If you want to know whether a married man is sexually attracted to you, there are certain top signs to watch out for.
Some signs are easy to notice, others are subtler.
Here’s a full rundown.
1) He eyes you up and down
The top among the signs a married man is sexually attracted to you is that he eyes you up and down.
You might as well be a delicious candy or fine cigar. He’s licking his lips and looking at you like you just radically improved his day.
Maybe you did.
Now, a confident man is not going to try to hide his interest when he sees an attractive women he’d like to get to know.
The only catch is that a married man knows he shouldn’t be lusting over other women.
So you may catch him looking and then looking away. That’s him wanting you but also trying to hide it.
2) He compliments your body
The next of the signs a married man is sexually attracted to you is that he compliments your body.
He may do this directly or indirectly, but you’ll get the drift. He finds you hot and you turn him on.
If you’re a conventionally attractive woman then you may be used to hearing this a lot, although it could throw you for a bit of a loop hearing it from a married guy.
“Do you work out?” he asks as he makes chat with you on the subway.
Either he really wants to find a new gym or he likes more than your biceps. Just saying.
3) He love bombs your social media
Many of the most important signs a married man is sexually attracted to you are found in the digital realm.
If he finds you sexy, he will tend to love bomb your social media.
I’m talking about liking every post, wink faces, sexy direct messages, the whole kit, and caboodle…
Married men may be subtle if they’re worried about being caught, but generally, they assume that you also wouldn’t want the drama so they shoot their shot.
If you’re not into it, then they get rejected. Sucks. Fine.
If you are into it or on the fence then you’re not going to bust them and cause a whole scene with their wife.
4) He makes see-through excuses to see you
Next up in the signs a married man is sexually attracted to you is that he makes up pretexts to see you.
He may cloak it in the disguise of work, saying he needs to discuss stuff at work with you if you’re coworkers.
If you know him from elsewhere in your life, he may use the context in which you know each other as a pretext for meeting, talking or grabbing a bite to eat.
For example, if he’s your lawyer and has been handling a rental contract for you on a unit you’re renting, he may ask to meet you and discuss it.
You may have detected some flirting but assume it’s either your imagination or harmless teasing.
After all, he’s married. He wouldn’t be so brazen about cheating like that, right?
Then you meet for a coffee to look over the contract and he slides a hand under the table.
Doesn’t seem so “harmless” anymore, does it?
5) He’s touchy-feely and clingy
A married man’s attraction to you can manifest in even more direct forms, as the under the table example above demonstrates.
He may become handsy.
I’m talking about lingering hands on your shoulder, letting his fingers trailer off from a handshake, guiding you to sit by the small of your back…
You know, moves like that.
He may be doing this as part of a plan to seduce you, or he may just be doing it on the spur of the moment out of pure attraction and response to his physical interest in you.
6) He’s super curious about your sex life
How’s your sex life?
Feel free to keep your answer private. I’m not keeping track of how many batteries you’re buying or your web search history.
The point is that this married guy wants to know everything.
Like he’s basically like a teen who’s first hearing about the differences between men and women and starting to get…urges.
Doesn’t this dude have a wife?
Well, technically, yes, but you will be able to see that he just can’t get his mind off what you’re doing when you’re behind closed doors.
The reason is obvious: he wants it to be you and him behind that closed door.
7) He tells you dirty jokes (a lot)
The next arrow in the quiver of the lusting married man is the dirty joke.
He’s not afraid to tell them and see how you respond. The dirtier the better.
First, he may test you with a little bit of a tame one. Then once you react neutrally or with a chuckle he’ll proceed to some more suggestive stuff.
He may ask you what the toaster said to the slice of bread. You may have no idea so he’s happy to let you know. “It said: I want you inside of me.”
You may chuckle a bit or roll your eyes, so he proceeds to the second joke, scaling it up a bit.
“What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.”
Is he considering launching a comedy career and picked you as a test audience or does he want to get into your panties? I’d go for option 2
8) He’s always looking his best around you
Now the next thing you can watch out for in terms of signs a married man is sexually attracted to you is how he looks.
Is he generally a stylish and well-groomed man? If so, this may be harder to spot.
But if he’s basically an average looking and not very well-groomed guy, watch for signs that he’s been taking extra care of himself in preparation for seeing you.
