“My boyfriend isn’t my soulmate”: 12 signs he’s not the one

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Are you in a happy relationship but there is just a tiny little nagging thought at the back of your head that your boyfriend might not be your soulmate? 

You’re not alone, there are many partners out there who feel the exact same way you do. 

If you’re not sure about your boyfriend, I will tell you a few very clear signs that show that although you love him, you might not be meant for each other. 

I’ll tell you what you can best do in that situation, and to help you find the right person in the future, I will tell you all about what it feels like to really meet the one. 

12 signs your boyfriend isn’t your soulmate

We like to believe that love is enough to make any relationship work. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. 

While a relationship isn’t possible without it, love alone isn’t enough to be happy together. 

Have you noticed early on in the relationship that your boyfriend might not be your soulmate? 

Essentially, it doesn’t matter when you notice. Once you realize that your relationship doesn’t fulfill you the way a soulmate would, it’s often time to move on. 

But how do you know it’s not just a slump, and that you will sync up soon? 

These signs will tell you exactly if your relationship is gonna take a turn for the better or not: 

1) You don’t have fun together anymore 

When you think of the person you want to spend your entire life with, most people would agree they want to be with someone who can make them laugh. 

The excitement of spontaneous trips and adventures has faded, and more often than not, you spend your time together watching Netflix. 

A little disclaimer: watching Netflix with the right person can be incredibly fun, as you’ll laugh and cuddle and talk about the things you’re watching. 

I’m talking more about the “opposite ends of the couch, watching a show without interacting with each other at all” kind of Netflix. 

You might feel like there is just no common ground for shared interest or connection anymore, and you often find yourselves doing your own thing because time together isn’t fun anymore. 

If this is how you feel now, think about the situation 5 or 10 years down the line. Do you think this is gonna improve? 

2) You have no sexual chemistry anymore

Now, before we dive into this I want to mention that it is completely normal to have sexual slumps in your relationship. 

Desire is fluid, and that is more than okay. The more time you spend with each other, the more desire will dissipate, until it will come back again at some point. 

I feel like this is important to mention right now, as, with the pandemic, a lot of couples have been spending their entire time together, which has taken a toll on their sex life.  

Just because your sex life has taken a hit in recent months isn’t necessarily an indication of doom for your relationship, watch out for all the other signs, instead. 

However, if you feel like there is no sexual chemistry at all anymore, no desire or urge to be with each other, you should take a closer look at that. 

3) There is little to no communication 

I will say it again and again, communication is key for a healthy and happy relationship. 

When you are with the right partner, being able to talk about issues in the relationship will not be hard. 

Sure, it might not always be a pleasant experience, but at least your boyfriend will listen carefully and try to understand your point of view before telling you his own. 

How is your communication in your relationship? Do you find yourselves fighting a lot, yelling at each other, and getting nowhere with it? 

Healthy and happy couples fight, as well, don’t get me wrong. The difference is in how they fight. 

When you’re with your soulmate and you have strong and healthy communication, the two of you will fight in a productive way. 

When one or both of you gets too emotional, you will take a few minutes or hours of space to cool down before returning to the conversation. 

You won’t call each other names or blame your partner directly. Instead, you talk about how their actions make you feel so that they can understand your point of view. 

Does this sound like a fairytale to you? Then you probably have a clear answer on whether or not you have good communication. 

4) There is no willingness to improve the relationship 

In a relationship with your soulmate, things aren’t automatically smooth-sailing. 

That’s a very common misconception, by the way, that happy couples just work effortlessly. 

More often than not, it’s the complete opposite. Good relationships require a lot of work. 

The only difference is that with the right person, you will want to do the work, and it won’t feel like a chore. 

If your partner seems unwilling to work on improving your relationship, or if you’ve found yourself lacking the motivation, that can be a big sign that he’s just not the one. 

5) You wouldn’t choose them again 

A very potent question you can ask yourself when wondering if the person you’re with is your soulmate or not is: 

If you could go back in time, would you do it all over again and choose them? 

The answer to this question will say a lot about the state of your relationship. If you say yes, then your time together has probably been primarily happy. 

However, if the answer is no, a part of you knows that this relationship has brought you more hardship than good times. 

Soulmate or not, in a happy relationship, the answer should always be yes. 

If it’s not, there is something fundamentally wrong, and that is not the person you want to spend your life with, anyway. 

