She says she’s not ready for a relationship but wants to be friends

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You might be ready for a relationship, and clearly, you like her to some degree. But, she’s not ready for a relationship with you now.

Yet still, she wants to be friends. It’s not easy to know why someone doesn’t want a more intimate relationship with you, but maybe knowing the reasons will help you to assess the situation.

Here are 8 reasons why a woman just wants to be friends with you and what to do about it.

1) She’s still getting over an ex-boyfriend

If she’s pushing you to the friend zone because she’s still processing her feelings, or there are still unresolved issues from her past relationship, there’s a big possibility that it might take her a while to be ready for a new relationship.

Her feelings for her ex-boyfriend are still present and might still be quite strong. So, she might need time to successfully move on from him.

She may be afraid that her feelings for him will transfer to her new partner if she lets her guard down much more than what is healthy for her.

If you get into a relationship with her while she’s still working things out, it might be more difficult for her to let you into her life, and more difficult for you to develop feelings for each other.

How to turn things around

We all know that getting over a breakup is a long and painful process, but it’s something that most people have to go through before they’re ready to be with someone new.

If she just wants to be friends now because she’s still processing the past relationship, there’s nothing much that you can do about it. You can help make things easier for her by being patient and understanding. 

Be there as a friend, not as a boyfriend.

It’s not difficult to tell if she has a crush on you or is merely enjoying your company. Keeping your options open doesn’t mean you have to accept everything she does or says.

The more time that passes, the more she will come to realize what a mistake her ex-boyfriend was and possibly start to like you. Just give her the time she needs.

There’s no time limit for moving on, even if it is a little irrational, so don’t rush her or pressure her to get over it.

2) She doesn’t feel the spark with you

If she’s not attracted to you, in any way, another reason why she might want to be friends is because she recognizes that there isn’t a spark between you.

You might be a great guy, but if there’s no chemistry between the two of you, it might be difficult for her to get emotionally invested in the relationship with you. 

Maybe you’re just not “the one”. She finds herself unattracted to you in certain ways: perhaps your humor, your kindness, your intelligence, and so on. 

She might even like spending time with you and enjoy your company, but it’s the attraction that’s lacking, and she’s trying to figure out how to let you down gently, so she opts to use the “we could be friends” card.

How to turn things around

Creating a spark at the start of a relationship is rewarding for both you and her. However, it’s not the only thing that matters in a relationship.

The best way to turn things around is to focus on other areas of attraction. Work on the other qualities which I mentioned earlier: your humor, kindness, intelligence, and so on.

You may find that the spark will come after all if you show her other attractive qualities of yours, and give her time to get to know you better. Then she’ll see for herself how great of a person you are. 

So in the meantime, being as friends, you don’t need to worry about keeping the spark alive. Just let her know what a great time you’re having, and she’ll surely take notice.

3) She’s not ready to commit

If she isn’t ready to commit, but she wants to be friends with you now, it’s probably because she wants to keep her options open. She might not want a boyfriend right now, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not an option for the future.

Rather than saying no now, which would be awkward and hurt your feelings, she’s taking the safe route and going for friendship instead. However, if you want more than friendship, you’re going to have to wait. She’s not ready to focus on one person when she’s enjoying her freedom too much.

If your relationship is more casual, such as friends with benefits, it’s easy for her to say no because it isn’t a serious commitment. And if the two of you break up later on, she won’t feel bad because it wasn’t meant to last long in the first place.

How to turn things around

Making any woman commit to you is a lot harder. When the relationship is more casual, like friends with benefits, it’s easier to keep things going because there are no ties between you that would make having your feelings hurt easier.

However, if you want to keep a serious relationship alive and deepen your bond, you need to work at it!

Start by making her feel comfortable with spending time with you. That way she can let her guard down and open up to you more than what she’s comfortable doing.

Another effective way to do this is to ask for suggestions from a relationship coach. The coaches from Relationship Hero can definitely help you to build a healthy attitude in order to confront and assess her hesitation and even fear for a commitment.

A relationship coach is a great resource to understand her reservations and even insecurities so you can prepare and handle them, and even help her to overcome these issues. You’ll be able to counter any negative traits she has so she won’t feel like she needs to avoid a commitment.

