21 signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you

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Dating can be both frightening and beautiful at times.

Awkward firsts and getting to know each other can be a lot to handle, and things start to become confusing when you have no idea how he feels about you.

Chances are you’ve set your sights on a man who you’ve got the big-time hots. The only thing is, you have no clue if he feels the same way because despite how hard you try, you just can’t seem to read him.

If your dream man appears distant, nonchalant, and indifferent around you, you might be inclined to think that he’s just not interested in you. 

But what if I told you that he’s in love with you but is just emotionally unavailable? Would you give it a chance?

To help you solve the riddle, here are 21 signs that an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you and what you should be doing!

Here are the 21 Signs An Emotionally Unavailable Man Is In Love With You 

You may find that a man seems emotionally unavailable. This isn’t necessarily something you’ve done but is likely because he’s fighting a few past demons and is still figuring things out. 

Anyway, there’s a massive change that he digs you despite his efforts that show otherwise.

If you find yourself in this boat, take a look at these 21 signs that reveal that your emotionally unavailable other half is madly in love with you.

1) He lets you in

When a man is emotionally unavailable, opening up and revealing his most profound feelings can seem like a monumental challenge. 

It makes him nervous, and he’ll have trouble attaching emotionally.

If he decides to let you in, he’s fighting his instinct to warn him to keep you at arm’s length. 

Little things like talking about his personal life might seem insignificant to you in the greater scheme of things; however, know that this is a huge deal, and he’s doing this likely because he wants to share his life with you.

If he’s opening up to you, don’t pressurize him into letting you in on his most profound and darkest secrets. 

Instead, be thankful that he’s opened up because it’s revealing how much he loves you. Then, when he’s ready, he’ll let you in on the rest. Just be patient.

2) Wait, what! Are those emotions I see?

Trust me, emotionally unavailable men have feelings. 

The issues come into play when it gets down to expressing these emotions. He’s likely stalling due to past heartache and trauma.

One thing I know for sure is that the moment he starts expressing his emotions, it’s a sign that his feelings for you are genuine, and he’s showing you his vulnerable side in the hopes of getting closer to you.

A lot of men are biologically programmed to be emotionally unavailable. 

Emotion is processed by the brain’s limbic system, more prominent in a female brain than a male brain. 

That’s the science behind it, so if he loves you, he will go against biological impulses regardless of his past. (it’s a great sign!)

When he begins revealing his emotional side, you can take this as a sign that he sees you as a long-term option and, even better, that he’s ready to start trusting again.

Despite still struggling with safely expressing his emotions, he might display some emotions occasionally then show a different emotion next week. 

Regardless, as time passes, he’ll open up more and more, cementing the fact that he’s in love with you.

3) You bring out his inner hero

You can turn an emotionally unavailable man into a fully committed one if you make him feel needed – the right way.

If he’s in love with you, then you definitely did something right, but you can do more!

There’s a new theory in the relationship world that’s causing quite a stir – it’s called the hero instinct

Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept finally explains how men really think and feel in relationships. 

And it’s something most women have never even heard of. 

According to James Bauer, men don’t actually need a lot to feel content in their relationships. To most people’s surprise, it has nothing to do with sex. 

You see, men have innate drivers. These are natural responses that they’re not even aware of. But when a woman comes along and triggers them, it causes a powerful response. 

The result is a man who loves harder, commits wholeheartedly, and truly dedicates himself to the relationship. 

So, how can you trigger your man’s hero instinct? 

Well, you certainly don’t need to act like a damsel in distress or buy him a cape. It’s quite simple, actually. 

All you have to do is give your man certain signals that make him feel needed in the relationship. These allow him to step to the plate and feel fulfilled in his role as your partner.

And these signals are revealed in this simple and genuine video by James Bauer

The truth is, once you understand how the hero instinct works, there’s no telling what heights your relationship can reach. 

So if you want to give your man what he truly wants from you, make sure to check out James Bauer’s excellent video. In it, he reveals the exact texts and phrases you can use straight away.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

4) He is stable

When a man is emotionally unavailable, he tends to date around rather than pursue a serious relationship. 

He is protecting himself from being hurt by the avoidant attachment lifestyle. 

He will likely keep in touch with the women he dated in the past, but when he becomes stable, he’ll want more.

Occasionally, he might bombard you with calls and texts, but other times he might just go cold and stay silent. 

As you form a bond with him, he is more likely to call or text you if he feels comfortable around you.

As he gets closer to you, you will notice behavioral changes, and his communication becomes more consistent, a sign he is falling for you. 

Occasionally hot and cold, emotionally unavailable men have difficulty talking about their feelings.

It’s better not to test him or make him jealous because that will drive him away. Instead, talk to him without forcing him to share his feelings.

5) He wants to know your opinion

It is essential for emotionally unavailable men to control their decisions and not do anything that makes them feel uncomfortable. 

