How long should you wait when she says she needs time?

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When you first enter into a relationship, everything feels perfect. You cannot fathom the idea that one day, things might not work out between the two of you. Yet, here you are — wanting more from her and she tells you that she needs time to think about things.

If this sounds like your current situation, it’s okay. It happens to the best of us. In fact, a girl saying she needs time is actually a great sign for your relationship and its future. 

Read on to find out more about what this could mean and what steps you can take next.

How long should you wait when she says she needs time?

There are two types of girls who will say they need time:

– The girl who needs time because she is genuinely confused about her feelings for you. She isn’t sure where the relationship is headed and wants to use this downtime to figure it out.

– The girl who needs time because she doesn’t have any feelings for you all. She may be flattered by your romantic actions or by your attention, but in the end, all she wants right now is to keep things casual or even see other people. For these girls, ‘I am not sure what I want right now’ is often a way of saying ‘I do not want a relationship with you’.

So here’s the thing: 

If the girl is confused about her feelings, then there’s no specific time limit. You need to give her time to work out what she feels. There is no point in pushing her for an answer or trying to make her feel guilty for keeping you at arm’s length.

You need to give her space and let her think about things on her own. She will take action when she is ready, and one thing’s for sure — if things are meant to be between you two, then she will come back.

However, if this girl has ‘no feelings’ for you and your relationship, then you need to weigh up the pros and cons of waiting versus not waiting. 

– Are you willing to have a ‘wait-and-see’ situation? 

– Do you like this girl enough that it doesn’t matter whether or not she actually likes you back? 

– Or are you better off moving on and finding someone who does like you?

Ultimately, only you can decide how long should I wait when a girl says she needs time. At the end of the day, love isn’t easy in any way — whether it’s telling someone straight out that they have a shot with us or having real discussions about what we want from our lives together. 

If true love is meant to be, it will happen despite all our fears.

10 steps to take when you hear this phrase

Now that you know the situation, you have to decide how far you’re willing to go and what you want.

Here are 10 steps that can help remove this feeling of uncertainty and help make your relationship stronger.

1) Do not try to convince a girl to change her mind

You might think that she needs you in her life and that she will come around eventually. Maybe you’re even willing to follow her around and beg for her to come back. 

The truth is, that girls who want space are not emotionally invested in the relationship. She just doesn’t feel for you yet and doesn’t see a future with you. 

So do not try to convince her to come back or fulfill whatever fantasies you have about her. 

Love doesn’t work like that — bring back the lost love and she will change her mind.

2) Find out why she needs time

You need to figure out what’s going on in her life. 

– Did a new guy pop up in her life? 

– Is she still involved with an ex? 

– Did some negative things happen to her recently? 

But let’s be honest about this — sometimes you don’t need to know the exact reason why she needs time. Sometimes, this is a clear sign that she is not interested in dating you and you two should part ways.

It’s not easy. It’s enough to make you want to give up on love and walk away. 

But I want to suggest a solution. You have all the tools you need to do this right now, right where you are. 

I learnt about this from the modern-day shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me how the lies we tell ourselves about love are part of what traps us in things like the search for a perfect relationship. 

As Rudá explains in this transformational free video, love is available to us if we cut through the lies that we tell ourselves. 

We need to face the facts about what kind of relationship we want with our girls and act accordingly. 

The alternative is to end up in loveless relationships or endless dating frustration that only leaves us cold and empty. 

The alternative is to be sunk in stagnant codependency and completely unable to resolve things like the feeling of stuckness. 

Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective. 

While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution that could change my life. 

If you’re done with wasting your time on love that doesn’t work, I invite you to watch this short video and open your mind to new possibilities. 

Click here to watch the free video.

3) Show her that you are willing to wait 

Before you can expect her to change her mind, she needs to see that you are ready for a long-term relationship

So show her that you are prepared to wait but that you are also willing to give it more time if she wants it. 

Say something like, “I know I’ve been trying to bring this back from the dead, and I’m not letting go of it yet. I respect your feelings, and I’m willing to give you as much time as you need to come around.” 

You’ll be surprised how quickly she will respond — this is just a small step. 

But it is a momentous step for your relationship, too! 

4) Don’t try to manipulate her by using any form of guilt or shame

I bet you’ve tried to guilt her in one way or another. 

Maybe you’ve tried to make her feel bad for rejecting you. At the same time, you may have been trying to guilt her into coming back, saying things like, “What will the others think if you break up with me?” 

Maybe you’ve even considered shaming her for keeping you at a distance. This is usually done through silent treatments and rude behavior. 

What you’re doing is completely wrong. 

Think about it. 

The thing is that a woman who needs space in a relationship will not change her mind if she feels manipulated or coerced into feeling something that she doesn’t want to feel. 

She will only run away faster. 

So don’t put any pressure on her. Don’t try to control her by saying things like, “I’ll give you three days, and then I’m gone forever.” 

