Lately, you’ve noticed that your bestie of 10 years is suddenly keeping you at arm’s length. It’s almost as if she only contacts you when she needs something.
Maybe she’s not as invested in your life as you thought.
A lot of people have trouble reading the signals sometimes. But, if your BFF isn’t giving you support when you need her the most, it might be time to take a deeper look at your friendship.
That’s a big deal and it can feel like a betrayal. But, if your BFF isn’t “talking to you when it’s convenient for her” – she’s probably just not interested.
Here are 17 sage tips if this is you.
1) Make sure you’re not needy
Sometimes, the only way we can really make a friend is if they think they want to be friends with us.
If you are a constant cry for attention and need help opening jars or even moving furniture, then it’s worth asking yourself why your bestie never wants to hang out with you.
She may not feel like she’s getting anything out of the friendship so she might have put up a little barrier between you two.
2) Don’t expect her to be your everything
A lot of friendships are built on the idea that one person will always be there for the other one when things get tough literally 24/7 365 days a year.
When you’re a teenager, this is great, but when you’re an adult, it may make you both feel burdened.
You need to be able to share your problems with other people too because sometimes it’s not the right time to share with everyone and sometimes a different person wants to hear about it. It’s okay for her not to be super invested in your life all of the time.
3) Don’t be afraid to cut people out
A lot of us stay in toxic relationships with friends and lovers because we believe things will somehow get better.
They seldom do.
You see, so much of what we believe to be reality is just a construction. We can actually reshape that to create fulfilling lives that are in line with what matters most to us.
The truth is:
Once we remove the social conditioning and unrealistic expectations our family, education system, even religion has put onto us, the limits to what we can achieve is endless.
I learned this (and much more) from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandé. In this excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can lift the mental chains and get back to the core of your being.
A word of warning, Rudá isn’t your typical shaman.
He’s not going to reveal pretty words of wisdom that offer false comfort.
Instead, he’s going to force you to look at yourself in a way you have never before. It’s a powerful approach, but one that works.
So if you’re ready to take this first step and align your dreams with your reality, there’s no better place to start than with Rudá’s unique method.
4) Stop making excuses for her if you feel like she’s not there
Every time you have something you want to share with her, try to find another friend to share it with.
If she’s not wanting to talk about things that are hard and important to your life, then the friendship isn’t worth your time and energy anymore.
Of course, people need space, but if all of your conversations are one-sided and only about what is convenient for her, then it might be time to take a break.
5) Ask her what she wants from your friendship
While you may have a strong bond, you can’t expect to talk about everything all of the time. You might have to ask her for some time limits.
Asking this first will help you avoid feeling like you’re intruding on her personal life. If she isn’t comfortable with the boundaries of your friendship, this is your cue to take a step back and remind her that you both have busy lives too.
6) Work out things that are important to both of you separately if there are any
Sometimes it’s easier to make big decisions together when there isn’t so much conflict between them.
This can be difficult when you’ve been friends for a long time, but if you struggle to find a common ground when it comes to certain important issues, it might be best if you worked them out separately.
7) Realize that all friendships change over time
People change and people grow apart. If you’re someone who has work-related friendships or neighborhood friendships where things are based on convenience, then this will hit you hard in the beginning, but it’s actually good to have times of growth in your life.
She doesn’t have to love every single part of your life because this friendship isn’t the be-all and end-all of your existence.
8) Learn how to say no
People don’t like being rejected, but even if it’s someone you really care about, you can’t always agree to every single thing they ask of you. If you’re saying ‘yes’ to everything and you’re running yourself ragged, it’s time to stop.
Friendship is give and take so if you feel like you’re being taken advantage of, you’re the only person with the power to put an end to it.
Learn to say no.
A true friend will respect your boundaries.
9) Stop dropping everything for her
Similar to the point above, there comes a point where you need to put your foot down.
There’s a difference between being a good friend and being codependent. If you’re always there to help her every time she needs to move her furniture or if she’s asking you for advice about everything that goes on, then it might be time to let someone else give her a chance.
You don’t have to be everything for everyone.
