After years of jumping from man to man and never making it through the ‘honeymoon’ period of a relationship, I finally worked out how to find a man ready for commitment with this inspiring hack.
Let’s back track a little.
For those of you who don’t know me, my name’s Tina Fey. To put it simply, I was serial single girl, with the odd short-term relationship thrown into the mix for good measure.
I had no problem landing myself in a relationship. I didn’t lack the confidence, or the sass, required to draw a man in and hook him from the get go.
You could almost consider it a ‘superpower’ of mine.
Albeit a very fleeting one.
We just never seemed to make it through that honeymoon period before the relationship naturally phased out. You know how it is, you meet a guy, hook him in, and the butterflies start.
But, as the weeks goes on, it turns stale.
The lust that you both felt at the outset has strayed, and his eyes are now wandering to other women.
The spark gets put out as quickly as it was set, and before you know it, you’re single once again.
Well, that’s how it was for me.
I found it so frustrating, I would actually make the choice to be single most of the time. It was easier that way.
I figured, why should I continue to get my hopes up with each new relationship, when I could already predict exactly how it was going to end.
I didn’t get it…
All my friends seemed to have no issues holding onto a guy. That spark just seemed to grow and grow while I sat there furiously rubbing two sticks together just longing to get that spark back myself.
Nothing ever worked… until it did.
Everything changed the day I met Tom.
I – once again – hadn’t been in a relationship for a while and was ready to give it another shot.
I had learned not to get my hopes up, as a bit of a coping mechanism. After all, there’s only so many times you can be burned in love before it gets to you.
Tom… well, Tom was different.
As we got to know each other, I felt myself falling so hard and fast I became absolutely petrified of losing him.
I already knew, he was ‘The One’.
Not the one for right now.
Not the one for the next few weeks.
The one, for good.
And I had no idea how to hold onto him and make sure this relationship was the one that lasts. I was so scared he didn’t feel the same way about me.
Every time we went out, I watched for his wandering eyes, and counted down the days until he walked away.
I was living on cloud 9… but still sh*ting myself
That morning, I had one of those perfect dates with Tom.
We met by the beach and took a stroll. It was literally like something out of the movies. As we wandered, happy enough to be silent in each other’s presence, I couldn’t help but notice other couples around us.
A million questions started running through my head…
- What makes their relationship work?
- Are they doing things differently to us?
- Should I be doing something different too just to make sure Tom sticks around?
Then, completely caught off guard I watched as a huge wave rolled in. Thankfully, we were far enough up the beach to avoid the full impact, but others weren’t as lucky.
I saw one guy, completely disregard his own safety to sweep his girl off her feet so she avoided any of the impact of the wave.
It was completely and utterly magical – and nothing I had ever experience in a relationship of my own before.
And thanks to James Bauer, I now understood what this phenomenon I had witnessed was, and just how important it was for my own relationship.
The saving grace of our relationship… was a little known ‘secret’ about men.
If you had told me a year ago that I would be relying on a ‘guy’ for relationship help, I would have laughed you the entire way out the door.
But, I’d recently stumbled upon relationship expert James Bauer. He was, quite literally, the answer to all my prayers – and his advice couldn’t have come at a better time.
He was a breath of fresh air, without a single condescending or chauvinistic bone in his body. This guy genuinely wanted to help me and my relationship. I felt completely at ease right from the beginning.
The moment he uttered those three words in one of his free videos, my love life changed for good: the hero instinct.
Everything suddenly clicked in that moment. The reason my past relationships had failed, the reason I was so on edge with Tom, the reason I was so lost when it came to keeping a man.
This was the solution I had been looking for. The missing link in my relationships.
I now knew exactly what Tom needed from me.
He needed me to trigger his hero instinct. The same way that man had enacted his hero instinct when sweeping his girlfriend out of danger in the water. That’s what Tom needed from me.
And it was easier to do than I ever thought.
The thing is, men and women are wired differently. There’s no two ways about it.
The key to mastering a relationship comes down to really understanding what it is that men want. And it’s actually much easier than you think.
Sure, they love fast cars, beer, power and sport, but none of these things are what drive them in a relationship.
Men have a deeper biological drive to gain the respect of those around him, which is amplified in romantic relationships. Men want to protect women – the same way the guy did at the beach – and earn her love in return.