To make this possible, you’ll need to want it and get your head in the right place: you also need to want to commit and work on deepening your relationship.

The two of you will also need to be on the same page about defining what a relationship means for you, and stick to it during your time together.

If you want to do these all, check out Relationship Hero here.

4) She wants to have fun and doesn’t want to be serious with anyone

If someone doesn’t want a serious relationship with you, she may not be ready for one either. She might like you as a friend, but also want to hang out and have fun occasionally.

If she’s not in the mood for a serious relationship, there might be other reasons why she’s not ready. Perhaps she’s afraid that if you were a real boyfriend, it would ruin her freedom and ability to have fun. 

Perhaps she’s afraid of the commitment that comes with a serious relationship, so she’s trying to get around it by being friends. Or maybe she doesn’t feel like you’re the right match for her, and wants to keep her distance for now. 

All of these reasons are valid, but if you want more from her, you’ll have to work on your game and invest in your relationship. While this could be frustrating, it’s nothing that can’t be overcome. 

It just requires some work on your end.

How to turn things around

If you want to turn things around and make her be serious with you, you’ll need to work on your game. Ask yourself if there’s anything that you’re lacking: what is it that’s missing in your life?

After looking into it, build some kind of solution so that she feels like she’ll gain something from the relationship. It could be material or even emotional benefits. 

Remember, if a woman has no reason to date a man, she won’t. 

When you find a way to make her gain something from the relationship, she’ll be more open to it. Then she’ll see for herself how great of a boyfriend you are. 

Here’s another trick you can use to get her to commit: ask her what she’s looking for in a guy. Ask lots of questions, and ask them in different ways. 

What could you do to make her interested in dating you? Identify the things she wants and then slowly start to incorporate it into your relationship.

5) She’s not entirely certain you’re really into her

A lot of relationships start out with a combination of flirting and sexual attraction, but once those fireworks have settled down, do you really want to be with her?

After all, maybe she’s not even sure you’re into her in the first place. 

It happens. It can be difficult to tell, especially if you’re shy.

She might feel confused because she doesn’t know how you feel about her. She’s not entirely certain that the two of you are on the same page, so she’s a little hesitant to make a move. 

How to turn things around

Keep in mind that the relationship is on her terms.

If you want to turn things around, all you need to do is show her that you’re interested and give her some time! Way too many guys take this step for granted and rush it.

She’s the one in control here, not you. If she indicates that she wants to be friends with you, then it might be because she isn’t sure how you feel about her.

If this happens, give her a little time to see how things go. Try your best not to rush anything because it could just cause confusion between the two of you. It’s best to take things slow. If you rush it, you could scare her off because she’ll be worried about the commitment.

She might think that you’re trying to jump into things too quickly and end up pushing her away! 

If you want to go deeper in your relationship with her, don’t go all in just yet. 

Take it one step at a time, and try to be patient. It can be hard to wait when you feel that it’s the right time to make your move, but it’s the best way to make sure that everything works out.

6) She’s lost her confidence

A lot of girls hide their insecurities from their friends and family members, but if she’s been getting a lot of negative comments from them, maybe she’s too embarrassed to tell you how she feels.

Some of the comments that her friends or family might have made could include “You’re not good enough to be with him”, or “He’s too good for you”. You can only imagine what the comments look like when they’re sent on direct messages.

If she doesn’t know whether she’s good enough for you, then maybe she doesn’t want to be with you right now. While she might think that it’s not fair to you, people wanting to have relationships usually make sacrifices like these. 

If she’s not confident in her relationship with you, she might be insecure about the future. A woman’s confidence can be affected by several different things, and if you’re not careful, you could end up hurting her by pushing her away.

How to turn things around

If she’s lacking confidence in the relationship, it could be because of negative comments she’s received or the way she looks at herself. If you have the opportunity to tell her how great you think she is, do so. 

She’ll feel better about herself and will be more open to going further in your relationship than if you don’t reach out and offer her some reassurance.

It might also be helpful for her to know that there are other people who care about her and are rooting for her. Maybe it’s someone that she trusts, or maybe it’s a friend, a coworker or a mentor of hers. 

