I think I know what’s going on:
You met a married man and had some fun with him. You never thought you’ll see him again but, surprisingly enough, that wasn’t true.
Now, weeks later, he keeps coming back to you and you don’t know what to think of it. It could be great, but doubt creeps in.
Want to know the truth?
There are more than 20 big reasons a married man keeps coming back to you and only one of them is because of love.
Read on to find out what they are.
1) He can’t control his impulses
The first big reason a married man keeps coming back to you is that he can’t control his impulses.
“Men are more likely to give in to sexual temptations because they tend to have stronger sexual impulse strength than women do,” says Natasha Tidwell, author of the study Sex Differences in Succumbing to Sexual Temptations: A Function of Impulse or Control?
In other words, men are more likely than women to give in to the desire for an affair because they can’t control their sexual urges.
This doesn’t mean that he can’t control himself. It just means that his impulse to keep coming back to you is stronger than his need for self-control.
2) You give him the admiration he needs
The next big reason a married man keeps coming back to you is that you give him the admiration he needs.
Why is that important?
According to Willard F. Jr. Harley, author of His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage, men need 5 essential things in a marriage – and admiration is one of them.
So, if a married man can’t get the admiration he needs from his wife, he’s more likely to find another woman who will give him the admiration he needs.
And if he does, he will keep going back to her. Just as he keeps coming back to you.
3) He can’t resist the physical attraction he feels for you
Physical attraction is another essential thing that men need to feel in their marriage, notes Harley.
What does this mean?
It could mean that the reason a married man keeps coming back to you is this: he is physically attracted to you in a way that he cannot ignore.
At the same time, it could also mean that he isn’t physically attracted to his wife anymore. So, let me ask you this:
Do you know what his wife looks like?
If you do, then you should be able to tell whether this reason applies to you or not.
4) Your company is highly enjoyable
If we consider Harley’s opinion further, the next big reason a married man keeps coming back to you is that your company is highly enjoyable.
Simply put, he has fun with you. And if he has fun with you, there is no reason for him to stop, right?
Well, the truth is that you can’t know for sure.
While there is a lot of research on why married men cheat and why they keep going back to their mistress, the married man who comes back to you is different.
That’s why you might need professional help to figure it out.
When I was struggling to find out what was going on in a married man’s head, I talked to a relationship coach from Relationship Hero and it helped a lot because I wasn’t thinking straight.
You see, no matter how hard you try to understand this married man, you might fail because you have some sort of feelings for him. That’s why I recommend working with a professional yourself.
5) He is a serial cheater
A serial cheater is someone who cheats on his wife/partner multiple times. So, if you’re wondering why a married man keeps coming back to you, that’s another reason to consider.
If he’s a serial cheater, he might see you as nothing more than a woman for cheating with. And if that’s what he sees you as, there is no reason for him to stop it.
I know it may be hard to believe this but the truth is some men can’t help themselves.
How to spot a serial cheater?
Nicole Arzt, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author, tells us how:
- He told you he cheated on his wife before
- You notice that he’s very preoccupied with his appearance
- He flirts with other women in front of you.
So, if you’re dealing with a married man who keeps coming back to you because he’s a serial cheater, then it may be time to dump that guy.
6) You fulfill him sexually
Another big reason a married man keeps coming back to you is a pretty obvious one – you’re good in bed.
Harley and many others agree that if you manage to satisfy this man without even putting in an effort, he is unavoidably going to become fascinated with you.
So, think about this:
Has he mentioned that you make him feel amazing in bed?
Was he impressed with something that you did sexually?
Is he always in the mood for sex when he sees you?
If so, this means that the reason he keeps coming back to you is that you fulfill him sexually.
7) He is in love with you
Want to know another big reason a married man keeps coming back to you?
It’s because he is in love with you.
Lachlan Brown, writer and the founder of Hack Spirit, points out numerous signs a married man is in love with you:
- He makes an effort to see you
- He compliments you a lot
- He tries to give you emotional support
- He doesn’t mention his wife
- He gets jealous sometimes
Do you recognize any of the signs?
If so, this means that the reason this married man keeps coming back to you is that he is in love with you.
8) You make him feel needed
Want to know more?
