conversations with your ex that never really go anywhere?
Do you never really get to talking about what you’re both looking for in a relationship, or what you want to do together?
Maybe they just keep talking about themselves and their life but never ask about yours.
That’s a big sign of someone who is stringing you along.
They know the relationship is not going anywhere, so they aren’t that invested.
And when they don’t want to talk about what your future looks like or what you want in a relationship, then chances are they don’t see much potential in the relationship.
9. They don’t fulfill any of your needs
If your ex is only fulfilling half of what you need from them, then it’s a sign that they are stringing you along.
You need to feel heard and understood. You need to see the same interest in your life as you have in theirs.
You need to be cherished and reassured that someone is on our side.
Your ex should be meeting all of these needs for you so if they aren’t doing that…it’s a big red flag that their feelings for you are shallow at best.
10. They don’t bring up their feelings for you
This is tricky because if your ex doesn’t know how they feel about you, then it could be a matter of them not knowing what they want out of the relationship, or they don’t know how to communicate their feelings.
But if they are really bad at communicating with you and always want to hide what they are thinking, then chances are there is something wrong with their heart.
If they don’t want to talk about what you mean to them, then their feelings for you are probably not genuine.
11. They don’t make you feel special
This should be the easiest one to identify because if your ex doesn’t make you feel like you’re special or like they care about you, then they are probably not that serious about you.
In a healthy relationship, your partner should show you every day that they genuinely love you and want to be with you.
If there is no effort on their part to give you reassurance or the romantic gestures that make your heart flutter, then they don’t really like you.
It’s a tough cookie to hear, but you have to accept it.
If your ex doesn’t show that they care about you, then it’s time to move on.
But if you can’t move on, then we’ll go over some ways you can stop your ex from stringing you along and you can finally move on.
What to do when your ex is stringing you along
So you think the guy you’re seeing might be stringing you along.
You want to know what to do about it but don’t know how!
Well, that’s what this section is for.
1. Keep checking in on him and make sure that he wants the same thing as you do.
If the man you are pursuing is stringing you along then he probably doesn’t want what YOU want.
Pay close attention and make sure that this is a real relationship and not just something casual.
This is where looking for the signs will come in handy. You don’t want to continue dating someone who is leading you on, so it’s important to get on top of what your ex is thinking.
So, what you can do?
Have an honest conversation with them. Let them know that you really want a long-term relationship.
Set some boundaries with them and make sure that they are on the same page as you are.
Be honest about the fact that you are ready for something serious. If they’re not, then let them go.
Remember, you deserve to be with someone who wants to commit to you and not someone who is stringing you along.
2. Stop accepting their excuses.
There comes a point where enough is enough. If it’s a constant excuse and excuse then you need to know when to move on, or at least directly tell them how you feel so you can see how they respond.
The person who is stringing you along will want to keep things the way they are so they will give you excuses instead of answers.
They’ll tell you that they can’t commit right now but maybe in the future they’ll be able to give you a real relationship. They’ll tell you that they don’t want to rush things and that you need to wait.
Don’t accept any excuses or ultimatums from them.
If they keep making excuses, then they’re not ready for a commitment and you need to move on.
3. Keep your standards high
Remember, the person who is stringing you along will never commit no matter how much time goes by.
This is because they don’t want to get attached. They will always stay casual with you so that they can leave you whenever they want.
Don’t accept any excuses from them, and keep your standards high.
You deserve someone who wants to commit to you for the long-term, not someone who is stringing you along.
Always keep that at the front of your mind. You deserve a real relationship and not to be strung along.
If they’re showing no signs of change, then let them go and find someone else who’s ready for something real.
4. Ask yourself if they are the one for you.
We all want to be loved and feel loved and this is a basic human need.
It’s why we fall in love with someone who makes us feel special and unique.
If you’re not feeling loved, then search elsewhere and be sure that you are ready for a long-term relationship before you settle down with someone who doesn’t want the same thing as you do.
Do you really like them and are they the right person for you?
Do your best and look at them from outside of the romance. Ask yourself if you think it’s really a good idea to continue the relationship with him or not.
It’s very important that you have a right answer, otherwise, you will get in trouble in the future when things don’t go well with your relationship!
Now if you can’t get over them and you don’t want to move on, then you need to ask yourself:
“How can I get my ex to commit to me over the long haul?”
In this situation, there’s only one thing to do – re-spark their romantic interest in you.
I learned about this from Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back. He goes by the moniker of “the relationship geek”, for good reason.
In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you again.
No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up — he’ll give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.
Here’s a link to his free video again. If you really want your ex back, this video will help you do this.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.