Your gut feeling says he’s cheating but you don’t want to confront him without clear proof.
Not only will it put a strain on your relationship, accusing him without proof would make him a better liar if he’s indeed cheating.
Find out how many of these cheating behaviors he exhibits and what you should do when they happen.
1) He suddenly has new interests
He’s always been into metal and punk, then all of a sudden he’s listening to jazz day in and day out?
He’s not a bookworm (the last time you saw him reading was five years ago) but he’s now reading through books so intently that he’s burning holes in the paper with his eyes?
He doesn’t care about climate change but he’s now watching videos about it on Youtube?
It’s like you’re now with a totally different person!
What to do:
All of these things might trigger your suspicions, but keep in mind that people are not static and unchanging. It could be that he simply wants to try something new for his own pleasure and growth.
It could also be that a friend or something he had seen on the news opened his eyes to these things that he’s been neglected until now.
It only has weight if you also notice other signs of cheating so just take note of this for now.
2) He suddenly cares so much about his looks
Throughout your relationship, he never wears a cologne but all of a sudden, he now wears one.
He probably just likes to reinvent himself and be more attractive but if you see a total makeover right before your eyes, maybe he’s experiencing some sort of midlife crisis, or yep, he’s trying to impress someone…someone who’s not you.
What to do:
Again, don’t make a fuss about it but do take note when it happens because it could be a clue WHEN he’s meeting the other woman if he’s indeed cheating. Use this clue to your advantage.
3) His privacy is now a thing he cares about
You can easily access his phone and laptop before but then, all of a sudden, everything is locked. They’re now off-limits to you.
It could be a sign that he’s cheating online.
Unless he’s planning a surprise for you, he’s probably trying to keep something from you.
What to do:
You don’t want to be a crazy girlfriend. You’re much better than that!
Do NOT hack his account. However, if there’s something that you both share online—say, you have access to his Instagram because he never cared before—then you can do your investigation there.
4) He goes out for weird reasons
You’ve been with your man for a while now so you know his habits. You can predict what he does when he goes out and you can also predict the time he goes home.
But things are changing. He says he’ll pick something up or some other vague reason and when you ask for details, he seems to give very vague replies. When you pried more, he gets defensive and says something like “Can I not go out anymore?”
You know him to the core so you know when there’s something off with his usual routine.
What to do:
Get creative and well…a little sneaky.
If he says he needs to be somewhere, tell him you’ll go with him because you’re going somewhere nearby too (for groceries or what other reason). See how he reacts. If he gets a little nervous, maybe he’s doing something you’re not supposed to know.
5) He is not in tune with how you feel
He used to be intuitive to your feelings. When you feel slightly annoyed, he can detect it. When you’re sad, he feels it.
But lately, he’s lost this capability. He cannot sense how you feel as strongly as before.
Maybe he’s going through something or maybe he’s losing interest in you and is now “in tune” with someone else.
What to do:
Tell him you feel it but don’t ever say you think he’s cheating.
Maybe ask him if something is bothering him. Who knows, maybe it will make him open up something that could erase your suspicion that he’s cheating. If he says he’s fine, simply tell him straight that you miss the old times. See if things improve.
6) He seems to be floating
There’s this faraway look in his eyes and a silly smile on his lips that you just find uncanny.
You may come at him looking obviously upset, but he just can’t read you anymore and seems to think you’re happy, or hungry
He’s floating. His body may be there, but his mind is in an entirely different place and time. You could swear that he’s high on something, and it’s definitely not drugs.
What to do:
It’s better not to jump to conclusions. Maybe he’s just not himself lately.
But do try to ask him what’s up because he might actually be going through something. Or, you know, sometimes men are just like that. Maybe he’s become comfortable in your relationship and he’s actually just thinking about pizza.
7) His friends seem to keep something from you
When you’re with his buddies, the air seems strange. They get a bit silent, a bit awkward when you’re around. It’s as if your presence is not as welcome as before.
They probably know a secret about your boyfriend and they feel slightly guilty and they just don’t know how to act around you. It’s a little fake and uncomfortable for them.
What to do:
There is really nothing much you can do about this except to pretend things are alright.
The last thing you want to do is create a scene with his friends. If it turns out you’re just paranoid, it would be truly uncomfortable for all of you after. If it turns out you’re right, catching them like their criminals won’t do you any good.