If he starts asking for your opinion, it only shows that you are an integral part of his life. His value of your opinion over everyone else’s shows that he’s growing to love you.

The fact that he values your opinion is a huge step, whether it’s crucial decisions, work-related matters, or simply which sneakers he should wear because it means that he’s trusting you.

Let him ask you for your opinion only when he is comfortable enough. Baby steps are essential as pushing him may cause him to retreat into his shell.

6) He discusses his past with you

Many of us have experienced traumatic events in the past that we ought to heal from. 

But, unfortunately, it is possible for a man who is emotionally unavailable through toxic relationships, childhood trauma, or unhealthy friendships.

There may have been a time when he trusted someone who completely took advantage of him, hurting him intensely- a reason why he doesn’t like talking about the past.

However, if he brings up his history willingly, it means that he is ready to trust again and let you into his life. If he can trust you, he will test the waters by moving forward with you.

He might not tell you the whole story right away, so be patient enough to figure out and decode why he is so distant. This is a big step for you two. Welcome it!

7) You are important to him

An emotionally unavailable man will rarely consider you. At first, he doesn’t care about what you’re doing with your friends or family, how your day was, etc. 

Then, when you try to tell him what’s going on with you, he pretends to be interested and likely does other things. But, despite pretending to listen, he doesn’t comprehend what you’re trying to say.

Trying to speak with him about yourself makes you frustrated and wonder what the point is. He eats his fries while you’re out for lunch but never offers you any.

Despite this, you notice small changes over time. 

For example, he is starting to remember your friend’s names, asks how your day went, shares his fries with you, and even offers to accompany you to family events sometimes. 

Minor changes are better than no changes, so don’t disregard the importance of baby steps.

However, if you want more, I want to remind you of the hero instinct. When a man’s inner hero is triggered, he’s more likely to make even more changes and show you how important you are to him.

Just by knowing the right things to say to him, you’ll open a part of him that no woman has ever reached before.

And the easiest way to do so is by watching this free video by James Bauer. In it, he’ll reveal simple phrases and texts you can use to make your man truly yours. 

Here’s a link to the excellent video again.

8) He uses “we” or “us” a lot

You’re probably used to him saying “I” all the time, but one day, you notice him saying “we.” “We’ve gotta eat here.” It might surprise you, but it just means that he’s changed.

You go ahead and eat there even if the restaurant he suggests isn’t your favorite since things are getting serious between you two. 

When an emotionally unavailable man is involved in a relationship, he wants to feel included, so he’ll make sure you feel part of it. In time, the use of “we” will become second nature to him.

Soon, you’ll also use “we” in your conversations. 

Then, test your partner when referring to you both and see how he reacts whenever you suspect a slip-up.

 If he agrees to it, you’re moving into a new phase of your relationship.

There will be times when he uses “I” again, but that’s normal. It will take some time for him to adjust to being part of a team.

9) Your feelings matter to him

It is challenging for emotionally unavailable men to express their feelings. As such, he’s unlikely to consider your feelings and is possibly scared to death of the word “love.”

This guy might need some time to figure out what he feels. So grant him that.

He can avoid talking about his feelings altogether, making you think he doesn’t care, which is likely not the case. 

Perhaps he cares deeply for you but finds it difficult to express it. Nonetheless, if you notice him fussing over you after a bad day or when you receive bad news, this is a sign that he loves you deeply.

There’s no rush in all this because it takes time for him to express himself this way, and it won’t happen overnight. 

He will, however, reciprocate your feelings if he believes that you genuinely care about him. It may not seem like he cares, but he will.

10) He talks to you about the future

If a man is emotionally unavailable, he won’t talk about the future with you because he finds it uncomfortable. 

However, once he has fallen for you, it will happen sooner or later.

Don’t expect him to gush about how much he likes you or swoon over how much he wants to be with you. 

It’s not going to happen because emotionally unavailable men don’t enjoy sappy conversations.

Generally, these men will tell you that they are happy about how things are between them, or some may suggest that they want to keep seeing each other. 

It might be a routine conversation for you, but it would be a giant leap for an emotionally distant guy.

To avoid backfiring here, try not to put pressure on him. If you’re patient with him, he will open up at his own pace. 

You wouldn’t want to make so much progress with an emotionally unavailable guy, only to go back to square one by being too pushy? Right?

11) He is willing to examine his relationship issues

Relationship problems are something an emotionally unavailable man is used to ignoring in his past because he wasn’t bothered or emotionally invested. 

Snapback to the future,  now he’s willing to talk to you about whatever problem you may have. It’s a telltale sign of his feelings for you, and that be see’s a future with you.

There might not be any grand gestures to show how much he loves you, but he will do his best to fix any problems that arise. You will know he is serious about you if he does this.

But maybe you need to take a different approach to fix your relationship.

Maybe you need to work on the most important one you’ll ever have before you can fix the others:

The one you have with yourself. 

