Knowing if Kyle from elementary school liked you was simple, remember?
Oh, the glory days of passing him a note from three seats away, asking if he likes you. You got your yes with three heart doodles and went back to focusing in class.
Then you graduate from your well-packed lunch boxes and 64-crayon sets to welcoming instant noodles and apartment bills, realizing that dating men now can feel like work.
You get your hopes up with his “good morning” text messages, bear hugs, paid lunch dates—until you’re back in the “this is one of my good friends” zone.
Meeting different kinds of guys as you grow older gets a little bit harsher. You meet someone who talks about himself a lot, someone who is emotionally unavailable, and all of those mixed in between.
So if you think you connected with a nonchalant guy, it’s probably best to rethink it.
Is his chill attitude a way of acting mature? Does his carefree approach in relationships mean he’s uninterested?
But hey, you can still pass that note! Though if you’re one to wait and see how it all plays out naturally, here are 15 telltale signs that a guy who’s way too cool has the hots for you.
1) He’s just playing it cool
It’s pretty common to take it slowly when getting to know someone you may end up dating.
Even if it begins by hanging out in friend groups, adding each other on social media platforms, or asking if they have an S.O., you know? Because if all of the above has been done, that’s a good sign your guy may just be taking his sweet time.
If he gives both of you more time to get to know each other no matter how long, your guy is still interested.
Play along with his chill attitude and see where your “situationship” goes because in most cases, someone that has something better else to do, won’t even try to look cool for you.
2) Friends are in the picture
Keep your eyes open for subtle smiles, elbow nudges, and being left alone with just the two of you… courtesy of his friends.
He may not be able to do it all alone because of his emotionless reputation, but trust in the reactions of the people around you.
You earn one sign because you get to spend time with each other even with friends, and another sign if you’re given a wholesome opportunity to spend time alone.
And if your guy doesn’t mind it at all, cheers to you!
3) Relationship Status: Single
A carefree guy like him isn’t dating anyone else but is getting close with you? Ding ding ding!
Unless you’re his thesis partner or a moneylender, the only other reason you keep in touch is that he’s interested.
Now, may that be for a wholesome friendship or a romantic relationship is up to you, dear!
Better casually interested than nothing, right?
4) He hasn’t called you a dude
Yes, dude-zones exist as much as bro-zones and the ever so popular, friendzones.
Because you’re still looking for any hint of attraction from your guy, it’s safe to bet that you’re still in the ~gray area~. So you being considered a friend can still be forgiven, but being called a “dude” is a whole ‘nother story.
So if he still calls you by your name, take a deep sigh of relief because you haven’t been placed in any more zones!
Pat yourself on the back and get back to work because you’re still a strong contender in this reality dating game.
5) He never cancels
Sure, he may act as if it’s nothing, but he continues to show up. What’s that about?
Relationship expert, Dr. Kimberly Moffit, notes that the number one sign someone likes you is when they put themselves physically near you. And no matter how dry they send their messages, if you’re going out together, it means that they like you.
Spending quality time with people you like, especially in the busy adult life, can be tough. Hey, even friends go MIA sometimes.
So it’s okay to think you’re special when your guy never cancels.
6) Your boundaries are respected
Your guy may act as carefree as he likes but when it comes to your time and the space that you need, he’ll be surprisingly careful!
Subtly keeping in touch has been his forte and it would be a waste of his subtle efforts to throw it all away by disrespecting you.
7) “I remember you told me”
Ever heard this line from him?
Your guy remembering a small detail that came up in one of your conversations is one more way to tell that he’s listening.
So keep up with your convos, sprinkle a little more detail, and get ready to be surprised if he remembers one more thing about you.
8) You’re still in touch
If you’re both updated with each other’s lives (even if it’s not about your relationship status yet!) best believe that it can be a sign that your guy likes you.
We’re halfway through the list but if you’ve checked off everything including Number 8, either the future is looking a little brighter or your guy is just in denial.
In a Bustle interview, Sex & Intimacy Coach, Irene Fehr, stated that caring for someone starts with wanting to make plans that let them eventually be involved in each other’s lives.
9) He picks up your mannerisms
Since you’re looking for signs a nonchalant guy might like you, then it could be a good idea to look past his reputation and focus on his body language.
Spot a little sign of interest without him explicitly saying it.
Be extra aware of your habits to check and see if he has started to unconsciously mirror you. This quite commonly happens in social situations, between friends and family, where you pick up their habits without even realizing it.