10) Focus on your life and put any negative feelings behind you
While it might take some time, the only way you can ever truly move on from something is by focusing more on yourself and what makes you happy.
If you spend all of your time thinking about someone else and what she’s doing or where she is for every single moment of your life, you’re going to lose yourself along the way.
Think about all the things that make you happy, write them down and meditate on them.
Then take the first step towards making those things come true in your life.
11) Re-evaluate if it’s something you can work through
If there are still feelings there and if both of you are willing to put effort into it while keeping a focus on yourselves, then this could be a friendship worth working on.
But if you feel like you’re in it for the wrong reasons or with the wrong intentions, then it might be worth getting out of.
The most effective way is to tap into your personal power.
You see, we all have an incredible amount of power and potential within us, but most of us never tap into it. We become bogged down in self-doubt and limiting beliefs. We stop doing what brings us true happiness.
I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. He’s helped thousands of people align work, family, spirituality, and love so they can unlock the door to their personal power.
He has a unique approach that combines traditional ancient shamanic techniques with a modern-day twist. It’s an approach that uses nothing but your own inner strength – no gimmicks or fake claims of empowerment.
Because true empowerment needs to come from within.
In his excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can create the life you’ve always dreamed of and increase attraction in your partners, and it’s easier than you might think.
So if you’re tired of living in frustration, dreaming but never achieving, and of living in self-doubt, you need to check out his life-changing advice.
12) Be honest and listen to what she’s saying
Maybe you really haven’t been the best friend to her? Maybe she’s giving you a taste of your own medicine.
Have you taken a look at your behavior recently and noticed that you were the one who would call only when you needed something.
Ok, now it makes sense.
If this is the case, then it’s time to apologize for being a selfish friend and be accountable.
As I’ve said, friendship is a two-way street and perhaps she’s been keeping you at an arm’s-length as kind of payback.
13) Keep communication doors open
Even if you don’t talk all of the time, expressing your feelings and opinions about important issues can help open the space for better communication in your friendship.
We’re not talking about pouring out all of your deepest inner thoughts or anything like that, but if you let her know when things are bothering you or what’s going on in your life without being negative and overbearing, then it can be a good way to keep communication lines open.
In the same breath, contact her from time to time to find out how her life is going. If you get no response, then you will have your answer.
14) Don’t lose touch with yourself
Even after some time, people can still lose touch with themselves if they’re not careful because they’re trying to please someone else too much all of the time.
If you feel like she’s getting in the way of your life, then it might be time to take a step back and find yourself again. Don’t let someone else make you feel like an inconvenience all the time so that you have to put forth effort for them.
15) Respect that she needs some space too
Even the strongest friendships benefit from alone time.
You can’t expect her to always be around and give things her full attention with every single thing going on in your friendship, even if that’s not what your friendship is about anymore.
There’s a difference between someone who’s there for you and someone giving you their full attention all of the time, so be respectful of her need to find her own happiness too.
16) Expand your friendship circle
Sure, you’ll miss her when you hang out with friends who aren’t as supportive and loyal as your ‘best-friend’, but if they’re the type of friends who make you happy, then it’s worth it.
Remember that there are other people in this world who will love and care for you, too.
There are plenty of other great people out there to have in your life, so try to focus on them and if she’s not making that possible anymore or not putting any effort into it at all, let her go. You’ll still be happy in the long run.
17) If you can’t make it work, then don’t worry about it
As the adage goes, don’t go crying over spilled milk.
After all is said and done, maybe you should consider the fact that your friendship has run its course.
You might have grown apart and no longer have the bond that you used to have.
What’s not ok, is somebody taking advantage of you because you’re supposed to be “friends”, especially when they use this line to guilt you into doing things you don’t want to.
Don’t be afraid to cut people out of your life. The sooner, the better and you will be better off!
If you’re having trouble feeling like your BFF is invested in your life, then it might be time to reevaluate the friendship.
If she’s not interested in having a deeper relationship with you then it’s up to you whether or not you continue with the friendship.
She’s not obligated to be there for you all of the time if this isn’t something she values at this moment in time.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.