The next big reason why he keeps coming back to you is this: you have triggered something in him; something his wife didn’t.
I’m talking about a fascinating concept known as the Hero Instinct.
When I first found out about it, I thought it was just another way to trick women into trying a solution that doesn’t really work – for various purposes.
But then – because I had nothing to lose – I actually tried James Bauer’s advice on how to trigger a man’s hero instinct in a way that would make him commit to me wholeheartedly.
The result? I witnessed something almost unbelievable: a player turned into a committed man.
So, if this married man is hooked on you and it’s not because of infatuation, then it might be because you already give him everything he needs – you make him feel needed.
Can you relate? If you don’t, but you’d like to – no judgment here – watch this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
In it, he’ll tell you how to make any man – married or not – commit to you completely.
9) He is going through a mid-life crisis
Pragati Sureka, a licensed clinical psychologist, suggests another big reason a married man keeps coming back to you: he is going through a mid-life crisis.
Here’s what she says:
“The man may think he feels attractive and powerful through an affair, subsequently distracting himself from his fear of death brought upon by a mid-life crisis… To shift the blame and to be able to pin it on their partners, they try to get gratified by another person.”
In other words, he might be feeling bad about himself.
And, if he feels bad about himself, that means he’s not feeling powerful at all and you are the one who makes him feel powerful – whether he wants to admit it or not.
10) You are always available for him
What do you think is one of the biggest reasons why a married man keeps coming back to you?
Is it that he is fascinated with you? Or, maybe you’re good in bed? Or, perhaps he thinks of himself as being in love with you?
Well, yes, I’m sure all of that might be true. However, there is one thing that puts all those things together and makes them even more powerful – convenience.
Think about it: if you’re just a woman who happens to be available for him, then this guy will keep coming back to you for as long as he can.
He won’t need to think about anything else because you are always there for him.
11) He is simply immature
Another reason a married man keeps coming back to you is simply that he is immature.
Robert Weiss, Ph.D. explains it:
“If he doesn’t fully understand that his actions will inevitably have consequences like hurting his partner, he may think it is fine to have sexual adventures.”
In other words, he doesn’t think through the consequences of his actions. And, in the case of an affair, these consequences can be absolutely devastating.
So, if this married man you’re dealing with is immature and impulsive, then he might keep coming back to you because he’s simply immature.
12) You’re like an exciting challenge for him
“Married men who actively chase women are looking for excitement and the thrill of the chase,” says Pearl Nash, writer for Hack Spirit.
What does this mean?
It means that if this married man comes back to you, it’s probably because you’re like a challenge for him.
He sees you as someone he has to win over. But why?
Well, the truth is that he’s looking for confirmation that he still has what it takes to land a girl like you.
He is looking to create something that he can brag about to his friends, or something even more immature than that.
13) He wants to hurt his wife because she hurt him
Revenge is a powerful force, isn’t it?
And, since we are on the topic of common reasons a married man would keep coming back to you, it’s only fair to mention that many men have affairs as a form of vengeance.
What does revenge mean in this context?
It means that he wants to hurt his wife back for whatever wrong she did to him – probably for cheating on him.
This is called revenge cheating and it can be sexual, emotional, or both, depending on how he feels.
14) You have no boundaries
Why else would a married man come back to you?
Well, maybe because you have no boundaries. And, when I say you have no boundaries, I mean that you don’t say no to him.
Pearl Nash insists that if you tolerate things you’re not really okay with, you’re sending him a clear message that you’re willing to be with him, regardless of the circumstances.
And, sure enough – even if he knows on an intellectual level that he is hurting his wife by sneaking around behind her back, he is likely to keep coming back to you.
Why? Because you have no boundaries, and this makes him feel more comfortable breaking his emotional ones.
15) He misses you a lot
Another reason for a married man coming back to you is that he misses you.
The man who comes back to you might not be in love with you, but that doesn’t mean he’s not missing you.
In fact, there are many reasons why he might miss you, notes Jude Paler, writer for IdeaPod:
- He misses having sex with you
- He misses the affection you give him
- He misses the attention and the excitement
- He misses talking to you and having fun
- He misses the way he feels with you.
