“My boyfriend doesn’t talk to me like he used to” – 15 tips if this is you

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Have you recently realized that the way your boyfriend talks to you has changed?

If so, you might feel like your relationship is going downhill. 

If he doesn’t talk to you like he used to anymore, chances are that things are just not the same anymore. And this red flag might make you wonder how you can return to the old communication style with your boyfriend.

In the article, we’ll cover 15 tips on what you should do if your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you like he used to.

1) Ask him what’s going on

Okay, you feel desperate about the fact that he doesn’t tell you things anymore.

But, the last thing you want to do is to ask him what’s going on or start a big fight, right?

I get that sometimes it might be hard to start a conversation. Especially if you’re not sure what to say, or if he’s just not in the mood to talk.

But how can you understand why your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you like he used to if you don’t ask him what’s going on?

That’s why you should always try to ask him what’s wrong.

If he’s not in the mood to talk, or if it’s a sensitive topic, he might just not want to talk about it.

But at least, you’ll let him know that you notice something has changed between you too.

And if he wants to be honest with you, he might open up and tell you everything that bothers him about your relationship.

So, the next time you feel like your relationship is going downhill, just ask him how he feels about you.

Ask him if he is happy with the way things are going in your relationship.

If he does not answer your question about why he no longer talks to you like he used to, then this is your chance to ask him about his happiness in other aspects of his life.

Perhaps something is going on in his life that he doesn’t want to talk about. If you ask him, he might open up to you and tell you what is going on.

However, if you don’t ask him, you’ll never know what’s going on.

Be there for him when he’s ready to open up to you. That way, you’ll make sure you’re both on the same page and you’ll be able to talk about how to get things back on track.

2) Check in with his behavior to see if it matches his words

Did you already try to ask questions and understand what’s going on with him?

If he doesn’t admit that his communication style has changed and he doesn’t talk with you like he used to, then here’s what you should do:

Check in with his behavior and try to see if it matches his words.

Does his behavior line up with his words when he says that he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore?

For example, if he says that he loves you but doesn’t hold your hand or give you cuddles anymore, you might want to take that as a sign that things have changed.

But if he says that he loves you but he doesn’t do the little things that he used to do for you, it’s most likely that he’s just not that into you anymore.

Or sometimes he might be really mad at you and tell you that he wants to do something together. But actually, it’s almost impossible to be eager to do something with people you’re mad about, right?

This means that his behavior is inconsistent with his words.

And you know what?

In this case, it’s possible that what’s going on with him is a lot more than just the things that he told you about.

Checking in with his behavior and comparing it with what he said will give you a better idea of what’s going on in your relationship and how to fix it.

So if you notice that his actions don’t match his words, there is a good chance that he doesn’t talk to you like he used to anymore.

3) Revive the inner hero in him

Have you ever noticed that feeling like a hero makes your boyfriend feel confident and happy?

The truth is that feeling like an everyday hero is something that works for all men in relationships.

Let me explain what I mean.

There’s a new theory in the relationship world that’s causing quite a stir – it’s called the hero instinct

Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept finally explains how men really think and feel in relationships. 

And it’s something most women have never even heard of. 

According to James Bauer, men don’t actually need a lot to feel content in their relationships. In fact, what they need has nothing to do with ….. 

Men have certain innate drivers. And when a woman comes along and triggers them, it causes a powerful response. The result is a man who loves harder, commits wholeheartedly, and truly dedicates himself to the relationship. 

So, how can you trigger your man’s hero instinct? 

The easiest thing to do is to watch this simple and genuine video by James Bauer

The truth is, once you understand how the hero instinct works, there’s no telling what heights your relationship can reach. 

So if you want to give your man what he truly wants from you, make sure to check out James Bauer’s excellent video. In it, he reveals the exact texts and phrases you can use straight away.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

4) Reconnect by doing something together that you both enjoy

Perhaps not surprisingly, doing something that you both enjoy can help you reconnect and heal your relationship.

Why?

Because all couples have things that they enjoy doing together.

And when you do something that you both enjoy, it’s like a little reminder that your relationship is still alive and kicking.

But even more importantly, it’s like a “confidence booster” for your man. 

And when he sees how much fun you’re having together, he’ll know that you’re still happy to be with him.