So if your guy uses your favorite expression, then that’s a good sign he enjoys your company—and a possibility for something more.
10) No phones, just conversations
Sure, one of the basic signs of respect is not being glued to your phone when with someone.
But if your guy’s phone lacks attention when you’re together, that is a good indicator of someone enjoying his time with you. Wink, wink.
If you look up and around, it’s easy to spot several people scrolling through their phones instead of talking. So if you’re a couple that isn’t part of that crowd, you’re in good hands.
11) You’re not left behind, literally
When your guy matches your walk, your jogging speed—if not leading you out of a crowd of people—then it’s a positive indicator that he doesn’t mind keeping you company.
And if he initiates to walk on the side of the street, with you on the inside, then that’s a little protective gesture to show that he at least kinda cares.
12) Longer hugs
Can a nonchalant guy be a hugger? Anybody can be, on the right occasions!
For example, when greeting you.
Take it as one of the good signs if he’s always the one who embraces longer. Different from the common short but sweet bear hugs friends give, your guy’s hug may just be a little bit friendlier.
Notice if he’s the one who initiates this gesture, because if yes, then you’re still in the running towards becoming his next favorite hug, my mate!
13) Ah yes, the look
You don’t stare at something you don’t particularly find aesthetic or pretty or interesting.
This goes the same with people and those they find attractive unless there’s something on someone’s face. But besides that reason, it’s a pretty good signal if you catch your guy staring at you—and a better one if he looks away when caught.
Relationship expert, Susan Winter once stated in an interview with Elite Daily, that glances do tell if someone wants to connect with you. Someone who likes you faces you longer than a passing glance.
And what if he looks you up and down? A number of things. One of which includes a possible sign of flirting. So give that nonchalant guy a chance because he may look with his indifferent eyes, but he can be looking with romantic intent.
14) He starts to open up
There you go, your guy who’s way too cool for his own good starts to share stories you didn’t ask for? That’s a surefire way to tell he’s comfortable enough to give you a glimpse of how he’s thinking!
If someone who seems bored in social situations tells you a thing or two about his interests, take it as a sign he wants to keep a conversation going.
Your guy has always looked like he never worries at all but tells you things that bother him?
Your guy acts cool in front of people but shows you he gets nervous too?
Your guy seems to have it all under control but asks you for advice?
Talk about progress! You’re one sign away from him opening up about his feelings.
15) He admits it
He’s nonchalant, isn’t he?
He wouldn’t worry too much about the consequences of you possibly not liking him back, because he can accept your feelings and continue with his. So he would just take a deep breath and, well, tell you.
Maybe passing that note like in elementary school works with a guy like him after all?
Only this time around, texting would do.
A nonchalant guy shows his feelings, so now what?
Feelings have been admitted, thoughts have been said, so what else should you worry about? Is it a good time to reciprocate and tell him how long you’ve been waiting?
Here are a few more pointers to take to heart before you walk to your next steps.
1) Admit it to yourself
You’ve been wary, haven’t you?
Being the only overthinker between the both of you, reflecting if it’s even healthy to be worrying too much about someone who isn’t worried at all.
Has this been a red flag all along?
Or has it turned into several green flags because of all the signs he might like you?
It could be tiring, yes, but if you’ve admitted all of the above and admit that you like him enough that it can surpass any doubts, then it can be worth it.
What is it that you actually want out of knowing he likes you?
2) Widen your point of view
Considering you’ve reached this point, scrolling through all of the lists made, it’s safe to assume you’re a curious being and aren’t as nonchalant as your guy. You’re quite possibly the opposite and have stepped into a whole new world of caring about somebody different from you.
It may be confusing to you at first, but opening up your perspective to a variety of personalities may just do the trick.
If you’re wanting to start a romantic relationship with your nonchalant guy, then seeing things from his point of view can help you understand better.
And a way to do that is to constantly communicate your thoughts to keep your vibes in check.
3) Are you on the same page?
Honey, it’s best to clear things before you move forward.
Sure, with all of the hangouts, direct messages, emojis, and body language, a romantic relationship is definitely underway.
From a third person’s view at least.
Because your guy used his cool attitude to tell you he likes you, is it for a short-term casual romance or something deeper than that?
What about you, did you just go through the whole page because you’re plain curious?
Whatever it is, don’t leave the other person hanging. Set the records straight and save yourself from another workload that won’t pay you.
If in elementary school you had all the time in the world to set aside time for puppy love and losses, as an adult you should make time for self-love and defined relationships.
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