If you’re someone who gives him all of these things and more, then he might be missing you a lot.
And, if he is missing you a lot, then chances are he will keep coming back to you. He will continue to be part of your life if you let him.
16) You are someone he wants to keep around
There are other reasons why a married man keeps coming back to you, such as his desire to keep you around and meet you whenever he wants.
You could be some sort of backup plan for when his wife goes out of town.
Or, you could simply be someone he wants to keep around for the thrill of getting away with it.
You see, he might be an intelligent man. He might be aware of the fact that he is hurting his wife.
Yet, he might be looking for some sort of thrill out of life, so he will keep coming back to you.
17) He has a deep-rooted attachment disorder
Want more big reasons why a married man would keep coming back to you?
There is also the option that he suffers from a deep-rooted attachment disorder.
An attachment disorder is a psychological condition in which a person is unable to develop healthy, lasting relationships with other people.
“These disorders typically develop in childhood. They can result when a child is unable to have a consistent emotional connection with a parent or primary caregiver,” notes Medical News Today.
If this is true, then he most probably won’t be able to develop a healthy relationship with you either.
18) You never told him not to come back
In addition to all of the above reasons why a married man would keep coming back to you, there is another one – you never told him not to come back. Am I right?
Maybe you secretly want him to keep coming back to you.
Or, maybe you’re afraid of telling him no for some reason.
Or, maybe you are just not sure what to say or what to do.
If you’re confused, he might feel confused, too.
And, if he is confused, then he might keep coming back to you because you never told him not to.
19) He is in denial
Here’s what Weiss has to say about this:
“From a psychotherapy perspective, denial is a series of internal lies and deceits people tell themselves to make their questionable behaviors seem OK (at least in their own minds).”
What does this mean?
It means that the reason why he keeps coming back to you might be because he is in denial. Simply put, he doesn’t want to believe that he is hurting his wife or that his actions are serious.
He could justify his actions by telling himself that it’s not really cheating.
He might even convince himself that he is only having an affair because his wife is unattractive and he’s in need of some excitement in his life.
Regardless, he might be in denial.
And, if he is in denial, then chances are he will keep coming back to you and stay with you for a long, long time.
20) You spoil and pamper him
Why does he keep coming back to you?
Maybe because you spoil and pamper him.
He is already married. Yet, he chooses to cheat on her and keep coming back to you for more.
He does this because he likes it and he knows that you like it, too.
Therefore, if you pamper him – complimenting him on his looks, buying him gifts that boost his ego, paying him compliments, giving him affection that boosts his self-esteem…
…well, then chances are he will keep coming back to you because of the attention and affection you show him.
He might want to be with you because he enjoys your affection, or he might want to keep coming back to you because you are the only person around who will pamper him.
In any case, chances are that if you show him affection, then he is going to keep coming back.
21) He has no other options
I know this isn’t something you want to hear, but the reason why he keeps coming back to you might be because he has no other options.
Maybe you’re the only woman around who is more beautiful, more interesting than his wife.
Or, maybe you are just someone he can talk to – someone who listens to him and cares about him.
Whatever the reason might be, consider this: He knows that you’re not the one for him. He knows that it’s wrong. And yet, here he is…
…back with you again.
Is your connection special or he’s really out of options? You tell me!
22) You help him deal with loneliness
How can a married man feel lonely? you might ask.
Well, if he is in an emotionally abusive marriage or a toxic one, for starters, then he could feel very lonely.
The reason why he’s cheating on his wife and keeps coming back to you might be because you help him deal with the loneliness.
You see, you might be the only person around who makes him feel good about himself. You might be the only person around who helps him feel accepted for who he is.
If this is the case, then he might be coming back to you because of your warm attitude toward him and your companionship.
As you can see, there are many possible reasons why a married man keeps coming back to you. They range from infatuation to loneliness.
Some of them might apply to you, while others might not. It depends on your situation and what is going on in his marriage.
Since every case is different, it’s important to understand why he keeps coming back so you can decide if you should continue seeing him or not.
Is he a serial cheater? If he is, then you might want to end things with him and move on.
Is he in love with you? If he is, then maybe you can work on it and change it from being an issue to an opportunity.
Decide for yourself.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
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