10 signs your girlfriend is too clingy (and what to do about it)

When people first get into a relationship, they usually want to spend every single waking minute together. They’ve got stars in their eyes and all they can think about is each other.

This is called the honeymoon period and it’s totally normal! But if you’re here, you’re feeling like your girlfriend is maybe a little too focused on being with you every. single. second. 

Basically, you’re asking yourself, ‘Is my girlfriend too clingy?’ and you’re looking for solutions.

So let’s get right into it:

1) She’s always blowing up your phone

Do you hear your phone buzzing at all hours, even when you’re busy at work or trying to sleep? And does your girlfriend get upset if you don’t reply within three seconds of her texting you?

A clingy girlfriend is likely to text you constantly, no matter what you’d like your texting patterns to be. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by her texts (or phone calls), it’s definitely a red flag you should be paying attention to.

Especially if she gets angry if you take time to respond, even if she knows that you have commitments like work or school.

I have a confession to make: I’m that person who answers a text or message immediately unless I’m legitimately busy. And when I send a text, I really want an answer right away.

But I understand that people have lives outside of me, so I don’t get angry with them. And your girlfriend might be similar and not realize she’s being annoying.

So bring it up with her gently. State your boundaries and ask her to stick to them. Lay out what style of communication you like best and see if you can come to a compromise.

You can also check with her about why exactly she needs an answer instantly, and get her to focus on any possible underlying insecurities. She gets to improve herself as a person and you get to stop listening to the incessant buzz of your phone.

2) She has no identity of her own

Speaking of your girlfriend being a person on her own… does it seem like she really isn’t? Does she not only share all your hobbies and goals, but also your thoughts and feelings?

This is a big sign that your girlfriend is too clingy. Independence is attractive, and also necessary to a healthy relationship.

It’s also natural to be interested in what your partner does, including showing an interest in their hobbies and likes. Your girlfriend might just be trying a little too hard to show that she cares and wants to know more about your life.

But if she agrees with everything you say and has no other opinions of her own… yeah, she’s clingy.

She’ll also display jealousy when it comes to, well, pretty much anything—especially exes and any time you dare to spend with people who aren’t her.

3) She’s jealous

Everyone is a threat with a clingy girlfriend, even the barista you get your morning coffee from. You don’t even dare mention an ex because you know your girlfriend will just get angry about it.

The occasional flare of jealousy isn’t unusual, but if your girlfriend is constantly jealous–of everyone you come into contact with–then she’s probably clingy and emotionally immature. You should at least be able to mention a coworker, friend, or just passing acquaintance without your girlfriend getting upset.

To help with this, sit her down and ask her why she’s acting so jealous all the time. Maybe she’s misinterpreting something that you can’t see. Maybe she’s been cheated on in the past and is overcompensating in her worry.

Again, communication is key here, but if you’re not able to talk it out, why not turn to a professional for help?

I have a friend who struggled with jealousy issues after her husband of ten years carried on an affair for at least 6 months. She told me that what really helped her get past her jealousy was taking sessions with a relationship coaching service called Relationship Hero.

My friend told me the coaches at Relationship Hero were so kind and welcoming, and they were able to help her get to the root of her jealousy issues. They also helped her with coping strategies when jealousy did happen to rear its ugly head.

If you and your girlfriend work on her clinginess, she’ll learn to be less jealous—and in turn, less in need of reassurance.

4) She’s constantly asking for reassurance

We all need a little reassurance sometimes, but your girlfriend seems to need it constantly. She’s always asking if you still love her, and demanding that you prove it—but even then she doesn’t seem reassured.

No matter what you do, or how many times you say it, the clingy girlfriend will never believe that you’re telling the truth. But she also likely believes that you’re the only source of love in her life.

If reassuring her 24/7 is exhausting you, it’s totally okay to talk to her about seeking out professional help. But don’t stop showing her that you do love her, with small gestures and telling her outright.

You can also encourage her to open up her life, especially if she’s focused solely on you and only you.

5) She’s all about you

She has no friends other than you. She doesn’t spend time with family. She tries to micromanage your time and she no longer has her own opinions about things.

Clingy girlfriends want to make the relationship work so badly that they practically try to absorb into you so you become one person.

Which is creepy. This usually stems from insecurity again, but it isn’t fair to you, and honestly, it isn’t very attractive either.

Encourage your girlfriend to pursue her own hobbies and make her own friends. If she still resists, then set boundaries and enforce a distance between you. Be aware that this may end your relationship, but you also need to protect yourself.