When you’re with her, talk to her about people who are rooting for the two of you. This will help boost her confidence and make her feel better about herself. 

Here’s how it works: when she has more confidence in herself and the two of you, she’ll be more willing to commit because she doesn’t feel insecure anymore. 

If you want to turn things around and make her commit, be mindful of your actions. Pay attention to the way you speak to her and notice what she responds with.

7) You don’t make her feel special

When you’re in a relationship with someone, you want them to make you feel special. If you make her feel like she’s just one of your many female friends, it’s not going to work out between the two of you.

She wants to be treated differently when she’s with you and she wants to be a part of something that makes her feel good. You can give your girl this feeling by making her the center of attention. 

Often, men aren’t aware that they’re doing this and they continue to treat women as just one of their many friends. They may think that being close with a woman makes it okay to talk about her like she’s an object or “one of the boys”.

How to turn things around

If you’re not making her feel special, it could be because you aren’t paying attention to how you speak and act in the relationship. You’re probably so caught up in the excitement of being with someone that you’re just doing what you want to do.

If she’s feeling like an object in your relationship, acknowledge that it bothers her, and don’t try to make her feel bad for wanting to be treated special.

Now, if you need to work on yourself to be more relationship-ready, a relationship expert can definitely help you – the coaches from Relationship Hero are one of the best options

The way they can help will change you for the better – they will let you look into your issues and work on yourself. Open your eyes to the fact that you need to work on yourself in order to treat a woman like she’s special and let her feel that you’re really invested in her. 

The more comfortable you are with yourself, the more confident your girl will be to be with you and the less negative energy there will be in your relationship. The more positive energy she feels, the easier it will be for her to commit to you. 

That’s why you need the right guidance.

Here’s the link to talk to Relationship Hero.

8) You’re too pushy

A pushy man has the ability to make women feel extremely uncomfortable and make them feel like they’re trapped in a corner. He doesn’t allow them to make their own decisions and if he gets too pushy, it can be difficult for her to open up and make herself vulnerable.

If you’re too pushy, your girl will feel pressured to respond instantly because of how she’s reacting towards the situation. Instead of simply responding the way she wants to, she might end up putting herself down or avoiding conversations altogether.

Some men can make a woman feel like she doesn’t belong or that she’s not good enough. This can cause a woman to question her sense of self because of the way they talk to her. 

Women love men who treat them well, but there are those that are rough and pushy, and they can leave a woman feeling confused and insecure. 

A woman might feel pressured to agree to things that she’s not comfortable with. 

In such a situation, she’s likely to avoid the man entirely. 

How to turn things around

If you want her to commit, it might be helpful for her to understand that all of these things are normal and you’re only trying to help her out by giving her some sort of advice. You need to take the pressure off of her so that she can just relax and enjoy being around you.

The worst thing that you can do is keep talking to her when she’s trying to get away from the situation. If she feels like she has nowhere else to go, it’s going to make her uncomfortable. 

She’ll avoid conversations with you and start thinking that her needs are unimportant. 

Remember to come from a place of respect and acknowledge that her needs are important. This means being more aware of the actions you take with her. Slow down and acknowledge that you’re there for her, not for yourself. 

Listen to what she has to say and try not to push your opinions on her. You might be afraid that she’ll cut you off if you don’t offer your two cents, but remember that some of the best things in life happen when people aren’t forcing their way into things. 

If she feels like you’re being pushy, she might feel like it’s not the right time to commit. She needs to feel comfortable in order to be vulnerable with you.

Final words

Knowing what you’re doing wrong will make it much easier for you to change for the better. It might be difficult, but it’s important to make sure the relationship is going to work out. 

If you want the best of both worlds, there are some things that you can do right away and others that will take a little more work. 

Get in touch with your feelings and just know that no matter what happens, you’re doing what’s best for yourself.

Whether or not you want to stay friends with her after turning you down, remember that she has her own fears and insecurities and she just can’t admit it to you right away. She wants to feel secure with her decision, so if she doesn’t want a relationship right now, it’s best that you don’t push her into one.

At the end of the day, you did your best in pursuing her – you’ll learn a lot from this experience, and who knows, she might change her mind later.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

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