Women often treat matchmaking like planning the perfect interior home.
They create a list that fits their version of a cozy, beautiful home with details right down to the color and shade.
This might work in designing your dream house, but it, unfortunately, doesn’t work as well when finding your perfect match.
The truth is, you’re not going to find a 6’2” guy who has green-gray eyes, wakeboards on the weekends, and has a good relationship with his family.
Perfect in that sense doesn’t exist, and it’s often less about the specific qualities that make a person the perfect partner and more about what they can bring to the table.
Not sure where to get started? Here are 12 things you can add to your perfect guy checklist:
1) He Knows What He Can Bring to the Table
It’s infinitely easier to be with someone who knows what he can bring to the table because he won’t be looking outside himself for validation.
Understanding your self-worth requires vulnerability, honesty, and patience.
Being with a man who is in touch with his strengths and weaknesses gives you the opportunity to grow together, as well as individually.
You don’t need to baby him, constantly feed his ego, or reassure him that you only have eyes for him.
He’s confident in his own skin and takes pride in the unique value he adds to the relationship.
People who know what they’re worth have an easier time loving others because they have a healthy amount of self-love for themselves.
2) He’s Done With Games
Women often find the allure of the mysterious man attractive; the unpredictability can be sexy to some.
As potentially fun as it is, that kind of personality doesn’t really make for a sustainable relationship.
It can be fun and exciting the first couple of weeks into a relationship, but it can quickly barrel into miscommunication.
Skip the mind games and the mixed signals and go for a guy who tells you like it is.
You might not always see eye to eye but he respects your emotional intelligence enough (and his) to know that you can communicate through this together.
You don’t always have to be on the same boat to make a great couple.
What’s more important is that you’re both willing to be on the same page, even if you’re on completely different corners, and work together to get to the middle.
3) He’s Emotionally Intelligent
You want to be someone who knows how to disagree without resorting to physical or emotional abuse. The perfect guy isn’t just nice to you on sunny days.
He’s kind because he chooses to be a kind person. This person is emotionally stable and has the capacity for genuine empathy and patience.
When you talk to him about your feelings, he welcomes it with open arms.
He understands that feedback on the relationship doesn’t necessarily mean blaming him for something; if anything, he sees it as a mutual opportunity to learn and grow from both of your experiences.
4) He’s Not A Manchild
You don’t need to look after him because he takes care of himself. Nothing is worse than dating a man-child who pretends he has it all together.
If he refuses to grow up, that’s likely just one of the red flags about him, with many more bubbling under the surface.
Seeking a grown man doesn’t mean finding the most successful, most stable guy in the crowd.
It means being with someone who can support you in the way you want to be supported.
More importantly, it’s having the peace of mind that your partner can carry his load, do his fair share, and bring his best foot forward in the relationship.
5) He Feels Like Your Hero
You want a guy that wants to step up to the plate and protect you.
In short, you want the guy to be your hero.
Actually, when a guy feels like your protector and provider, it means that he truly loves you.
Well, there’s a new theory in the relationship world that’s causing quite a stir – it’s called the hero instinct.
Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept finally explains how men really think and feel in relationships.
And it’s something most women have never even heard of.
According to James Bauer, men don’t actually need a lot to feel content in their relationships. In fact, what they need has nothing to do with sex.
Men have certain innate drivers. And when a woman comes along and triggers them, it causes a powerful response. The result is a man who loves harder, commits wholeheartedly, and truly dedicates himself to the relationship.
So, how can you trigger your man’s hero instinct?
The easiest thing to do is to watch this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
The truth is, once you understand how the hero instinct works, there’s no telling what heights your relationship can reach.
So if you want to give your man what he truly wants from you, make sure to check out James Bauer’s excellent video. In it, he reveals the exact texts and phrases you can use straight away.
6) He Believes In Accountability
Let’s face it: even your perfect man is going to come with some flaws.
But the one key thing is that he owns up to his mistakes. He takes responsibility for what he does instead of gaslighting you or pretending that things didn’t happen.
