Jealousy is sometimes called the green monster.
But it’s not always giant and aggressive, sometimes jealousy is subtle and slow.
Its corrosive effects, however, are just as bad whether jealousy hits you in one big wave or little by little.
Here are the top psychological indicators that somebody is envious of you and what you have.
14 psychological signs someone is jealous of you (and how to respond)
Jealousy can crop up in so many situations.
But it’s not always obvious.
Here’s how to spot the psychological indicators that jealousy is on your radar.
1) They low-key sabotage you
One of the top psychological signs someone is jealous of you is that they low-key sabotage you.
They go behind your back to say bad things about you…
They spread rumors about you to your coworkers, partner, family and friends…
They sow doubt about you to your superior at work…
They actually try to make your life worse in an active way, or at the very least by saying negative things about you.
This can be very troubling and hard to deal with, but there is a way to bypass it much more easily which I’ll get to soon.
2) They fake love bomb you
Love bombing is when you hit somebody with so many compliments and so much appreciation that they feel connected and grateful to you.
It’s often done by potential romantic partners, salesmen and even religions and cults in the initial stages when trying to get someone to join their group.
It can also be a key tool of the envious person.
Essentially, this is one of the sneaky psychological signs someone is jealous of you:
They praise you to a ridiculous extent and magnify your achievements as if you’re a god.
It may seem so over the top that you almost get the feeling they’re mocking you.
They honestly probably are.
“They do the sneaky thing by acting overly supportive and giving you insincere compliments.”
3) They make you insecure about your goals
Without goals in life it’s very hard to know where you’re going.
Even a goal like being confident with yourself and fulfilled in life is something to work towards, as are more specific goals like having a prosperous career or forming a family.
Sadly, one of the psychological signs someone is jealous of you is that they try to make you insecure about your goals.
“Oh God, why would you care about doing that? I dunno man.”
The seeds of doubt can grow some very poisonous flowers once they’ve sprung up, especially if you’re already doubting yourself.
The key to kicking that self-doubt is being absolutely sure what you want to accomplish in life.
So, how do you do it?
First of all, you ignore the feel-good gurus telling you to think positive and have an “abundant mindset.”
The problem is that there are far too many fake gurus out there ready to sell you on unrealistic and ineffective solutions for improving your life by becoming a “better version” of yourself.
They want you to meditate, radiate “positive vibrations” and visualize the life of your dreams. They say this will make it come true.
Here’s the crazy thing:
Visualization and positive vibes won’t bring you closer to your dreams, and they can actually drag you backwards into time-wasting, idle fantasy and frustration.
But it’s hard to know which way to turn when you’re being hit with so many Instagram influencers telling you how a special kind of yoga, diet or incense will transform your life.
You can end up trying so hard and not finding the answers you need that your life and dreams begin to feel hopeless.
You want solutions, but all you’re being told is to create a perfect utopia inside your own mind. It doesn’t work.
I want you to turn off all the noise for a second and get back to absolute basics.
Get back to the person staring at you in the mirror.
What are you here for?
Before you can experience a real change, you need to really know your purpose.
I learned about the power of purpose from watching Ideapod co-founder Justin Brown’s video on the hidden trap of improving yourself.
Justin used to be addicted to the self-help industry and New Age gurus, who sold him on visualization and positive thinking. It left him lost and confused.
That’s why he traveled to Brazil to meet the renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, who taught him a life-changing new way to find your purpose and use it to transform your life and everything around you.
After watching the video, I discovered my purpose in life and it completely busted through the issues I was having with loneliness and feeling useless.
This new way of finding success by finding your purpose actually helped me to completely overcome the petty jealousy of people that had been bringing me down in my personal life.
They’re still jealous: I just don’t care anymore. In fact, I pity them.
4) They threaten your wellbeing
Let’s not get too technical:
Sometimes one of the most disturbing psychological signs someone is jealous of you is that they threaten you.
It may not be a direct threat like “I’m going to beat the sh*t out of you,” but you’ll know a threat when you hear one.
It may be something more subtle, but equally disturbing, such as wishing harm on your relationship or career.
“Your ex-boyfriend was right. You’re a crazy bitch who doesn’t deserve to be happy. I hope the next guy you date dumps you before he gets screwed over like I did.”
Jealousy is a crazy thing, and it can lead to someone going way above their regular limit in how they interact with others.
“It can compel someone to obsessively monitor another’s communication, relationships, and whereabouts; attempt to lower their self-confidence; or even behave violently.”
5) They highlight your failings
Jealous people are kings of schadenfreude, which means happiness at someone else’s misfortune.
It’s almost like an addiction, except instead of being addicted to cocaine or porn they’re addicted to the tears of others.
When you just had a great day they’re fully “meh.”
But when you just had a long line of misfortunes they are “oh, really? That’s awful” with a small smile already creeping onto their face.
One of the worst psychological signs someone is jealous of you is that they genuinely take pleasure in your pain.
It’s like they can’t help it.
But they definitely need to seek help, because getting off on the pain of others is a big warning sign that something’s definitely off in your life.
6) They try to trap you in mistakes
We all make mistakes, but for most of us they are something to learn from and move on from.
For the jealous person, mistakes are something they have a love-hate relationship.
They hate their own mistakes and blame others (or life, or God) for them.
But they love other people’s mistakes. They love seeing them, causing them and profiting from them.
If you make a mistake around a person who’s jealous of you they’ll do everything short of clap out loud for it.
They want you stuck in that mistake, repeating that mistake and paying for that mistake for as long and as painfully as possible.
