You’ve probably seen it before.
You log onto your favorite social media site, check your notifications, and then see that a stranger had decided to send you a friend request.
They didn’t give any specific reasons as to why they decided to follow you, and you would have ignored their request if you didn’t find them intriguing for one reason or another.
You can’t help but wonder if they have a crush on you. The good thing is that you can tell from how they interact with you.
Check out how many of these signs he’s ticking off:
1) He likes very old posts of yours.
You probably don’t think too much about your old posts.
They’re often buried under thousands of newer posts, and as far as you are concerned are out of sight and out of mind.
So when you get notifications saying that they’ve been liking and commenting on your posts from a decade ago, then naturally you would wonder what’s going on.
If you’re an artist, the art you posted back then wouldn’t be as good as your newer art. If you’re outspoken, your views will have most likely changed since then.
That they went through that much effort to go that far back in time would mean that they are definitely interested in you and what you had to say in one way or another.
2) He views your FB and IG stories.
When a guy online is turned on by you, he’s going to want to stay updated about what you have to say online.
So, in his desire to get an up-close and personal image of you, he stalks you in every way possible. And, among other things, you would see him view every FB and IG story you share, without fail.
Don’t be too surprised if he would suddenly start talking to you about IRL stuff you’ve posted on your stories.
3) He tries to impress you online.
We all try to impress people or draw attention to ourselves online.
Some of us are bolder and more open about it than others, but we largely pay little attention to it. But it does stand out when someone’s trying to impress a specific person.
If he’s trying to impress you personally, you would notice how he seems to try a little harder around you. He might even openly brag or show off when he would normally be a bit more subdued with his compliments.
It might be that he sees you as a cool person, and is trying to prove that he’s just as cool as you. Maybe he’ll even convince himself that, yes, he actually is that super-cool person he’s pretending to be. Never mind that it’s obvious to you that it’s all fake or exaggerated.
Honestly, he’s most likely just desperate for your attention. If you like him, engage with him—it’d make his day.
4) He’s online whenever you’re online.
There are some people who never show that they’re “online”, there are those who never seem to go “offline”, and then there’s him, who goes online at the same time as you and then goes offline when you do.
And it’s not like it’s just you’re seeing them online whenever you’re online because they always keep their computer on. If you switch to your alt accounts or go incognito and pretend to be offline, then you will see him follow suit in a couple of minutes.
Chances are that this is because you’re the highlight of his day. He’s probably staying awake long past his bedtime, worried that he’d miss out on any new updates or messages from you. So when you sleep, what’s the point in staying awake? It’s you he wants to know more about.
He wants to know if you’re also thinking about him.
He wants to see if he can get a reaction out of you.
Maybe he is desperate or maybe he just really likes you.
If he’s doing this, of course, chances are that he’s shy and is simply waiting for you to make the first move. Don’t expect him to step up and message you “what’s up?”
5) He goes beyond social media.
He probably checks out your photos, your posts, your comments, and the websites you frequent. And yeah, he’s definitely Googled your name.
That means he knows a lot about you.
Or, at least, he thinks he does.
Your hobbies and interests would be known to him, and he’ll most likely try to understand them so that he’ll know you better and have something to bond over when he next talks to you.
You’ll see this when he would suddenly speak about your interests even when he hadn’t shown any interest in them before, or even try to present himself as being on “your side” on the topics you’ve argued about online.
6) He’s trying to make you a little jealous online.
A desperate guy who’s into you but doesn’t want to make the first move would do anything to get your attention.
If he knows you are attracted to him too, he might want to tease you a little by posting cryptic photos and messages that could make you think he’s in love with someone else.
He wouldn’t even think about the possibility that it might discourage you if your interest in him wasn’t that strong yet, or if you’re not the kind of person who’d try to steal someone that’s already taken.
He’s desperate to push your buttons so you’ll finally reach out to him. He might even think that it’s a great strategy because you would feel “safe” talking to him as a friend because he’s “not available” or “not into you”.
7) He “hearts”—not just likes— photos of you together.
When you post a photo of you where he’s in it, he will be the first to comment on it. That’s his way of saying he’s into you!
