It’s not easy to have a relationship, let alone a healthy one. It takes a lot of time and effort to make things work with your partner.
Sometimes, even the most loving relationships can become strained and one or both partners may find it difficult to get in the mood.
If your girlfriend is never in the mood, I have a few tips that might help you out!
1) Communicate with each other
Communication is key in every aspect of life, but especially love and relationships.
If your girlfriend is never in the mood, talk to her about it!
If there’s an underlying cause for her lack of interest, she might not even know about it.
It may be something as simple as stress in her life or it could be something much more serious.
If you’re not comfortable openly discussing this with her, then make an appointment with a Licensed Therapist or a Sex Therapist.
Therapists are excellent listeners and can help you and your partner sort through issues that have built up over time.
You see, you’d be surprised how often there is an issue and the other partner isn’t even aware that there is a problem in the first place!
The thing is, everyone’s sex drive is different, and so for your partner, she might not even realize anything is wrong!
Communication is truly the key here. You want to talk to her openly about it.
My tip? Try to talk about it somewhere else than the bedroom, and definitely not while you are feeling emotional, for example after she turned you down.
The last thing you want to do is say something that you don’t mean and that you will regret later on.
However, communication should really always be your first step with these things.
Who knows, maybe there is some simple reason for her lack of interest and you can work on it together!
Talking about it will make things a lot easier and you will finally know what is going on, which is a lot better than being in your own head and jumping to conclusions, believe me!
2) Talk to a relationship coach
While this article will shed light on the main ways you can deal with your girlfriend never being in the mood, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…
Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like a stagnant sex life.
Their popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are.
Why am I so confident that they can help you?
Well, after recently experiencing a tough patch in my own relationship, I reached out to them for help.
From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.
I was blown away by how kind and empathetic my coach was.
Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues you’re facing in your relationship.
3) Go on a date night
Dates are a great way to build intimacy and connection with your significant other.
If your girlfriend is never in the mood, try going on a date night.
You can get out of your normal routine and spend time together while also doing something fun and different.
Dates don’t have to be expensive or elaborate — they just have to be about you two spending time together.
Even if you can only manage a weekly date night, that’s better than nothing.
You see, especially in relationships that are long-term, we often forget about the romance and the intimacy.
We get so caught up in the daily stress and drama that we forget to take each other’s feelings into account.
It’s important to take some time for yourselves and make sure you are both happy and comfortable with each other.
A couple of things you can do on a date night include:
- going to dinner
- seeing a movie
- having a picnic
- going to a museum together
- cooking for her
- going on a walk
- take a class together
You can also try something new together like cooking or going out for a walk in nature.
Whatever you do, make sure it’s something fun and doesn’t feel like work! A good date night could make all the difference to your relationship.
You see, the reason your girlfriend is not in the mood could be as simple as that the spark has just not been there lately.
Guess what? You can get the spark back by simply spending time together doing something new or different.
It can also be a sign that you should take some time to talk things out and try to work things out.
If you are feeling stressed, frustrated and angry, then this can be a good time to talk about it.
Just remember that if you want to fix things between the two of you, you have to make the first step.
And most importantly, don’t be angry when talking to her about this – that won’t help anyone.
4) Take a break from your routines
When you’re in a relationship for a long time, things can get pretty routine.
If you go to work, come home, eat dinner, go to sleep, and wake up and do the same thing every day, you and your partner won’t ever have time to build intimacy and connection with each other.
If you have a routine, try to make time to break it. Maybe stay up later than you normally would or make time to do something different on the weekends.
Usually, even free time is often subject to routine and habits, so if you want to get your girlfriend in the mood, try something new.
Instead of plopping down in front of the tv after work, suggest something new, like a sunset walk followed by reading to each other.
Before you go to your routine Saturday Lunch, switch things up and take a little weekend-trip, instead.
You see, there are so many ways to make time and space for intimacy, that it’s not all about doing something new.
You can not only do things differently but also do the same thing in a different way.
You can go out to dinner with your girlfriend or take a hike together, but if you don’t enjoy yourself, you’ll both end up frustrated.
The thing is, when you switch up your routines, it will help you both feel more present and also more open to anything new.
All in all, that could be the clue to your problem.
5) Help her feel comfortable and safe
If your girlfriend is never in the mood, make sure that she feels safe and comfortable with you.
If she doesn’t, she’ll never be in the mood.
Make sure that your sexual interactions are always consensual.
If you ever feel like your partner isn’t comfortable, then back off.
You should also make sure that your partner feels comfortable in her surroundings, her level of privacy, and her relationship with you.
A relationship is about two people and how they feel about themselves and you should never pressure your partner into doing something sexually that makes her feel uncomfortable.
That should be common sense, but when your partner is never in the mood, try to talk to her about why that is.
More often than not, it could be that a part of her doesn’t feel safe or comfortable.
For women, if they don’t feel safe and comfortable, the spark is gone and they are not in the mood.