“They often seem to wait eagerly and patiently for their target’s humiliating slip-ups, especially public ones, and seize every opportunity to correct and condemn them.”
7) They leave you feeling unsupported and lost
Perhaps the saddest of the psychological signs someone is jealous of you is that they leave you feeling so unsupported.
It’s even worse when it’s a romantic partner and somebody you closely trust and love.
How can they leave you so lost and feeling so unwanted when they’re supposed to love you?
It’s painful, confusing and disillusioning…
While this article will shed light on the main indicators of jealousy in a romantic partner or somebody close to you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…
Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like having an unsupportive or jealous partner.
Their popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are.
This is not just some service where you’ll be told what you want to hear.
Relationship Hero is the real deal, and they are not afraid to tackle the difficult issues around envy and resentment.
Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues you’re facing in your relationship.
8) They over-idealize your life
Similarly to fake love bombing, over-idealization can also be a common behavior among the envious.
They make your life out to be a trip through paradise.
Your family is supposedly perfect…
Your looks ideal…
Your job glamorous and rewarding.
You’re supposedly some kind of walking deity who’s got everything anyone could ever want.
What’s more is that it turns out you did nothing to deserve that and there’s always something else to praise for your success.
Maybe it’s your wealthy family background…
Your genetically inherited intelligence…
Your culture or community.
Whatever it is that gave you that leg up, you sure as hell didn’t earn it, they seem really sure about that! Go figure…
“As for your hard-earned wins, they never seem to grasp the courage, discipline, and sacrifice that went into bringing your dreams to fruition. They’re prone to assuming your life path has been obstacle-free.”
9) They try to invalidate what you have
On the flip side of over-idealizing what you have, the envious individual will also try to invalidate what you have.
If they can’t take it away from you or sabotage it, they can at least make it clear you don’t deserve it.
Your promotion was clearly just because of your looks or sleeping around…
Your Ph. D. work was simply the product of a rich family background that paid your way through Harvard…
Your groundbreaking work in architecture is simply a reflection of the wonderful support you get from your wife (who you totally don’t deserve and is too good for you).
And so on.
Whatever you are accomplishing or have accomplished, including your satisfaction itself, is the product of injustice, privilege, skullduggery or some kind of ill-gotten pursuit.
10) They try to one up you constantly
The jealous individual will often try to one-up you.
This isn’t always overt or right in your face, it can be sneaky too.
You may help someone figure out a struggle at work, for example, and the jealous person will chime in (online or in person):
“Well, yeah, thanks! But actually if you really want to do this the best way you can also add XY and Z.”
Thanks so much for that.
This person will always try to one up you.
They’re jealous and they covet the recognition and praise that they feel you don’t deserve.
The plus side of this is that you’re not likely to get lazy with this kind of hound always nipping at your heels.
Grind and shine, baby!
11) They flirt with your partner or even snake them
Another of the troublesome psychological signs someone is jealous of you is that they will flirt with your partner in front of you or behind your back.
Worse, they may go so far as to try to steal your partner from you.
The idea that someone could be so jealous they would try to break your relationship over it may seem absurd.
That just happens in Lifetime movie specials, right?
Well, actually not at all.
It happens constantly in real life, too.
As my friend Ben Sixsmith wrote brilliantly in Lapsus Lima, rocket engineer and black magic practitioner Jack Parsons was good friends with Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard and even started a business with him.
Things seemed to be going OK, until Hubbard stole Parson’s wife and money.
“After embarking on a business partnership with Hubbard, Parsons saw his friend make for the hills with Sara Northrup and ten thousand dollars of his fortune.”
12) They refer constantly to your outer status or labels
The jealous man or woman loves labels.
They use them to play victim and will hit you with any and all labels that make you out to be a fraud or an unfair recipient from success.
If you went to a prestigious college or work at a good law firm, don’t expect to go a day without hearing the name sneered from their lips semi-mockingly.
They just can’t seem to get over whatever advantages life has offered you while downplaying or flat-out denying any advantages life has given them.
The world is against them. The world is stacked in your favor.
You are the emblem of unearned happiness.
13) They are terrified of not being as good as you
Envy comes out of insecurity and self-pity.
When I believe I am not good enough or have been treated unfairly by others or by life, I begin to envy and resent what I believe others have or enjoy.
The envious person is terrified of being not good enough.
He or she is worried to death of being tested and found wanting, of being exposed as an imposter or a fraud.
As such, they will behave in ways which are deeply insecure at work, in romance and in every other arena.
“With a coworker, this could be concern over your position. With a significant other, it could be fear of losing your relationship.”
14) They want support but they don’t give it
Jealousy comes out of insecurity and now and then the jealous person will revert fully into victim mode.
They may even beg you for support after having undermined you, fake love bombed you and so on.
This is the envious person at his or her most passive-aggressive.
Attack, plead for mercy, attack.
In this mode, the jealous person will generally plead for support and understanding, crying out to you to find it in your heart to reassure and comfort them.
But if and when that time ever comes that you need a shoulder to cry on?
They’ll be over the hill with your wife and money just like Hubbard. Count on that.
Bridging the gap
It hurts to be jealous of someone because it emphasizes how inadequate and lost you feel.
And it hurts to know somebody is jealous of you, because it makes you feel guilty of your success and happiness.
The solution is really for everyone to work to find their purpose.
None of us are going to receive the same satisfaction and gifts in life.
But by working together and finding our own best path, we can stop focusing so much on what others seem to have and more on what we want to achieve.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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