Still not convinced?

In my experience, when I’ve been in a relationship where I’ve been pushing my boyfriend away from me, the only way to get him back to me was to do something that we both enjoyed.

The best thing about doing something together is that it puts you in a very relaxed state of mind. And when you get into that relaxed state, it makes it easier for your brain to be open and receptive.

What does it mean?

If you don’t talk to your boyfriend like you used to, the best thing that you can do is reconnect with him by doing something that you both enjoy.

For example, if you’re both big fans of playing sports, go to a basketball game together. Or if you both love to go out dancing, go out on the town.

What’s important here is that you genuinely enjoy spending time together.

If you’re only doing something because you think that it will help you get back together with your boyfriend, it will come across in your actions.

So if you want to reconnect with your boyfriend and heal your relationship, try doing something that both of you enjoy together. Perhaps take him out for a coffee or have an intimate dinner at home. 

5) Help him feel understood and cared for

Have you recently stopped to consider how much your boyfriend actually cares for you?

Maybe the way he talks with you has changed but deep down, he tries to care for you and understand you.

But what about you? Do you still try to listen to him?

Maybe recently, you were too busy to make a deep emotional connection with him. The result?

He’s upset. And in this case, it’s natural that he doesn’t talk to you like he used to.

But here’s the thing:

Even if your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you like he used to anymore, you can bring the relationship back to where it was by helping him feel understood and cared for.

For example, if your boyfriend is going through something difficult, like a death in the family or a stressful work situation, he might not talk to you like he used to anymore.

But if you can help him feel understood and cared for by listening to him, he might be more willing to open up to you once more.

So if he is feeling neglected or unappreciated, try to help him feel understood and cared for by doing things like this:  

  • Helping him feel less stressed when he comes home from work by doing something nice for him
  • When he’s stressed out over work or his job situation, helping him feel less stressed by doing something nice for him

Being there when he feels down and depressed because of his job situation or the way that things are going in his life.

All these things will make him realize how much you care and how much you understand him. As a result, the way he communicates with you will probably change for good.

6) Communicate more often with your boyfriend

If you’re trying to reconnect with your boyfriend and heal your relationship, it would be nice if you could communicate more often with him.

Why?

Let’s get through this process.

When you communicate, you can both share things that are important to you.

For example, if he’s feeling upset because of his job situation and the way things are going in his life, he might not talk to you like he used to anymore.

But if you can help him feel understood and cared for by listening to him, he might be more willing to open up to you once more.

The simple truth is that communication is important for any relationship.

But when you don’t talk to your boyfriend like you used to, it can be really helpful to have a real, honest, sincere conversation with him.

Regardless of the problem, you should know that communication is key to maintaining the connection alive.

In fact, it’s the only way to make sure that the emotional connection between you and your partner remains the same over time.

So what should you do?

Communicate with your boyfriend more often. Have honest conversations and remember:

Communicating with your boyfriend on a regular basis can be really helpful to bring back some of the closeness you used to have with each other.

And that’s what we need to do if we want our relationship to heal naturally.

7) Talk to a professional advisor to facing the truth

Let’s be honest about your boyfriend’s different communication patterns with you.

It’s not easy to realize that something good in your relationship has changed and he doesn’t talk with you the way he used to. But it’s enough to make you want to give up on love and walk away. 

But I want to suggest a solution. You have all the tools you need to do this right now, right where you are. 

I learnt about this from the modern-day shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me how the lies we tell ourselves about love are part of what trap us in things like lost connection with your boyfriend.

As Rudá explains in this transformational free video, love is available to us if we cut through the lies that we tell ourselves. 

We need to face the facts about changes in relationships and communication styles.

The alternative is to end up in loveless relationships or endless dating frustration that only leaves us cold and empty. 

The alternative is to be sunk in stagnant codependency and completely unable to resolve things when your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you like he used to.

Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective. 

While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to improve my communication style with my partner.

If you’re done with wasting your time on love that doesn’t work, I invite you to watch this short video and open your mind to new possibilities. 

Click here to watch the free video.

8) Be patient and see if things improve on their own

If you’re done with the above steps, and you can’t notice any changes in the way your boyfriend talks with you, here’s another thing that might help.