6) You want to fix them 

You wouldn’t believe the number of relationships that start solely out of the female desire to “fix” their boyfriend. 

It’s understandable, you see potential and create this dream version of him, the one that would match you perfectly. 

So now you made it your mission to slowly change your boyfriend, morphing him more and more into the version you have envisioned. 

I hope you see the issue here. We can’t change other people. As much as we like to believe otherwise, we just can’t. 

The only thing you can do in a relationship is to be your best self and inspire change through leading by example. 

But even that doesn’t always guarantee success. 

To be completely frank, if you don’t like the way your boyfriend is right now, and you’re simply staying out of the hope of changing him, you are better off leaving. 

Don’t waste your life like that. All this will do is breed resentment on both sides. 

Think about it: how would you feel if someone was obviously trying to change your nature just so you fit their ideal? 

That’s how your boyfriend feels. And you will both end up frustrated. 

7) They stress you out 

 It’s no coincidence that people say they feel at home with their soulmates

The right partner in a relationship is supposed to make you feel safe and peaceful, not anxious. 

If your partner makes you feel uncomfortable when you’re around him, chances are good he is not your soulmate. 

This also applies to when problems arise. Instead of helping you calm down so you can find a solution together, they just rile you up more, sending you down a spiral of anxiety. 

Being a team means having the ability to tackle problems together. 

Sure, if something truly upsetting comes up, it’s normal that you might both feel stressed out, but that’s an exception. 

On a daily basis, they should feel like your safe space, a person you can relax and be yourself with. 

8) There are trust issues 

If you feel like you just can’t trust your partner, that is a big red flag in relationships. 

Especially when they have proven that you can’t trust them by lying and/or cheating. 

I want to mention here that a partner cheating is not necessarily a sign that the relationship is doomed. It is possible to rebuild trust, but it will require a lot of work. 

If that has been a recent experience for you it is totally normal to have a few trust issues with your partner. Rebuilding trust takes time. 

As long as you can openly communicate with him about it and you can find solutions to make you feel safe together, this can be overcome. 

In case your partner repeatedly lies and cheats, it’s an entirely different story. 

This is a big sign to run for the hills, he is not your soulmate. 

One thing to mention here is, if you feel like there are big trust issues you have with your partner even though he hasn’t given you any reason for it, there might be something on your end you should shed some light on. 

Inherent trust issues can stem from the trauma of either past relationships or even all the way back from childhood. 

In that case, a changing of partners will not alleviate these issues. There is something you need to work through, and it might help to seek out support from a therapist

9) You have the desire to be with someone else 

Do you often find yourself fantasizing about being in a different relationship with someone else? 

Or when you see someone attractive on the street, your mind immediately wanders off to the possibility of being with them? 

This can be a sign that your current partner is not a soulmate. 

Now don’t get me wrong, it is completely normal to find other people attractive, even fantasizing about someone else from time to time. 

However, if this behavior becomes an almost constant state, that’s when the alarm bells should start to ring. 

If that’s the case for you, there is a good chance that the relationship you are in currently isn’t right for you anymore. 

10) You don’t like being around him 

Another sign that your partner is not your soulmate, is if you often make plans without giving a second thought to your partner. 

You don’t include them in the plan and don’t even really want them to participate, really. 

It’s probably easy to guess that this is not a good sign. 

Sure, alone time is important, and so is spending time with your friends or family, but if you constantly choose solitude or other people’s company over your boyfriend, that’s a red flag. 

In a happy relationship, the individuals enjoy spending time alone or being with friends from time to time, but their partner is still their first choice. 

Once this feeling is gone, it can be a sign that your boyfriend is not the one for you. 

Tying in with this, you don’t miss him when he’s gone. 

Again, needing some alone time every once in a while is completely normal, but once you start relishing the time without them, even feeling relieved, that’s a very bad sign. 

Normally, after a bit of time apart, either alone or with others, a happy couple will start missing their significant other’s presence. 

11) Your core values don’t align 

In order to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship with someone, there is one thing that is crucial: 

Your core values need to align. 

Your core values are the things that are most important to you in life, as well as the aspirations you have for the future. 

For example, you want to have a family and settle down somewhere in the countryside, while your boyfriend wants you both to work in a big city so you can make lots of money. 

When your core values and goals don’t align, a future together does not look very bright. 

On the contrary, it means either one of you is gonna have to give up on their core values, or you compromise and both end up unhappy. 