8) He’s more irritable than usual
Small things annoy him now but what’s worse is that he’s more irritable towards you.
He rolls his eyes when you take too long to order your food at a restaurant. He snaps at you for asking certain questions. He gets annoyed that you use his towel.
These things used to annoy him before, but in a cute, loving way. You might have tested his patience, or left him sighing, but you’re still a team and you’d be confident that he doesn’t really mind.
But now? It’s as if he’s really annoyed at you to the core and you start to wonder if he truly loves you.
What to do:
Try to think about when he’s become more irritable. Was there a big change in him or the people surrounding him at that time? Did you get into an argument of some kind?
Again, keep track of these signs but don’t throw accusations just yet. For now, ask him if there’s anything wrong, and make sure you’re asking to understand.
9) He’s detached
You tell him about your bad day at work and he just shrugs and grunts. Still forgivable, right?
After all, there comes a point where we honestly become tired of our partner complaining about work or whatever else might be going through their lives.
But when you tell him that your parents are going to get divorced, and all you get is a short and almost clinically polite reaction, you have a reason to be wary. After all, not caring for big, serious events like that when they happen to one’s partner is a sign that there’s something very wrong going on.
What happened? It’s as if he’s stopped loving you.
What to do:
You might be tempted to think that maybe it’s because he’s found someone new. But it could also be that he is going through his own troubles and he just couldn’t handle worrying about your problems on top of his own.
Either way, it’s a good opportunity to open up to him about how you feel but no matter what you do, don’t ask him if there’s another woman just because of this incident.
10) He is not as clingy as he used to be
You used to be joined at the hip but now you notice him slowly detaching from you. But now he’s been shutting you off, and when you try to ask if you can join him in whatever he’s doing he’d snap and say “Can’t I do my own thing? Is it forbidden?”
And when you’re apart, he’s been messaging you less and less often. Not only that, the messages you do get from him are much shorter and terser…almost businesslike.
What to do:
Try to pay close attention to how he acts around you and around other people—does he now do that old clinging routine with someone else, or does he seem to be equally distant towards everyone?
Ask him why he’s no longer so eager to be by your side, and tell him you miss how things used to be. Note this down as one of the top signs of cheating but again, it’s not enough to point your finger at him.
11) He goes home late
He used to come home on time because he hates work. He used to complain that every second he spent sitting in the office and minding his work is torture, and he would rather spend his time by your side.
But now, he goes home much later than usual. It’s almost like his priorities have shifted and now he wants to spend as much time at work as he can.
Bonus points if he says he has new friends at the office and one of them is a girl. It makes it all the more likely that he is cheating with a coworker!
What to do:
There’s nothing much you can do but to stay calm and take him on his word. But keep your friends close and your enemies closer. It would help to be connected with his friends and colleagues, next time there’s an opportunity.
While suddenly being obsessed with work by itself isn’t enough to condemn him, but if you see this together with the other signs on this list, be wary.
12) You don’t feel like a princess anymore
He used to do things and say things that would sweep you off your feet. Perhaps you’d wake up to see a rose tucked into a vase by your bedside every month.
These days though, he doesn’t seem to be putting in any effort AT ALL!
It feels like you’re just a friend now, and not the most special girl in his life. You haven’t seen roses by your bedside for almost a year now.
Sure relationships go stale after a while but when you give it some thought, you could swear it’s not just that. Something has changed, and you don’t know what, or why.
What to do:
Try to think about when his treatment of you changed. Did it happen after you had a big argument? Was it after he went out of town for a week?
Ask him why he’s changed. You will know a genuine answer when you hear one.
13) His hugs and kisses are just different
His kisses, once warm and passionate, are now quick and cold. And when you hug him, he’s just so stiff that it almost feels like you’re not really welcome in his arms anymore.
Gone are the playful slaps to your bum or the laugh and smile that once adorned his face when you kissed.
It now feels like kissing and cuddling are no longer things he wants to do, but obligations that he has to suffer through.
And when you look him in the eyes, there’s just a certain distance there that you could swear that he’s not really there with you. It’s like he’s thinking of something—or someone—else instead.
What to do:
Before you accuse him of cheating on you, take a deep breath and take a step back. Ask him about it and tell him that you’ll listen to anything he has to say.
Pay attention to his answers and how evasive he is. Again, the way he answers questions like these could give a clue if he’s cheating or not.