Your eyes are probably not deceiving you. This guy wants you bad, regardless of the ring on his finger.
9) He gets visibly happier and more excited when you’re around
If you’re very perceptive, you can notice what behavioral scientists call microexpressions.
These are basically exactly what they sound like:
Small, usually unnoticed changes in expression that betray an emotional or physical reaction.
For example, a slight crinkling around the eyes betraying concern, a flaring of the nostrils showing desire or anger, an instantaneous but suppressed grimace around the corner of the lips.
And so on…
One of the top signs a married man is sexually attracted to you is that he become visibly happier and excited when he sees you.
Emotionally: he has signs of a smile, happiness and jovial good mood when he sights you, even if subtle.
Physical: he’s shifty in his crotch area, his voice gets hoarse (will get to that next), and he stumbles all over himself to be around you and help you out.
10) You hear it in his voice
When men get turned on, they tend to get a hoarse voice.
Their mouth becomes dry as adrenaline flows through the system and blood flow goes to other parts of their body such as their heart and genitals.
As a result the mouth dries out and the vocal chords become a bit rusty.
He’s croaking like a bullfrog on mating night, clearing his throat and saying he thinks he’s “under the weather” and so forth.
The only thing he wishes he was under is you.
Do you want the same or does the idea of this make you uncomfortable?
I suggest talking to a love coach.
The best place I know of is called Relationship Hero, where trained love coaches help you through difficult situations like this.
I’ve talked to them in the past during tough love dilemmas and I found their advice and practical guidance immensely helpful.
Try it out!
11) His body language displays his interest
The next thing to watch in signs a married man is sexually attracted to you is body language.
Those hips don’t lie, as Shakira sings.
But for a man, it’s usually less of his hips and more of his shoulder area, line of sight, and stance.
Does he stand facing you and making eye contact?
Does he orient himself towards you, touch you and adopt a dominant position with wide shoulders and a wide stance?
These are all the signs of a man in heat.
If he’s acting like an ape who just found the hottest Princess Ape in the jungle then it could well be that it’s because that’s exactly how he feels.
How Mrs. Ape feels about that back in the home tree is another question entirely, and one you (and he!) should definitely be considering before making any move.
12) He downplays his married status
A married man who wants to jump your bones is going to be downplaying his married status.
Common ways to do this include:
- Not talking about being married as much as possible
- Adopting a weary, depressed tone of voice when talking about being married
- Making jokes about his wife being an annoying bitch or unattractive
- Egging on other guys who are living a life of freedom and casual sex and acting like it’s highly commendable
- Implying that he and his wife got married by mistake or never really loved each other
- Basically acting like his marriage is a burden rather than a positive aspect of his life.
Make no mistake:
These are all behaviors of a man looking to cheat, or at least setting the stage for it.
13) He hints at marital and bedroom problems
Indeed, a guy who wants you sexually is going to be trying to show you why he needs you.
It’s not just that you’re hot or nice. It’s that he’s not getting what he needs at home, you see?
His wife doesn’t understand him.
Maybe her sex drive is in the gutter. Maybe she’s a nag. Maybe they’re “grown apart” both figuratively and literally.
He’s building a legal case to get in your panties, make no mistake.
“If you’ve known him for some time, during conversation, he might confide in you about his marital issues.
Maybe his wife has just given birth, and now she’s lost her sex drive and they rarely sleep together anymore.
This is his way of letting you know that he’s not getting enough sex, he needs more, and maybe you can help him out.”
14) He takes off his ring around you
The next of the signs a married man is sexually attracted to you is that he takes off his ring around you.
If you know he’s married and he’s not wearing his ring then he’s likely to fold this into the previous point and say it’s because his marriage isn’t doing well.
If you don’t know him and he’s doing this it’s obviously hard to know.
The only real clue is usually that there is a tan line around where the ring was being worn. So you may notice a band of slightly paler skin around the base of his ring finger.
In addition, he may twiddle with his ring finger as a habit or a suppressed expression of guilt.
15) He wants to go out with you
Last and most directly, a married man is telegraphing that he wants you badly if he asks you out.
I mentioned earlier how he may make up pretexts for the two of you to go out.
He may suggest it’s to talk over business you have together or something that you share an interest in purely professionally or recreationally.
