When a guy asks for your number, the experience can be exhilarating, frightening, and even a little distressing if you’re left feeling uncertain about his motivations.
You can take control of the situation by responding appropriately, but first, you’ve got to understand what he wants.
The more you know about his motivations, the easier it will be for you to respond in kind.
Remember, just because a guy asks for your number doesn’t mean you have to give it to him.
Just knowing where he’s coming from and then responding in a way that is tactful and within your comfort zone can make the experience a positive one overall.
In this article, you’ll learn some reasons a guy asks for your number, signs of his motivations, and how to either give out your number safely – or not.
Hopefully, when you’re done reading this, you’ll have the tools to make the right decision when this situation arises.
Reasons Why Guys Ask For Your Number
It’s important to remember that a guy can ask for your number for a million reasons, and we’re not going to be able to get into all of those reasons right now.
We’re going to cover some of the most common reasons why this happens and also discuss signs that he’s interested, or not.
Reason #1: He Wants to Get To Know You Better
He might be asking for your number because he wants to get to know you better.
Maybe he’s not sure if he wants to go on a date, and he’s trying to decide if you’re girlfriend material.
He wants your number because he wants to text you, talk on the phone, and open that connection that could lead to a date.
Guys who want to get to know the girl better before they ask them out on a date are generally cautious.
They care about compatibility and also about savoring the experience of getting to know someone. They don’t want to rush.
Signs he wants to get to know you better:
- He asks you questions and makes eye contact while you answer.
- He’s interested in what you have to say, and he follows up with comments of his own.
- He wants to talk about himself too, but doesn’t dominate the conversation.
Reason #2: He’d Like To Ask You On a Date
He might also be asking for your number because he’d like to ask you on a date.
If he doesn’t know you that well but he’s still interested in going on a date, he might be more of a risk-taker.
He might also be overly confident, which could make the experience of going on a dateless rewarding.
Signs he’d like to get your number so he can ask you on a date:
- He touches your arm or shoulder when you interact.
- He makes eye contact.
- He asks you questions about what you like to do.
If he’s a risk-taker, he might also blatantly tell you that he wants to ask you out. For many people, it’s overall positive when guys set expectations in this way.
Reason #3: He’s Acting On Behalf of a Friend
He might be acting on behalf of a friend when he asks for your number.
This can be awkward and doesn’t always lead to good results.
If he’s asking you for your number because his friend would like your number, you’ll have to consider whether you want to give your number to a person who is too afraid to ask for your number on his own.
Do you want to be with someone who lacks this kind of confidence?
The guy should definitely tell you if this is why he’s asking for your number, as it would be a serious faux pas to give your number to someone else without your knowledge.
As long as the guy has been straightforward about his intentions to give your number to someone else, the only thing you’ll have to wonder in this scenario is whether you want to give your number under these circumstances.
In the sections below, we’ve discussed how to respond to someone who asks for your number.
Reason #4: He Needs Something
He might be asking for your number because he needs something, like help with homework, help covering a shift at work, or some other benign reason.
He’ll probably tell you if this is his plan. The only catch? He might be covering up the real reason he wants your number, so he can get to know you better or ask you on a date.
Body language can help you decide his real motivations for getting your number. Signs he’s really not interested include:
- He doesn’t make meaningful eye contact. He looks away a lot when you talk.
- He doesn’t ask you many questions about yourself.
- He’s never struck up a conversation about anything except work, school or the reason that you know him.
Reason #5: He’s Friendly
Some guys just want to be friends.
He could be asking for your number because he’d like to get to know you, without any interest in pursuing a romantic or sexual relationship.
If he’s really just interested in being friends (he doesn’t want to ask you on a date), he’ll probably make that clear – otherwise, he could find himself in an uncomfortable situation if you’re led to believe that he’d like to pursue a romantic relationship.
Signs he’s only interested in being friends:
- He wants to talk about mutual interests more than he wants to learn everything about you.
- There’s no “chemistry” when you talk – less eye contact, less “accidental” touching.
- He’s less prone to long, meaningful looks. He likes to smile a lot in your presence in a way that is notably not sexy or alluring.
Reason #6: He’s Got Questionable Motivations
Some guys don’t have the best intentions.
Some want to take advantage of people who they think are vulnerable, others want to pursue something physical regardless of what the other person wants.
It can be hard to determine these motivations, but some signs to watch for include:
- He asked for your number even though you’ve barely spoken and don’t really know each other.