Sometimes being patient and letting things happen on their own is enough to bring back the closeness you’ve lost.

It’s good to just be there for your partner no matter what happens.

In fact, it’s better if you can be there without any expectation of getting anything back from him. 

You need to be willing to wait for him to make the first move, and really let go of your expectations. 

I know it’s hard, but if your boyfriend has difficulties opening up, this might be the only possible option.

I know that if your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you like he used to, you might feel like you’re ready to end the relationship.

But before you go that far, you might want to be patient and see if things improve on their own.

There are a lot of things that can cause a change in your boyfriend’s behavior, so it’s important that you don’t jump to conclusions too quickly.

If your boyfriend is going through a difficult period in his life, such as a death in the family or a stressful work period, he might not talk to you like he used to.

The truth is that most relationships start slowly and often take a long time before they get going again. 

The more patience we have, the more likely it is that things will improve naturally over time.

So before you end the relationship, you might want to be patient and see if things improve on their own.

9) Make more time for each other

Believe it or not, one of the main reasons why your boyfriend may not talk to you like he used to is because you’re not spending enough time with him.

When you both have less free time, it’s more difficult to talk about things that are important to you.

Why?

Because as time goes by, you unlearn how you used to communicate or how you used to handle certain situations, and you begin to feel disconnected from each other.

When both of you have less free time, it’s more difficult to talk about things that are important to you.

So guess what?

If your boyfriend and you don’t have enough time together, it’s easy for one of you to forget to mention something important, and important things might get overlooked.

You need to be willing to spend more time with each other in order for things like this to not happen.  

That’s why it’s crucial that you schedule some time every day just for the two of you.

It doesn’t matter how much time it takes – as long as both of you can find a way to make the most of your time together.

For example, if you like to go to yoga, invite your boyfriend to come with you. Or if you like to go hiking, invite your boyfriend to go hiking with you.

This will help you both to reconnect with each other, and you’ll be able to spend more time together.

This is one of the best things that you can do to get back on track with your boyfriend since it brings you back to the basics of the relationship.

10) Encourage him to open up

If your boyfriend is still not talking to you like he used to, you might want to encourage him to open up.

As I mentioned above, sometimes it can really be difficult for both people involved when one person feels like they’re being ignored by their partner.

But you know what?

Talking to him more often might help.

You can’t let your emotions get the better of you when it comes to this matter. You need to ask him, in a calm and collected manner, what’s going on.

Why?

Because if your boyfriend is going through a difficult time in his life, it could be the reason he’s not opening up to you.

If this is the case, you should encourage him to talk about what he’s going through and how he feels.

You can do this by asking questions and listening carefully. Maybe he needs someone who will listen to him and take care of him, so that’s why he doesn’t talk to you like he used to?

When your boyfriend opens up and talks about things that are important to him, it’s easier for both of you to start talking again in a way that makes sense to both of you.

11) Don’t ignore his attempts at intimacy

Do you notice that your boyfriend is trying to initiate intimacy with you?

If you do, then you should take advantage of it.

But how is this possible?

If your boyfriend is trying to initiate intimacy with you and it’s not working out, don’t ignore that he’s trying.

Instead, ask him what he needs from you in order to feel loved and supported by you.  

You can do this by saying: “I want to support and love you, but I need to know what it is that I can do for you.”  

Now you are probably wondering how this can work.

Well, if he’s trying to initiate intimacy but his efforts are going unnoticed in the midst of all the other stuff going on in your life, there’s a good chance he wants more than just //// from you.

And there’s a good chance he’s trying to tell you something important by initiating these efforts at intimacy – even if he can’t quite put his finger on what it is yet.

If this is the case, then don’t ignore his attempts at intimacy!

It will make things worse if you do so because it will make him feel like he has no choice but to push harder for what he wants from you. And once this happens, it won’t be long until he starts to talk with you the way he always used to.

12) Don’t jump to conclusions

One more important thing that you should try to understand is jumping to conclusions right away when you realize that your boyfriend doesn’t talk to you like he used to.

Of course, you might be afraid that your boyfriend is cheating on you and wants to end your relationship.

But the fact is that it’s hard for someone to cheat on someone they love, especially when they are not in a good place in their relationship.

