If you’ve ever been in a relationship, you might be familiar with that feeling of insecurity from time to time.
Even the strongest and most trusting couples experience moments of doubt when it comes to their partner’s loyalty.
Do you feel like your boyfriend is too close to his male friend?
Here are some tips on how to deal with that:
1) Communicate your feelings
If you feel jealous, you should talk about it.
Try not to suppress your feelings, because they will only come back to haunt you later.
It is completely normal to feel a little jealous every now and then — but if you notice that your feelings are getting out of control, try to bring them back to normal by communicating.
If you see your boyfriend spending too much time with one of his male friends, you might feel jealous, which is a completely normal feeling.
Communicate this to your boyfriend, and explain why you feel this way.
Be honest about your feelings — otherwise, they will just grow.
This doesn’t mean you should tell him that he can’t hang out with his friend anymore.
Just that you would like to spend more time with him and less time with this friend.
Now: if you feel like your boyfriend seems a bit too intimate with his male friend, it might feel embarrassing to bring that up right away.
The thing is, with your partner, nothing should be too embarrassing to talk about.
If your connection is strong, you will be able to ask him about that without feeling embarrassed.
Now: if nothing is going on, your boyfriend will most likely just laugh it off and you can talk about it openly.
Maybe there is something going on, at which point your boyfriend will have the chance to tell you about his feelings and you can talk about solutions that will work for both of you.
Communication is really the first thing you should resort to when something like this happens.
You see, if you don’t talk about it, you will most likely feel more insecure, which is the last thing you want.
And the worst part?
Your boyfriend might be completely oblivious to your concerns! So, talk about it in order to be on the same page.
2) Set healthy boundaries
Jealousy is often a sign that you need to set some healthy boundaries in your relationship.
If you feel like your boyfriend is spending too much time with his male friend, try to negotiate a more appropriate amount of time with him.
If you and your partner live together, try to come to an agreement on how much time your partner can spend with his friend at home without imposing on your privacy.
If you are in a relationship, you should always be able to impose a boundary on your partner, even if you have been together for a long time.
Now: if you feel like he is being too intimate with his male friend, you can also set boundaries in that regard.
You can let him know that it makes you uncomfortable when he is that physically close with his friend.
Now: if you feel like he is being too distant with you, it might be a good time to set boundaries and make sure that both of you are on the same page.
Think about it: you wouldn’t feel strange setting a boundary if it was about a female friend, right?
It would be totally legitimate to not want your boyfriend to be physically close with her, so there really isn’t much difference with male friends if they make you uncomfortable!
The important thing about boundaries is that you need to be clear about them and let your partner know how their behavior is affecting you.
3) Ask a relationship coach for advice
While this article will shed light on the main things you can do if your boyfriend is too close to his male friend, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
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4) Find a way to feel good about yourself
Sometimes, if you feel like your boyfriend is spending too much time with his male friend, it is because you feel like you aren’t good enough for him.
You might be comparing yourself to this friend, and you are feeling like you are lacking in some way.
If you want to get rid of your feelings of jealousy, you need to find a way to feel good about yourself.
Sit down and make a list of your positive qualities, and try to focus on these things.
You see, more often than not, feelings of jealousy have nothing to do with your partner’s behavior (unless they are truly cheating on you, of course), and have more to do with the relationship you have with yourself.
I know it can be hard to feel good about yourself, but it’s important for your self-esteem.
If you want to get rid of your feelings of jealousy, it starts with feeling good about yourself.
Maybe treat yourself to a new outfit or get your hair done.
Little changes can already help you feel more confident and can make you feel better about yourself.
5) Don’t ignore your gut feeling
If you are feeling jealous, you shouldn’t ignore your gut feeling.
But you should also not automatically jump to conclusions and become paranoid.
There is a difference between being vigilant and being paranoid.
If your boyfriend spends too much time with one of his male friends, try to talk to him about it.
If there is nothing suspicious going on, he will explain himself.
However, if during that conversation and after, you still have a nagging feeling in your gut that he is lying and that there is something going on, don’t ignore it.
You see, your intuition is stronger than you think.
If it’s telling you that something is not right, trust your gut and listen to it.
You can talk to your boyfriend about it again and see if anything is different now.
6) Don’t be jealous or angry right away
If your boyfriend spends too much time with one of his male friends, try to ask yourself why you are feeling jealous.
If you are feeling jealous because you think your boyfriend is cheating on you, you should try to calm down and think rationally.
There are lots of different reasons why your boyfriend might be spending too much time with one of his friends.
Maybe he is trying to find a new friend, and he just doesn’t have many friends in this new city.
Or maybe it’s an old friend who he has known all his life, and they are simply used to being close, physically and emotionally.
You should try to be patient and understanding, because you might be jumping to conclusions. If you start being jealous and angry right away, it will make your relationship much worse.
You see, yelling at him or accusing him of cheating, will only make him more distant and give you less respect.
Instead, take some time to assess all the facts and talk to your boyfriend when you feel calm and relaxed.