- He asked for your number even though it’s clear you have few mutual interests.
- He wants to touch or be close in a way that’s not entirely comfortable for you.
- He seems not to listen to what you say, seems to have no interest in what’s important to you. It’s like you never even expressed your feelings.
Important Tips When Giving Out Your Number
When you’re giving out your number, it’s important to strike a balance so that you’re taking the proper precautions while taking reasonable risks on guys who seem to be the kind of person you’d like to get to know better.
Remember, giving out your number is an art.
It’s important to be clear about your expectations, avoid giving your number to someone who shouldn’t have it, and to keep track of the people who do have your number.
Be Smart and Cautious
Before giving out your number, pay attention to his body language. Watch for signs that he’s into you and that his motivations are benevolent.
Watch for that eye contact and interest in you as a person.
If he doesn’t seem to have a genuine interest in you, or if he seems like he’s only in it for the conquest, he may not be the right person for you.
If you’re in a state that’s making it hard to judge his motivations (maybe you’ve had something to drink, or you’re by yourself and feeling uncomfortable because you can’t get a second opinion), then don’t give him your number.
If you’re not sure and you want to be safe, ask him for his number instead – then you can decide later how you’d like to proceed.
Limit the Number of People Who Get Your Number
It’s not a good idea to give your number to every eligible guy who asks, especially if you’re regularly encountering situations where you’re being asked to give out your phone number.
The more people who have your number, the harder it will be to remember who they are when they finally text or call.
Also, the more people who have your number, the more at risk you are to encounter someone who has less than good intentions.
Expression of Interest Is Not a Guarantee
Remember that when a guy asks for your number, this is an expression of interest but not a guarantee that you’ll be hearing from him.
Don’t get your hopes up just because he asked. Assume that for every person who asks for your number, only a percentage of them will actually contact you later.
If you’re really interested and you’d like to be sure that you hear back from a person, ask them for their number too!
This can take nerve, but at least you’ll be in control of whether or not you make contact again.
Keep Track of Who Got Your Number
Try not to forget who you gave your number to.
This is important for a few reasons.
One, you could end up in an uncomfortable situation if you have a hard time figuring out who’s calling or texting you.
You could say some things that embarrass you (or him!) if you mistake one guy for another.
Another reason: you don’t want to put yourself at risk because you can’t remember which guy is now contacting you.
You might proceed with more caution with one guy versus another.
To make things as easy as possible (and safe) for you, keep track of the people who you give your number.
Remember their names, where you met them, and some basic things you said to each other in your first encounter.
Don’t Want to Give Your Number? Tips
A lot of people really dread being asked for their phone number when they don’t want to give it out.
Although you can’t stop anyone from asking a question, you can put yourself in a position where the question is less likely to be asked.
Talking attracts attention, which could lead to a guy being interested in being friends, getting to know you, and so on.
If you’re not interested in a guy either as a friend or romantically, then you can avoid attention by just not talking to him that much.
Speak neutrally when you do talk. Guys try to read body language the same way that you try to read their body language.
If you’re neutral in your body language, and neutral in the things you say, then you’re less likely to attract this kind of attention.
Tell Them You Have a Boyfriend
If you do get the question, you can always tell them you have a boyfriend. Whether this is true or not, little fibs in this case are harmless and will help you get out of an uncomfortable situation.
If you don’t like lying, think of it this way: you won’t have to make anyone feel bad that you don’t want to give them your number.
It should be easy for the guy to accept that you are unavailable, and it’s definitely easy for you to tell the guy that you have a boyfriend and move on. It’s a win-win.
Know How to Tell Them “No”
If a guy asks for your number and you’re not comfortable telling him you have a boyfriend, have a polite “no” prepared in advance.
Think of a line or two that will let him down easily – and allow you to move on. Some suggestions:
- “Thanks for asking, but I’m just not interested.”
- “I’m sorry, I’m not comfortable giving out my number to someone I don’t know.”
- “That’s very flattering, but I’m not in a place to date anyone right now.”
- “I’m not interested in dating anyone right now – but if you’d like to have my number just to talk, I’ll give it to you.”
Be Ready and Be Watchful
If you spend time out socializing a lot on weekends, then you’re probably going to encounter more than one occasion when a guy will ask for your number.
Being watchful of body language and knowing yourself and what you’re comfortable with can help you know what to do when this kind of situation arises.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.