I learned about this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. In his excellent, free video on cultivating healthy relationships, Rudá reveals where most of us go wrong in our relationships. 

So why should you listen to Rudá’s life-changing advice? 

Well, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but he puts his own modern-day twist on them. He may be a shaman, but he’s made the same mistakes in love that you and I have.

And now that he’s found the solution, he wants to share it with you.

So if you’re done with feeling less than worthy, if you’re tired of toxic relationships, and you want to cultivate real, genuine love, check out his simple yet effective advice. 

Click here to watch the free video.

12) He takes you to work events

An invitation to a company party, barbeque, etc., by a man, is significant. The act of an emotionally unavailable man being so courageous is newsworthy!

He knows that he will be asked about you as he introduces you to his colleagues. If things don’t work out, he will also have to answer uncomfortable questions.

He shows that he cares for you by taking you to work-related events. Good job!

13) He wants to introduce you to his family and friends

The more open a relationship is, the more natural it seems.

It’s a big deal when a man introduces you to his friends and family, hence why an emotionally unavailable man may be wary of doing so at first.

Because of something traumatic he experienced in the past, he probably doesn’t want you to be close to the people in his life. It would also pressure him if they encouraged the relationship.

If, however, he allows you to meet his loved ones multiple times, then you mean something to him. He becomes more open to questions about your relationship, and he is ready to discuss a future with you.

14) He stays in touch

It’s common for men who are emotionally unavailable to keep in contact with women that they’re not invested in. 

They may try initiating casual conversations with different women to protect their feelings.

It’s difficult to predict whether this type of guy will stay in touch after you first meet.

 Nevertheless, if he calls or texts you initially, follows you on social media, etc., he wants to keep in touch and ensure you remember him.

15) He supports your career goals

Every woman wants a man to support her career, especially if no one else believes in her. 

So make an emotionally unavailable man fall for you and see how supportive he is of your career decision. 

Besides remembering your colleagues’ names, he asks about your tasks at work, your role in the company, etc. You can tell he cares about your wellbeing and wants the best for you.

The situation doesn’t happen overnight, but you should pay attention when it does. 

For example, if you notice that your guy isn’t paying attention when you talk about your work, gently nudging him toward the conversation will soon get him interested in what you do.

16) He remembers the things you like

When emotionally unavailable, they do not care about details like shoe size, favorite restaurant or movie, or favorite color.

 As soon as he starts noticing these things about you, you can be sure he’s fallen in love with you!

You will notice that he pays attention to details like where you like to eat, what you like to wear, etc., just to catch your attention. 

He shows interest in what you want and dislikes when he is into you.

17) He asks you personal questions

The emotional unavailability makes it hard to care for other people, as his primary focus is himself. 

However, he does show interest as he develops the hots for you. 

Then, starting with a few questions, he goes more profound as he learns more about you.

This process is essential to choosing a life partner, and he’s asking you these questions because of your top choice. 

So make sure that you listen carefully to what he says and be prepared to answer it.

18) He wants to be around you

Whenever you are in love, you want to be with them all the time. The same is true for emotionally unavailable men. 

Although they don’t seem overly romantic and don’t show vast gestures of affection, they like being around their significant other.

Whether it’s going to the store with you, watching TV together, or discovering fun activities, he’s always there to come along. 

He will want to have you close because he sees the possibility of a life together.

19) His house is filled with things you love

We’re all creatures of habit, and although it’s nice spending the night with your man, it’s annoying having to pack an overnight bag; however, if you notice that he’s been stocking up on your favorite things, it’s a massive sign that he’s got it bad for you.

If an emotionally unavailable man falls in love with you, he wants to make you feel comfortable in his house so that you will come over more frequently.

 He will remember what you like and keep them at his home when you arrive.

Such actions speak volumes, even if he might have difficulty saying things verbally.

20) He protects you

If you’re in love with someone, you’re protective, and that’s true for emotionally unavailable men as well. They care about their partner’s health, safety, and happiness.

Being willing to go the extra mile to protect someone you love shows you’re over your emotional unavailability.

21) Things are less physical and more emotional

In men with unemotional availability, their relationships are primarily sexual.

At this stage of a relationship, it’s exciting and fun, but you still need to get to know each other better.

A man who starts being emotionally affectionate is in love with you because he sees you for who you are and not just for sex.

Wrapping Up

I touched on the hero instinct earlier – it’s the perfect remedy for the situation you’re facing. 


Because once a man’s hero instinct is triggered, he’ll only have eyes for you. You’ll reach a part of him that no woman has ever managed to reach before. 

And in return, he’ll be compelled to commit to you and love you like he’s never loved another woman. 

So if you’re ready to take that plunge and reach new heights in your relationship, make sure to check out relationship expert James Bauer’s invaluable advice.

Click here to watch the excellent free video.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.