I had to put myself in Tom’s shoes. What did he want from a relationship?
The term hero instinct was first coined by James Bauer in his book His Secret Obsession.
James is a relationship psychologist who has worked with thousands of men and women to help strengthen their relationships.
By carefully studying the dynamics of his clients’ relationships and researching male psychology, James discovered what he believes is the key to a happy relationship: triggering the hero instinct in men.
But James’ teachings don’t stop there.
He dives into the different ways you can trigger that hero instinct in your man. T
he main takeaway of the hero instinct is this: Instead of making your guy feel unessential, you need to make him feel wanted and needed.
So, that’s exactly what I did. And it worked.
I’m just scratching the surface about what the hero instinct is all about, but the proof is in my relationship with Tom. I’ve never been happier. He’s never been happier…
If you’re ready to find a man you can hold onto, you need to watch James Bauer’s free hero instinct video.
I’m in my 30s now, and I finally have a lasting relationship
It didn’t take me long to trigger Tom’s hero instinct, and our relationship is forever changed.
I’m no longer sitting on edge, waiting for the day he walks away.
I’m no longer worried about how he feels about me.
I am confident and sure of our relationship and have never felt better in my entire life. I know just how committed Tom is to me.
I am no longer the girl that is permanently single with a sprinkling of short-term relationships to break that up.
I am now that girl in an enviable long-term, lasting relationship with a guy she loves, who she knows loves her back.
In fact, that’s the reason you’re currently reading this blog of mine.
With the help of James Bauer, I have finally found my feet in a relationship and found the confidence to set up my own relationship blog: Love Connection.
This is something I could never have done before. After all, how can I preach about relationships when I had never been able to hold onto one for more than a couple of weeks before?
I’m now in love with love, because there really is nothing better.
Backed by enough failed relationships, and now in a lasting one, I hope you enjoy some of the advice I have to offer on this blog.
The best part is, James’ strategies work in all stages of a relationship.
What James Bauer taught me can help women in any stage of a relationship.
- Attraction stage: while this was never an area I had trouble with, I know better understand exactly how to attract a man and get his attention in the first place.
- Dating but falling apart stage: this was my downfall and I just never understood why. I am all about practicalities and love the down to Earth and very practical advice James offers.
- Re-spark stage: remember my attempts at rubbing sticks together in order to reignite the spark in my past relationships? Well, the sticks have been thrown out the window and I now understand how to put a pair of socks on a man to keep his feet warm! (No more cold feet in relationships).
So, how did I do it?
I tried out a number of the techniques that James’ suggests, and all of them worked together in triggering the instinct in Tom. But the one I resonated with most was asking for help.
If I’m honest with you, I don’t need a hero in my life.
I never have.
I’m a strong, confident, independent woman, who has never been afraid of speaking up for herself. And I have never been afraid of letting any man in my life know I didn’t need them.
Little did I know at the time, I was jeopardizing my own relationships.
The hero instinct isn’t about me needing a man in my life to be my hero, it’s about the guy needing to be the hero for himself.
So, I made it about Tom.
- I asked him over when my sink started leaking, rather than taking a look at it myself.
- I asked for his advice when I was at a career crossroads, rather then decision-making on my own.
- I got his help when it was time to move house, rather than relying on paid professionals.
This all gave him a purpose in my life and drew us so much closer together than I’d ever hoped before. I learnt to let a guy in, and now I’m never letting go.
There are so many different ways to trigger the hero instinct in your man, it’s about finding what works for you and your relationship. And that’s likely to be a combination of things.
It’s worth diving in and giving it a shot.
No matter what stage of your relationship you’re in, this is a game changer. It’s about putting you in control of your relationships and the outcome and leaving a little less up to faith. Which for a strong, independent woman like me, is just what I needed.
We went for another walk along the beach not long after… I spent less time watching other couples and wondering what they had and we didn’t and more time looking at Tome and knowing we had everything we needed and more.
And if a huge wave was ready to come crashing over us, I knew Tom would be there to save me.
Are you ready to get your relationship to the next level? There’s nothing more freeing that being in love and knowing just how loved you are right back. To learn more about the hero instinct, check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. You’ll learn the specific words, phrases, and communication tactics you need to heighten attraction in a relationship. The video will teach you exactly how to tap into your man’s hero instinct and ultimately build a deeper and more passionate relationship with him.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
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I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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