He respects you enough (and himself) to take ownership of his part in the relationship.
At the end of the day, this more than makes up for his very human imperfections, because you can trust that you have a partner who is self-aware enough to know that he’s not bulletproof.
7) He Has The Same Values As You
Having the same hobbies and being in the same social groups are great until you realize that’s not really what sustains the magical spark between the two of you.
When the initial excitement over shared interests wanes, you’ll start noticing the very thing that makes him — his principles and values.
When you share the same values as someone, you’re guaranteed to have a partner who supports and understands the things you believe in.
The strongest indicator for compatibility, especially in long-term relationships, is being with someone who has the same values as you.
You could date the nicest, most compassionate person in the world but if you don’t see eye to eye on things like relationship exclusivity or wanting to raise a family, no amount of negotiation or communication can save that relationship.
8) He Has Good Virtues and Principles
Finding the right guy isn’t just about finding someone you can talk with about your likes and dislikes.
It’s also about the things they might not say on the first date, the things that define who they truly are on the inside.
It’s about their virtues and principles, and how much he lets integrity define the way he lives.
Having a partner with strong, clear principles, a personal code of ethics, is so important when navigating the murky waters of life.
This isn’t to say that you need someone vehemently righteous who will always share their most dominant belief.
It simply means that you need someone who has a strong understanding of who they are and what they believe in, so you know what to expect and whether you can rely on him in the moments that count.
9) He Treats Your Relationship As One Of His Priorities
The perfect guy is a guy who cares about the relationship as much as you do. No matter how funny, smart, and accomplished a man may be, if his partnership with you isn’t one of his top priorities in his life, then he isn’t your perfect man.
Your perfect man is someone who knows what a relationship is for — building a bond with your soulmate that will last the rest of your life.
And only when he knows that will he prioritize your relationship and make sure he always gives more than enough time to keep your relationship going.
10) He Complements You
All the compliments in the world aren’t worth a damn if your man doesn’t truly make you a fuller version of yourself.
By complements, we mean that your perfect guy truly enhances what you already are, making you better and stronger than you are without him.
This is why some of the most perfect couples are made up of two individuals who have various differences.
You don’t always have to be exactly the same as your partner; if you two bring the same things to the table, then neither of you will grow as much in each other’s presence.
Having a partner who brings the pieces that you lack gives you the opportunity to become better than ever before.
11) He Inspires and Encourages You
The perfect man is someone who sees what’s great in you and raises you even higher; and of course, you do the same for him.
It’s someone who realizes that your successes and achievements are also in some way his, and wants to help you become the best version of yourself you can be.
So he encourages you, pushes you, and inspires you.
He does it both actively and passively; passively inspiring you with his own actions and how he lives his own life, and actively inspiring you by engaging with you about your goals and dreams, and telling you to reach higher every time.
He loves seeing you succeed, simply because he’s totally in love with you.
12) He Has His Own Hobbies and Personal Life
You don’t want a man who has nothing going on aside from work and his relationship with you.
The perfect man also knows how to build a healthy life for himself, so he’ll never feel the need to become too obsessive or overwhelming on his partner.
This means he has his own hobbies that allow him to grow and explore his creativity and passions.
The perfect man also has a healthy personal life.
He needs to be someone who knows how to keep platonic relationships with other people, how to interact with the communities around him, and how to be a healthy part of other people’s lives.
All of these show that he’s the perfect partner to build your life with because he has what it takes to keep things going long-term.
If you really want to make sure you meet the perfect guy, then I think it’s important to learn how to trigger his hero instinct.
I touched on the hero instinct earlier – it’s the perfect remedy to make your man the perfect guy.
Because once a man’s hero instinct is triggered, he’ll only have eyes for you. You’ll reach a part of him that no woman has ever managed to reach before.
And in return, he’ll be compelled to commit to you and love you like he’s never loved another woman.
So if you’re ready to take that plunge and reach new heights in your relationship, make sure to check out relationship expert James Bauer’s invaluable advice.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.