6) She’s stalking your social media

Related to the above sign: she stalks your social media and makes her own social media all about you. She likes or loves every single one of your posts—even going back years.

Now, this could just be excitement, especially in the early days of your relationship. If she stops doing it, then you’re fine and she’s probably not that clingy.

But if she keeps doing it? And even worse, she starts using your social media to track your whereabouts? She’s getting too clingy.

Ask yourself if there’s a reason that she feels the need to stalk your social media, like if you don’t really let her know what you’re doing or you’re not great at showing up to dates on time. You don’t need to update her on every step, but make sure she’s at least kept in the loop.

But remind her of your boundaries as well, and how important they are, especially if she’s trying to rush your relationship.

7) She’s pushing way too hard

You’ve gone on two dates and she already says she loves you. She’s talking marriage and kids, and all you’ve done is meet for lunch.

She also wants to meet your friends and family immediately, and to be introduced as your serious girlfriend to everyone in your life. Physically speaking, she may want to jump into bed immediately.

A relationship should progress based on the comfort of both of the people involved. Let your partner know that she’s moving too fast and you’re uncomfortable with it.

And when it comes to the physical? There’s a bit of a stereotype that men are always up for intimacy, but if you don’t want to get physical right away, that’s totally okay. Consent is the most important factor in any relationship and your girlfriend needs to respect that.

Sometimes pushing to move faster is also a way for her to test if you really love her.

8) She tests your love constantly

Does your girlfriend try to make you jealous or give you little tests to make sure you really do love her? This is one of the most frustrating signs of a clingy girlfriend.

Again, it’s related to insecurity, but that doesn’t mean you should spend your life completing love tests. Especially since, honestly, she’s set you up to fail because a clingy girlfriend will never truly be convinced no matter what you do.

Open communication is your best bet in this situation. Let her know that you feel like she’s constantly testing you and you would like it to stop. Make sure you use ‘I’ language instead of accusing her outright, to avoid her getting defensive and angry.

9) She’s always tagging along

Another way a clingy girlfriend might test you is to invite herself to all of your outings, whether you want her there or not. She’ll show up at family events or insist on coming with you to visit friends. She’ll even come with you when you’re just running to the corner store for milk.

It’s normal to want to spend time together when you’re in a relationship, but the clingy girlfriend pushes it too far and never gives you any space. She’ll meet you after classes and she’ll show up unannounced at your workplace.

If that sounds a little frightening, I don’t blame you for feeling that way. It doesn’t necessarily mean she’s crazy, but it is a red flag and you need to talk to her about it. She needs to understand that for your relationship to blossom, she needs to take a step back—or ten.

10) She’s controlling

If she refuses to step back, she’s not only clingy, she’s controlling. This is one of the worst signs of a clingy girlfriend, and something you should consider very carefully when deciding if you should continue the relationship.

Now, it isn’t controlling if she just wants a heads-up about your plans, especially if you live together. It also isn’t controlling if she asks for quality time together—unless she takes it too far and quality time is all the time.

If she demands to approve your plans, she’s being clingy (and rude). You shouldn’t need to ask her permission every time you want to do something. 

Watch out for her manipulating you, like giving you the silent treatment if you disagree with her, or refusing to be affectionate as ‘punishment.’

Wrapping up

So you’ve read this article and you think some or even all of these signs match your girlfriend. Your first step is to evaluate whether you want to continue with this relationship.

If you do, then remember that open communication and the setting of healthy boundaries is the best way to improve your relationship and reduce your girlfriend’s clingy tendencies.

Your girlfriend may get upset at the discussion, so be firm but gentle when you bring it up. And it can’t hurt to do a little self-reflection and see if any of your actions may be contributing. If you have an avoidant personality, you’re likely being distant and don’t even realize it, which is triggering her insecurity.

And don’t forget you can always reach out for help, to friends, family, or to the relationship coaching service I mentioned above. Relationship Hero will definitely help you not only sort out a relationship with your current clingy girlfriend, but can also help you with any future issues.

When speaking with your girlfriend, set your boundaries and also discuss any possible trigger—for either of you. If you avoid these triggers, your girlfriend will feel less insecure and lose her need to constantly test the relationship.

I wish you luck; a clingy partner is certainly frustrating! And improving the relationship shouldn’t be all on you either. So make sure you take care of you, even if you’re putting energy into saving your relationship.

Take any time or space you need, and both of you will come out of it stronger.