He doesn’t want to appear like a stalker or creep by commenting too much, so he’ll only do it when he sees the opportunity. And this is definitely one of them.
He’s not just liking it, he’s heart-ing it. This should be your clue that he has feelings towards you, especially if he would otherwise rarely react with a heart emoji or comment on posts.
8) He posts things that you’re obviously interested in.
If he’s into you, he’ll do his best to draw your attention to him.
Let’s say you’re into yoga and fishing. He would post updates about how he’s trying out new poses, or how he went and caught a blowfish the other day.
Doesn’t matter if he’s that good at it, really. He’s trying to show you that he’s into the same things as you, while at the same time trying to catch your eye and make you interact with him.
He might also try to prove that he has the same values as you. He would post pictures of himself donating to a charity that he knows you’re also supporting, for example.
At the most extreme, he would drag in his friends by making them part of his posts in an attempt to make it seem like he’s surrounded by people you’d like to hang out with, as well as to legitimize his interest in your interests… because he totally didn’t pick them up because of you, no.
9) He’s always there for you.
He’s all ears to listen to your problems. He’s there to commiserate with you even if it’s just online. You might even wonder why he’s so willing to hear about your problems.
Here’s the thing: What you’re doing is actually turning him on.
And while that statement might sound odd, or give you the impression that he’s some kind of secret sadist, that’s not quite the case.
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Men have certain innate desires centered around protecting and being needed by the one they love or admire. This is called the Hero Instinct.
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10) He’s suddenly active in the group chat.
You’re in a group chat with him, and you know just how active he usually is. It could be that he’d occasionally comment or talk to people for an hour a day.
But all of a sudden, he suddenly seemed to become much more active than usual. He would comment and react a lot more than he used to, and not all of it is even necessarily “important”
He’d share memes and jokes, for example—especially those he knows could make you laugh.
And most damningly, his activity seems to peak when you’re present. At the most extreme, he’d quiet down to how he usually is when you go offline or incognito.
11) He replies to your messages at lightning speed.
If he’s interested in you, he’d be quick to message you back. He doesn’t want you to wait too long for his response.
He’d also be quick to comment on your posts—whether it’s a photo or a meme. If he’s interested in you, then he won’t let the time pass before responding.
Even if he’s busy, he’d make sure to reply even if it’s as simple as LOL or OMG.
He wants you to know two things: that he’s a guy who keeps his word, and that he’s interested in you.
12) He’ll not simply comment on your important posts—he’ll message you to talk about them.
If you’re posting about something that you’re really passionate about or venting about some big event that just happened to you, he’ll take it as an opportunity to reach out. And it won’t just be that he’d react or drop a comment on your public post. He’d actually DM you about it.
Besides, it’s a more “harmless” (read: less obvious) way for him to approach you because it would appear that he’s just a concerned friend or someone who wants to talk about a shared interest.
And since most people are more likely to be open to receiving advice from a friend than a potential romantic partner, he’s basically trying to put himself in the “ally” seat so that he can try to move up later. You now have the chance to decide whether or not you’re interested in him.
13) He makes comments that are very specific and personal.
If he’s interested in you, he’ll be very specific about the things that he likes about you. He can be very personal in his comments, and this shows that he’s interested.
He might go on and on about your looks, but it won’t just be a broad general statement like “oh, that hat looks good on you”. He’d actually be quite specific and clear about things, and say things like “oh, that hat goes well with your hair and glasses!”
He could also talk about your hobbies, naming specific celebrities within that hobby to make it clear that he has more than just a passing interest in the said hobby.
It’s an attempt to develop intimacy and connection, of course. People are generally seen as more trustworthy when they speak in specifics instead of broad generalizations.
14) He “jives” with you.
It’s odd but you feel like you have a rhythm in how you communicate online. With most people, you would need to stop every now and then to make sure you’re still on the same page. Maybe make clarifications here and there.
But with him, it’s like you can just talk about whatever and he’ll get it straight away. There’s very little awkwardness and, even if there is, it’s smoothed over very quickly. You would swear that he’s actually your soulmate.