This will be your best chance of finding out what is going on.
You can always talk to him again if you feel that you need to, but don’t be afraid to give him some space, he will come back much more relaxed and willing to talk things out.
7) Take time to care for yourself
If your boyfriend spends too much time with one of his male friends, it is possible that you are just feeling jealous.
It might be that you are feeling pressured by your partner to spend more time with him, but you don’t want to.
If you feel like your boyfriend is spending too much time with one of his friends, it might be a sign that you need to spend more time on yourself.
If you spend all your time trying to please your partner, you will lose yourself.
Try to find time for yourself, so you don’t feel like you are just a tool used to please your significant other.
You see, taking time to care for yourself will help you to remember that you are worthy of love and attention.
If you don’t feel like you deserve to be loved, you won’t be able to communicate your feelings and needs, and this will make your relationship worse.
As long as your boyfriend is not cheating on you, take care of yourself, and try to spend some time doing things that make you happy every now and then.
This will help you to gain some self-respect and confidence.
When you are confident, you might see the situation with completely different eyes.
And if things are still suspicious, you can calmly discuss that with your boyfriend.
8) Find out whether you are projecting your insecurities
Are you feeling jealous because you think your boyfriend is cheating on you, or are you just projecting your own insecurities onto your relationship?
If you feel like your boyfriend is spending too much time with one of his male friends, try to talk to him about it.
If you want to know whether your boyfriend’s relationship with his male friend is purely platonic, you can always ask him.
Ask him if he sees this friend a lot because he is lonely, or because he wants to cheat on you.
If he just wants to be friends with his friend, he will probably explain himself.
You see, sometimes, we project our insecurities on our relationships and it will fester into jealousy.
You don’t have to be jealous of someone who is just a friend. You see, when we don’t feel like we deserve to be loved, we often look for the perfect person to make us feel better.
And if the person we are projecting our insecurities onto is our partner, this can make us very angry and jealous.
So, try not to project your insecurities on your boyfriend or his friends.
If he does find a new male friend that he spends a lot of time with, try not to take it personally and let him know that you are not jealous.
This could happen when you feel insecure about yourself, or if there have been issues in your relationship that make you feel as though you might break up soon.
This insecurity can really make you feel threatened.
9) Try not to be possessive
If your boyfriend spends too much time with one of his male friends, try not to be possessive.
If you are spending too much time with your friend, he will definitely let you know.
If you are being possessive of your partner and trying to control the amount of time he spends with his friend, then you are definitely doing something wrong.
If you are in a relationship, you should always be respectful of your partner’s time.
You should never try to control your partner because this will make your relationship much worse.
Trust me, being possessive will only push your boyfriend further away from you.
Your boyfriend will feel as though you are trying to control him and he will feel as though he is being forced into a relationship that he doesn’t want.
This will make him feel like a slave and it is not healthy for any relationship.
10) If your boundaries keep being overstepped, leave
If your partner keeps overstepping your boundaries and you feel like you can’t get him to respect you, you might want to consider leaving the relationship.
No one should ever make you feel like you aren’t good enough for them.
If your partner keeps imposing on your time and energy, and you are feeling like you can’t get him to respect you, you might want to leave the relationship.
Remember that you deserve to be treated well. If your significant other keeps violating your boundaries, you should break up with him as soon as possible.
You see, maybe you asked him not to be physically close to his friend anymore, and he promised, but did it again and again.
This is when trust slowly starts to disintegrate and you need to think about ending things.
11) Don’t immediately jump to conclusions
If your significant other spends too much time with one of his male friends, you might instantly jump to the conclusion that he’s cheating on you.
There could be a completely innocent explanation for why he is spending so much time with his friend.
You might have a friend who you spend a lot of time with, but that doesn’t mean you are cheating on your significant other.
If you want to know whether your boyfriend’s relationship with his male friend is purely platonic, you can always ask him.
I know, that when you notice them being physically close, it is hard not to lose your temper and jump to conclusions, but often, something completely innocent might be the cause of your suspicions.
You should always think before you jump to conclusions.
If you don’t know what the actual cause of your suspicions is, it won’t help your relationship.
The best thing to do is to take a step back and think about why you feel the way that you do.
Maybe he wasn’t spending enough time with you, or maybe he was spending too much time with his friend and you had a bad day at work and took it out on him?
I know it can be hard to stay calm when someone does something that makes you uncomfortable, but if you take a step back and think about it, there might be an innocent explanation for your suspicions.
Trust me, calming down a bit before confronting your boyfriend will also do both of you a favor.
You see, attacking him because you feel triggered will not help you out – it will make him feel defensive and it might make you feel bad, too.
You might say things you will regret later, so it’s better to take a step back and think about the situation.
Instead, take some time to calm down and then talk to your boyfriend about it in private.
Before you jump to conclusions, take a second and think about whether or not you might be overreacting.
Sometimes, we project our feelings onto other people.
If not, try communicating with your partner first and foremost.
Tell him your boundaries and let him know how his behavior is making you feel.
If nothing works, you might need to leave.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
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