Let me explain this with an example: Let’s say your boyfriend says something to you that makes you feel like he doesn’t care about you anymore.

But what he really meant was that he was only thinking about himself and didn’t want to bother with his relationship with you anymore.

Now, what’s the natural thing to do in such a situation? You probably would react by telling him how hurt and angry you feel, right?

But what if what he really meant was that he just wanted to talk about himself without bothering you?

Situations like this often happen. And you need to know that making a conclusion without assessing the situation will not do any good for either of you.

So don’t jump to conclusions and don’t assume things about your boyfriend just because he doesn’t talk to you anymore!

He might be stressed about something else and doesn’t want to talk about it either because he’s afraid of hurting your feelings or because he’s scared of being judged by others (which is completely normal).

Try to stay calm and try not to let his silence affect your own self-esteem too much.

13) Recognize that it might not be about you

Sometimes there’s no denying that the way your boyfriend talks to you has changed. It’s not the same anymore, and you can’t deny the fact that he doesn’t talk to you the way he used to.

But the thing you need to know is that this situation might not be about you.

Your boyfriend might be having some other problems, or he might just be acting differently because of what’s going on in his life.

For example, let’s say your boyfriend is having a lot of problems at work and his boss is constantly nagging him about not doing his work properly.

He’s under a lot of stress and he doesn’t want to talk about it because he thinks that it will only make things worse for him.

Or maybe your boyfriend just got into an accident and can’t talk to anyone right now because of it.

Ever considered anything like this before?

Believe it or not, the way he talks to you isn’t always directly related to what’s going on in his life.

Sometimes he might be just acting differently because of the way he’s feeling at that time.

So make sure you try to understand what it is that’s making him act this way and try to find out why he doesn’t want to talk with you.

14) Don’t judge him

One of the things that we often tend to forget once we face difficulties in relationships is that we shouldn’t judge our partners.

But guess what?

Judging your boyfriend because he doesn’t talk to you as he used to will only make things worse.

We tend to think that we’re in a perfect relationship and that our partner is the perfect person we want to be with.

But the truth is that people can change and they can also go through some really bad times in their lives.

So if you find out that your boyfriend is acting differently just because of something else going on in his life, don’t let it affect your own self-esteem.

It’s normal for him not to talk with you at certain times, and it’s completely understandable as long as he’s not ignoring you or giving you any kind of message like this: “I’m fed up with talking to you because I don’t feel like it.”

Keep in mind that just because he doesn’t want to talk with you right now, doesn’t mean that he’s not sad or that he doesn’t try to improve the situation.

Maybe he’s struggling just like you do.

So, let him know that he can always talk to you whenever he wants and that you’re always here for him if he needs anything at all.

15) Don’t try to fix his pain yourself

Let me ask you an important question.

How hard are you trying to rescue your boyfriend or fix him?

Whatever your answer is, you should know that attempting to rescue your boyfriend or trying to fix his pain all by yourself is wrong!

Why?

Because if you want to really help your boyfriend, you should help him to find solutions for himself. Believe it or not, this is the thing that might help him grow personally and develop efficient coping strategies for pain.

The reason is that trying to rescue him may make things worse. In this way, he’ll think that you completely accept the change in his behavior and that you’re ready to fix it.

Try to understand what’s going on with him, and give him the chance to talk to you about it. If he’s not ready yet, don’t force him.

Push him to fix the issue, but don’t rescue him, don’t do this instead of him.

And what’s more, don’t expect him to change overnight.

Remember that it’s a significant change that requires time.

So, even if he’s not getting better right now, he will, and he will do it gradually over time with your support because he needs love and support.

Final thoughts

As you can see, there are a lot of ways to reconnect with your boyfriend when you notice that he doesn’t talk to you like he used to.

But what if you don’t know where to start?

I touched on the hero instinct earlier – it’s the perfect remedy for the situation you’re facing. 

Why?

Because once a man’s hero instinct is triggered, he’ll only have eyes for you. You’ll reach a part of him that no woman has ever managed to reach before. 

And in return, he’ll be compelled to commit to you and love you like he’s never loved another woman. 

So if you’re ready to take that plunge and reach new heights in your relationship, make sure to check out relationship expert James Bauer’s invaluable advice.

Click here to watch the excellent free video.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

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I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

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