This is a manipulative statement that completely backfires. 

5) Be patient but also be active and busy with your life

Don’t let this situation get you down. 

Be patient and allow her to take her time. But do not shut off your life, either. 

Be busy with your life and work and don’t let this situation become an excuse to be stuck in a rut. 

You don’t have to give up your life completely. You can take it slow and just focus on yourself as well as on the relationship without letting this uneasiness, in the long run, become an obstacle to your goals in life.

There are a lot of things you can do to stay busy with your life. 

One of the best ways is to create an alternative plan. 

What would you do if you weren’t concerned with a girl who doesn’t want to date you? What kind of new things would you explore and enjoy in life if she had never entered your life? 

You can use this as an exercise and just imagine what it would be like not to worry about her.

6) Treat her how you want to be treated

This is a fundamental rule of how to behave in a relationship

I know that your intentions may be good, but the situation isn’t what it seems. I know that you may be a great guy to be around and have a lot of good qualities, but she still doesn’t feel the same way about you.

She needs time to get to know you again before she can decide if she wants to date you again or not.

She needs to be able to decide if she wants you in her life or not.

So don’t take anything personally. 

If you can start treating her better, even though you think that she is treating you poorly, I guarantee that she will see a big change in your behavior and at least have a different outlook on your situation. 

Your goal is not to make her do something or tell her what to do.

Keep in mind:

Try to set boundaries and don’t push yourself on her. If she doesn’t want to talk to you right now, then leaving her alone is the best thing you can do for the both of you.

But it is important that when she does want to talk to you again, you are available and ready.

She needs a little time alone without worrying about what is going on with you and your feelings.

7) What would a relationship coach say?

While this article will shed light on the main steps to take if she says she needs time, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…

Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like how to break up with someone or how to treat a girl you’re dating, and in the meantime, help you find long-lasting love. Their popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are. 

Why am I so confident that they can help you?

Well, after recently experiencing a tough patch in my own relationship, I reached out to them for help. From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.

I was blown away by how kind and empathetic my coach was. 

Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues you’re facing in your relationship.

Click here to get started.

8) Keep relationships open

Let me explain:

When a woman needs space, it means that she wants her freedom. 

She wants to do things with her life without feeling like she has to check in with you over and over again. 

Do not take this as a sign of rejection. 

It’s just a sign of independence and personal growth. 

Some people go into relationships with the expectation that everything will be perfect from the start, but that is simply not true! Relationships work! But this goes for both of you. 

If you have a good relationship, it means that you both have things that are working for you in the relationship and also things that aren’t so great. 

Also, if you have bad relationships, it means that there are things going on in your relationship that aren’t so great, but they can only get better with time. 

In a situation like the one I just described above, the woman needs space to grow and mature in life without worrying about how it affects her relationship. 

Think of it as a temporary separation that you both need to grow, learn, and become better people. When you begin to take things positively and view them from that perspective, the situation becomes a lot more manageable. 

Enjoy the time you have with her and don’t spend it worrying about when she will come back.

9) No contact with her

While I don’t think you should completely ignore her, I do suggest that you stop any contact with her for a while. 

She probably wants to be able to think about what she needs in life without having to worry about you and your feelings. 

Let her spend some time alone so she can figure out her thoughts and become a better, more mature person. Then when she is ready, the two of you can move forward into a new relationship with no unnecessary pressure and obstacles that came from the last one.

This tip can work in your favor as well if you have been on a stressful journey and your relationship started to fall apart. 

If you want to take things slow with a new girl, this is a good tip for you to follow.

10) Set reasonable expectations

As long as you are patient and positive, the relationship will work out. 

Patience is a virtue that takes time to master. 

When you find yourself in situations where you feel like you need space, remember that there is a reasonable explanation for why she needs it. 

Sometimes people will just need time to think. 

They need to take some time to become clear in their minds and know what they want out of life. 

If you can show her that you understand this need and are willing to support her, it will make it much easier for her to see you in a more positive light.

So these expectations can be:

– Treating her the way you should have been.

– Following through on a conversation. 

– Don’t pressure her into anything she didn’t want to do. 

– Respecting her boundaries and giving her enough space to figure out what she needed without worrying about how it affected you. 

This is all a matter of perspective, so don’t let these expectations hurt you or put any negative feelings in your mind.

Final thoughts

Hopefully, this guide has helped you learn more about what to do if she needs space and provide you with some good ideas on how to move forward in your relationship. 

When a woman needs space isn’t always a clear-cut situation. 

Sometimes you can be in a relationship where things are going great, but at other times it can be the opposite and cause some heartache. And when that happens, if you find yourself wondering how to treat a girl who needs time and space, think about her side of things and understand where she is coming from. 

And remember how long you should wait for her depending on the situation. So the next time you find yourself wondering how to treat a girl who needs time and space, remembers that there are some things to consider before making a move.


Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.