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15) He comments on your mutual friends’ posts.
By commenting on the posts made by your friends—especially your mutual friends—he’s trying to show that not only is he interested in you, but he also knows and gets along with your friends.
And if they aren’t a friend of his already, he might interact with them to understand
Even if it’s not something he wants to be friends with, a thoughtful comment might open up an opportunity to talk about something that he does want to be friends with.
For example, if your friend shares a post about a cause that he doesn’t care about, he might still find a way to make a thoughtful comment about it. He might even offer to help with that cause in a way that shows him as a thoughtful friend.
16) He posts about your inside jokes.
It could be that he simply paid attention, or it could be that he had snooped around your inner circle, but he’s familiar with your inside jokes for some reason.
He might even know your favorite and try using it to show that he knows you.
This might make you feel weird if he wasn’t someone who should be “in” the inside joke. You might feel like he’s intruding on things that are none of his business, but this is driven by a desire to know you better. He’s trying to show you that he knows of your little ‘world’ and is trying to assert that he’s a part of it.
Be careful in how you react when he does this. If you won’t reply or ‘like’ his posts or messages, he might feel like you’re not interested in him. But if you do react, he’d be elated.
17) He replies to your comments even if he’s not that type.
You may not have realized it, but he’s probably doing this all the time.
If he’s interested in you, he will reply to your comments.
He might not comment on other people’s comments when they talk about the exact same topic. But yours? He comments every single time.
He would often answer questions or add little things to his own comments.
He’ll be very appreciative if you respond to him. He does this because it shows that you’re interested in him and also because it gives him a way to connect with you even when it’s just through social media.
18) His replies are often unique.
Most guys reply with standard comments like “thanks” or “you’re so pretty” or “no thanks.”
He might reply with a funny comment, an inside joke, or something he thinks you’d like. He might even just be himself.
This is another way he’s showing you that he knows you and that he’s interested in you. By showing that he’s a little different and by showing you a personable face instead of a cold mask, he wants to show that he can be your friend and not just a stranger on the internet.
19) He writes long comments on your posts.
It’s not uncommon for him to write long comments on your posts.
If he’s interested in you, he’ll be the one to do this. He might not even respond at all. But if he does respond, he’ll usually write a long comment or even a chain of comments.
He would probably say more than just “thanks” or “you’re so pretty.” It’d probably be something like “thanks for this awesome post,” or “I love your last post about X.”
20) He keeps the conversation going.
When you chat with him, he’d make sure to keep the conversation going even if he’s struggling.
He might not always have something to say, but he tries anyway.
If you tell him about your stressful day at work, he won’t just respond with “Ahh, poor you.”, he’d say something that could lead to longer conversations like “Oh that sucks. What did your boss do this time?”
Even if he has difficulties being social or keeping conversations going, he will try nonetheless.
Trust me, he doesn’t do this to everyone else.
21) He can’t resist chatting with you if you post a cute pic.
If you post a cute pic, he’s probably going to chat with you.
He’s going to want to talk about it and maybe even see more pics of you. He just can’t help himself even if he’s the shy type.
A part of him also wants to reach out because he’s worried about other guys swarming you and grabbing your attention before he does. It’s just his primal instinct.
Be careful though, because many guys who do things like these are outright sleazy. Pay attention to how he approaches you, what he talks about, and how he words his posts. You need to be able to weed out the creeps.
22) He’s kinda annoying to you but in a cute way.
He’d throw random words, jokes, pictures, and even status updates. It can be annoying at times, but there’s something endearing about how earnest he is. And that’s all because he wants to get to know you.
He’ll probably make a comment that’s slightly weird, but he’ll do it in a cute way. He might say something like “Oh I love this song. You should listen to it.”
How to respond if you like him too:
1) If he likes your post, talk about it in real life.
If a guy likes your post and you know each other IRL, then it would give you an opportunity to start a conversation IRL.
Even if all of the things above are true and there is no way to deny that something’s going on between the two of you, do this as a way of showing him you like him back.
It will encourage him to make the first move because you’re making it clear that you’re not as intimidating as you might have seemed to be.