Now: that doesn’t necessarily mean that she doesn’t feel safe with you in particular – it could be that she had experiences in her past that scarred her and make it hard for her to get in the mood.
Talking to her openly and giving her all the freedom to tell you anything can help you understand where she is coming from and can help you make her feel safe with you!
This is a beautiful thing, you’ll get to know each other a lot better and you can give her the safety she needs.
6) Don’t take it personally if she still isn’t in the mood
Let’s say that you’ve done everything on this list and your girlfriend is still not in the mood.
Don’t take it personally. There are many reasons why your girlfriend may not want to have sex.
She may not be in the mood because she’s stressed out or because of her menstrual cycle.
She may have a condition that is making sex painful or making it difficult for her to orgasm.
She may not be in the mood because she isn’t attracted to you anymore.
You see, she may have concerns about getting pregnant and just not be interested in sex at all.
Every woman is different and every woman responds to things differently.
Your girlfriend may not be in the mood but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you or that she’s not attracted to you.
Unless you communicate with her and ask her openly, there is no way of knowing why she isn’t in the mood, and jumping to conclusions will only hurt you and make you feel bad.
So, don’t ever take something like this personally, because 9 times out of 10, it has absolutely nothing to do with you, and that one time it does, it’s also just partly about you.
Taking it personally will only make you feel bitter and resentful, which is not the energy you want to go for, here.
7) Show her you care about her health and well-being
If your girlfriend is never in the mood, it might be because she isn’t comfortable with her body.
If that’s the case, you can help her feel better about her body.
You can do this by respecting her boundaries, complimenting her on things you like about her, and voicing your appreciation of her body.
You can also show her that you care about her health and wellbeing by not making sexual jokes at her expense.
You can also stop using “fat” jokes or “ugly” jokes. If you say something that hurts your partner’s feelings, apologize.
But not just that – take good care of her in general!
Maybe take her for a massage when you notice she is super stressed, or go on a run together to find a coping mechanism for everyday struggles.
Whatever you do, taking good care of her will help you get her in the mood.
8) Don’t push her
When your girlfriend is never in the mood, it doesn’t mean that she wants to break up with you or that she’s not attracted to you.
It just means that she doesn’t want to have sex at that particular moment.
Try not to push or pressure her into having sex with you when she doesn’t want to because you’ll only make her feel like you don’t respect her boundaries.
If your partner isn’t ready to have sex with you, don’t force her to do it.
If she says no, respect her decision and don’t push her to have sex with you.
Needless to say, forcing someone into it, whether it’s your partner or not, is sexual abuse and rape – so don’t ever go there.
But I’m not necessarily talking about this extreme here.
You see, pushing partners into sex is a lot more common than you’d think, and it’s through little comments like “oh come on, please?” or “ugh, you never want to sleep with me anymore”.
The thing is, these comments will put pressure on your partner and there is a good chance she is already beating herself up for not being more sexually active, so try not to make her feel even worse.
9) For women, it starts way before the bedroom
We all know that many men have a higher sex drive than women, but that doesn’t mean that women don’t want to have sex with their partners.
Women sometimes have a lower sex drive than men because they have to work harder than men do to get aroused.
If you want to have sex with your girlfriend, make sure that she’s comfortable and safe with you first.
If she’s not comfortable with you, she won’t want to have sex with you.
Sex is more than just penetration and orgasm—it’s an intimate experience between two people.
If your girlfriend doesn’t feel safe with you or if she doesn’t feel comfortable with you, she won’t want to have sex with you.
It’s not about you not trying hard enough or it not being good enough for her — it’s about her not wanting to be in a sexual situation with you.
The best way to get your girlfriend in the mood is by being a good partner.
You can do this by being a supportive partner and listening to her.
All women want to be valued, loved, and cherished by their partners.
If you want your girlfriend to be in the mood with you, then you need to do those things for her.
If you want to have a healthy relationship with your partner, then you have to be patient with them.
You have to make sure that they’re comfortable and safe with you and that they’re ready to have sex with you. You can also take time to get to know each other better as individuals.
You see, for a woman, sex starts way before the bedroom – the way you treat her all day long, whether you flirt with her or subtly touch her, whether you do something nice for her – all those things are like foreplay.
When you focus on that, you will notice that she will be a lot more in the mood, because her needs are actually being met.
If you only turn to her and immediately want to go, it’s no surprise that she is not in the mood!
10) Try something new
You can’t expect to have the same sex life that you had when you first started dating.
If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, your sex life will get stale if you don’t add anything new to it.
Try a new position, a new sex toy, or a new fantasy.
If you’re not sure what to do, you can even ask your partner what she’s interested in trying.
If your sex life has gotten stale, you’ll know it because your girlfriend is never in the mood.
The thing is, after having been together for a while, it’s normal to not have the same desire for one another as you once did in the past.
In that case, it’s important to mix things up and keep things interesting.
Try to be really present and mindful with your girlfriend, treat it as though it is the very first time you see her body.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
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I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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