Neither of these options sounds appealing, does it? 

If you know that your values don’t match your boyfriend’s, he’s not your soulmate and both of you will be better off ending things. 

12) You’re not your best self with him 

A soulmate is a person that helps you bring out the best in yourself. 

This means they don’t trigger emotions like insecurity, anxiety, jealousy, and anger on a daily basis. 

When you feel like once you’re with them, you don’t act like yourself anymore, that can be a red flag. 

On top of that, your soulmate will always support you to push yourself and reach your goals. 

If, on the other hand, your partner feels threatened by your success, not wanting you to improve, that’s a big no-no. 

I’m not kidding, I have a friend whose ex didn’t want her to lose weight when she was overweight. 

Every time she worked out or made a healthy decision, he got mad at her. 

In reality, he was very insecure and thought that once she lost weight she might be more confident and leave him. 

Obviously,  he was not her soulmate, and she has been blooming up ever since she became single. 

If you feel similar, your boyfriend is definitely not the one for you. 

Many of these signs are true, what now? 

If you’ve read through this and recognized your own relationship in a lot of these points, I hate to break it to you, but your boyfriend is not your soulmate. 

It is possible to have a happy relationship with someone who isn’t your soulmate, but when many of the signs I mentioned are true, your relationship might not be the healthiest. 

I will not tell you what to do, but sometimes breaking up is the best choice for both individuals. 

Chances are if you aren’t happy, your boyfriend isn’t, either. 

It might be the best option for you to go your separate ways so you both have the opportunity to meet someone who truly makes you happy. 

How do I know if I have found my soulmate? 

If you’ve decided to break things off, you might be wondering how to avoid making the same mistake again and being with someone who isn’t right for you. 

I will not go into great detail here, that’ll be for another post, but I will tell you a few signs that you have found your soulmate: 

He is your best friend 

The best relationships are the ones where your partner is simultaneously your best friend. 

You love spending time with him, you have tons of fun together, and he’s the first person you go to when you have big news. 

Life just feels beautiful with him. Living together feels like having a sleepover party every single night. 

You feel calm with him 

Remember when we talked about your partner making you feel safe earlier? 

With your soulmate, there is always a sense of calm in your heart when you’re together. 

He can calm you down when you’re upset and vice versa. You are a team and tackle problems accordingly. 

There is mutual respect

Respect is a huge pillar in healthy relationships. Your significant other should admire and respect you. 

This means taking you seriously, regarding your feelings, appreciating you, and treating you right. 

Of course, this goes both ways. 

You just click 

Sometimes, it’s hard to explain what meeting your soulmate is like. Something just clicks with you two. 

You balance each other out. Soulmates are not identical in all their strengths, interests, and backgrounds. 

On the contrary, you might be quite different in some ways, but that only makes you stronger, as you can balance out each other’s weaknesses. 

Together, you’re an unbeatable team and your soulmate helps you open your eyes and mind to new horizons, expanding your reality. 

Your life goals align 

We talked about core values, and it’s very important to note that with your soulmate, your values and life goals line up. 

Your dreams don’t need to be identical, but they should be similar, and most importantly, compatible. 

You understand each other 

With your soulmate, communication is open and honest. You understand each other, and you know their needs and how to meet them. 

You also know their emotional and love languages and act accordingly. 

Talking about everything is normal for you and it helps you form a stronger bond. 

You can be yourself 

This one is probably the most important. You will know you have found your soulmate when you can be completely and unapologetically yourself around them. 

Why waste time with someone you have to pretend around? 

Your soulmate will love you for who you are, with all your flaws, quirks, secrets, and imperfections. 

In fact, these things will make them love you even more because they are what makes you YOU. 

Good luck with finding the one! 

It can be hard to part ways with someone, but if you truly know that your boyfriend is not your soulmate, you two are better off separating. 

I know, it’s scary feeling like you will never find your soulmate, but that is simply not true. 

Everybody has soulmates out there, and you will find yours sooner or later! 

And when you do, you will be so glad you didn’t settle for anything less. 

You deserve to be happy in your relationship, and if a lot of the signs I mentioned in this article apply to you, you probably aren’t. 

Instead of feeling like your relationship is “good enough”, remember that you weren’t meant to settle for “good enough”. 

You came here for a mind-blowing, fulfilling, joyful relationship that is full of unconditional love. 

Everybody deserves a love like that, so go and claim yours! 

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.