14) He declines sex
It doesn’t matter how hard you try to dress up in sexy clothing, or how enticing you try to be. You try to turn him on, yet he keeps turning you down. It has been a long while—weeks, or even months—since you last made love.
It stings. His turning down something as personal and intimate as sex is alarming, especially if the two of you used to be all over each other all the time.
But while cheating is one very big reason why things like these happen, it’s not the only one. There are so many reasons why men turn down sex. Don’t just come to conclusions if this is the only major sign you’ve noticed.
What to do:
You have every right to ask. This won’t make you overbearing. Ask him why he’s been refusing to have sex with you, and try to see things from his point of view. Has he been stressed lately? Depressed?
As upset as you might be, try to hold back any biting words you might have to throw at him. Sex is a very sensitive topic, especially to men.
15) He seems to be going through a crisis
He’s surrounded by nervous energy so thick you can cut it with a knife. There’s something obviously troubling him, and it seems to get worse when you’re around.
You can’t even figure him out—he goes hot and cold. His words seem so disorganized and disjointed that it feels like there’s just something he couldn’t find the words to tell you.
What to do:
People go through crises all the time, and before assuming malice it’s best to sit down and have a talk with him.
Express your concern about his mental state, and ask him what’s wrong and what—if any—you can do to help. It could be that he’s cheating with you, but it could also be because he’s about to be fired or he just had a fight with his best friends.
How to confront your boyfriend when you strongly feel he’s cheating on you
Let’s say that you’ve ticked 10 out of the 15 signs above. Then, you really have to have a serious conversation with him to save your relationship.
You can’t have this strong suspicion and keep on living like you’re alright. It will slowly break you and your relationship the longer you keep it to yourself.
Here are the things you need to do:
1) Be calm. This is the hardest part. Trust that everything happens for a reason, and while sometimes that reason coincides with our worst fears, they often don’t. Panicking or getting angry over assumptions will not help you one bit.
They can even destroy your relationship if it ever turns out that he hasn’t been cheating on you, because that tells him that you don’t trust him at all.
2) Gather all evidence. Take note of the stuff listed above and try to be objective.
Don’t rush, or else you’ll end up making the situation worse. You need at least one strong piece of evidence—and even then, you’ll want more. The more evidence you have, the better.
3) Ask yourself what you want. If, all things considered, you conclude that he has been cheating on you, sit down and ask yourself some questions.
What do you want? Would you still want to be in your relationship even if he will confess that he’s cheating? At this point it’s no longer about catching the criminal in the act, but on what you want to do for yourself.
Focus on you.
Forget him for a moment. Detach. Zoom out and assess the situation, assess your life.
You need a lot of introspection to figure out if you still really want him to be part of your future. This kind of dilemma isn’t easy to deal with but nothing in life ever is.
4) Have a sit-down talk with him. Find a good time to sit down and have a talk with him. I know it’s tough but try to make sure you’re not emotional.
Tell him how you feel, what you discovered. Let him explain himself without judgment.
After all the dirty laundry has been laid bare, talk about what you want to do with the relationship, and then ask him what he wants to do moving forward.
If you both decide to break up, then that’s that. If you have been sharing an apartment, belongings, or even funds, then it’s time for you to talk over how to deal with those.
If one of you wants to break up while the other wants to keep going, you will probably be best off breaking up nonetheless. But if you must stay together, hiring a counselor would be very strongly recommended.
Having a professional try to keep things under control, mediate between the two of you, and work with you will help improve your chances of settling on a compromise that satisfies everyone involved.
5) Start healing. Whether he’s cheating on you or not, something surely must have changed for your relationship to reach this point.
If you decide to stay together, you will have to learn how to trust each other again. If you really just love him so much that you’d rather fix the relationship, then you should try to look upon how to get over being cheated and stay together. It won’t be easy, but if you really think it’s worth it, and he’s willing to change and put in the work, nothing is impossible.
It’s incredibly painful to be in a relationship where you just can’t help but suspect that your partner’s cheating on you.
It’s even more painful when your suspicions are confirmed. And even if he’s not cheating on you, something has gone wrong in your relationship for you to continue feeling this way.
Your relationship is going through a lot of changes—and it may be because of cheating or something else. With the right mindset and gentle approach, you can conquer anything.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.