In this case, you can scrap all that pretext:
He just straight up asks you out and maybe even throws in a wink or a suggestive smile.
He’s not being subtle about this by any means. He wants to go out with you and he’s admitting it outright.
You can likely expect it will be covert and not really a typical date, or at least not near the neighborhood where he lives, however.
If he’s at all scared of being caught then he’s still going to be playing it pretty low-key.
What to do if a married guy has the hots for you
1) Act with intention
The most important thing to do if a married man is lusting after you is to slow down and not respond impulsively.
He may be quite an attractive man, and you may be going through things in your own life that make you especially susceptible to his advances.
For example, maybe you’ve recently had a tough breakup and are craving physical and emotional intimacy.
Alternately, you may find yourself torn between the ethics of sleeping with a married man versus your own desire to do so.
If you don’t want him, you may notice that you feel pressured to respond to his advances but at the same time are not sure how to effectively say no and reject him fully without causing even more drama.
The key here is to act with intention. Decide what you really want, don’t just let him lead the interactions or give in to your first impulse.
Sometimes self-control and resistance really are the answer.
2) Resist his games
Married men who want to cheat have plenty of games they want to play.
I’ve gone through some of the signs that they’re turned on and lusting after you, but I didn’t delve deeply into the various seduction strategies they might use.
These include trying to make you jealous, masterful use of social media and sexting, dangling job promotions and advantages over your head, and more…
The other thing is that married men may exude an air of confidence due to the validation they have from their marriage.
No matter how bad it is, it lends them a certain air of stability that they like to wield as a kind of power boost over other women.
After all, if you reject him he can always just double back to the wife at home.
And if he can’t, he’ll just use that victim narrative about his poor persecuted situation in his marriage to lay another lady.
Quite the vicious cycle, isn’t it?
3) Lead the interactions
If you are interested in this guy, don’t let him take the lead in all cases.
He may think he’s the kingfish walking around and leading all the flirtatious interactions, but you have to set some boundaries.
If something starts with him, it starts on your terms.
Your schedule, your priorities, your needs: not just his.
This is a way to guard your heart and avoid being completely subsumed by his lustful designs.
He may want just sex, but even if that’s all you want as well, allowing him to dominate your schedule and priorities will leave you feeling like crap.
4) Be careful of your emotions
Be careful of your emotions if a married guy is after you.
Even if he just wants to go to the horizontal rodeo with you, your heart can get involved much faster than you expect and you may find that you get feelings for him before you can help it.
Guard your heart and be cautious.
If you get involved with a married man being open to it potentially being more and he doesn’t see it that way, then you’re going to get burned.
Sometimes very badly burned.
This is why it’s important to be very careful about how quickly and how deeply you get involved with a married man.
If he’s sexually attracted to you, there’s a good chance that’s all he’ll ever be: sexually attracted.
5) Decide what you really want
Before saying yes or no to a married man, decide what you really want.
I realize that sounds simple, but it’s definitely not.
For example: your body may want to sleep with him until the cows come home, but your heart may be feeling pain and sadness.
On the other hand, you may feel romantically for this married guy but be more or less indifferent about the possibility of sex with him.
The point is that if you’re going to be feeling sad about getting physically involved with a man who doesn’t want anything more than a roll in the hay, you need to stop yourself.
On the other hand, if you think there’s any chance he’s falling for you for real beyond the sexual, you also have to try to behave responsibly.
Imagine being sure you just want sex but realizing that he’s now head-over-heels for you and going to try to be with you even though you thought it was just an affair?
These types of things do happen, so keep it in mind.
Disaster! Be careful.
The upsides and downsides of having an affair
If a married guy is lusting after you, you may be wondering whether to give him the green light.
Should you shut this down before it goes anywhere, tease him a little or just plain go for it?
Having an affair is inherently risky.
Even if you don’t get caught, you might fall in love – or he might. That could be the last thing you want or need right now.
I really recommend speaking to a coach at Relationship Hero about this, because I know there’s not always an easy answer, and you may be burning up with temptation as well.
Having an affair could bring you a lot more self-knowledge about what you want from love, sex, companionship and life.
But it can also fray your relationship and trust in yourself, introducing a more cynical and duplicitous side to your life.
In the end, the choice is yours.
Just remember that sometimes sleeping with a married guy ends up being much more than “just sex” in the end.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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