2) Don’t let him wait too long.
If he’s been commenting on your posts, there might be a time when he just can’t reply.
It’s not always the case, but sometimes guys can have a hard time replying to someone. Their heads would get in a tumble because they can’t figure out what to say, how to say it, or if they should even reply at all.
So when this happens, don’t wait too long before responding. Just because he took forever to reply to your last message doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t reply in a timely manner.
This will show him that you care and aren’t the kind to get upset because of one delayed message.
3) Do what he’s doing to you online.
If he’s commenting on your posts, do the same thing.
If he’s viewing your stories, well then…you know what to do.
By being active on social media, you’re showing him that you’re cool with him “getting intimate” with you online.
This is the best way to encourage any guy to approach you and make the first move.
It will also make you feel more confident and self-assured. After all, you’re the one who put yourself out there.
Even if nothing happens, at least you’ll get a friend out of the whole thing.
What’s not to like about that?
How to respond if you don’t like the guy:
1) As long as he’s not outright bothering you, don’t be rude.
Look, it’s not his fault that he likes you and he’s trying to connect with you online.
If you’re rude, then it will reflect poorly on you as a person.
If you don’t like him, just don’t say anything at all.
Just put yourself in his shoes. Would you want your crush to give you a long rejection message? Would you want them to block you when they learned that you have a crush on them?
I know it’s annoying to deal with, but always remember that the guy might be struggling with his feelings, and it’s not a sin to be attracted to someone.
2) If you don’t like him, don’t respond.
Although you shouldn’t be rude to him, you shouldn’t be too nice to your expense either.
You’re not obligated to reply to his comments unless you asked something first. You’re not obligated to respond to his messages just because he sent you one.
If his attraction for you is making you feel uncomfortable and you’re not close friends or colleagues, you really don’t have any duty towards him.
3) If you don’t want him to like you, you can restrict sharing posts.
It’s rude to block someone but limiting the visibility of your posts to your common friends isn’t.
You see…if you don’t want to be liked by him, then you don’t have to be. And the best way to do this is by being less visible.
You can do this by limiting your profile’s visibility to only friends. It’s not a huge deal if he can’t see your posts. In fact, it might be a relief for him and help him move on.
How to respond if the guy is a creep:
1) Message him to stop.
If he’s being creepy and you’re not interested, then you should tell him to stop.
This will let him know that you’re not into it.
2) Block him on social media.
The block button exists for a reason. Use your judgment to decide whether you should give him a chance to stop first, or if you should block him outright.
Either way, a block will let him know that you’re not into it and that you don’t want to be bothered by him.
3) Unfollow him on social media.
In case you don’t feel that strongly about him to block him, you can simply unfollow or unfriend him instead.
He can still follow you, comment on your posts, or talk to you on DMs, but at least you won’t have his messages strewn about your timeline.
4) Be vigilant of the stuff you post online.
If you have a lot of followers on social media, then you need to be careful about what you post online.
You should always think twice before posting pictures or videos online. If someone was able to pinpoint an exact Burger King outlet from one photograph of someone’s feet, a photo of you on your porch can tell a creep exactly where you live.
Although it might seem like a lot of work, it’s important that we take precautions against unwanted attention from creeps.
5) Report him to authorities if he won’t stop bothering you.
If you don’t want to be bothered by the guy anymore, then you can file a report on him on the social media platform, then report him to the authorities.
This is definitely a good option to hold in reserve. For this, it’s a good idea to keep track of evidence so that you’ll be able to hold a solid case, whether it’s to the mods on social media, or to the authorities. Screencaps of your conversations would be useful, as would any voice recordings you might have made.
Make sure that you keep a copy of his contact information, so you can use it if he continues to harass or stalk you.
Figuring out whether someone is turned on by you online is quite easy, especially if they show a lot of the signs listed above.
However, most women dismiss these attempts as just “friendly” because women naturally downplay advances.
And of course, if you’re not interested in them, it’s one big pain in the foot.
But If you are interested, then you’re lucky. It’s just a matter of who’s willing to make the first move at that point.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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